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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Syliva0071 I DONT UNDERSTAND MY HUSBANDS CHEATING...
  • replies: 4

My husband and I have been together for 20 years. We have two kids and recently I have been very occupied with them. It got to the stage where the kids were sleeping in our bed and I wasn't going out with him . My husband felt very neglected and trie... View more

My husband and I have been together for 20 years. We have two kids and recently I have been very occupied with them. It got to the stage where the kids were sleeping in our bed and I wasn't going out with him . My husband felt very neglected and tried to reach out to me but I ignored him. Two months ago he met a beautiful blonde girl at a family friends birthday which I did not attend. She asked for my husbands number through a friend and they started texting. I found out that he had been calling her every day and texting her every other time even when I was sitting next to him on the coach watching tv (10 messages a day and at least one phone call a day ). He claimed they spoke about every day things. Nothing about love. They had met twice in the two months. Once for a bike ride that was a lunch date and the other a stay in the hotel room booked for two night. When I found out he claimed they were only every really friends. He said that she made him feel good by constantly giving him compliments. When asked about the hotel room he claimed that they only kissed the first night and he eventually pushed her away as he realized this is not what he wanted. He stayed one night with her and a whole day but came home the next night(one day earlier than expected). He said that he thought of me the whole time and how wrong it was. . He told me the whole story as soon as he came home and looked really distressed. He said that he had a lot of confused emotions and felt like he needed to spend time with this girl to figure out what he wanted in our marriage. The thought of sleeping with her he said was not an option. It was more emotional. He said it had nothing to do with her or me it was more about how he was feeling at the time and was trying to figure out what our marriage meant to him and whether it was worth salvaging it. He ended blocking her number after her constantly texting him. His also made a lot of effort since then and has given me access to his phone and lets me know where he is at all times. Is it possible for a man not to feel any sexual attraction for a women and use her as a way to discover how he was feeling about the marriage and what our relationship meant to him? I'm confused because why a hotel room and a weekend away? Is this whole emotional feeling true that there can be no sexual attraction to a person? Can I have some thoughts please. I am really struggling to understand him.

SingleMum123 Full-time work anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hello, I've been a single mum now for nearly 5 months and have also just rejoined the workforce after 8 years. I've returned to the industry I was working in before going on maternity leave. I started this job in the fourth Melbourne lockdown and hav... View more

Hello, I've been a single mum now for nearly 5 months and have also just rejoined the workforce after 8 years. I've returned to the industry I was working in before going on maternity leave. I started this job in the fourth Melbourne lockdown and haven't seen my workplace as yet. I've been working full-time at home. I am experiencing high anxiety about having to go into the office 5 days a week and starting early. It's a full on customer service role. I have a parenting arrangement with my ex partner and he will do pick and drop off for 2 days and I'll do 3. I don't have any family or friends who can help but I can use the OSHC Program at school. I've told my employer that I need to leave early on my 3 days to ensure I get to OSHC on time before they close. I feel unheard. I have asked for flexible working arrangements early on if it was at all possible. Typically they make people wait until 6 months of probation is served, which I understand, but I don't think I can manage it for that long. I asked to shave off a small amount of time at either end of the day but still be there 5 days a week. I'm so worried if they say no, which I know could be possible if the request doesn't suit business needs, because I can't just resign. I need the money for rent and food and my child is over the age for me to receive any help from Centrelink. I'm already so tired as it is without the commute time ahead of me. I've looked online at similar roles and none of them offer part-time. I feel so stuck!!! I appreciate any advice. Thanks.

Mrs Chloe HI all, newbie here- finding it hard to be an 'adult'
  • replies: 8

Greetings to those who decided to read this. I am a 40 year old wife who has been finding it hard to be mentally and emotionally sharp for many years. I have had many baby losses and my husband went through a year or so of extreme depression. I find ... View more

Greetings to those who decided to read this. I am a 40 year old wife who has been finding it hard to be mentally and emotionally sharp for many years. I have had many baby losses and my husband went through a year or so of extreme depression. I find myself sometimes crying when alone- sometimes from a story I watched or read, other times from my own hardships. Husband does not make it any easier when he has a short temper and I find myself walking on eggshells around him sometimes, in fear that he would regress back to being depressed/ anxious if I start a fight with him. Fighting with him is very messy as he warned that he would post on social media about about our fight. Although he is very confident that he is now better because he's constantly taking his medication. I know that marriage will never be easy, and there are days when I feel like on cloud 9 when everything goes well or when we have unexpected blessings. But when it gets tough, it is very tough on my mental state. I forget things and make silly mistakes. Sometimes I even suspect that I get ill when we are fighting. I applaud strong women whom I know are also going through tough things, sometimes even tougher than me, but yet they seem to have it altogether in the head. I compared myself to other wives I know and every single one of them has an issue in their life. So I guess the question I am asking is, how do you cope with such hardship? How do you have a 'thick skin' and continue with life while standing your ground without being hurt? I vent out to my close friends when I'm hurting but when I hear myself talk and remember their own hardships, I feel like I'm just having first world problems. But I cannot take verbal abuse. Yes I shoot back at him when I get a chance but I don't think it affects him as much as it affects me. I know I have to lead by example but I don't know how, especially when I am still hurting after making a simple mistake. By the way, I say 'adulting' in the title because I didn't have these issues when I was younger and only dating. Now that I have MORE responsibilities, I need to learn some coping mechanisms. I imagine just before sleeping or right after I wake up, that if there was a time machine, I'd definitely choose to go back into being a kid again with all my adult family members around me that supports me. Then I would stay there and never be an adult! Thanks for reading and have a good day.

Becka1972 FIFO WORKER - my ex is using my son as a pawn
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone Hope you are well, over the last 12 months my ex constantly tries to intimidate me, threaten me, and try and coerce my beautiful boy who is cared for my Dad whilst I’m away. I’m currently in quarantine in WA (negative results came back) -... View more

Hi Everyone Hope you are well, over the last 12 months my ex constantly tries to intimidate me, threaten me, and try and coerce my beautiful boy who is cared for my Dad whilst I’m away. I’m currently in quarantine in WA (negative results came back) - but he is now trying to drag in that there is no support for my son amongst other things. I’m working away to save the money to pay the cruel person he is out. This cruel person does not pay child maintenance, does nothing have his own home, has had multiple girlfriends and his own other children are reluctant to speak with him. I lost my second eldest to suicide and I’m still suffering badly and I have never stopped him from seeing his son, never asked him for help and played nice. In the last week I have had very very little sleep and this cruel person is and has only taken his son on school holiday possibly 3-4 weeks in the last 4 years. He never assisted when the schools shutdown with Covid and home schooling and I’m absolutely lost as to why this cruel man forceably made me contact child support and make it a private agreement. That was 12 months ago and I still haven’t seen a single cent. It doesn’t bother me, but why are they so cruel.

chilloice Advice on whether to explain why I broke up with my ex bf
  • replies: 9

I broke up with my ex three months ago, and at the time I didn't fully explain why. The main reasons I didn't were that (1) I wasn't (and still am not) fully understanding of what my reasons for ending it were, and (2) any reasons I did have I percei... View more

I broke up with my ex three months ago, and at the time I didn't fully explain why. The main reasons I didn't were that (1) I wasn't (and still am not) fully understanding of what my reasons for ending it were, and (2) any reasons I did have I perceived as hurtful if I were to tell him. We had been together for just under 2 years for reference. Upon reflection, I feel one of the biggest reasons I ended it is that I was losing trust in him and felt drained by the strains of the relationship. Since the beginning of the relationship, he has been dealing with an addiction and also hasn't achieved much for himself - he wouldn't study or work or progress himself, and every time he started something that was along these lines (i.e. start studying a course), he would eventually drop out after a few months and end up just spending his time playing computer games and staying home. Meanwhile, I was studying full time and trying to keep balance in my life, and found that I would often feel guilty for not spending as much time as possible with him because "he felt he was at the bottom of my priority list". In his eyes, and as he would tell me often in the last few months of the relationship that I was "the only good thing in his life" and that he wanted to stay with me because there was nothing objectively wrong with our relationship. For me though, feeling the pressure to give him so much of my time made me feel like I was achieving less for myself. Several times throughout the relationship I felt like I couldn't take on new opportunities because it meant that I wouldn't be able to spend as much time with him as he needed and it would just create more conflict. When we had conversations about things like this, he would always state how he was happy for me to do things for myself and that it was important, but would still often jump immediately to the bad things that could happen if I did it - like me getting really stressed, or him again being at the bottom of my priority list. His addiction was also another major issue in the relationship, as he would often break my trust regarding the use of drugs. He is addicted to weed, and we'd agreed that he wouldn't smoke when I was over at his place (which was practically every time we saw each other because he never travelled to my place). I'd found out one day that he had been waiting for me to go to sleep before going outside to smoke, which I was really upset about. There's more to it, but should I tell him why I ended it?

Rainy80_ Husband left me
  • replies: 5

My husband has been struggling with a mid Life Crisis and has decided it's time to move out and find someone esle we have been married for 13 years we have had our differences but he has totally changed but turned it all on me and I'm lost I'm still ... View more

My husband has been struggling with a mid Life Crisis and has decided it's time to move out and find someone esle we have been married for 13 years we have had our differences but he has totally changed but turned it all on me and I'm lost I'm still in love with him I already suffer from anxiety and depression and this is killing me I'm trying not to contact him to give him space I don't know what to do.

Dadage57 No sex with my wife is making me not love her as much
  • replies: 6

I know people will think im being very selfish but i believe modern gadgets are not helping We are on our 2nd marriage and we have had 10 glorious years of love and happiness, I am 61 and my wife is 57, we share the same interests and always holding ... View more

I know people will think im being very selfish but i believe modern gadgets are not helping We are on our 2nd marriage and we have had 10 glorious years of love and happiness, I am 61 and my wife is 57, we share the same interests and always holding hands in public or kissing in public. She had a hysterectomy a few years ago but still our sex drive between us was fantastic. My wife does suffer depression and has been on medication for many years For the last 6 months or so our sex life has stopped to the fact where we have sex maybe once a month and then its the same spoon position and no kissing. I've tried so hard to do other things to no avail. She has a iphone and ipad and when she gets home from work the ipad comes out and that gets her attention weather it be fb or google etc We then have dinner and its back to the ipad, we then go to bed and its the ipad and then she closes it off and goodnight... I lay there watching tv, i always hold her leg and always caressing her leg but nothing happens. We have spoken about it and she told me i dont know why i dont fancy it and im sorry Ive asked her about worries, stresses, and things like that... I cant help it if i love to make love to my wife and if love to kiss her but its all stopped and im getting so worked up by it i dont know what to do. I asked if she still found me attractive and she says yes, she tells me she loves me every day but as of late im not saying it back, i dont know why but all i can think of is that im angry with her. Even if we go out in the car for a ride or on holiday she sits there next to me on her phone or ipad She was a addict with online scrabble but after a sarcastic comment she went and deleted it. We used to even lay there in bed holding hands and then her iwatch thing would buzz and she would dismiss me and go to notification etc.. or say someone is calling and everything stops Im trying my best not to be selfish on this but im really at the end of my tether... Thanks for reading

Jurani Unsure about my current relationship !
  • replies: 7

I'm wondering if I should continue with my partner. We've been together for 6 years. During this course, he's opened up to me and told me about his past. We come from different backgrounds. I had alot of trouble accepting some of the things he'd done... View more

I'm wondering if I should continue with my partner. We've been together for 6 years. During this course, he's opened up to me and told me about his past. We come from different backgrounds. I had alot of trouble accepting some of the things he'd done, but somehow managed to accept them. The past two years have been unstable however. He was working casually full time, but had a couple of months with erratic workshifts. We were not living together at that time. I helped him out financially a few times and in total gave him $5000 to cover his expenses [not all at once]. That was probably 3 years ago. He now has a permanent full time job. A few months after this, he told me that he wouldn't support ME financially. I actually don't need him to but that made me angry. He moved in with me a year ago but I was hesitant to do this and put my thought process down to Covid which had hit at that time. His sister spilled the beans on him on a visit and mentioned that she'd given him $35,000 [just before we met apparently], which I knew nothing about. This coincided with me giving him $5000 in increments. After he'd filled me in on his past, I asked him if there was anything else he needed to tell me and he said 'no'. This was obviously a lie because there was no mention of the money his sister had given him. I asked him what he'd used it for and he said he had bills [overdue] and some other expenses. Since I found this out I'm struggling with it. As I was handing over increments of money, there was NO mention that his sister had also given him a huge amount. I told him he couldn't have had THAT many expenses to cover [with her money] and to date, he's given me no explanation. I feel violated. Before he moved in, sometimes I'd leave him at my place if I had to nip out. I had a money tin which I kept cash in to pay for bills. I always knew how much I had in there. Some of that money went missing. I told him about this and he said I must have miscalculated the amount. I then showed him my ledger [he didn't know I had this] and no I hadn't made a mistake and the money never turned up anywhere. At that point he was struggling financially, and insisted it was me who made the mistake [not true]. I've since put the money into a safe I bought and it's all adding up correctly. Before this, I had 3 lots of money go missing. Him not coming clean about the money his sister gave him is now making me not trust him. Should I end it?

Ashley86 I'm new here
  • replies: 3

Hi there I am new here and really don't know where to start. I guess I will tell you about myself. I'm from Canada and moved to Perth Australia back in 2018. I am married but planning on getting out once I get approved for my permanent visa in Septem... View more

Hi there I am new here and really don't know where to start. I guess I will tell you about myself. I'm from Canada and moved to Perth Australia back in 2018. I am married but planning on getting out once I get approved for my permanent visa in September. I thought I married a good man but instead I'm married to a narricist abuser. Not only am I constantly walking on eggshells but I am trying to work on myself as I suffer from major depression and anxiety disorders. I suffer from BPD and OCD. I am doing my best to work on myself but I am struggling. I'm trying to make friends here but once someone finds out about my current situation I don't usually hear back from them. I don't have any family here so why do I stay? I stay because I love Australia, the weather, my church family. The mental health services here are truly amazing. I finally have a great GP and a phycitrist. I also have my rescue dog Rosie who gives me love, joy and happiness each and every day. I feel I could make it work here in Australia but I am scared. I am scared of the unknown and I am scared of being alone.

SingleMum123 Struggling with full-time work and single parenthood
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I recently started a full-time job after being a stay at home mum for a long time. My partner and I separated earlier this year. These are the first school holidays I've had to not spend as much time with my child. It's been harder than ... View more

Hi everyone, I recently started a full-time job after being a stay at home mum for a long time. My partner and I separated earlier this year. These are the first school holidays I've had to not spend as much time with my child. It's been harder than I imagined. I started this job in a lockdown and have been working at home. It's been good for bring close to the school for after school care drop off and pick ups but it has been isolating not seeing my office or my co-workers in person. I feel so guilty not having the time with my child even though I have quality time with her before and after work. Everything feels so busy and I feel pulled in every direction. My ex partner is not very supportive and gets me to arrange everything. I feel like I can't talk to my family. I honestly just want a hug. I'm finding my job difficult and I'm not in a position where I can just give it up. I don't know how I'm going with it performance wide because of the work situation. I haven't met my boss. I feel like crying. Right now, I don't know if things will always feel this hard or I'd things will improve. Thanks.