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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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B21 Advice step parenting
  • replies: 3

I feel so selfish saying this so please be kind. I'm 21 years old dating a 26 year old who has 2 kids aged 2 and 3. Please don't get me wrong I love the kids so much but lately I've been feeling so left out. My boyfriend doesn't make time for me, I f... View more

I feel so selfish saying this so please be kind. I'm 21 years old dating a 26 year old who has 2 kids aged 2 and 3. Please don't get me wrong I love the kids so much but lately I've been feeling so left out. My boyfriend doesn't make time for me, I feel like he only cares about the kids and I feel like a total outsider in their lives. I look after them, cook dinner, clean, feed them, shower them etc etc but don't get to be involved in anything important. I don't get to make rules, the kids don't listen to me, I don't get told about important things happening in their lives e.g the other week one was in hospital and I wasn't even informed. It's getting me really upset that I don't feel apart of the family and my boyfriend expect me to take on the role of step mum but without the appreciation and respect I feel I deserve. I really don't know what to do anymore, Ive tried talking to him about it and he doesn't understand. I'm so down about it all We have also been talking a lot about our future and if we have kids and Ive been a bit down about that too. I'm having trouble letting go of the idea that if we have kids it's won't be special for him because he's done it before. Twice. Does anyone have any advice to stop feeling this way or what I can do. I love him and I love his kids so much I just want to feel happy together again not how I have been.

DreamyCream broke off a relationship and feeling horrible
  • replies: 6

hey there people i've been, or had been, with my boyfriend for almost a year. it was supposed to be our first anniversary in a week. but... it was an online relationship. we met up only once, a few months ago, and he was so freaking perfect and sweet... View more

hey there people i've been, or had been, with my boyfriend for almost a year. it was supposed to be our first anniversary in a week. but... it was an online relationship. we met up only once, a few months ago, and he was so freaking perfect and sweet, and I still love him, but what we had just wasn't going to work - 5 years. online. it's hard, and painful. so I broke it off when things began to go downhill. i feel like the worst person in the world, because he still loves me, and I still love him. please give me advice on how to react to all of this.. he was my first love, and now he's leaving my life, possibly even forever. i feel awful.

kowhai Husband moves out
  • replies: 5

hi there .. this is my first time writing on a forum and i'm just not sure where else to turn. short story is my husband and best friend has chronic anxiety, trauma and now depression. he has daily suicidal thoughts and talks about needing to 'create... View more

hi there .. this is my first time writing on a forum and i'm just not sure where else to turn. short story is my husband and best friend has chronic anxiety, trauma and now depression. he has daily suicidal thoughts and talks about needing to 'create space' for himself. we have 2 children (7 and 9) one of which is particularly high energy. his anxiety has kept him 'stuck' for many years and as a result our dreams and plans have been shelved/ignored and our home is a constant unfinished project. i have tried to give him space, freedom, time .. i have never complained about being the sole breadwinner in the family and have never applied any pressure to him but as a result i feel the 'stuck' situation just becomes more real. this morning he announced that he needs to leave to stay at a friend's house to give himself more space as his psychologist that he visits weekly is 'worried about him' and fears if he continues on the path he is on he will end up in hospital or dead .. i have tried to discuss medication with him for his depression but he just says he has tried everything - as a result he uses alcohol and doesn't sleep. he is concerned that he is a 'bad parent' and wants the space to 'make himself a better parent and husband'. i am not sure our marriage will survive this and i feel as though i have lost my best friend. i have to try and remain upbeat about the situation for our kids but just feel upset, hurt and deserted. i am wondering if anyone has any advice who might have a better understanding of his current mental state than me. thank you

Anon372690973_- Finding boyfriend has only fans
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I’ve recently found out my boy friend has only fans. We have been together for 2.5 years and just bought our first house together. This has hurt me so much. He knows I would not like him to have an account but has done it anyway. He has also... View more

Hi guys, I’ve recently found out my boy friend has only fans. We have been together for 2.5 years and just bought our first house together. This has hurt me so much. He knows I would not like him to have an account but has done it anyway. He has also subscribed to girls we both know that has made me feel so uncomfortable. It has also made me feel insecure as he never asks me for nudes or saves the ones I send him and has been getting this elsewhere from other girls. I do not see how I am going to get past this. I am so disgusted by this and do not want to speak to him or be around him. We both watch porn in our own time but him having only fans and subscribing to girls we know has crossed a boundary. I appreciate any advice! Thankyou

TassyNick Tired, exhausted and feeling numb after experiencing years of trauma.
  • replies: 2

Well, it seems like things have finally caught up to me. After what has been 4 years of hell since moving from Tasmania to Victoria, my mind and body has started to give up altogether. Nothing makes me sad, nothing makes me happy. Everyday seems poin... View more

Well, it seems like things have finally caught up to me. After what has been 4 years of hell since moving from Tasmania to Victoria, my mind and body has started to give up altogether. Nothing makes me sad, nothing makes me happy. Everyday seems pointless, and the only thing I am truly aware of is the aches and pains in my body attributed to my ageing Cerebral Palsy and the constant badgering from those around me who constantly demand my attention and time in order to feel validated. 4 years ago, after finding myself in a situation I didn't want to be in and experiencing a significant level of trauma associated with it, I decided to move from Hobart to Melbourne.On arrival I spent 3 months in a hotel before I managed to find a rental unit and secure myself a bank loan to fund some contents. At the time I didn't have much with me apart from my car and a bag of clothes as I ended up having to leave everything else I owned behind in order to leave at short notice. Shortly after moving into my flat I met what I thought was a lovely man, but instead would end up making my life a nightmare. No sooner after I had met them, they virtually moved themselves into my home despite my constant protests. What followed was many months of manipulation that resulted in me giving up my flat and spending most of my time at his family home whereby his own family members would sit by while this man would systematically emotionally and physically assault me leaving me feeling constantly fatigued from defending myself. In the end I lost my job, and in response to that the mans family threw me onto the street with no notice or support. What followed was easily the worst year of my life. The very man that abused me continued to follow me even when I was homeless. I ended up loosing my car and spent nearly 6 months living in a tent in a friends backyard because they didn't want me in the house. Naturally sleeping on the ground was not good for my Cerebral Palsy and I ended up with severe back pain. Still, despite all the trauma, I forced myself to look for a job while the man following me refused to do so. Now you may ask, why couldn't I make him leave? For two reasons really, he has successfully worn me down whereby I had little to no energy, and secondly I had no other support around me to help enforce my decision. Eventually I managed to find a job and a room to rent however I am now at a point I need help to move forward past the trauma and get my life back. Any thoughts?

MissJ94 New relationship?
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I had been talking to this guy for months now and we finally met up last week at a local cafe. I hadnt been on a date in 3 years! My last relationship ended 6 years ago! So i felt very out of place! But as my psychologist put it, look at pote... View more

Hi all, I had been talking to this guy for months now and we finally met up last week at a local cafe. I hadnt been on a date in 3 years! My last relationship ended 6 years ago! So i felt very out of place! But as my psychologist put it, look at potential partners like a beer. Sometimes you need to try many of them to find the one you really like. So i went into the date with no expectations to just "try the beer". The guy isnt what i typically go for either! And i feel like it went really well, i ended up liking this beer sounds weird saying it like that. Really look forward to seeing him again and i feel like its a positive sign we are still talking! He had messaged me only like 30mins after our date too. I just dont want to get too attached so soon though. But at times i cant help but wonder what our kids would look like, what type of ring he would propose to me with, how our lives would be like living together, would we end up buying a house together, what are his parents like, would they like me etc. Then i think about what he really thought of me. What were his thoughts about me when first meeting, what has he told his friends or family about me if anything, will he end up ghosting me? Then also thoughts about when my expectations were way too high! This guy is a couple months younger than me, i usually go for guys at least 2 years older. This guy enjoys going out for a couple drinks with his mates, i dont drink. This guy is a gaming manager at a pub, i usually go for guys who are university educated. So many thoughts racing through my mind and not sure how to feel about any of them! The scariest thing i find about dating is what if i find someone i like better? I hate hurting people and i guess thats one reason i was out of the dating scene for quite a while. That fear of getting comfortable with someone only for someone i like more to come along? If that makes sense. Makes me wonder if ill ever be ready to settle? Ive been in some pretty terrible/abusive relationships in the past and i guess all those issues come back up. Questioning everything.. am i too damaged to be in a relationship again??

Whydomyplantsalwaysdie My best friend has depression and it’s making my mental health decline
  • replies: 2

I need help. Normally I would talk to my best friend but I can’t. I’m trying, I’m really trying to be there for her, but it just seems like everything I do is wrong. I’m constantly in fear of doing the wrong thing that will upset her, and when I do, ... View more

I need help. Normally I would talk to my best friend but I can’t. I’m trying, I’m really trying to be there for her, but it just seems like everything I do is wrong. I’m constantly in fear of doing the wrong thing that will upset her, and when I do, it’s like there’s no sympathy or second chances. If I do something wrong (and by that I mean, a conversation about her ends up being about me, I comfort her when she just wants me to listen, I don’t understand what she’s trying to tell me etc) she shuts me out and doesn’t talk to me anymore. I try so hard to do and be what she wants me to, but I have mental health issues too, I can’t always stop myself from being anxious about something, or reacting sensitively. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I would try to talk to her about this but last time I did that it ruined her mental health, it’s like, I can’t look after mine without damaging hers. And whenever I do try to talk to her about this stuff she doesn’t seem to care. I understand what she’s going through, and I don’t blame her for these reactions one bit, but it’s hard on me, and it’s not exactly like I can talk to her about it.

Lola_Lou Feeling alone
  • replies: 4

Hi So I dont know how to do this so sorry if its a bit messy. So I am currently studying at home online, my family background is a little complicated my mum for the last 12 years has been in and out of mental health clinics. Recently she has to go in... View more

Hi So I dont know how to do this so sorry if its a bit messy. So I am currently studying at home online, my family background is a little complicated my mum for the last 12 years has been in and out of mental health clinics. Recently she has to go in for 4-6 weeks I usually don't mind helping out at home as I've got 3 brothers and two sister which one is medically complex and has recently been diagnosed with autism I am basically a second mum. Since I was a preteen ive given up a lot to help out, but I feel so emotionally and physically tired. I have lost a lot over the last year including all my friends because of corona and the fact I was not able to see them and I've lost my job. Which was my only source to getting out the house. I just feel so alone, I have one friend but she cant go out as she is basically house bound and to unwell for visitors. I get so angry and upset about the tiniest issue, I also binge eat because of this and my weight has gone up. I don't have a lot of people I can speak to and I don't know what to do, I wanna feel better but I dont know where to begin. I want friends to go out with or people I can talk to, I want a job but cant seem to find one and I dont want to be a "mother figure" to my siblings. Its not my reasonability anymore I am sick of it. ( Okay rant over )

Patches89 Australian border and long distance
  • replies: 1

February 2020 when I finally decided to go back to my home country for a much needed break from all the chaos that had happened in my life (from depression, anxiety, to being suicidal, ending a 10 years old relationship, struggling to get a residency... View more

February 2020 when I finally decided to go back to my home country for a much needed break from all the chaos that had happened in my life (from depression, anxiety, to being suicidal, ending a 10 years old relationship, struggling to get a residency, to what not). I was leaving behind a lot of things in Sydney. Including my new found love. We both were sceptical about the decision but given the circumstances and how bad my mental condition was, I thought it was the best thing to do. To spend some time with my family (especially my little nephew who is the love of my life at the moment) and to figure out my life on my own. Then the covid happened. The whole world kindof paused and we were to. First few months were okay coz I was getting to spend time with my nephew. And I was doing something I always wanted to do, Arts. I rediscovered my fondness for arts and design and it just changed my life. Like any other long distance couple, we do talk over the phone, video chats. Thanks to technology. But at time it gets really hard. Not being able to see and feel that person is just heart breaking. While people in some part of the world (especially Australia) have already started the pre-covid normal life, some people are still struggling. With this uncertainty of international border reopening in Australia, it feels like we're fighting a never ending battle.

User95 How do I make sense of this?
  • replies: 3

Me and my ex were in a relationship for 3 years. We agreed on no contact due to us both still having feelings for eachother, and the breakup was very respectful with no bad feelings involved. During those 3 years, we got a dog together which we both ... View more

Me and my ex were in a relationship for 3 years. We agreed on no contact due to us both still having feelings for eachother, and the breakup was very respectful with no bad feelings involved. During those 3 years, we got a dog together which we both agreed would stay at his house and I can see her anytime I want asking as I message him before hand. I messaged him asking to see her Thursday which he said she would love to see me and ‘might see you Saturday :)’. On Saturday, I got there to see her and found out he was there, he stayed inside on the couch, and made me feel very sad and awkward that we were so close yet he chose to ignore me and didn’t even say ‘Hi’. It’s got me feeling very confused and sad. I can’t make sense of him not even acknowledging me when we were a glass door away from eachother. I messaged him afterwards saying ‘Sorry I didn’t say hello, I didn’t know if you wanted me to or not.’ He has seen it but didn’t reply. How do I make sense of this as I’m struggling how to interpret it??