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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Harlow88 33 and confused
  • replies: 17

I’ve been with my partner for 2.5years, everything was great the 1styear. We got along & I could see a future (he’d been married prior and I’d been engaged) COVID hit he lost his job & his family got into legal woes & he became cold he admitted he’s ... View more

I’ve been with my partner for 2.5years, everything was great the 1styear. We got along & I could see a future (he’d been married prior and I’d been engaged) COVID hit he lost his job & his family got into legal woes & he became cold he admitted he’s not been himself & once it’s over he will go back to normal I gave as much love&support as he’d allow as he turns phone off for days, we don’t live together & I’ve never been to his place, I had to drag his address out of him as I thought it was odd we’d been together for 2 years & I didn’t know where he lives), I let him be & gave him the time he asked for & let him know I was there he became mean, if I had an issue it wasn’t as important as his issues, if I told my feelings I was being dramatic & he has no time or patience for nonsense. I get while we’re at work (he got a new job with very long hours and literally works 7 days a week apparently) that we can’t text & talk all day. but I’m lucky if I get 2 texts a day and he is unreachable at least once every weekend. Once the legal issues settled & he seemed better I shared that I don’t feel loved & cared for, he didn’t care. I withdrew into myself, stopped sharing my life, sadness or happiness with him as when I did, it didn’t compare to his stress. It’s constant fighting & me trying to show him I feel like a secret, he was so secretive about giving me his address, he ignores me for days at a time. He likes to feel physical intimacy (hugs, kisses) where as I like to feel loved & heard & if we can’t see each other often, a kind word goes a long way. but he told me he needs time to be able to compliment me because he’s stressed. I could count on one hand the nice things he’s said to me. he never says anything nice to or about me. I don’t need constant compliments, just want to feel loved. I don’t know if I should stay & see if he does get better or if I should move on. we don’t have photos together, We’ve never celebrated anything, new year, birthday or anything. He forgot my birthday this year and last year I got a single text saying “happy bday”& when I say that he says get real we’re going through a pandemic. Im struggling because I’m 33 and hanging out with him in a car because he’s not ready to introduce to family because of the stress & that’s ok. just want to add the family issues are somewhat stressful, but all avoidable. It’s all stupid decisions made by his family that he for some reason has to fix. please help me with some honest advice x

dbrad First baby and my wife hates me she has PPD /A and I don't know how to handle everything at the moment.
  • replies: 11

My son is only 9 months old and my wife is going through PPD/A and she is awful towards me, she is not nice at all, I stepped back from working to many days to a 3.5 day week to be more actively engaged in raising him but that was not really good eno... View more

My son is only 9 months old and my wife is going through PPD/A and she is awful towards me, she is not nice at all, I stepped back from working to many days to a 3.5 day week to be more actively engaged in raising him but that was not really good enough, I get pages and pages of texts saying how difficult it is when I'm not at home etc, I try so hard to help but she is a controlling parent and everything has to be done her way, she even refers him as my baby not ours, it's getting very hard to cope, my feelings are never valid, I can't be tired as I'm not as tired as her etc, she breastfeeds him co bed shares so I'm on the couch every night, I litteraly do not want any more children after this, I feel for you, I'm wondering how you went as it's 2019 when you posted this, any advice on how to better understand the situation would be great

LizzieM5 Compulsive Liar?
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, I'm in a new relationship after leaving a partnership/marriage of over 10 years due to emotional abuse/neglect. We met online and hit it off immediately and have been spending the majority of time together ever since. He had also recentl... View more

Hi everyone, I'm in a new relationship after leaving a partnership/marriage of over 10 years due to emotional abuse/neglect. We met online and hit it off immediately and have been spending the majority of time together ever since. He had also recently separated from his partner of over 20 years. I noticed a few of his stories at the start sounded a bit 'out there', like I was like 'no way?! really?! etc.' but all with a smile on my face. However I've noticed this pattern continue and have been unable to 'laugh it off'. I have asked him about this three time in the last two weeks. I keep offering him a safe space to tell me the truth. I've explained my feelings of uneasiness and that I feel I can't trust him. On one occasion he did admit telling lies, only to retract it the next day saying he only said that as he thought I would leave him (?!) So, if I believe he lied about lying, he's actually telling the truth!! I'm so confused! The lies aren't even about anything major, just embellishing really, although when I've really held him to his account it has been turned back on me ('so you don't trust me?', 'why are you doing this', 'I don't like it when you do X,Y,Z'.) So I guess I'm seeking some guidance as to whether I'm being over-sensitive due to my recent past or are these legitimate concerns? Sincerely, thank you.

running_girl A question
  • replies: 12

Has anyone ever wanted to move out from living with their partner because of arguing/incompatibility but are just too tired to make the move? I’m tired from being depressed about my situation and lack of options. I also don’t know if I should stick w... View more

Has anyone ever wanted to move out from living with their partner because of arguing/incompatibility but are just too tired to make the move? I’m tired from being depressed about my situation and lack of options. I also don’t know if I should stick with the relationship even though it’s flawed.

Deborahsh88 Need help
  • replies: 5

I need help please I don't know what to do....I'm lost and scared. I need to get out of a relationship and I don't know how. He's a sex addict and it's destroying my soul. He's too interested in other women, almost an obsession. He's on porn sites an... View more

I need help please I don't know what to do....I'm lost and scared. I need to get out of a relationship and I don't know how. He's a sex addict and it's destroying my soul. He's too interested in other women, almost an obsession. He's on porn sites and I saw he went into chatterbait. I had never heard of it but discovered its a live Web site. It makes me sick. I live in a caravan with him and my furbaby dog Audrey and another furbaby my 3 month old lamb. I cant live without my furbabies so they are with me forever. I have no one .... no family or friends.. I am truly alone. Where do I start? What do I do? I feel sick and can't stop crying. I want to die. I have no home. Was in a 30 year old marriage which ended 4 years ago and been in this relationship for 3 years. PLEASE I don't know what to do.

Claudia_H Father no longer speaking to me
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, I’m a bit at a loss here. In February this year my Dad spoke to me (in person) and told me he felt like I was using him. I obviously was very upset by this. I am an avid gig goer- before Covid I would be at concerts and gigs just about e... View more

Hi everyone, I’m a bit at a loss here. In February this year my Dad spoke to me (in person) and told me he felt like I was using him. I obviously was very upset by this. I am an avid gig goer- before Covid I would be at concerts and gigs just about every single weekend of the year since turning 18 (I’m 21 now). I usually would stay at his place and I would stay the next day to spend time with him so I myself didn’t feel like I was using him. My Dad conveniently lived 10-15 minutes from the city and I lived an hour or more drive away from the city. I haven’t seen my Dad since that conversation in February. I hear from him in March to ask what my birthday plans are. I told him I had plans already and suggested we go out for dinner the week after. I got no response to that and I get a TEXT for my birthday. I was really upset he didn’t call me, it’s not like it wasn’t my 21st birthday. In between him asking what my birthday plans were and saying happy birthday to me. He says he needs my help on particular dates. I said I was happy to help and roastered the days off at my NEW job. My Dad wanted to pay me to take photos for his new business. I am a photographer. My Dad ended up TEXTING me and saying “love you ratbag” “sorry to do this to you but we have organised a professional photographer to do the photos”. I was utterly offended by this, I am a registered small business owner- I am a professional photographer. My photos would have been better then the photographers they ended up hiring. I saw the photos and thought they’d been a bit ripped off. I decided that I am (for the last time) sick of having to put in the effort to have a relationship with my father. Him and myself both believe in that friendship/being in contact with people is a two way street. It isn’t two wayed here. The next time I reach out first, in June and I only did because I got a new phone and number. We have a few texts and decided to catch up a couple days later. He didn’t respond to me and I didn’t think he was going to. He texts me a day later, the morning of the day we decided to catch up- I’d already made different plans. I felt bad but in saying that my partners family who live in a different state came up for a surprise visit. I told my Dad all of the days I was free the following week- I didn’t get a response and he hasn’t spoken to me since. (To be continued)

Telly101 Family Arguments/Moving Out
  • replies: 7

What do I do if I need to move out but can’t really afford it? My family and I keep having arguments that make me breakdown and I hate it. We can’t seem to resolve things and it’s just a continuous loop. I lash out for no reason and it causes me so m... View more

What do I do if I need to move out but can’t really afford it? My family and I keep having arguments that make me breakdown and I hate it. We can’t seem to resolve things and it’s just a continuous loop. I lash out for no reason and it causes me so much stress, I don’t want to live here anymore. I feel like I have no space in the house , I’m constantly judged and it feels like I’m being interrogated every time I do something. I don’t feel comfortable asking family/friends if I can stay with them. I can’t get a job due to personal reasons and have barely any income because of it.

Von is lost Anxiety about dating
  • replies: 7

I’ve started catching up with a guy I went to high school with, calling each other once a week for four weeks now (he lives in another state). It’s been so nice to get to know him outside of school and after all these years. I really enjoy our chats ... View more

I’ve started catching up with a guy I went to high school with, calling each other once a week for four weeks now (he lives in another state). It’s been so nice to get to know him outside of school and after all these years. I really enjoy our chats and I think he does too. In the past boys have only used me for sexual reasons mainly or just wanted something causal so this is the first time in a long time that someone seems interested in getting to know me. Because I’m not used to it, we were being a bit flirty through texts after our last phone call and I suggested sending him a picture of me because in the past boys have wanted that. He replied saying he’d rather wait until we can meet up in person and that some things are best kept secret until the right moment comes along. I now feel kind of silly and embarrassed that I suggested it and now very anxious that I may have ruined my chances for something real

Aliceee11 Boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up becuase of his mental health issues
  • replies: 8

My ex and I dated for 2.5 years, we were kind of on and off throughout the relationship. We were long-distant before, broke up this year in April and got back together in May after I moved back to his city. After we got back together, for a long whil... View more

My ex and I dated for 2.5 years, we were kind of on and off throughout the relationship. We were long-distant before, broke up this year in April and got back together in May after I moved back to his city. After we got back together, for a long while I thought everything went pretty well. However, I do notice that he has been very stressed. From this year April, he went to the emergency room for 3 times already, but doctors can never tell what is wrong exactly. About 3 weeks ago, he broke up with me saying that he tried to love me but lost the feeling. I didn't believe what he said because I can tell how much we love each other and how much we enjoyed each other's company. After that breakup, we still acted like a couple, met every day, do all the couple things... but I can tell he was more distant. Until last weekend, he asked me what do I want in a relationship, I said I want something stale. He said he can't give me the relationship I want and I suggested cutting off ties. He seems to be very painful, he cried so hard and told me how much he cared about me how important I am to him but still insisted that we need to break up. I always felt there are something wrong but not sure what is it. Then this week Tuesday, he called me to see how am I doing, he finally told me that he met a girl in the emergency room, they had similar symptoms (increased heart beat, anxiety, etc). He feels he can relate to her and they have started to talk since then, he promised that they didn't do anything except for talking but he feels he was emotionally cheating on me. Combined with other things in our relationship, he wronged me too much and doesn't deserve me. He's also worried that he might be a burden to me if he got sued and went broke (which is the thing he has been anxious about, although the possibility for that to happen seems to be 0% to me, but he's super worried). I told him I feel he's experiencing mental health issues, he said he knows that but he doesn't know what to do and doesn't trust psychologists. Eventually, I convinced him to get a mental health care plan and see a psychologist soon. But he insisted that he can't have a relationship with me now he has to figure out all the things on his own. He said the roller coaster of his emotions will do more harm to me and he doesn't want that. I love him a lot, we had such a beautiful relationship before his mental health issues became so obvious. I regret that I should have talked about mental health to him earlier and really want to be there with him. But he doesn't give me the chance now. I can tell the break-up is also very painful to him, he cried a lot even more than I do since our break-up. He said he will try to figure things out and will contact me when he feels ready. I don't know what should I do now. Should I just cut off contact completely and try to move on, or be there for him as a friend?

jsm1974 Not sure how to support my wife
  • replies: 27

Hi My wife and I have recently (sort of) decided to separate, or rather she wants to separate (but I don't). We've always had a truly enviable relationship, but things started to decline on her end when she started working from home, then really inte... View more

Hi My wife and I have recently (sort of) decided to separate, or rather she wants to separate (but I don't). We've always had a truly enviable relationship, but things started to decline on her end when she started working from home, then really intensified with the lockdown. She is most definitely suffering from burnout but on top of ADHD and anxiety issues. She didn't love her job before (she teaches English to non-native speakers), she really started hating it when she had to do it online. Her feelings of frustration and anxiety have caused her to see our apartment as a negative place, so about two months ago she started staying at a friend's place at first only saturday nights, but eventually all weekend, every weekend. Unfortunately I was also scooped up as part of our apartment, so she lost her feeling of connection to me as well as sexual attraction. There is a pretty clear connection between her stress levels and those feelings, but this is impossible to see when you're in a crisis. While she is well aware of these issues and has started doing therapy as well as taking antidepressants (which I fear may have actually made things worse over the past few weeks), she has a difficult path ahead, so I want to support her. Despite my efforts to help her relax (setting up our bedroom for massages, making some of her favorite meals/desserts, putting her up in a hotel for the weekend so that she could be completely alone, etc.), her mood and outlook have only gotten worse. She recently decided that she wants to move into separate places, yet has since also talked about quitting her job, which we talked about her doing before she mentioned separation, and trying to find something she doesn't dread doing. She is quite open about the fact that she doesn't know what is going to happen, so I have had to come to terms with that, but it isn't even clear what she wants to happen in the short term. I feel conflicted, because she keeps telling me she needs time and space, which I have tried to give her, but at the same time I also know that she needs support right now. I'm concerned that without support, she will get discouraged with her therapy and give up. The past three weeks have easily been the worst of my life, but I am trying to be strong for her. This is complicated by my own anxiety and depression issues, but I'm now in a better position to support her. I just don't know the best way to do that, especially if we separate.