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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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lunaloo19 I need help with my mum
  • replies: 3

Hi all, This is my first post. I’m really lost and need help. Things with my Mum have been really rocky, ever since corona virus started she’s become obsessed with conspiracy theories and it consumes her entire life. She’s losing friends and family o... View more

Hi all, This is my first post. I’m really lost and need help. Things with my Mum have been really rocky, ever since corona virus started she’s become obsessed with conspiracy theories and it consumes her entire life. She’s losing friends and family over how aggressive she gets to someome not agreeing with her. For some background on me. I’ve had diagnosed depression, anxiety and ptsd from my childhood for about 7 years now. (I’ve been in therapy the whole time). I’ve always felt that my mum dosent believe I have any reason to feel these ways and she always invalidates me. For this reason I’ve never really opened up to anyone expect my therapist. Im a very very reserved person. anywho, onto my dilemma. my mum is an alcoholic. She refuses to accept this (even tho she’s been to rehab before) and instead blames everyone else. Tonight she told me in more words that I make her feel like she should kill her self because I don’t listen to her covid conspiracies. She’s always reassured me she would never kill her self because she wouldn’t do that to me but she’s never spoke about it to this extent? I’m unsure what to do. When I said do you want to kill your self she said no I didn’t say that but It wouldn’t matter if I did. what do I do? It’s 12am so my family is asleep. Do I call someone? She’s drunk so that’s why she’s sayinf these things but what if she means it? She often says things when she’s drunk and dosent remember the next day. It’s usually abusive things

Little_Miss_Molly Not coping well with breaking up with my ex, him finally realising he is gay and he is moving on after a week
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone I am so confused about things at the moment and have no one that I can talk to about it. After a bipolar psychotic episode I decided that the 4 year relationship I was in was toxic and I needed to leave and work on me. I moved out a week ... View more

Hi everyone I am so confused about things at the moment and have no one that I can talk to about it. After a bipolar psychotic episode I decided that the 4 year relationship I was in was toxic and I needed to leave and work on me. I moved out a week ago today. I have always known that my partner was bisexual and would talk to guys at times, but he never hooked up with anyone. In particular he would talk to M to F transsexuals. We were always very open about these sorts of things. But 3 days before I moved out he said he believed he was gay. This really wasn't a surprise for me as I had suspected it for a while. We had no sexualising relationship and there had been almost no affection for a long time. We still love each other, but in a different way. I was at the house today and he started telling me about a couple of guys that he is having full on chats with. I shut the conversation down very quickly. But the last comment the made was a kick in the gut. He said "You knew that I would start talking to men straight away didn't you?" I knew he probably would start talking to guys more, but to hear it was so full on and obviously very intense (there was a tube of lube on the coffee table) hurt so bad. Now I'm at my place with just my cat and realised that I can't talk to anyone about it. How am I supposed to feel? My emotions are all over the place. I'm angry that he thinks I want to hear about it (or see the evidence) even though I was okay with it when we were together. I'm angry and upset that he seems to disregard the last 4 years. I feel sad that I couldn't offer him what he needed. But I am also feeling so lonely, displaced and confused. I wish I could call my closest friend and talk to her, but she is fairly narrow minded and can't deal with the idea. My other friends husband works with my ex and he isn't ready to tell everyone just yet. I have an appointment with my psychologist next week, but I need some advice in the meantime.

Cavvie_Mum Empty Nest?
  • replies: 2

First timer here…..My adult daughter and her partner have told me they will be moving interstate shortly. I am absolutely devastated and do don’t know how I am going to cope..outwardly I am putting up a brave front but inside I am heartbroken. I just... View more

First timer here…..My adult daughter and her partner have told me they will be moving interstate shortly. I am absolutely devastated and do don’t know how I am going to cope..outwardly I am putting up a brave front but inside I am heartbroken. I just cannot imagine how I am going to live without her not being in the same city as us. I know that I do not see her everyday or every week for that matter. We do not have any other children and have no other family where we live. I do have a “life” of my own and want to be happy for my daughter and her partner but at the same time I am petrified. My husband simply says you can always just hop on a plane and go and visit her, but that does not help. I know that I can do that. It is just this awful fear that they are not going on holiday, they are leaving for good and not coming back!!! I feel some anger towards my daughter and her partner that they are leaving and want to be supportive but am finding it very difficult. All of her partners family live in the town that they are relocating to. I feel like we are being abandoned. So many mixed emotions at the moment. I am really struggling….. .

Nattttttt I dont feel safe in my home right now
  • replies: 2

I don't feel safe right now. I don't want to delve into it too much but I have a lot of evidence that my sibling is planning on or is strongly wishing to harm me, which will result in something bad happening to me, or me getting kicked out. I suspect... View more

I don't feel safe right now. I don't want to delve into it too much but I have a lot of evidence that my sibling is planning on or is strongly wishing to harm me, which will result in something bad happening to me, or me getting kicked out. I suspected for a while they were manipulating evidence to paint me as the 'bad one' but literally tonight I discovered they are twisting evidence in order to worsen the situation. And that scares me. I feel so sick thinking about it and the confrontation that will happen soon either today or this week, is killing me. I have no where else to go, I desperately need some of the commodities in my home, such as the computer, since it has my university assignments on them (and it's not something I can easily copy into the cloud, the machine is set up for the assignments). Although my parents are 'book smart', they don't really understand conversations and situations, so if I tried to describe or explain something they don't really get it. And that scares me since the sibling can easily manipulate them. I feel really scared and sick. I've mentally prepared an escape route from my room if things get to an escalated level of violence (which I hope it doesn't because how am I going to 1 v 3). I'm so scared my hands have been numb and shaky for hours. I have no friends to go with, and no where to go since I'm not technically homeless or experiencing assault. I wish I could have a 24/7 body guard. It's 3am right now so I have time before the day comes to think of something. I'm not in the position to drop everything and escape, since my uni will get screwed over. I also am not in the position to fight since I would definitely lose and probably die as a result. I would like to calmly have a civilized conversation and come to a good consensus - but let's be real on what planet does that go down well?? My current plan is to lock myself in my room and never come out unless I need to use the escape route. I need help. What do I do?

WhoUnderstandsEmotions_ Everyone picks my twin over me
  • replies: 1

I’m not really sure if i’m being unreasonable or if it’s valid to feel so upset about this but i don’t know what to do. I have a twin and I love her, we used to be best friends back when all i needed was her but sadly we’ve grown apart. We used to sh... View more

I’m not really sure if i’m being unreasonable or if it’s valid to feel so upset about this but i don’t know what to do. I have a twin and I love her, we used to be best friends back when all i needed was her but sadly we’ve grown apart. We used to share everything - parties and friends and I used to be okay with that until i realised that they were her parties and her friends. When it comes down to it, even at my own birthdays, I am alone. I would invite friends over for sleepovers and never actually see them because they spent the entire time with my sister, didn’t even say goodbye. After highschool i finally made my own friends, I was in uni and I was happy for the first time in a while. She sort of knew a friend of one of my friends and they all ended up hanging out together clubbing which i’m not really into so i tapped out early and went to sleep. I’ve had no contact from any of my ‘friends’ since, they’ve created group chats without me but with my sister and my only other friend. I understand them not always texting me but they’ve been hanging out with my sister since then and just don’t invite me. I had talked to them about my insecurities with my sister being more fun and interesting than me and losing everything to her and so the fact that after they all said they’d never ditch me for her that they immediately did so hurts. I was going to move out of a bad family living situation with one of them next year and now the sight of them (always with my sister) causes me to have anxiety attacks. It’s almost as miserable being at home but i’ve stopped going to uni classes because i can’t bear to be there anymore now that my sister is constantly around. I feel like i’m just being unfair because my friends are allowed to have other friends and i’m not a big party person so i wouldn’t always take the offer to hang out anyway but it hurts more that it feels like they’re deliberately excluding me. I tried messaging them about it but they just said ‘thats totally valid’ and never messaged me again. i just don’t know what to do. My sister says she’s not doing it on purpose so its not her problem if people just like her better than me. I just want one person to choose me over her, I’ve lost all my friends and even my parents. I’ve been the best person i can be, i’ve even tried making myself useful and being the friend that always has cookies or gifts or advice but everyone still leaves.

understanding90 Self abandonment and Loneliness
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone. I'm a 30yo Male who has recently split with my partner of 18months. Our relationship for the last 9 months consisted of a lot of clashing over mostly basic day to day topics like who does this, who does that, who pays for this, etc etc. ... View more

Hi everyone. I'm a 30yo Male who has recently split with my partner of 18months. Our relationship for the last 9 months consisted of a lot of clashing over mostly basic day to day topics like who does this, who does that, who pays for this, etc etc. In hindsight it seems shamefully inconsequential. The things i'm struggling with most at the moment are loneliness and regret. I live alone and 80% of my friends I met through her so now I am spending most of my time feeling lost and alone. I also quit my job when we broke up - she had been encouraging me to leave it and make a change for a year but I never had the courage to do so. I feel regretful because I have been through other breakups in my life where I don't make changes required of me throughout a relationship that are causing me discontent which then affects my happiness and the way that I treat my partner. I often end up pushing them away emotionally and dreaming of a escape. I've come to realise that most of the problems that I see in the world and in my relationships are within my mind and my perspective of the world. I feel really disheartened that i'm nearly 31 and now have had a few failed relationships under similar circumstances. Why do I find it so hard to 'be a responsible man' and commit to loving myself, my life and my partners? I constantly try to change external factors rather than looking within and doing the inner work. I've started seeing a psychologist, 3 sessions so far and planning to do many more and i'm going to study psychology because I have a keen interest in it now. But at the moment each day is really hard, I often feel crippled with regret and loneliness and I wish that I could have made my relationship work.

SR2333 Be Tough
  • replies: 5

So I’ve been dating a guy for a few months, supposedly we are b/f /g/f. We both have our issues. I’m not sure who’s are worse honestly. Anyway I’d see about a once week. Sometimes we would go out, stay in and he gave me a swipe to get up to his apart... View more

So I’ve been dating a guy for a few months, supposedly we are b/f /g/f. We both have our issues. I’m not sure who’s are worse honestly. Anyway I’d see about a once week. Sometimes we would go out, stay in and he gave me a swipe to get up to his apartments, I’ve left medication there and toiletries. He had to go to court a few weeks ago that wasn’t great and I haven’t heard much, last Wednesday I did a welfare call, we talked but he had to see his parents, and then Thursday I received a long message telling me he really cared for me, but he had to go through all the court stuff on his own, that’s how did things, he knew it wasn’t healthy but that’s how he did it. I wrote back and thanked him for the explanation but said couldn’t we at least say Goodmorning/ goodnight. Honestly I’m worried, perhaps suspicious too. But nothing I have heard nothing. Not a well no that won’t work. so my question is when do you think I should either put the key pass in his mailbox and give up? Or do I do another welfare check? Or do I wait? My issues are fairly huge, so this added isn’t the best, but in some ways it’s the easier one. But I do find myself checking the papers everyday as he is somewhat well known, so I guess that’s not the greatest but perhaps understandable, I guess some may also be wondering suspicious, there was a story that he may have deceived a woman but in saying that apart from now he has been overly transparent with me the entire time. I guess I don’t want another I told you so either, but I also have evidence of someone not coping well at all, I just wish he would damn well let me know a little more. Perhaps the old adage of you can lead a horse to water applies. Or perhaps people in stone houses or maybe it’s just been 3 days and I should just give it the rest of the week.

m0ira Not coping after the break up
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend and I of 9 months broke up about 5 weeks ago. We started seeing each other when the Melbourne lockdown finished and he became my whole world. I was trekking across the city to watch his cricket games, or to just hold his hand while he co... View more

My boyfriend and I of 9 months broke up about 5 weeks ago. We started seeing each other when the Melbourne lockdown finished and he became my whole world. I was trekking across the city to watch his cricket games, or to just hold his hand while he coached because all I wanted was to be around him. I knew that he was a busy guy when we got together but at times it was hard, between uni, work, cricket (he was at cricket events min 5 days a week) and our relationship. This became something I said bothered me because I felt like I was the last item on the list and the solution was for me to cope through cricket season and then he'd have more time for me when it finished. This happened for a period of time which I was grateful for, we seemed to be getting on well and even planned a holiday away together with friends, this is where the cracks started showing. When we were away he was always making remarks and comments, comments that would belittle me and make me feel small and when I would get upset I was 'ruining the holiday'. The Saturday after we got back was our 6 month anniversary which I was really excited to celebrate with him but he bailed on me to watch the footy with his dad and then got really angry at me, thinking that I was trying to control him when I would make comment on how it made me feel sad that he wasn't spending that day with me. Later that night he came round with flowers and apologized and I forgave him. Then his dad gets drunk at his 50th and starts laying into me about how I was trying to control his son and how I needed to back off. I went to bed beside myself in tears feeling confused because my ex called the shots in our relationship. I was still upset the next day but my ex refused to come see me and comfort me. Fast forward and from here we spent the next 2 months fighting every other day and not getting on, he wanted to leave multiple times but I was always convinced that we could fix things. The intimacy stopped and he became more physical with me. He would push me, pinch me, trip me, scream at me for taking up too much of the bed. I know that in reality the break up was for the best because in the end he started treating me really poorly, doing things like screaming at me in the street on nights out and punching walls to make me feel physically unsafe, however, I've not been able to shake this feeling of missing him and loneliness since and all I want to do is reach out to talk to him even though I know I need to let go.

Losttwentysomething_ Will I be alone forever?
  • replies: 12

Hi All, I'm not sure if this is a place to discuss this manner but here goes; I have recently ended a very brief relationship with a guy that I liked. We went out for about a month before I decided to end it to avoid him getting hurt and I didn't wan... View more

Hi All, I'm not sure if this is a place to discuss this manner but here goes; I have recently ended a very brief relationship with a guy that I liked. We went out for about a month before I decided to end it to avoid him getting hurt and I didn't want to string anyone along. I guess I'm worried about how I go about dating now as I am new to the dating world, have never been in a relationship, never had sex and I am naive with communicating with guys and understanding their body language and their way of communicating as well as mine, apparently my body & mind are not in sync. For example I hooked up with this guy I went out with, I certainly didn't plan on doing this with him but it happened and then the night after I ended it with him I hooked up with another guy I literally just met at my place of work (these hookups took place two weeks apart). I don't know what has got into me. Perhaps it was because dating this guy made me feel confident within myself and I was on a 'confidence boost' when I hooked up with both of these guys at the time. I have had strict, over-protective parents/ older brother growing up so I wasn't allowed to go out and date anyone until recently as I am now 25 (will be 26 this year) I am worried that I will never find anyone, that I will run out of time to have children, that men will just use me as I am a virgin (or perhaps I will lead myself to that opportunity quite easily as I am so naive and not in sync). I am shy and have low self esteem so I don't have much friends to go out with. I am worried that I have left dating too late in my life, even though at age 23 I was not at all ready to date (I found this out through experience which I later regretted) I worry that I will be alone forever as I am not trying hard enough and that no one is going to want someone who is inexperienced at that age and later. I also worry why I have been behaving this way with guys to just hookup with them. I wasn't raised like this and feel it is not in my nature (or so I think). Is anyone able to shed some light on this on why I'm behaving irresponsibly??

Ijustneedhelp No Energy - not sure if mental or physical
  • replies: 4

Hi. Where do I start? I spend each day just wishing I could sleep all day or play video games. I feel lethargic and tired and weak all day everyday and have 0 energy. My wife and I have our first place we bought a few months back and it's chore doing... View more

Hi. Where do I start? I spend each day just wishing I could sleep all day or play video games. I feel lethargic and tired and weak all day everyday and have 0 energy. My wife and I have our first place we bought a few months back and it's chore doing everything. I am at my wits end because on weekends my wife is doing everything and I'm dragging behind her not caring and just wanting to sleep until I feel more energetic. I started a new job just over a month ago (at a factory) I don't love it I don't hate it. Just eh. Money is still coming in. The hours suck though. I start at 3pm and finish anywhere between 12am - 1am. I dont usually sleep till 3 or 4am. And this cycle just goes on and on. I could sleep all day, everyday. It is a fight to just get out of bed let alone face the day. I don't feel like I'm living. Just going through motions. Is this a mental thing or something wrong with my body? I'm worried and it's casing my wife to dislike me (she'll never admit it, but I can tell)