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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Anxious_Confused New Relationship Anxiety
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, This is my first post and I am hoping you might be able to help. About 2 months ago, I met this amazing guy just after I got out of a long serious relationship. At the beginning everything was amazing and he was contacting me ALL the tim... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first post and I am hoping you might be able to help. About 2 months ago, I met this amazing guy just after I got out of a long serious relationship. At the beginning everything was amazing and he was contacting me ALL the time, wanting to hang out and things were just great - we could talk all day and about anything and were very sexually compatible. I felt like I had finally found my human. About a month in, he told me he has 'mild' depression and is dealing with that and needs his alone time to do this. I totally understand and respect this because I have had anxiety and severe panic attacks (I also suffered from body dysmorphia which led to a lifelong eating disorder and have been mentally and sexually abused by people in my past) and often need my alone time to deal with all of this. I hate being vulnerable and losing control so I haven't let this guy know any of this yet. He thinks I am this confident and 'cool as a cucumber' woman with my shit together! I haven't wanted to 'annoy' or overwhelm him so have not been texting him as often as I was at the beginning. Whenever he contacts me, I respond and am happy and bubbly and all is great. However the messages are getting more few and far between (the longest he usually goes is 2 days but this time we are on day 4) and he hasn't asked me out in a month. The last 2 dates we had were because I initiated them and he gladly accepted and we genuinely both had a wonderful time. But when I don't hear from him, I start feeling really anxious and thinking he's over me and I just spiral. It doesn't help that I have had other stresses in my life lately so it's all heightened. He has messaged me twice in the past week telling me he wants me but I was interstate - both times he was drunk. I guess I just need some help in dealing with this - in anyone's experience, will he come back to me and be the sweet, funny, sexy man I met before? Should I take control, ask him out and see how he responds? If he declines my advances, should I move on or should I wait around for him? I want to help and be there for him but I don't want to come across needy or annoying. I really like this man, he makes me feel melty inside. HELP PLEASE!

Corella Ive wasted my time falling in love
  • replies: 8

Ive been dating a guy for 10 months. After long time being friends. Ive realised he is continuing to reach out to other women, and didnt think to ask if we are exclusive. Honestly, i thought he liked me a lot. Naive of me. Ive fallen in love for the ... View more

Ive been dating a guy for 10 months. After long time being friends. Ive realised he is continuing to reach out to other women, and didnt think to ask if we are exclusive. Honestly, i thought he liked me a lot. Naive of me. Ive fallen in love for the guy. Im 43 and little relationship experience. I am not attracted to many men but i was to him. I dont know how to approach him about it, to ask if he wants a relationship with me... or should i just cut my loses? It hurts. I dont think ill find someone else.. plus Im childless, not married and depressed.

outtathisworld HELP with dealing with inlaws
  • replies: 7

DH and I are happy, and so far everyone seemed to be happy about our relationship. I have always been open and honest about every aspect of my life with the in-laws: had a troubled upbringing, struggled with anxiety and depression for a number of yea... View more

DH and I are happy, and so far everyone seemed to be happy about our relationship. I have always been open and honest about every aspect of my life with the in-laws: had a troubled upbringing, struggled with anxiety and depression for a number of years, and have recently been diagnosed with BPD. Since being diagnosed, my quality of life has improved massively, I have always been very self-aware and despite it all, I have always thrived to live my life the best I can and not let any of it affect me as far as possible, to be kind and loving to myself and others, and to not allow my mental illness to define me. We have had family dinners weekly with the in-laws since the beginning of my relationship, but I couldn't attend last week, unfortunately, and MIL was questioning DH about my BPD. A couple of days later I had a girls-only day with SIL and MIL, and the subject of my mental illness was brought up and I tried to give reassurance that it does NOT define me, and I have always and will continue to do my best to take care of myself, and they didn't have to worry about it... the conversation didn't go as well as I expected. Among many other comments that made me feel unworthy of DH because of my mental illness, this one really has stuck with me: MIL "I would feel more comfortable if you went to see a psychiatrist because I would hate *DH* to go through what he went through with *his ex*.". The ex manipulated the whole family and took money from them, she was also very abusive, both emotionally and physically, towards DH. DH ended up joining us for dinner that night, and MIL said at the dinner table that it would be good for him to spend time "with the boys". I might be reading into it, but the whole thing just felt very insulting to me. I tried to explain I am medicated and have sessions with my psychologist every second week as advised (psychiatrist discharged me after a few weeks), but MIL continued to make me feel like a ticking time bomb. I understand their concern after what they went through as a family with DH's past relationship, but I feel ashamed and regretful for opening up so much of my life to them. I am not sure how to go from here, I now feel as though my efforts are invalidated, and they will always see me as my mental illness. They said they want to support me, but it doesn't feel like that.

Worried_parent Need advice Please
  • replies: 4

Don't know how to tackle this without sounding like an ogre of a mother. Early last year my then 19 yo daughter apbruptly left home due to to our arguing. Daughter moved in with her friend and her mother for around 10 months. (This mother and daughte... View more

Don't know how to tackle this without sounding like an ogre of a mother. Early last year my then 19 yo daughter apbruptly left home due to to our arguing. Daughter moved in with her friend and her mother for around 10 months. (This mother and daughter duo are known for their drug taking and supply) During the time she was away we had limited contact until she was asked to leave the house where she was staying. I supported her move back home and bought her a car so she could keep going to Uni, work, socialise - basically maintain her independence....and this is where my real problems start. The conditions I placed on her moving back home are: A) NO drugs or drug paraphenalia in the house OR in the car and B) No driving the vehicle whilst under influence of drugs unless ok'd by doctor. Well BIG fail on both parts and not just once but NUMEROUS times. Even to the extent where our German Shepherd found the drug that was stashed in her room! (mind you she will still deny that it's hers) So here I am asking for help. What do i do? She will go out every night at around 9pm and not get home some nights till 4:30am and i worry for her! My work life is suffering because I'm always stressed and tired. Also it affects my 17 yo daughter currently doing VCE. Infact 17 yo stays in her room because she doesn't want to interact with her sister (20yo) So now I need for her to make a choice - dugs or the car. I've pointed out the repercussions and legalities of being in an incident on the road whilst on drugs and she tells me to stop nagging and she knows all of this. So now how do i get her to prove she is not driving while inpaired - a drug test? Previously I've taken her at her word but not any more. Or maybe just sell the car? She is also on prescribed medication for mental issues and I feel the illegal drugs (and what other non prescribed stuff she's taking) is doing her more harm. Is asking her to take a home drug test if she want to drive the car pushing it? I'm just really worried for her. Thanks

User_345385 Sibling Estrangement
  • replies: 2

My dearest friend has raised 3 sons on her own since her husbands death 15 years ago. They have always been a very close family. Last Christmas middle son had an major outburst (drug and alcohol affected) accusing infidelity of one brother and told h... View more

My dearest friend has raised 3 sons on her own since her husbands death 15 years ago. They have always been a very close family. Last Christmas middle son had an major outburst (drug and alcohol affected) accusing infidelity of one brother and told his sister in law that nobody in the family liked her... He has since turned his life around and is drug and alcohol free almost 6 months. His brothers will not have anything to do with him and my friend is heartbroken and at a loose as to how to 'fix' this situation. They have a major family event in the next month and middle son is not invited. Do you have any suggestions/advice that I could give her? Thank you for your time

Worried_xgen Am i having a midlife crisis?
  • replies: 1

Hey, ive recently turned 40 and have lately been reflecting over the past alot and also what the future may hold. I work alot especially over the past 10years as we've raised kids (now in their teens) and feel as though i havent done alot with my lif... View more

Hey, ive recently turned 40 and have lately been reflecting over the past alot and also what the future may hold. I work alot especially over the past 10years as we've raised kids (now in their teens) and feel as though i havent done alot with my life. I feel like im having a bit of a midlife crisis. I have a real desire to travel overseas and would have to say its my number 1 thing on my bucket list. I never did the travel O/S thing when i was younger as i married and had kids in my early 20s. At the moment i feel life is passing me by and worry the time may never come to live out my dreams. In the last few years my wife has a chronic illness which has taken its toll on her energy levels so we dont do a lot on weekends anymore as she prefers to stay home and relax. Im a bit of a home body too but do enjoy to go out at times but usually if i do suggest something she will only go along if i persist. The illness she has causes alot of pain and I then i feel guilty because she is only coming along to please me when i want her to want to do things together too. I understand that her illness is the cause for this and it just frustrates me as i want her to be well and be like we were when we were younger. Turning 40 i reflect a bit on my younger days and i fantasize quite alot about wishing I'd done things differently. Travelled more, played the field more before getting married, partied etc. I have a great wife and marriage and kids and really i should be thankful for what i have. But lately i just have feelings i want more excitement from life than the current mundane monday to friday 9-5 existence and boring weekends at home. I have a house that needs major renovations and i dont have the motivation or finances to get into them lately. Id rather be lying around dreaming of running away from it all and selfishly living a life where its just me and my wants and needs. Ive also lately have fantasized with the thought of having an affair. I do feel guilty about this and haven't acted on it, but i dream about the excitement and to be sexually desired to have fun and get a bit on enjoyment in life and an escape from normality. I just put all these feelings down to being 40 and in a reflective time in life. Id love to hear from anyone who has had similar thoughts or experiences or advice for me on how to get thru this.

bubbles85 Dating again
  • replies: 33

How do you know when your ready to date again? I'm struggling as I know I still really love my ex but I don't think we will be getting back together (even though contact seems to have started again... long story). I want to move on and part of me thi... View more

How do you know when your ready to date again? I'm struggling as I know I still really love my ex but I don't think we will be getting back together (even though contact seems to have started again... long story). I want to move on and part of me thinks trying to date may help. But I also know how I still feel about my ex so I just don't know what to do, I don't want to just use someone to work out my own feelings. And now days it's all done online which scares me, it was why I had been single for so long before my last relationship. How have others gone with this?

Mlkl My anxiety pushed my husband away
  • replies: 4

I’ve suffered anxiety for years, though with medication it’s easier to manage. this year my medication become unavailable. I can’t seem to get on top of anything that works like my regular one did. I was in my second marriage- 2 kids each. Similar ag... View more

I’ve suffered anxiety for years, though with medication it’s easier to manage. this year my medication become unavailable. I can’t seem to get on top of anything that works like my regular one did. I was in my second marriage- 2 kids each. Similar ages-now between 13-15. The start of our relationship was rocky with his kids, there was so much manipulation and jealousy from their mother through his kids. I didn’t handle well and spoke bad of their mum in front of them. After work of keeping this in check and years later things settled and we all had the best family unit!! My husband had a dream career he always wanted and while we both worked full time, I supported him to be able to do ALL of this. I loved being there by his side helping and sharing the journey. I stood up to pretty much care full time for everyone and take on running the whole house and choirs. I got to the point though, that I was panicked ALL the time about getting everything done and giving him all he needed. This turned into me yelling ALL the time and taking it out on him. I was drowning and all that was noticed was the way I was treating him. I have my kids 90% of the time and they help out and care.. we had his 50% and although the kids had amazing bonds, his drove me crazy in the end. They were lazy and so self consumed in only what they wanted and needed I took this out on him also. The respect they had for him was poor.. he knew this, but just wanted his kids to love him. This went on for the most of this year. So in the end, amongst my yelling and going off, saying I’d get help and telling him I needed help, but just couldn’t pluck the courage when I needed to, he had enough. He left. I felt so abandoned and hated him so much for leaving, (we had discussions about it being rough and sticking it out and it all getting better). We both swore we were sole mates, each other’s best friends, we had an amazing chemistry! Neither of us had experienced such love!! 2 months on and he says he’s made the right decision to leave, his kids don’t want him unhappy anymore... and I’m now grieving his loss and want it all back. I was doing awesome the first few weeks, life stopped, and I could breath. I just can’t move on. I’m seeing a counsellor, and it helps a bit. But I’m still grieving. After mixed messages from him. I have asked for no contact to heal. He can’t seem to leave me though. He wants contact wants to see the kids, they love catching up, but it’s too hard me.

jxav95 Relationship troubles
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, So I have a partner and have been with her for 6 years, but lately things haven't been really rocky. We've been arguing a lot and and it's really taking a toll on me. I try so hard to make sure she's happy and have everything she needs b... View more

Hi everyone, So I have a partner and have been with her for 6 years, but lately things haven't been really rocky. We've been arguing a lot and and it's really taking a toll on me. I try so hard to make sure she's happy and have everything she needs but when we argue she says that she's the only one trying in this relationship. I do love her dearly but I'm at the point where I don't know what to do anymore. A piece of me breaks away more and more each time we right and I'm just not sure how much I have left in me.

Mrs1979 Enabling triggered behaviours and how to leave
  • replies: 6

Hi, Married for 20 years. We have two kids, 11 and 7. My husband has always had depression and anxiety, but it’s now worse. He’s not on meds due to side effects (apart from medication for adhd) but exercises daily and sees a psychiatrist weekly. He i... View more

Hi, Married for 20 years. We have two kids, 11 and 7. My husband has always had depression and anxiety, but it’s now worse. He’s not on meds due to side effects (apart from medication for adhd) but exercises daily and sees a psychiatrist weekly. He is unable to move past a period where I didn’t provide support he needed. I’ve acknowledged I would do things differently now. But I did the best I could. My mum had just died, we had two small kids, he was away 12 hrs/day studying and I was working 4 days a week. He developed issues with my dad. I thought they’d pass, but in not doing anything he feels I chose my dad over him. Now if I mention dad, it triggers my husband. He calls dad a monster; he’s not. I rarely see dad because it makes things easier at home. Last time I said I want to see dad, my husband said fine it’s over. My husband is insecure. He asked me to ‘help’ by showing love. He needs ALL text exchanges to include ‘love you’ even if I said it 10 mins ago. I’ve tried to meet these needs; if I forget, I’m met with anger. I’ve dropped the kids at school, a block away, texted they’re ok (since Covid he has anxiety re them) but forgotten to say love you. When I get home, my husband is striding down the street angrily. At night, If I go past him without a kiss and ‘I love you’, I’m met with sighs and anger. This is dysfunctional behaviour, right? Even if he has been triggered? I think I should leave him, but am not strong enough. I’ve seen a psychologist who was awesome in validating my feelings but I don’t feel like she gave me more than moral support. I’m unable to take that final step. I don’t want to do that to the kids (he generally is a good father, esp. to our daughter). I don’t want the financial implications. I’ve always been the breadwinner. He’s worked casually at times but since completing his degree he doesn’t get much paid work (he’s in the arts). All we have is because of me; I’ve also done almost all the chores and child rearing. But moreover I don’t know how to hurt someone I care about. He thinks about suicide frequently. He says he should leave, but on the few occasions I agreed he’s gotten so angry. And I tell him I love him and don’t want him to leave. It’s not a healthy relationship. I keep triggering him despite trying to please him. He feels like he doesn’t belong and unable to trust me because I apparently chose my dad. should I be more understanding of his childhood trauma? How do you hurt someone vulnerable, whom you love?