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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Pink_Rose Heartbroken
  • replies: 1

My husband and I have been married for 26 years. Together for 29 years. 2 adult children. We just celebrated our 25+1 anniversary and friends and family even surprised us. I have been a supportive and devoted wife whilst he runs his business. Due to ... View more

My husband and I have been married for 26 years. Together for 29 years. 2 adult children. We just celebrated our 25+1 anniversary and friends and family even surprised us. I have been a supportive and devoted wife whilst he runs his business. Due to pressures and stress with Covid etc husband hs been having difficulties having sex. We brush it off and try again. so to my complete shock I find text messages on his phone asking for full service massage and extras. Asking for photos. From 3 different women. after confronting him he denies following thru. Denies doing it any other time. Says he couldn’t do it even if he tried. sick to my stomach. Don’t believe him. He gives me passwords to computer and the I discovered on his history tab searches for escorts and pros from weeks ago. He denies he followed through. just curious. Trying to get him in the mood. Stress etc. I haven’t stopped crying and feel so many emotions. I don’t know what to do what to believe but my gut says he’s done it. This is about to tip me over the edge and I’ve told him he’s ruined my life

lochness46 Toxic Mother & feeling like Im always the bad daughter
  • replies: 6

I need to vent, I live with BPD ( Borderline Personality Disorder). Ive always had a difficult with both my mother & father, but more so my mother. I really suspect that shes has undiagnosed BPD. Im a single parent & unfortunately I have always reall... View more

I need to vent, I live with BPD ( Borderline Personality Disorder). Ive always had a difficult with both my mother & father, but more so my mother. I really suspect that shes has undiagnosed BPD. Im a single parent & unfortunately I have always really struggled to have any kind of relationship with my mother. Im an only child from my parents, but I do have 2 half living brothers, one of my half brother's past away at the end of 2019. I never really had a very close relationship with any of my brothers, maybe my brother that past away, we kind of had a close-ish relationship with me when he was younger. There is a big age difference with my younger half brothers, & they really havent tried to have much a of closer relationship with me. Im ususally doing the contacting for a chat. But getting back to my mother & our relationship, we have always had difficult relationship, very strained & there have been times that we stopped speaking at all for months. In recent months I was getting so triggered by the way she was behaving towards me with her total lack of acknoledgment of me & my mental illness, she'd always make it about herself, if I even mentioned anything about me battling on a daily basis with my MI, she'd constanstly make comparisions between her & myself & our situations, she'd minimise anything I said & gaslight me when I mentioned early childhood memories of what I remembered from when she was younger. Her toxic-ness eventually triggered me so bad that I had to stop communicating with her at all, for my own sanity. It hasnt been easy, & in the mean time Ive also dealing with some physically & medical issues. Back in May I asked my Dad if he would contact my mum to ask her on my behalf, because I was becoming deperate as I couldnt walk or do anything because of knee condition. He got back to me & told me that my mother had said, "No, she wouldnt come & help me". I was shocked & then I received a txt msg from her sayin she wasnt prepared to help me. She is my only family that lives close to me. I was so hurt by her response. Since then luckily Ive had some help through a mental health organisation at least, but it still hurts so much that my own mother has turned her back on me, especially when I needed family shes also blocked me on Facebook & I have tried to call & msg her in recent week & Ive gotten nothing back from her. I feel like she is punishing me for EVERYTHING & now I dont know how to move forward without feeling deeply hurt by her.

Ryan2021 Long distance relationship during covid
  • replies: 2

I just found out my long distance girlfriend who I haven't been able to see since Feb last year because of covid is possibly cheating on me. I am madly in love with her, has been so hard being away for so long because of the virus. I have been workin... View more

I just found out my long distance girlfriend who I haven't been able to see since Feb last year because of covid is possibly cheating on me. I am madly in love with her, has been so hard being away for so long because of the virus. I have been working my ass off doing 2 jobs. I have done 4 20 hour days and a 28 hour day with minimal sleep trying to make 10 grand to try and get to her or get her a visa to come here. She has been my everything for almost 2 years. The one I would do anything for and have been trying so hard to keep it working. A mutual friend contacted me and said she is about ready to give up on me and has possibly had another guy on the side. She messaged me separately and said she really wants to come here and can I keep working on her visa. It has been so hard being away from her almost 18 months as it is. I am stuck and have no idea what to do and who to believe.

Ms_milz Lonely and feeling like im detaching from my 4yr relationship with my bf.
  • replies: 1

Hello Iv been in a relationship with my bf for 4years ,it hasn't been completely smooth sailing he is a widow 2years prior to me meeting him.I have learnt he is slightly different in the dating game compared to others,as he & his wife were together f... View more

Hello Iv been in a relationship with my bf for 4years ,it hasn't been completely smooth sailing he is a widow 2years prior to me meeting him.I have learnt he is slightly different in the dating game compared to others,as he & his wife were together for 24years ,she died suddenly from a burst enyurism.very sad for the family. He was left with 2 teenage children.The issue at hand recently is,he is a truck driver has been for as long as iv known him but this new company hes started with 6 months ago has been offering more work further away from home.Now he hasnt taken them up on it due to myself needing surgery to have ovarian cancer removed (stage0-T1-contained contamination) all went well,9 weeks ago now.3weeks ago he went back to work & suddenly not coming home.im aware sometimes he can be away 1 or 2 nights here & there thats fine,but its been 3weeks & hes only been home 3nights out of these 3 weeks. He failed to inform me the 1st week he had taken an offer from the company to work away for the next 6 months!He didnt even talk to me about this he just went.I let him know of my concerns & hurt from not being Informed & his response is"just know I love you & its great money ".im just taken back by this & how he hasnt taken any consideration into how its impacting me here at home on my own with my 2 children his step kids.We live together in his house we have 3 acres,alot of animals.Im still on recovery but semi manageable to do light work around here . But my main issue is he never spoke to me about this decision pre to taking it on let alone Inform me of it,the 1st week he was away.I asked him was he aware of these extra nights away & he had chosen to lie to me all week until he finally sent a message confessing he was offered it & took it but this message only came after i told him I was leaving as non of his actions in absence made any sense.i know sounds crazy my decision but he has a nack of stonewalling me by walkin out mid convo or avoiding any issues that involve him making any effort in the relationship.Im known as the glue. Ugh!Over the last 3 weeks I have let him know how I am feeling & how its hurt me & how im not coping but his response to this is bleak & not in relation to my concerns.Im feeling very drained hurt miserable & just not coping & all he says is just know I love you & I long for you.. im not even sure if all of this will make any sense to an outsider but please any input would be great . Ask anythin if needed Cheers

GrapevineGirl Feeling Abandoned
  • replies: 1

So my Boyfriend recently left Australia to go to the USA, mostly because his parents manipulated him into going because they couldn’t get exemption to travel without him. He only told me with five days to go that he would be outside Australia for at ... View more

So my Boyfriend recently left Australia to go to the USA, mostly because his parents manipulated him into going because they couldn’t get exemption to travel without him. He only told me with five days to go that he would be outside Australia for at least 3 months. It felt very sudden and I feel so abandoned, since we are in the middle of lockdown and I was already finding it hard. Now he is travelling around US and was given many rewards for leaving, but doesn’t seem to consider how it makes me feel. I am currently unable to bring myself to message him back because I have so much anger and blame him for leaving, but it’s making everything feel worse because I feel even more distant from him due to the emotional blocks I have created, and I don’t know how to come to terms with him leaving and just try to do three months long distance even through I really don’t want to. I’m just so upset all the time and I don’t know how to fix it

Stephni Always feeling flat, unfulfilled, worried and unhappy
  • replies: 2

Hi, I feel I have so many issues going on in my head relating to my relationship with my husband, my work, my kids, my friendships that I don't know where to start. I feel down all the time even though I have a devoted husband, 2 beautiful kids, a go... View more

Hi, I feel I have so many issues going on in my head relating to my relationship with my husband, my work, my kids, my friendships that I don't know where to start. I feel down all the time even though I have a devoted husband, 2 beautiful kids, a good job, a nice home and a family that loves me. My social anxiety I feel is becoming worse. During my early 20s I drank a lot and loved the party scene. My dad died when I was 21 and I don't think I ever coped from this moving forward. I was always a shy kid so drinking and taking recreation drugs gave me that edge to socialise and have fun. Now that I'm in my mid 30s and able to socialise more, I feel like I don't know how to. With my marriage, I feel so bored and unfulfilled emotionally. My husband avoids serious conversations, it's always small talk and I feel like we have never connected on a deep level. We've been together for over 10 years but I find myself daydreaming about leaving him all the time. I just don't want to screw up what could be a happy childhood for my kids over issues that my husband could potentially resolve. My moods are so up and down, I'm not sure if I need to be on medication or whether it's my unhappy relationship that is causing me to feel depressed. Please help

redpanda13 I think my Dad has been cheating for a long time in the past, should I confront him about it?
  • replies: 10

So back when I was a kid, I'm 25 now. I use to often hear my dad talk to another person on the phone in another language in a super flirtatious manner. I couldn't understand that language so I didn't know what he was talking about, but every time he ... View more

So back when I was a kid, I'm 25 now. I use to often hear my dad talk to another person on the phone in another language in a super flirtatious manner. I couldn't understand that language so I didn't know what he was talking about, but every time he talked like that, my mum wouldn't be around. I was just a kid back then so I didn't think too much about it, just thought it was weird. Also when I was a kid back then, I remember one time my mum was making a huge fuss about seeing my dad's phone over some matters but didn't know what matter that was, possibly about his "cheating". Then shortly after, I remember my dad went on a solo trip to Taiwan which was super out of the blue. But then again I was still a kid, so didn't think too much about it. Fast forward till I'm around 23, I remember we went on a family road trip. That time, I basically forgot about those incidents as I haven't heard him speak on the phone so flirtatiously in a long time, or maybe I've just been so busy with my own life, I haven't heard him. Then one day on the trip, the rest of my family was downstairs and I heard my dad go upstairs and start to talk in that flirtatious tone again. After that moment, it started to really hit me, maybe he has been cheating this whole time. The thing is, I'm still not 100% sure he is cheating, my instincts just tell me he is. These days, I've been so busy with work and my own life so I haven't caught him with those phone calls. At home these days, he acts normal and my mom still seems to like him. He doesn't come home late or go on weird overnight trips. There's always this uneasy feeling inside me about this, so I don't know if I should confront him about these past scenarios or just let it go. He's an ok dad overall. I also feel like my mom is already considered a pretty nosy person, so as if she doesn't know what's been up this whole time? Any advice or comments are appreciated.

Dibbles_23 Heart break
  • replies: 4

My partner just broke the heart breaking news that they want to break up . They are struggling with their own mental health which isn’t easy and I told them to concentrate on themselves , even though I am absolutely crushed . They say they are still ... View more

My partner just broke the heart breaking news that they want to break up . They are struggling with their own mental health which isn’t easy and I told them to concentrate on themselves , even though I am absolutely crushed . They say they are still in love with me but can no longer see a future with me . i am really struggling to wrap my head around letting go of a relationship that was seemingly perfect until mental health became an issue. can anyone out there help me ? I really don’t know how to deal with the tug of war going through my brain and heart and how to decide to walk away for good or wait and see if this works out once they are feeling “better “. TIA

Seeks_Advice The grass looks greener
  • replies: 3

Hi all Not even really sure where to start here to be honest but here goes. I've been married for 20 years and have grown children (all over 18 years) and have more recently been less and less satisfied and happy with my marriage. I've always been a ... View more

Hi all Not even really sure where to start here to be honest but here goes. I've been married for 20 years and have grown children (all over 18 years) and have more recently been less and less satisfied and happy with my marriage. I've always been a glass half full sort of person, outgoing, can pretty much talk to anyone, find it easy to laugh at the silliest things and like to find the fun in life. My wife has always, to me at least, had an element of "what if" in that she's quick to look at what may go wrong in situations, doesn't laugh easily and can come across as too serious in social settings until she's really comfortable with people. In saying that I guess I've always looked for the positives in that we got on well, shared many similar interests and obviously found each other physically attractive etc. When we were first together my family quietly, privately, expressed concerns to me if she was right for me because they thought I would end up with someone more "bubbly and outgoing" and I explained that was just her being shy until she got to know people, of which that was certainly an element, but they were also fairly correct in assessing her demeanour traits but I think I've always managed to find a way to put a positive spin on them which for me to say seems crazy given 20 years of marriage. There were other aspects that I didn't love to do with intimacy etc that over time I just adapted to "her way" and assumed that's just how things were. Over the past couple of years as my kids got older and through the wonders of the internet I guess I realised that a lot of the ways I used to be and things I was seeking WEREN'T that outrageous to expect from a relationship and I feel like I've compromised who I was and adapted more to her ways which I've now looked back on and realised I shouldn't have done. I should have maintained more of who I really was and if that meant we weren't right for each other then, as unfortunate as that would be, should have been recognised. As a result I started being more of 'me' again, being less of the straighter, more serious person, and more of the easygoing person I used to be who laughs easier while maintaining a business side when needed and seeing people respond to me like they used to has had me feeling much happier and like my old younger self once again, not that I have really been someone short on self confidence but it just felt good to be me. to be cont'd

BugsBunny21 Relationship break down and Move interstate
  • replies: 4

I recently moved interstate due to my relationship breaking down. I moved to be close to family and friends. I’m also a single mother now and left the relationship when our baby was only a few months old. I don’t know where my ‘home’ is anymore, some... View more

I recently moved interstate due to my relationship breaking down. I moved to be close to family and friends. I’m also a single mother now and left the relationship when our baby was only a few months old. I don’t know where my ‘home’ is anymore, sometimes I feel like I don’t know where I belong or fit in since moving. Given I’m caring on my own for a baby, I’m not doing things that would have made me happy in the past. It’s adjusting to motherhood as well. Most days I get on with it and my little one keeps me busy but some days I feel quite low and find myself thinking negatively about my whole life. Being in lockdown doesn’t help but I’m trying to make the most of time with my baby. It’s also a time where we aren’t rushing off to be somewhere and getting more time together which I know I’ll miss when my baby is older. I feel like there’s been too much change occur and I’m not handling it. Anyway, be good to here of any advice or people that have been through similar.