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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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belldrops Constantly worrying about my boyfriend losing interest
  • replies: 2

I’ve been with my boyfriend about 4 months (we are in a distance relationship, just under an 2 hour drive apart) and I noticed early on that I am quite anxiously attached. I worry that as time goes on, he is realising my insecurity and I’m projecting... View more

I’ve been with my boyfriend about 4 months (we are in a distance relationship, just under an 2 hour drive apart) and I noticed early on that I am quite anxiously attached. I worry that as time goes on, he is realising my insecurity and I’m projecting that onto him, which naturally is a turn off for guys if they can sense you are too over invested or dependent on them. At the beginning, I didn’t feel as anxious as I could feel his interest in me, whereas now I feel the energy has switched and I am the one chasing him. I am terrified of being clingy as I know this will only drive him further away. I hear all the time that fear of rejection is a self fulfilling prophecy as it causes you to act in a way that usually does end up driving your partner away, and I’m terrified that is what I’m doing and perhaps it’s too late to fix it. Last week he didn’t message me for 3 days, which is unusual. I reached out and he apologised for not communicating. When I saw him in person on the weekend, he bought it up and again apologised. I told him that I would like us to text a bit more regularly as it helps me feel more connected to him, which he agreed to. He said that he can’t really understand himself or articulate why he isn’t motivated to reach out - he said that he is generally quite exhausted from work as he is now working a lot, as well as with the distance he can get caught up in just doing his own thing. I then got into a rabbit hole of reading our earlier messages from the first month or two of us dating, and he used to reach out all the time, and it was playful and fun. I feel like we have lost that in our messaging, and I don’t know if that’s a natural progression of a relationship or if it’s a sign he is losing interest. I asked him directly if him not wanting to message me as much is related to his feelings for me changing, and he said no, that’s not it at all. But I can’t help but compare to our earlier text messages, and think that if he liked me, he should want to reach out and talk to me. I’m just so worried that I am self sabotaging the relationship with my fears and insecurity. He is a great, kind guy and I wish I could just enjoy it rather than be constantly obsessing and worrying

nesl Marriage
  • replies: 1

me, and my wife we are trying to work this relationship. I have recently lost my job. About five months ago. We had a opportunity to find another house together she turned it down. We put ourselves in a spot where we have to live at my mums or our sa... View more

me, and my wife we are trying to work this relationship. I have recently lost my job. About five months ago. We had a opportunity to find another house together she turned it down. We put ourselves in a spot where we have to live at my mums or our savings went when it come to movie when trying to save at my mums. It all goes up why we couldn't save or pay rent properly. We can talk about this one then I got kicked out. I felt unfair because I was hoping to have at least notice our place to find my wife went to her mums. After a week I felt my emotion I was sharing with my wife. She didn't want to listen I got angry for feeling unloved. I asked for divorce, but the next day I regretted it. She took me back, but when I saw her, her mum disagrees with me a lot and when I tried to convince her, I'm not that person she somehow hurts my feelings I feel my mother-in-law might be toxic towards our relationship. There are new changes. My wife is taking because of listening to her. It makes my truss go at the door , my love for her is strong, but I feel she's not honest properly. I need help for helping us resolve our feelings to one of each other work out some of our faults in the past to improve our relationship

ecarg I don't know if I really am suffering from a mental health problem
  • replies: 1

I have been going through my parents divorce since I was in priamry school and im currently in highschool and almost finished yr 12. being the oldest child ive been pulled into the fighting, and also my mum or dad talking about the other to me. also ... View more

I have been going through my parents divorce since I was in priamry school and im currently in highschool and almost finished yr 12. being the oldest child ive been pulled into the fighting, and also my mum or dad talking about the other to me. also at school i dont really know where i sit anymore. my old friends think that ive been useing them to sit there ever since i started sitting with other people. i feel like all my friends talk behind my back and now they are just telling me that they have been. everything has been piling up on me recently and i dont know what to do bc i dont want to talk to my parernts about it and i cant talk about it to my friends. my old friends make me feel so bad and self consious. i dont really know if i want to post this publicly bc i dont want them to find out ever. i dont think i am suffering from a mental health problem but i just wish someone could understand and actually listen without going and telling someone else.

_Jay_24 Heart broken - just want to heal
  • replies: 10

Today I accepted my partner's choice to give up on us. We tried over the last 12 months and many similar breakup scenarios in the past but today I really have to let this go. And while I know things may be better in the long run, I should breathe and... View more

Today I accepted my partner's choice to give up on us. We tried over the last 12 months and many similar breakup scenarios in the past but today I really have to let this go. And while I know things may be better in the long run, I should breathe and learn from this event, it still hurts so much. I don't know what to do with this pain. I don't have family and my friends are her friends as well and I am not really someone who opens up so I don't have close friends. My partner sort of fulfilled my needs for others so it didn't matter and now I feel isolated (my own doing) and I feel at a loss. I am trying to be strong and I know this is not unique to me and millions of people go through break up every day. I have no one to talk through this and I simply cannot sleep. To realise that I was not enough for the person I loved unconditionally is breaking my heart.

GreenEgg Feeling lonely and like I’ll never have a proper connection with someone
  • replies: 3

Hi I’m feeling sad but a bit resigned too, not too sad. Like I knew this would be the case all along and it’s happening. I’ve always struggled to make friends, and with the friends I do have I feel like a boring burden. Like I know they have chats an... View more

Hi I’m feeling sad but a bit resigned too, not too sad. Like I knew this would be the case all along and it’s happening. I’ve always struggled to make friends, and with the friends I do have I feel like a boring burden. Like I know they have chats and things without me. Anyway, I guess I feel like there’s nothing to like about me and more that I’m just not capable of connecting with people. It’s not just friendships, I’ve never had a relationship and even though I have a large family I rarely talk to them. I’m not connected to my nieces. I just realised today too that I’m in perimenopause and likely to go into menopause extremely early. I’ve suspected it for a while but drs didn’t take me seriously because of my age. So I ordered my own tests and they show it’s the case plus some autoimmune conditions. I feel a bit upset about it. anyway, does anyone else struggle to make connections? Even when it seems like you’ve got people around you? How do you work on it?

atreljjj Should I leave with 3 kids
  • replies: 3

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years next month, we have 2 children together I had 1 child before we met, whom he adores and tells everyone he knows that she is his, which is one of the reasons I married him, he is very much a materi... View more

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years next month, we have 2 children together I had 1 child before we met, whom he adores and tells everyone he knows that she is his, which is one of the reasons I married him, he is very much a materialist, and I am careless, and very forgetful I have to keep replaying my drivers license because I swear it has legs, long story short, he buys the kids clothes and god forbid if I loose it at daycare he’s furious, I have lost gold he has given me, I have lost car keys many times, thankfully he always keep the spare, I have lost a brand new blanket, I have lost money that was literally in my hand, I have even lost my wedding band, all these things I have lost, I’m wreckless and careless, I can admit that I take full responsibility, but the thing is, all these things can be replaced, more money can easily be made, but his reaction and what he’s says when I loose things is driving me to negative thoughts. He tells me I’m useless, I’m worthless, I’m a bad mother, I don’t deserve a single tear at my funeral, he can do soo much better on his own, I’m not needed in this house, I’m not even wanted in this house and many more, I work soo hard I have a full time which may I add is quite physical I work mon-Friday 8-5 but I get up early and get all 3 kids ready as they are all under 5, I get them to daycare, I go to my job, I pick them up, I feed them all, shower them all, try to shower myself but it’s never peaceful, I do all the laundry, I cook our dinner, and I repeat, the weekends I get up for the kids make their breakfast change them drive us to do whatever unload all the kids unload our shopping put it all away and still it is not good enough, he always has something to complain about, weather it’s the kids but it’s mostly me, he constantly brings me down, tells me daily look how beautiful this lady is (someone on tv) I heard it maybe 3 times since we’ve been together, he tells me he can make it better than me when I’ve cooked dinner, he tells me he cleans it better, which he does because I take the kids so he can clean, but when I clean I have to hold the kids as well, here’s the kicker, when I had our first kid not even an hour old while I’m still in a pool of my own bl**d he asks if he can go home, seriously, then our second kids I had to beg him to pick us up from the hospital I wasn’t worth the 30mins travel after giving birth to his child, that should have been my que to leave, I knew then I wasn’t truly worth it, but because of them I fought everyday to make it work, now I’m just depressed every day, he doesn’t listen to what I have to say and i drive for a living and I recently scared myself, but I’m still here to fight another day, any advice on what to do? I feel I need professional help

Lorenth210 Partner has gambling addiction
  • replies: 17

Hi there, it's my first post. I suspect that my partner has a sport betting/gambling addiction. He's taking loans behind my back and has multiple apps that let you make sport bets. I don't know what to do, when I confronted him he keeps denying every... View more

Hi there, it's my first post. I suspect that my partner has a sport betting/gambling addiction. He's taking loans behind my back and has multiple apps that let you make sport bets. I don't know what to do, when I confronted him he keeps denying everything. Am I making this up? I saw what I saw. Do I leave? Do I help him? I am so lost and lonely.

Gossamerose What now?
  • replies: 11

I've had to deal with a lot in my marriage and now I feel like it's all to much! I'm a quiet introvert and I avoid confrontation at any cost and I'm not sure if I'm thinking straight. My hubby went to work wearing design underware and came home weari... View more

I've had to deal with a lot in my marriage and now I feel like it's all to much! I'm a quiet introvert and I avoid confrontation at any cost and I'm not sure if I'm thinking straight. My hubby went to work wearing design underware and came home wearing a different pair. Then hid the design pair in the kids bathroom. I noticed he took the spare pair with him that morning and thought it strange so I paid attention when he arrived home that evening. Yes I did ask him and he said (Quote: II could have changed because of diarrhoea or something. Then proceeded to tell me I was imagining things.I don't trust him any more, what do others think?

Sar667 Much needed advice amd help
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm after some help and advice. My partner and I have been together for 5 years. Unfortunately last year for 3 months we had broken up. During this time my partner had started seeing someone else.. Then we decided to work things out, but my partn... View more

Hi, I'm after some help and advice. My partner and I have been together for 5 years. Unfortunately last year for 3 months we had broken up. During this time my partner had started seeing someone else.. Then we decided to work things out, but my partner had a change of heart and was confused wanted us both. I was unable to handle that situation.. So my partner continued to see her leaving me heart broken. Then only 8 weeks after she decided she couldn't be without me. And we got back together. But she still want to continue to be friends with the other person. And I'm not coping at all with this. I've told her how I feel. But she thinks I need to get past it. As she loves me and only wants me. Amd sees the other person just as a friend. Unfortunately I do not see her the same way. And I don't know if im being ridiculous and just need to move on. Or if my feelings are valid???

Carus I Feel Absolutely Terrible*
  • replies: 23

Thankyou for creating this place for us to write stuff out*I've been with my wife for 4 years. No kids together but she has a young daughter. My wife lives and works an hour away so we only see each other on the weekends, but we video chat every nigh... View more

Thankyou for creating this place for us to write stuff out*I've been with my wife for 4 years. No kids together but she has a young daughter. My wife lives and works an hour away so we only see each other on the weekends, but we video chat every night. This suits me as I really value time alone. About 8 months ago I hired a girl to work for me. In that time, unfortunately we have grown very close. To the point where I deeply feel we are more compatible and should be together. The problem obviously is, I'm already married. We have not been intimate and I don't want to go down that avenue* The greater problems are, I'm not unhappily married and my wife is fantastic and prides herself on being the best wife she can be. I don't take that for granted. I admire her and am very proud of her. However, I'm not sexually attracted to her and never really have been. I believed I could overlook and perhaps nurture that but unfortunately, it's not gotten better and I don't think it ever will. Greater problem still is, she has made me her whole world. I always knew that was wrong and tried to dissuade it, but she really doesn't have much of a life outside 'us'.....It would completely devastate her if we were to separate.....Having been through that kind of pain myself, I find it incredibly difficult to inflict it on someone else... If the other girl didn't work for me I would just cut ties with her and move away from the situation as that would be the easiest thing to do. But I don't feel it's fair either to fire her just because of the way I feel about her. So I'm stuck! At this stage I've been trying to change the way I feel about her but it's just not working and it's driving me into a very unhappy place. I feel just terrible....! At the end of the day I know these decisions will be mine and I'm going to need to sort this out. I used to be a marriage and relationship counselor myself. How ironic! So I know it helps to write things out.Thanks for reading*Regards*