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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Bee1998 Realising I have no true friends, and am fed up with being ignored/not invited
  • replies: 3

I have been struggling lately with depression on my own. To give you a quick back story, in February this year, I lost my best friend of 10 years to suicide. Shortly after, my partner of 1 year broke up with me. Prior to all of this, I had been tryin... View more

I have been struggling lately with depression on my own. To give you a quick back story, in February this year, I lost my best friend of 10 years to suicide. Shortly after, my partner of 1 year broke up with me. Prior to all of this, I had been trying to deal with 'losing' my only full blood sibling (my older brother). He cut contact with me and my family over 3 years ago, and I haven't been able to speak to him or see him since. And it has been really hard for me, because I have been left alone every weekend for the past couple of months, due to my mum getting into a new relationship. Her partner lives an hour away, and my mum goes and stays with him at his place almost every weekend now. In saying this, I have been trying to reach out to friends, as I have recognised my mental health spiralling over the past few months. But every time I contact the few friends I have, they all either don't respond, or say they are busy/already have plans, or make up an excuse saying they are sick... These people who I thought were my friends all know about everything I have mentioned above. I feel like people just simply don't care, and don't understand how hard and lonely it is to spend every weekend by yourself in an empty house, while dealing with grief, anxiety and depression. It's getting to a point now, where I am getting extreme feelings of anger and resent towards all of these people. I thought they were my friends, but they are being selfish and uncaring. Why can't I be invited out too? Why am I not good enough for your time? Why won't you respond to me... what have I done? All of these thoughts run through my mind. But at the end of the day, I know for a fact that I am a valuable friend, and I'm not a bad person in any way. I have a heart of gold, and if these people can't see that, that's their loss. Just am fed up of everyone at the moment in all honesty.... I'm always there for everyone whether they are down, sad or happy. But I never get the same in return?..... don't know what's wrong with people honestly. And people wonder why I don't want to be here anymore.

Niks85 Being ignored and put down
  • replies: 13

Hi there Thanks heaps for listening. My husband and I have been through alot together but this past year has been unbearable. He used to be very loving and supportive of me but that all changed when he found out he couldn't have kids. We both had cou... View more

Hi there Thanks heaps for listening. My husband and I have been through alot together but this past year has been unbearable. He used to be very loving and supportive of me but that all changed when he found out he couldn't have kids. We both had counselling and decided we would do Ivf using a donor. Now we have a gorgeous little girl and he does seem to love her. Last year his company folded because of Covid and now he's just not the same person. I've tried to talk to him but he is the most stubborn man Ive ever known. He has always liked his own space which I always give him but lately it's like he just wants to be alone all the time. He ignores me and puts me down it's like I'm being punished. He doesn't believe in counselling. I'm busy looking for voluntary and paid work we just moved to the country so I can keep busy. I actually can't bare his company and I definitely don't feel loved. I have thought about leaving but I have nowhere to go. What do you do in this situation? My mum and dad came to visit us the other day and they commented on his behaviour too it was like he wanted them to leave. I'm unhappy and stuck at the same time. Any advice appreciated thanks N.

Anzee Phone tracking after DV
  • replies: 5

Does anyone have any experience or knowledge about ways to find out if your phone is being tracked? My (ex) partner and I separated in January for DFV issues and we were forced to stay separated because of child protection being involved. We have bou... View more

Does anyone have any experience or knowledge about ways to find out if your phone is being tracked? My (ex) partner and I separated in January for DFV issues and we were forced to stay separated because of child protection being involved. We have bought a house together and move in in a couple of weeks so are now trying to work things out. He’s slipped up a few times now and has gone back to old ways and when I tell one of my support services they say it’s a big deal and very concerning and report him. I keep telling them they’re wrong about him and denying the abuse but today I spoke to one of my support workers for the first time in a few weeks and she said there was a strange noise when I answered my phone, so hung up and called again and it happened again so she said she was feeling concerned that he was tracking my phone. I acted all blasé about it but when I got home I searched my phone and found that I had a laptop linked into my Apple ID account. I don’t have a laptop, he bought one after our separation and uses it a lot. Any knowledge about this kind of stuff would be appreciated. I don’t want to be paranoid about it but I have had a few notifications for password breaches and unsuccessful login attempts for social media so now I’m started to feel worried.

boopthensnoot_93 Feeling overwhelmed with a sense of guilt
  • replies: 2

Hello, I struggle to articulate my emotions - especially online. I've been in a relationship for around two years now with somebody whom I thought I was "the one" and have commenced building a house together. This was despite her self-harming in fron... View more

Hello, I struggle to articulate my emotions - especially online. I've been in a relationship for around two years now with somebody whom I thought I was "the one" and have commenced building a house together. This was despite her self-harming in front of me whilst intoxicated on one occasion and other tribulations along the way, we have worked through. Although, recently it feels like our connection has waned to a point where, in the workplace, I've made a strong connection with a female work colleague. I have absolutely no plans to act on this as I'm not a man of infidelity and by no means was this even remotely planned. This new connection served as a kind of barometer of where my current relationship is at and has since been a kind of revelation, to a point where I can't sleep and am overwhelmed with guilt. As in - surely I shouldn't be feeling this way about another person as I'm committed. Is my reaction disproportionate to my circumstances, anybody else had similar experiences? If I were to go down the road of ending this relationship, I have absolutely no idea how. This has all culminated in the last three weeks. Unsure how to start.

Claire1289 My husband is not well.
  • replies: 1

My husband suffers from depression. He has huge mood swings that turn him into another person. I have difficulties negotiating these moods and need some advice. He is so verbally aggressive and says some disturbing things at times. I am going to make... View more

My husband suffers from depression. He has huge mood swings that turn him into another person. I have difficulties negotiating these moods and need some advice. He is so verbally aggressive and says some disturbing things at times. I am going to make an appointment with his doctor so I can let him know exactly how things are. I think his medication atm is out of kilter. Does depression involve aggression? Many thanks in advance

Snozzcumbers Germophobe wife says I hate her
  • replies: 4

I've been having difficulty with my relationship with wife, we have lived together just over a year and got married recently. My wife is a self admitted germophobe, it has gotten far worse during the pandemic. She is also a HSP (highly sensitive pers... View more

I've been having difficulty with my relationship with wife, we have lived together just over a year and got married recently. My wife is a self admitted germophobe, it has gotten far worse during the pandemic. She is also a HSP (highly sensitive person) and sees a psychologist monthly to help her with perceived problems she is having. The issue is I will do something like leave a tap askew rather than straight, or accidentally let the corner of a clean blanket touch the floor. She will then spiral out of control and what follows is always the same pattern, I will go into it bellow. First she will get angry and accuse me of all sorts of things like being dirty, not listening to her/caring about her or saying my wedding vows were a lie. I apologise and tell her that I'll be more mindful of the tap, or wash the blanket again, etc. But this never satisfies her, she will berate me saying 'you don't listen to me', 'I can't trust you', 'you never learn', 'you make me so angry', 'you ruined my day', etc. Eventually she will say I have to make it up to her, so I start to suggest things I know she likes. These suggestions are always met with a 'no', 'that is stupid', 'do you even know me?' type of comment. After this she tells me to go away and leave her alone. Eventually her anger subsidies and I try and apologise again and make it up to her, this is followed by the same conversation every time. Again I'm accused of not listening to her, I have asked her why she thinks this and she will say I always do things wrong and that my actions speak louder than words. I promise her I will try harder to not do it again in the future, then I'm told my words mean nothing. She will ask me why I'd did what I did, I'll then tell her why (usually I was thinking of something else or rushing) and she will then say stop making excuses and tell me to admit I'm lazy/don't care/am dirty/my mum didn't teach me right, etc. Sometimes I will be so worn down that I will lie and say something like 'sorry I was lazy'. Eventually if I admit to having enough faults she will calm down and the whole thing fizzles out. However, this time I've had enough so I told her what I feel, that is I put up with so much from her and I have never had anyone else talk to me the way she does and have never heard a anyone talked to the way she talks to me. She said if I feel that way to leave, I said no so she went to sleep on the couch and has now left. I need advice, I don't know how to go forward.

white knight Narcissist the label
  • replies: 24

Nowhere it seems more common than USA where people claim someone is a narcissist. Anything that evolves there, comes here quite quickly now with social media and internet influences. I read recently a question from a member of an international forum ... View more

Nowhere it seems more common than USA where people claim someone is a narcissist. Anything that evolves there, comes here quite quickly now with social media and internet influences. I read recently a question from a member of an international forum - "My narcissist boyfriend has gone silent for 2 weeks, does that mean it's over?" What followed was numerous answers all centreing on all actions a narcissist does, like using the silent treatment as a weapon, manipulation and grandiose reflections of themselves. Yet no one asked what actions the man labelled a narcissist actually did to deserve that label apart from having no contact for 2 weeks. Was the man using silence/absenteeism as a weapon or was he needing a break from a toxic relationship? Was he batheing in confidence or does he have a narcissist grandiosity demeanor? Does he manipulate or does he over suggest things due to not giving enough feedback? Google "narcissist meaning" there is 9 signs of one- Nine Signs and Symptoms of Narcissism Grandiosity. Exaggerated sense of self-importance. ... Excessive need for admiration. ... Superficial and exploitative relationships. ... Lack of empathy. ... Identity disturbance. ... Difficulty with attachment and dependency. ... Chronic feelings of emptiness and boredom. ... Vulnerability to life transitions I'd suggest most people claiming their partner is a narcissist, wont satisfy most of these symptoms. So the label is overused, inflammatory and unjust... bullying. E.g. A woman marries a guy that, later on has proved he is (in her eyes- lazy, looks in the mirror hourly, need constant praise, doesn't show empathy for her struggles and relies on her career success for financial stability. They have had 3 kids and just separated.... He exercises his rights to 50% custody which is opposite of her desire of full custody. His partner labels him a narcissist. He loosely fits some of the 9 signs, enough for her to justify it. Little did anyone realise that HIS symptoms also mirrored depression, lack of confidence from a poor upbringing, stares at the mirror because he has social barriers, feels shame and has a loud voice. Friends believe her. That example might draw a long bow but claims by many that a narcissist is one when they are not is also a long bow...even longer! The message here is evidence, if not presented to endorse the label someone uses...It's likely a gross exaggeration. Best not to fall for others claim someone is narcissistic imo. TonyWK

___1 Advice on how to help my husband overcome anxiety/depression
  • replies: 15

I've known my husband for 4 years in which we are married for 2.5 years. My husband has been suffering with anxiety for awhile. He's a child survivor of cancer and was diagnosed in his early 20's with anxiety and depression. He was on medications but... View more

I've known my husband for 4 years in which we are married for 2.5 years. My husband has been suffering with anxiety for awhile. He's a child survivor of cancer and was diagnosed in his early 20's with anxiety and depression. He was on medications but when I met him 4 years ago, he was off them. Lately, I can see his anxiety is taking over him. He's avoided many events and refuses to share what he's going through. We are living with my parents/his parents (taking turns every 3-4 months), to save for a house deposit. This was something I was never comfortable with and wanted us to have our own space but he convinced saying buying a house is best for us. However, now he's really frustrated about where we are in our life as a couple and compares with our friends, who are settled with a growing family, house and advancement in career. I've tried to talk to him that everyone run their races differently and this was a decision we chose and we'll have it all, but now he blames me for us not being progressive. My husband spends most of his time playing games and says it's a way to escape from reality and his miserable life. Most days, he doesn't go into work or calls in saying i'm working from home, but he'll be playing games. His boss has figured it out and now is more micro-managing my husband, which is making the situation much worse at home. I do make it a point every evening after work, to ask him how his day was, if work was going good, is there anything he wanted to talk about but he just says nothing that concerns you, I have people who are more concerned about me. I do feel very embarrassed in front of his friends as I feel they think, I'm not being the a good partner to help him be better and be more motivated. On the days, his mood seems to be lifted, I suggest we should go for a walk or go to the movies, perhaps a weekend away but it results to another fight and him saying I don't deserve special treatment. I should just be happy with being in the four corners of our room. We just don't go anywhere, and he sits in bed playing games all day/night with no communication. As a wife, i keep looking into ways I can be more supportive to him, but feel i'm failing miserably. He now blames my family and I for his situation but refuses to seek help when suggested. And now, his anxiety is making him become violent. And I'm afraid to approach him. I've spoken to his parents to seek their help but afraid things are going to go south.

Yellow_Tulip Separation and settlement
  • replies: 6

This will be the second time we have seperated both being my choice. The first time was 4 years ago he wouldn’t leave our home even though we have 2 children who are now 14 and 16 so I had to rent and struggled with that financially. Couldn’t go thro... View more

This will be the second time we have seperated both being my choice. The first time was 4 years ago he wouldn’t leave our home even though we have 2 children who are now 14 and 16 so I had to rent and struggled with that financially. Couldn’t go through with settlement as I was made to feel guilty about him having to pay me out etc so I didn’t go through with it. Now we are here again I just want to be able to have a house of my own and not rent. Friends have said don’t leave the house other wise you will lose all leveridge is this true?

KELLY_ANNE_K Cheating
  • replies: 3

Hi I'm married and I'm currently cheating with a coworker that's also married. We started as good friends and ended up growing into a love affair we tried to out a feelings aside as none of us want to leave our partners but our feelings were too stro... View more

Hi I'm married and I'm currently cheating with a coworker that's also married. We started as good friends and ended up growing into a love affair we tried to out a feelings aside as none of us want to leave our partners but our feelings were too strong. He has been attentive and thoughtful and made me feel like a priority which has been a welcoming change. Lately I feel that he isn't as intrested as he was before and this makes me have anxiety attacks and makes me want to cry all day I dont know what to do