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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Newbie78 Not sure what to do
  • replies: 4

For the last 6 months I have been in contact via sms and snapchat with an old friend. She normally only texts when she is drunk but never admits she is drunk when she is texting. She has also promised to organise a date to hang out. I am starting to ... View more

For the last 6 months I have been in contact via sms and snapchat with an old friend. She normally only texts when she is drunk but never admits she is drunk when she is texting. She has also promised to organise a date to hang out. I am starting to think she is outright lying to me. She sends me random photos on snapchat of herself, just normal selfies and she got defensive when I took a screen shot of one. We are both lesbians. She is married and I am in a long term relationship. Should I cut ties?

UnsureRightNow I don't if I'm in the wrong but my headspace is regressing and I can't move out
  • replies: 3

Hey, I'm a 21-year old guy. Never ever thought I'd find myself here but things have just gotten very bad recently... My mum and I have a toxic relationship. I sensed we weren't just fighting like a normal mother-son relationship after she took me to ... View more

Hey, I'm a 21-year old guy. Never ever thought I'd find myself here but things have just gotten very bad recently... My mum and I have a toxic relationship. I sensed we weren't just fighting like a normal mother-son relationship after she took me to New York when I was 14. I was being a prick, nagging her why she would send me to an all-boys Catholic school when all my other friends were in the public one. She told me she couldn't be around me and that she was going back to the apartment. I sat on a chair for maybe an hour then when I got back, there were police everywhere. She told them I ran off and it was very weird/ embarrassing for me to see her crying in the lobby as American police officers were saying I should never runoff again. Ringing police for her was her only move. She would do it constantly and say I was being a bad kid to the cops whod try and lightly give me parental advice and she begged for sympathy. Obviously I never did anything physical to her in the slightest, but she knew with every argument, the threat of police would silence me up. It became a sick power move. When I was 19 she kept threatening me with a restraining order over disputes. I would swear at her as that was my only way to make her feel hurt. Stupid I know. Anyway one time, after I went on a trip, she went through with it. Police came to the door told me I had to go. Dad always just stood out of it, which I find weak as piss. So after I was told to leave she told me I could come back that same night. Pretended like nothing happend, then a few days later when a small fight broke out, she threatend that if she rang the police, id be charged for breaking it. Also, she lied on the restraining order. Said I pushed when she found my bong. She asked if I had it, i gave it to her AND NEVER PUSHED HER. Also because swore at her, she made the transcript say I was making sexual remarks to her. This threat went on for nearly a year, she even extended it. But last minute removed the charges (threat) and the court date disappeared. Since then, I steer clear when she threatens police. I've apoligised to her for things I wasn't proud off in the past. Explained how threating the poilice is too messed up. But she can just act like everything is fine in a second - infront of my friends. I'm 21. The toxicity is having a serious threat and she always steals my dads money. He has to hide it from her and they dont even sleep in the same bed. Financially i cant move out yet.

Elsam Have you been GHOSTED and how did you deal with it
  • replies: 4

I have a terrible heart sinking feeling I have been ghosted by a man that I really have feelings for. We have been in contact for 5 mths and we had a date 2 weekends ago! The date was perfect and we got along so well but since then he has been very d... View more

I have a terrible heart sinking feeling I have been ghosted by a man that I really have feelings for. We have been in contact for 5 mths and we had a date 2 weekends ago! The date was perfect and we got along so well but since then he has been very distant. He did send me photos a week ago and then I told him I was so attracted to him. His response: Oh! Boy! Blushing So I responded you wanted to know what I was thinking! He never responded! I have messaged him Friday, Saturday and Sunday with no response even saying I would love to see him again. i want to call him out by ringing him tonight but scared I will really lose him for good if o call him What have you done in this situation? This whole ghosting thing is just cruel!!!!

sleepyfox Co-worker crush
  • replies: 5

I'm looking for some advice as I have absolutely no experience with relationships. I'm in my mid 20s and I've never dated anyone and am super self conscious about this. There is a guy that I work with that I have had a crush on for like four years. H... View more

I'm looking for some advice as I have absolutely no experience with relationships. I'm in my mid 20s and I've never dated anyone and am super self conscious about this. There is a guy that I work with that I have had a crush on for like four years. He's the only guy I can honestly say that I've ever been legitimately interested in, but I really don't know what to do about it. I feel like I'm terrible at reading the signs and can't tell if he is interested in me. I feel like maybe in the past he may have been trying to flirt with me, but I was too naïve to notice and that I have blown my chance. I'm too scared to actually go for it and ask him out, particularly since we are good friends and we still work together. I don't want to ruin that, or have things become awkward at work. But I also am really struggling to stop thinking about him. I tried to make peace with the fact that we would probably never be more than friends, particularly with him being a few years older than me. But I still have really strong feelings for him, and it can be hard at work. Whenever I talk to or message him I always feel like I'm being annoying, as I've never been any good at keeping friendships either. I just don't know what to do, I don't know how to navigate these feelings as I've never dated or broken up with anyone or had to move on. Any advice would be appreciated!

wallabyjack new baby - wife hates me. anyone else experience this?
  • replies: 9

hello all we had our second child 5 months ago. our first child was hard work and I never really wanted the second as much as her. that said I love them all. since about 2 months into the pregnancy..my wife seems to hate everything I do and say, this... View more

hello all we had our second child 5 months ago. our first child was hard work and I never really wanted the second as much as her. that said I love them all. since about 2 months into the pregnancy..my wife seems to hate everything I do and say, this was the same with the first baby. nothing I ever do is good enough, or "right". every single detail gets criticised or complained about. I feel like I cannot do anything right. she is permanently angry and our intimacy and connection has gone. she blames me for it all. she is good with the kids, but is permanently annoyed and withdrawn. she shows no other symptoms of post natal depression, other than irritability and rage at me. I have tried really really hard to do everything I can to correct the tiny behaviours.. its really trivial. (I didntput the pegs on the line the right way) is this normal? I remember hazily, that this happened the first time around too. but got better after a year. we have seen a councillor for 4 sessions, but he seems to recommend "vanilla" suggestions that dont seem to restore any warmth or loving action to us. she seems to resent me, almost hate me... and everything I do, say or try gets her angry. and its getting me down. anyone else? cheers WJ

Mary_A suffering from trust issues and desperation
  • replies: 5

Partner and I have been together for 12 years and seven years in marriage. I am 27, and he is 32. We were together since we were young, and the age gap was not an issue as we were living in Jakarta, and I am half Indonesian. It is commonly accepted, ... View more

Partner and I have been together for 12 years and seven years in marriage. I am 27, and he is 32. We were together since we were young, and the age gap was not an issue as we were living in Jakarta, and I am half Indonesian. It is commonly accepted, and I adopt some of the cultural values (if anyone is going to call me out on the age gap). Since we got together back in 2009, it was okay in the first 12 weeks, and I started seeing red flags that I completely ignore. He likes to do things behind my back until now, such as texting female friends and liking their pictures. All over his social media, he is following women and would sometimes engage in flirtatious texts. He often would delete them, so I do not find out and asking for their mobile numbers. From my perspective, he likes to collect all of their numbers even though they haven't spoken in years. When our first child was 12 months old, I received an anonymous message that he slept with someone weeks before our wedding. Over time, all of the behaviour above lead to the extreme form of betrayal. Fast forward, I stayed because I felt that I had to, and there was no other way out as I was financially dependent on him. I came back to Australia with our first child at the time and brought him here. Things got better because Australia wasn't his territory, but I gave it another go. We had our second, and things got bad again. He made a secret Instagram account containing his colleagues of opposite gender chatting to them in flirtatious ways and other women I do not recognise. There was a lot of talking with other girls that I caught him in, and he would use his obvious trick using promises to change. Very recently, last year, I found he visited a strip club, joined and subscribed to only fans, and he grew to watch porn more often than usual. All of this was ended with him promising me to change. I can see the pattern of his behaviour that varies depending on how he feels about me. He is expected to repeat the pattern when we are in a fight because sometimes, when things are well, I still caught him. I don't trust him. Respect is non-existent, and I feel stuck. I wanted to have a family but not this way. If I leave, he will always try to win me back, and when he does, he will go back to his old ways and funnily, I always ended up not leaving him. Every day I see myself wasting my life away, empowering him to take control over my life due to my inability to choose me and move on. I HATE MYSELF

emotionallydrained Help, I need to separate from my husband due to abuse but he has a MI...
  • replies: 92

I'm new here and very scared of posting on a forum. My husband has been a long time sufferer of anxiety and it has impacted on our relationship and life for well over 10 years. I've always tried to support this as best I can to the point where I've m... View more

I'm new here and very scared of posting on a forum. My husband has been a long time sufferer of anxiety and it has impacted on our relationship and life for well over 10 years. I've always tried to support this as best I can to the point where I've missed family events, functions and just general day to day life events that most take for granted. It started as general depression and manifested in a phobic anxiety. The phobia is mainly illnesses and getting sick (cold and flu). This has made going out hard. I have tried to respect it and help but by helping all I've done is enable the issue. I've now made it ok to control me, tell me not to go out with friends during winter and tell me not to hug my son when he's sick so I don't get sick too. If I get sick, the whole house falls apart as it triggers his anxiety. He's sought treatment a long time ago and doesn't like medications because he doesn't like his reactions to them. He feels he is coping and he can function in life. And he can. He can hold down a job (quite good at his job) and no one is ever any the wiser. He always touches stuff when we're out so I don't have to. I'm the chauffeur and shag on a rock most the time. My family and friends have been telling me I'm being controlled and emotionally abused into thinking I have to give up these things to support him. When I bring it up I constantly get told I'm being selfish by asking to go to a function as I'm not considering how it affects his illness or what happens if I get sick. Our child is now affected by this and can sense there is an issue. When your child asks for a cuddle and you can't give it until he is well again is a big problem and one I can't accept as ok anymore. He has also become angry and violent over the last few years. Our arguments are heated and he can blow up in the space of minutes. I'm always the instigator apparently. I make him angry or I came home 15 minutes late from a party I was once allowed to go to for 1hr and he told me when he gives an inch I take a mile. I keep apologising and saying sorry to keep the family together. I'm at the point where I can't do it anymore - for me and my child. My question is, what do I do? When he is not stressed or angry and living by the rules things are ok. But I'm just one anger episode away from another outburst. How do you leave someone who is suffering MI when they say you're not supportive?

JulieS101 family issues
  • replies: 5

i am feeling so extremely depressed and anxious about both of my parents. I worry about them so much and I always try to make them feel better. I think this has ultimately made them want to distance themselves from me as i am “crazy” and “obsessive” ... View more

i am feeling so extremely depressed and anxious about both of my parents. I worry about them so much and I always try to make them feel better. I think this has ultimately made them want to distance themselves from me as i am “crazy” and “obsessive” which I understand. I just don’t know why i care and worry about my family so much. people tell me to let go and enjoy my life and i try but the worrying does not stop. i always think something terrible will happen to either parent and i have had this feat since i was little but it has evolved as i have gotten older and gotten worse. i sometimes want to move out to start a new independent life but then i think about who will take care of my parents ( even though they don’t need anyone to take care of them!) my family has been having issues lately so this has only worsened my worry. does anyone have the same issues of continual worrying about loved ones even though nothing may be wrong or when something does go wrong the worrying turns into extensive depression and anxiety

puzzlegirl Not compatible, he's moved on, too much at stake to leave
  • replies: 13

Hello, Thanks for reading. We've been together for 22 years, met as teens, and as life has moved on we have discovered we are so different from each other. Add to that, he has found another woman who he totally should just be married to, and it makes... View more

Hello, Thanks for reading. We've been together for 22 years, met as teens, and as life has moved on we have discovered we are so different from each other. Add to that, he has found another woman who he totally should just be married to, and it makes me feel like I want to just disappear. This new relationship of his has pretty much dissolved our marriage, yet there are many implications for jobs/child if we divorce. I am left in a situation where it is very clear that I am unloved and unwanted (these words have been spoken), but unfortunately I still love him. I feel like a fool. I want to disconnect myself from him, but I can't let got of this marriage that has been a big part of all of my life. I wish I could just turn off my love. I am extremely heartbroken, and daily feel pretty low about myself- easy to do when you are told you are not wanted, or shown by action that the other woman is more important. I've reached out because no matter how many times I tell him how I feel, there is little compassion for it. I don't feel 'heard' or understood and it is driving me crazy. I can't really tell close family or friends about this, because that would not go well for his work life. I very much just want to disappear from the marriage, but I feel I am trapped and have to stay. I will until our child is old enough to move out, but then I'd really love a chance at a relationship where I am actually loved and wanted. Does anyone out there feel the same? What tips have you got for a lonely and unloved women? How do I find my value outside of the one place where I 'should' feel accepted? Really, I am just looking for a community of people who just 'get' this. Thanks in advance.

xenoviah Family Conflict
  • replies: 4

Hi, The last week has been rough for me. I've been constantly thinking about the future for myself and my family. I'm just an average 18 year old and my life cycle repeats itself everyday - attending online lectures for Uni, chatting with friends and... View more

Hi, The last week has been rough for me. I've been constantly thinking about the future for myself and my family. I'm just an average 18 year old and my life cycle repeats itself everyday - attending online lectures for Uni, chatting with friends and doing what I enjoy. Recently I woke up to my parents having a massive argument in the backyard, I could overhear some of the things they were saying, including my mum telling my dad to move out. My parents argue a lot, but most of the time it's only over small things... so I guess that day was just overbearing for the both of them. I didn't speak to any of them until after my dad came home from work during the night, and straight up told me that he was moving out and it hasn't left my mind the whole week. I haven't talked to my mum about this, but my father and I have both separately talked to my step-brother about this - and he suggested I start looking for a job so I can help my mum pay off loans since my dad is leaving. My dad said he'd send over a large amount of money into my bank account every fortnight but I declined because it was a lot, to which he insisted on me taking. I've been struggling to cope throughout the whole week, having sleepless nights and have barely had an appetite, hell, I've barely been to any of my classes this week as well, time which could have been spent here has been instead spent lying in bed all day. I understand that this is just a way of life and I should expect this to happen, but it just hurts me so much. My dad leaves on Monday, and I'm just so concerned with what's going to happen to him. He told me that he's going to rent a room and continue working, but I'm scared that he'll overwork his ass off for no cause. He's been working for majority of his life and all I want is to be able to retire him and my mum, and I feel that life won't be the same as it used to be when my dad won't even be here. I'd like to know how I can cope with this whole situation and if there's anything I can do for both my parents' sake. Thanks