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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Alyciae Stay or go?
  • replies: 1

I have been with my partner for 3 years. We have so much fun, but in the last year we have had some stressful things happen and we haven’t been the best supports to each other. As a result of this, every week we will butt heads and have a disagreemen... View more

I have been with my partner for 3 years. We have so much fun, but in the last year we have had some stressful things happen and we haven’t been the best supports to each other. As a result of this, every week we will butt heads and have a disagreement. These usually start with me being short (either annoyed by something he has/hasn’t done), cracking the shits over something minor or one of us not getting out needs met. I know I wasn’t being the best partner. I have just found out that he had formed an emotional relationship with someone from work and this had been going on for the past few months. I’m obviously beside myself, but since we weren’t in the best place I can see how emotional needs were being met elsewhere (I don’t agree with any of this). I’m now a few months on from finding out and he has done well with trying to build things back. However, when we now argue I feel so isolated because I have no one I can openly talk to about any of this as I don’t want my friends/families opinion of him or me for staying to change.

justgotosleep I'm making my husband sad
  • replies: 4

For those with who suffer through depression and anxiety (like me), have you ever thought that subconsciously one of the big reasons you push a spouse away is because you're flat out finding your own happiness let alone being responsible for there's?... View more

For those with who suffer through depression and anxiety (like me), have you ever thought that subconsciously one of the big reasons you push a spouse away is because you're flat out finding your own happiness let alone being responsible for there's?....and the more they push for you to 'open up' and get in your face and tell you to 'snap out of it' followed by 'you're ruining our marriage...', just makes you push them away more? I've lived through the sadness. I've been on medication for 2 1/2 years, I found motivation and happiness when I felt mentally stronger and found a job that I loved working 1 1/2 hrs away at a mine. A family member is also from that industry and I found my place. Things were better for me. My roster allowed me to be home every weekend and a weekday. But with a husband at home, working fulltime and taking care of the kids (our 10yr old son on the spectrum), he struggled and would constantly remind me of my time away. He phoned me EVERY night that I was away since late 2021. One night, he in tears, I decided I should come home. The transition hasn't been easy though. I left a job that I love and to me, every other option will be mediocre, including the job I now have which is 100% in an office and not the outdoorsy job I had at the mine. I feel lost. My mental health is slipping again. I feel like I've come back for the kids and the husband and now I have nothing for me. And I've been called selfish too...which is probably right, but when you have depression and anxiety and you find a year and a bit of joy and happiness you hold on to it with an iron fist. I sleep on the couch. I'm making my husband sad but I can't lie to him or me about how I feel. I don't want sex. I just want to raise our kids under the same roof and that's it.

James_1999 Am I cheating on my partner?
  • replies: 8

Hi so I went to Europe recently whilst my girlfriend stayed behind. I love her very much and we have a great relationship. While I was in Scotland I went out clubbing and took some drugs with a guy I met at the club. This was very unlike me as I have... View more

Hi so I went to Europe recently whilst my girlfriend stayed behind. I love her very much and we have a great relationship. While I was in Scotland I went out clubbing and took some drugs with a guy I met at the club. This was very unlike me as I have never taken drugs and was quite drunk at this point and thought I’m only young once. I don’t know if the drugs affected my memory but next thing I know the guy I was with has downloaded Tinder on my phone and I’m swiping on it for fun. I spoke to one girl on this only to say I’m on holiday but never anything romantic or sexual. I feel really guilty and haven’t told my girlfriend about this as I fear she’d end the relationship. But I also think I should tell her out of moral. I keep thinking about it but I also don’t know whether to just blame the drug considering that was my first time using it and I would never cheat. Would love some help with this, I feel like I can’t tell anyone without being judged and feeling more guilty. - James

Seriouslytho Divorce after 30 years and lost my support systems
  • replies: 2

Pretty much what the title says. It’s rough right now, and I am feeling more alone than I have in my life. And I was an orphan, so that’s saying something. I was diagnosed with CPTSD about 7 years ago (was also abused/sexually assaulted in my childho... View more

Pretty much what the title says. It’s rough right now, and I am feeling more alone than I have in my life. And I was an orphan, so that’s saying something. I was diagnosed with CPTSD about 7 years ago (was also abused/sexually assaulted in my childhood and young adulthood), and have been making a lot of progress with healing since then. My marriage was steeped in conservative Christianity. It was codependent. I tried 5/6 therapists over 30 years to make this work. He lost his faith 11 years in, and I followed a few years later. We have two kids, one is an adult and the other is soon to follow. I had to work in another state during the pandemic, and I realise I was much happier without him. He didn’t like to spend time on the phone or video call. When the borders opened up, it didn’t occur to him to have a joyful reunion. He didn’t ask when I was coming home. He rarely initiated contact, then got upset and defensive when I called him out. I united sex almost exclusively the whole relationship, and got rejected most of the time. There’s so much more, but that gives you a basic idea. Late last year I reconnected with an old friend from high school. He was my biggest crush. We started talking, and developed major feelings for each other. Before things developed further with my crush, I asked my husband for a divorce. The new man was a catalyst more than anything. I took a lot of time to make sure i wanted the divorce regardless of whether this new relationship worked out or not. I consulted with our couples therapist who had previously told us we were codependent-my soon to be ex denied we were and disagreed. He disagreed with all our therapists. He’s consistently dismissed me throughout our marriage. He may be on the spectrum-the couples therapist thinks so. Both kids are in favour of the divorce. We’re trying to get our youngest some help with other issues. She was disrespectful to me today during the process. He decided she wasn’t. He’s saying I’m the problem, I’m too angry. It’s such a mess. I want to move out, but I can’t (too expensive and I could lose my claim on the house). It’s like they are ganging up on me. I have lost my support network because I left my faith, and because I’m seeing someone else while separated. I had to drop other friends because I realised I was attracting friends who also have CPTSD, which wasn’t healthy. Again, I have never felt more alone, despite having two therapists (who actually haven’t been available lately). My new partner lives in my home country, and thigh he’s supportive (he’s separated, too) Thanks for reading. No idea what to do next. No idea how to build a new support system. No idea how to win my almost adult kid back, or if I ever will be able to. And I’m hurting rather badly. That’s it, really.

TaylahAnn Alcoholic families
  • replies: 1

I’ve read a post recently about a mum battling cancer but her daughter is an alcoholic. my mum was battling cancer for the past three years - I’m an alcoholic but I was at her bedside everyday. I couldn’t have done that if I was drinking - so obvious... View more

I’ve read a post recently about a mum battling cancer but her daughter is an alcoholic. my mum was battling cancer for the past three years - I’m an alcoholic but I was at her bedside everyday. I couldn’t have done that if I was drinking - so obviously I wasn’t. I can’t imagine life without her - she’s my best friend. however, a family holiday is now organised but I’m not invited - because I’m an alcoholic. It hurts so much. I’ve always been there for her but she’s worried I won’t be able to cope watching my family members drink. I know she loves me but ive never felt so alone. My children will be there as will there dad - my ex husband. any thoughts on how I could tell her how I’m feeling?

Britty2024 Lying husband
  • replies: 3

Hi I really need someone to talk too my husband and I have been together 14 years since the very beginning he has cheated on me numerous times the big one was with my childhood best friend which I no long talk to he has constantly lied to me about me... View more

Hi I really need someone to talk too my husband and I have been together 14 years since the very beginning he has cheated on me numerous times the big one was with my childhood best friend which I no long talk to he has constantly lied to me about message other girls with intentions.he use to bully about having feeling and crying when I found out about these to the point I very very rarely cry in front of anyone I don’t talk about my feeling I’m very insecure about myself and body as I’m a big girl his hasn’t bullied me about freezing since the very start of our relationship he now what to talk about feeling but I struggle to open up.he is still continuing to message other girls behind my back and lie to my face when I confront him about this last time was 3 weeks ago and again today. 3 weeks ago he promised me once again this was going to stop and the lies would stop he would be 100% honest with me and we would both start talking about our relationship and I would try opening up more we have been making trying for each other and trying no to let our busy lives come between us and today I seen more messages he had been messaging another girl I’m struggling so much with ky mental health and self worth I don’t understand why I put up with this behaviour I know I deserve better I know that I need to leave but every single time I believe him and believe things will get better I know betteri don’t understand why I can’t just walk away and do what is best for me I don’t understand why I’m not good enough please no hate I just need to talk to someone

Earth Girl What's the best way to end this "friendship"?
  • replies: 14

I met this girl in CIT a long time ago and we became friends. For about the first year, I enjoyed the friendship, but after a while, it sort of went down hill. She's actually really nice, but she gets offended extremely easily (over things that aren'... View more

I met this girl in CIT a long time ago and we became friends. For about the first year, I enjoyed the friendship, but after a while, it sort of went down hill. She's actually really nice, but she gets offended extremely easily (over things that aren't even offensive sometimes), she repeats a lot of the things she says several times and I can't be myself around her at all. I just turn into a completely different person and I just found that I didn't enjoy the friendship any more, but I continued being friends with her for 3 more years because I didn't want to hurt her. One day in the third year I realised that I really couldn't take it any more because she was talking about two of her other friends and she kept repeating everything (about how she wasn't going to talk to them any more - which she had said a lot of times before and then started hanging out with them a week later) and some of the things they did weren't even wrong. A few days afterwards, she called me and asked if she had done something wrong and I said that she hadn't and that I just couldn't be myself around her and she asked if I still wanted to be friends (I had been distancing myself for a while) and I said that she's really lovely, but I didn't think it was working out. She texted me a few days later asking if we were still friends and I tried to tell her nicely that it wasn't working out because I can't be myself and I said "sorry I don't want to hurt you." I sometimes see her at the shops and she always tells me that she misses catching up with me and asks me if I want to friends again and I have to keep explaining to her that I think she is a really nice person, but I can't be myself around her. I don't know what else to say because she thinks we should still be friends. I feel really bad because she hasn't hurt me or anything, but the friendship really wasn't working out - I found it exhausting and it felt more like people awkwardly talking to each other superficially instead of a friendship. My sister said it would be okay to tell her that I just wasn't enjoying the friendship, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I feel like no matter what, her feelings are going to get hurt though and I don't want that to happen yet again. I also don't know what to tell her when says things such as "Does your Mum know we aren't friends any more?" "I want to be friends again, but I know you don't want to catch up", "We should be friends again." "Come say hi when you see me working in my store."

_road58 A small attempt to be better
  • replies: 1

Hi I'm 28 and I love with my parents. I am from a south asian background. I wish to leave my parents home and live on my own. But i don't see that happening until i get married or if i do end up moving on my own my parents might disown me. I'm sure t... View more

Hi I'm 28 and I love with my parents. I am from a south asian background. I wish to leave my parents home and live on my own. But i don't see that happening until i get married or if i do end up moving on my own my parents might disown me. I'm sure this is a story of every kid with strict parents. I only see my gf once a week and even then I have to lie to my parents about where i am. If im home, i spend most of my days in my room. Im reaching out because i think all of it is getting to my head. The stress is spilling over at my friends and gf. I end up saying things i dont mean. I snap at people that did nothing wrong. I've never tried therapy. Talking about how i feel isnt my strenghth. Thats one of the things that upsets my gf as i dont like talking about these things. It makes her think i don't trust her. It upsets her very much. I guess im here so i can be better. For her sake atleast. Can someone help?

RainyRae I feel like I'm not being listened to
  • replies: 1

Hi. So both me and my partner are going through a tough time which is making things very difficult. I've been doing my best to help them with all of their stuff and giving them space when they need it but when it comes to me I feel like I'm not being... View more

Hi. So both me and my partner are going through a tough time which is making things very difficult. I've been doing my best to help them with all of their stuff and giving them space when they need it but when it comes to me I feel like I'm not being listened to or getting the support I need. Obviously I don't want to lean on them or anything but whenever I say I need something they decide to do whatever the opposite is. Like, they've promised to spend a day with me so we have some time together but they end up deciding to hang out with someone else. I want them to see their friends but it feels like they're putting everyone before me and it's making it kinda hard to trust them.Today kinda broke me though. They once again promised to spend the day with me but when they came home they told me they've decided to go to Bathurst to spend a week with someone else and that they had to pack everything right now and wouldn't give me 5 minutes to talk about it.While they were packing they told me they just needed a week away to think about things and to have a break of Sydney.It's been about 10hrs since they've left and I haven't heard a word from them even though I've sent them a couple of messages asking how the trip is and if they've gotten there safe. They do tend to ignore my messages even when it's important but will respond to messages sent by friends in group chats we're in. I guess I feel kinda hurt and upset by it cause again it just feels like they're putting everyone else before me even though I'm their partner.Idk how to deal with this but I know we both don't want to break up while we're in this mindset.

lucylisa LDR trouble
  • replies: 1

During this time I was constantly wishing for my own space, we both have very different needs in a relationship, I’m the kind of person that is very independent and prefers space and time to myself while she is the opposite and if we could be togethe... View more

During this time I was constantly wishing for my own space, we both have very different needs in a relationship, I’m the kind of person that is very independent and prefers space and time to myself while she is the opposite and if we could be together constantly she would absolutely prefer it. We have discussed this and she knows that we are both like this and there is an effort to make compromises (after some waterworks from her side) If I would go out I would stress that she’s unhappy because I’m all she has over here. Every time I bring up an issue with a relationship she breaks down and becomes an emotional wreck, no matter how small the issue is she thinks I am going to break up with her or hate her or leave her. It makes being truthful about my feelings incredibly difficult. A few weeks ago my dad suffered a major heart attack and was very close to death. She was living in her home country at the time. She was understanding and wanted to talk but I needed space, I cope well by myself and needed to put all my energy supporting my family and dealing with this difficult time. Even though this time was difficult I felt so much freer having this space to be able to deal with my current issues. The time we have been apart so much less stressed, having my own space and ability to deal with issues has made everything and overall life so much easier. I have felt less anxious eating, much more comfortable at work and started socialising more and felt closer to my friends and family than I had in a long time. I came to realise this and after some consideration proposed over the phone perhaps we consider extend the long distance as I feel that for myself to feel better I think that’s what I need. She took it well eventually but there was a lot of emotions. I have had consistent questions asking whether I want to break up or have grown to dislike her or don’t find her attractive. I don’t know what to do, she is head over heels in love with me and considering partner visas and moving in together and marriage and I am just dreading her moving back over. I feel so much freer. I do enjoy the time we spend together but every time I think about it we would work so much better as friends. It’s hard because she is a nice person and there are amazing parts of our relationship. But I feel that long term neither of us are compatible and before the partner visa I need to talk to her about it for our own sake. It’s so hard to voice this to her as each one of my past relationships has been either emotionally abusive or toxic and I am so scared to voice my opinion in a relationship. I know I have a lot of issues to work out because of that and other past situations but I feel for myself a relationship is not what I need for me right now. I feel that I can’t heal and be myself whether I’m with her long term or with anyone else. She’s left a lot of her things at my parents house and it’s a constant reminder that time is ticking and that I need to make a decision and talk to her about it, I feel I want to end it and have entirety of that time to focus on myself, but I feel like an absoloutle asshat and that I’ve lead her on and that I’ve ruined her life. This is a very neutral tldr I’m sorry it’s so long I just feel so lost.