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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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wirea Separation - ending an engagement - feeling lost and no purpose.
  • replies: 3

Not long ago, i decided to end a 10 year relationship and engagement. Something just didn't feeling right. On paper, everything was perfect and a connection was there but my gut was telling me no. Once i had it in my head, it wouldn't disappear. Our ... View more

Not long ago, i decided to end a 10 year relationship and engagement. Something just didn't feeling right. On paper, everything was perfect and a connection was there but my gut was telling me no. Once i had it in my head, it wouldn't disappear. Our values and future plans didn't aline. I want to travel, grow as a person, be spontaneous and he wanted to settle, buy a house, start a family and happily truck in the slow lane. He loved me. Adored me and would try his best to make me 'happy'. I loved him for most part of the relationship, but something inside me just 'switched' off. Like a fire slowly burned out. I sit here, after 8 months ending the relationship, alone in my apartment and still have that emptiness inside. It's feel like i sacrificed a 'good' relationship, for what? To feel even worse than what i felt before. I feel frustrated. I don't know what my purpose is, what i want from life, how to celebrate the small wins and little joys in the days. I feel like i would do anything to time travel back to how my life was but i know i would end up miserable. Its like im on this journey of finding something that maybe just doesn't exist. The search to feel that 'content' and comfortable feeling. I do all the textbook suggestions; yoga, self help books, sunrise watching, gentle exercise, converse with friends, start a new hobby etc but nothing ignites in me or shows a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm in a car but not driving the steering wheel, just existing. I'm afraid of time and know how precious it is. I remind myself each day that life is what you make of it, but im exhausted trying. Would be great to hear if anyone can relate to this and feels the same way.

pinkflower95 I made a stupid mistake, didn't mean to and now I feel really hurt and blindsided, I feel like such an idiot and want to hide from the world
  • replies: 48

To try and keep this brief I met a guy at a bar he did the whole asked for my number thing and wanted to date me etc and we hooked later that night, fast forward a few weeks in and both of us decide that we aren't looking for a relationship, he decid... View more

To try and keep this brief I met a guy at a bar he did the whole asked for my number thing and wanted to date me etc and we hooked later that night, fast forward a few weeks in and both of us decide that we aren't looking for a relationship, he decided that he wants to move back to the city and come to a conclusion to be friends instead. I later confess to him that I liked him more than just friends and asked if we could do friends with benefits thing, he replied with a small smile and said he would think about it - I even said to him that he didn't have to say yes to it or even answer that question if he didn't want to. Fast forward to a week or so later maybe and he said we can have sex , he did when we met that he is an anxious texter, can be blunt and has anxiety and bipolar (submania), I also have anxiety and can be a bit anxious with texting people too so we didn't really text each other too much. Anyway before Lock down 6.0 occurs we catch up after my shift from work this time in my car as the pub was shutting so we chatted away in my car about random things, having a good time, laughing, etc, and he kisses me a few times, during our catch up he also grabs my hand and puts it on his torso and later on his scar above his eyebrow where he was telling me about how he got it, later on he also was putting his hand on my groin near my crotch, which I was OK with since we had already done foreplay stuff with each other before so I wasn't offended by it or anything. Later that week lock down 6.0 happens, during the this period we spoke over the phone once (to which he texted me wanting to chat as he was feeling bored, which I was ok with, I didn't mind having a chat) during the convo I asked if he was still OK with the whole FWB thing as I was feeling nervous to which he replied 'yes I am OK with this, do you want me to put it in writing for you'not in a bad tone or anything, just in a normal manner. During the short time of him being here he never really texted me to initiate the FWB thing and plus with 2 lock downs happening both of us being busy with work, it didn't happen, plus me being a virgin, being nervous and not knowing how to initiate this whole thing also.

EDMClub21 Toxic friendship for two years
  • replies: 3

After two years of friendship, that person, whom I met from the retreat, has recently been causing mental disaster and stress. Prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, he took me on adventures that weren’t to my tastes and particularly dangerous. At low mood,... View more

After two years of friendship, that person, whom I met from the retreat, has recently been causing mental disaster and stress. Prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, he took me on adventures that weren’t to my tastes and particularly dangerous. At low mood, the friend also socially abuses me and shows some form of racism and discrimination every time I say ‘no’ to a decision. A massive digital divide between the friend made it extremely tough to get along. The conversations were also led by the friend, acting bossy and autocratic and saying silly stuff (e.g. See you soon, bye, then hang up). Some of the conversations I find funny, though upsetting, childish, nonsense and sarcastic that I am currently being fed up. Now with the pandemic, I am finding it hard for the friend to keep his distance at times and the increasing dominance of 20 phone calls per day is pushing to the limit. I currently have no choice but to split up. How can I stay away from toxic people and protect myself?

Financialad429 I’m only attracted to someone with a severe personality disorder, anyone else similar?
  • replies: 5

-He’s married but left his wife and son for faraway job – says he just felt like it, for $/selfishness/ freedom , and his family cried for him to stay and he ignored. In the meantime, he told me, he asked his old GF to move w him instead, then went b... View more

-He’s married but left his wife and son for faraway job – says he just felt like it, for $/selfishness/ freedom , and his family cried for him to stay and he ignored. In the meantime, he told me, he asked his old GF to move w him instead, then went back on it. Says His wife briefly thew him out & his ex tried to commit suicide bc of him. -Initially led me to believe he’s getting divorced, but then went back on it for his son’s sake/ so he doesn’t need to give away $. Freaked out over 1 pic of us I posted and said he wouldnt be allowed to see his kid. -at all points he’d tell me he’d never want to, or even could be, in another relationship bc there’d always be expectations he couldn’t meet and he will never be able to fully be w anyone -he would say passionate things in text but always in person was cold and detached/ like always left right after sex, if I ever put an affectionate hand on me he’d remove it -Says he’s a sociopath and feels nothing. After telling me we would only ever be friends tried to make me feel badly for seeing other men and then I asked him about one girl liking all his social media. He said a bunch of elaborate stuff about how he wanted her and they were close in the past, then said he made it up to get me to move on, then she defriended / blocked him. Then suddenly he’s going to a party w her and bringing his son allegedly buT at very same time sexting me and making plans to meet up with me again for sex -When I talked to his wife first she accused me of making up the account w screenshots, then said ok whatever he’s playing you too; let me know when you make it publicly official very concerned about why I love this person and would do anything to make it work.

Nellie60 MY BIG HEART OF HELPING SOMEONE IN NEED HAS CAUSED DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY
  • replies: 6

During covid my daughter in laws sister was kicked out of home, so it didn't impact my son and his family to much I offered her to temporarily move in with me whilst she was looking for something. Its being 6 weeks and there has being a few problems,... View more

During covid my daughter in laws sister was kicked out of home, so it didn't impact my son and his family to much I offered her to temporarily move in with me whilst she was looking for something. Its being 6 weeks and there has being a few problems, it's being brought up with her about finding her own place with some assistance from her sister in looking. Now I have said I need to be organised by Christmas and for her to keep looking its caused friction between me and the daughter in law to the extreme she wants to leave my son and go live with her sister. This has caused me depression high bp, I feel I have being taken advantage of.

Sas94 Loneliness after separation - Single Mum
  • replies: 3

Hi I am very new to sharing like this. I'm 4 months separated from an abusive ex. I live alone pretty much with my 6 month old. (When I say 'pretty much' I mean majority of the time we are home alone, my father lives with us but only really stops In ... View more

Hi I am very new to sharing like this. I'm 4 months separated from an abusive ex. I live alone pretty much with my 6 month old. (When I say 'pretty much' I mean majority of the time we are home alone, my father lives with us but only really stops In once a week and is off again to work. So I am alone which I struggle with, I fill my days by going out for coffee or op shopping or parks. But at night is the hardest time for me. is there anyone in a similar situation up for a chat or maybe have some advice ?

Elsam Feeling so desperate
  • replies: 56

I am desperate, I have had to take Valium tonight to ease my Anxiety i am so in love with this man, he has pursued me for 5 mths and we have seen each other twice. i told him on Wednesday night that I am so attracted to him and he replied: Oh boy... ... View more

I am desperate, I have had to take Valium tonight to ease my Anxiety i am so in love with this man, he has pursued me for 5 mths and we have seen each other twice. i told him on Wednesday night that I am so attracted to him and he replied: Oh boy... Blushing I replied: You wanted to know! i want to message him but am so scared of scaring him off or losing him. I feel such an amazing connection with him and feel so crazy in love with him i don’t know what to do, the waiting is killing me! Why has been become distant? Is he thinking about me being attracted or is he is getting his thoughts together or is he ignoring me?? I don’t know what to do with him! Do I send a message and say: Are you not talking to me now? Or it would be nice to know if you are not talking to me now? But that makes me look desperate! I sent him a nice message this morning: Happy Friday! Hope you have a nice day! xx Got no response I am dying with anxiety and can only think he is with another woman! I cannot think straight

puzzlegirl Is this wrong?
  • replies: 40

Hello, and apologies for the crass-ness of this post. I am in the middle of a marriage that is completely disintegrated. He doesn't love me, doesn't want me. Recently told me he doesn't want to have sex with me. Then the next day tells me he doesn't ... View more

Hello, and apologies for the crass-ness of this post. I am in the middle of a marriage that is completely disintegrated. He doesn't love me, doesn't want me. Recently told me he doesn't want to have sex with me. Then the next day tells me he doesn't think it's wrong for another girl to give him oral sex, and vice versa. We have always been monogamous, and he has said that sex is the line that crosses into an affair. Mind you, the relationship he has had with a woman these last 4 years I already consider an affair. Now with this new relaxed morality I've heard from him, I am questioning whether these two have already crossed that line? I certainly feel that there is nothing sacred left in my marriage, and this makes me feel even more like dirt. Do you think he's crossed the line? Or am I being super moral and should I lower my standards also? He also encouraged me to go out and find a man to give oral sex to. It just makes me feel worthless. I'm just not sure if my view is clouded by my hurts. Thanks for your input.

_M_ Clinically Depressed Boyfriend And What Do I Do?
  • replies: 3

Hello, I would like advice on how to continue connecting with my boyfriend. We have been dating for 4 months. (I know it may not seem long but he's extremely important to me). He has been clinically depressed for over 3 years. Our relationship began ... View more

Hello, I would like advice on how to continue connecting with my boyfriend. We have been dating for 4 months. (I know it may not seem long but he's extremely important to me). He has been clinically depressed for over 3 years. Our relationship began quite well and it has had its small depressive moments and fights however through communication and support from some friends we were able to overcome those. However, he has hit a really deep depressive state. He has asked me last night that we take a 4 week break. we talked it through and I agreed if it would help him then I could do that. During our conversation I asked him what has initiated the break. He said he isn't interested in anything anymore (which is true he has stopped doing the activities that he usually likes doing) and anything intimate with me it doesn't interest him anymore (ik he isn't cheating). He has had a lot of trouble focusing and has had recent suicidal thoughts. I felt like I shouldn't leave him during this time. However, he made it clear he needs a break and it wasn't just with me but with his best friends as well. I respected his decision and told him that I would be here to support him and if ever needed to talk. He set an estimated time in which he said he would contact me and I would like to know, how to treat this situation. I love and care for him deeply and it pains me to see him like this. I want to be someone he knows he can trust, but I know how unpredictable it can be when it comes to depression. Once he reaches out to me, how do I talk to him? He will currently start on antidepressants in a day. He has tried talking to a therapist in previous years however, he said that it didn't help him. He says that nothing seems to be working. He's embarrassed over the fact that he feels this way. He doesn't know why he feels this way. It's been weighing on him very heavily. Is there some sort of process that I would follow? It's been a day since we talked but I have spent the day researching depression to better understand it. I just want more insight into what's to be done or said when he reconnects? (and his best friend will keep an eye on him just in case, throughout the "break" weeks) Thank you, M

Jamie42 My friend is leaving because I asked for too much help
  • replies: 4

I’ve been leaning on my best mate too much for quite a while now, and the other day he started some new boundaries. I’m not allowed to call him when I’m suicidal anymore, and he wants me to tell some other people about my issues, and if I’m not getti... View more

I’ve been leaning on my best mate too much for quite a while now, and the other day he started some new boundaries. I’m not allowed to call him when I’m suicidal anymore, and he wants me to tell some other people about my issues, and if I’m not getting professional help by the end of the month then we can’t be friends anymore. I understand the reasons behind all of them and it’s good that he’s protecting himself but it hurts so much. I actually let myself believe that he wasn’t gonna leave me, I let myself believe that he was different. I still love him so much but now I cry every time I think about him. I don’t know how to deal with this. I know I need to put my walls back up but I can’t lie to him.