Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Aliceee11 Boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up becuase of his mental health issues
  • replies: 8

My ex and I dated for 2.5 years, we were kind of on and off throughout the relationship. We were long-distant before, broke up this year in April and got back together in May after I moved back to his city. After we got back together, for a long whil... View more

My ex and I dated for 2.5 years, we were kind of on and off throughout the relationship. We were long-distant before, broke up this year in April and got back together in May after I moved back to his city. After we got back together, for a long while I thought everything went pretty well. However, I do notice that he has been very stressed. From this year April, he went to the emergency room for 3 times already, but doctors can never tell what is wrong exactly. About 3 weeks ago, he broke up with me saying that he tried to love me but lost the feeling. I didn't believe what he said because I can tell how much we love each other and how much we enjoyed each other's company. After that breakup, we still acted like a couple, met every day, do all the couple things... but I can tell he was more distant. Until last weekend, he asked me what do I want in a relationship, I said I want something stale. He said he can't give me the relationship I want and I suggested cutting off ties. He seems to be very painful, he cried so hard and told me how much he cared about me how important I am to him but still insisted that we need to break up. I always felt there are something wrong but not sure what is it. Then this week Tuesday, he called me to see how am I doing, he finally told me that he met a girl in the emergency room, they had similar symptoms (increased heart beat, anxiety, etc). He feels he can relate to her and they have started to talk since then, he promised that they didn't do anything except for talking but he feels he was emotionally cheating on me. Combined with other things in our relationship, he wronged me too much and doesn't deserve me. He's also worried that he might be a burden to me if he got sued and went broke (which is the thing he has been anxious about, although the possibility for that to happen seems to be 0% to me, but he's super worried). I told him I feel he's experiencing mental health issues, he said he knows that but he doesn't know what to do and doesn't trust psychologists. Eventually, I convinced him to get a mental health care plan and see a psychologist soon. But he insisted that he can't have a relationship with me now he has to figure out all the things on his own. He said the roller coaster of his emotions will do more harm to me and he doesn't want that. I love him a lot, we had such a beautiful relationship before his mental health issues became so obvious. I regret that I should have talked about mental health to him earlier and really want to be there with him. But he doesn't give me the chance now. I can tell the break-up is also very painful to him, he cried a lot even more than I do since our break-up. He said he will try to figure things out and will contact me when he feels ready. I don't know what should I do now. Should I just cut off contact completely and try to move on, or be there for him as a friend?

jsm1974 Not sure how to support my wife
  • replies: 27

Hi My wife and I have recently (sort of) decided to separate, or rather she wants to separate (but I don't). We've always had a truly enviable relationship, but things started to decline on her end when she started working from home, then really inte... View more

Hi My wife and I have recently (sort of) decided to separate, or rather she wants to separate (but I don't). We've always had a truly enviable relationship, but things started to decline on her end when she started working from home, then really intensified with the lockdown. She is most definitely suffering from burnout but on top of ADHD and anxiety issues. She didn't love her job before (she teaches English to non-native speakers), she really started hating it when she had to do it online. Her feelings of frustration and anxiety have caused her to see our apartment as a negative place, so about two months ago she started staying at a friend's place at first only saturday nights, but eventually all weekend, every weekend. Unfortunately I was also scooped up as part of our apartment, so she lost her feeling of connection to me as well as sexual attraction. There is a pretty clear connection between her stress levels and those feelings, but this is impossible to see when you're in a crisis. While she is well aware of these issues and has started doing therapy as well as taking antidepressants (which I fear may have actually made things worse over the past few weeks), she has a difficult path ahead, so I want to support her. Despite my efforts to help her relax (setting up our bedroom for massages, making some of her favorite meals/desserts, putting her up in a hotel for the weekend so that she could be completely alone, etc.), her mood and outlook have only gotten worse. She recently decided that she wants to move into separate places, yet has since also talked about quitting her job, which we talked about her doing before she mentioned separation, and trying to find something she doesn't dread doing. She is quite open about the fact that she doesn't know what is going to happen, so I have had to come to terms with that, but it isn't even clear what she wants to happen in the short term. I feel conflicted, because she keeps telling me she needs time and space, which I have tried to give her, but at the same time I also know that she needs support right now. I'm concerned that without support, she will get discouraged with her therapy and give up. The past three weeks have easily been the worst of my life, but I am trying to be strong for her. This is complicated by my own anxiety and depression issues, but I'm now in a better position to support her. I just don't know the best way to do that, especially if we separate.

Chansy Unsure of how to cope
  • replies: 4

My husband and I have been together for 9 yrs and married for 8. We have by no means had a perfect marriage, but things in the last 6 months have been the worst. We have both started drifting apart, while being in eachothers faces. He told me on Frid... View more

My husband and I have been together for 9 yrs and married for 8. We have by no means had a perfect marriage, but things in the last 6 months have been the worst. We have both started drifting apart, while being in eachothers faces. He told me on Friday that he wants to move out, and he doesnt want this anymore. We were meant to be buying a house together, but instead, he has already started planning to buy an apartment. All of my family are overseas, and my friends are supportive, but they cant really do much. I have been crying almost non stop for 3 days. I have a constant knot in my stomach, and I'm not sure how I am meant to cope. I havent known life on my own, or without someone being there all the time for me. I'm scared, confused and I dont know what to do.

Toll0321 Custody
  • replies: 3

Can you lose your children if you've had thoughts of suicide but seeked help and been given the clear by doctors?

Can you lose your children if you've had thoughts of suicide but seeked help and been given the clear by doctors?

Newbie78 Toxic personality
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am wondering of anyone here has had experience with a friend or partner who has a toxic personality? I have read a bit about it and think I may be dealing with one. Keen to find a therapist in this field.

Hi, I am wondering of anyone here has had experience with a friend or partner who has a toxic personality? I have read a bit about it and think I may be dealing with one. Keen to find a therapist in this field.

antionette I don't know how else to support my depressed adult son.
  • replies: 3

Hi, Long story short. I have a loving husband and 3 children. My youngest daughter has depression and has had medication and support for a few years now. My Older 20 year old twin son has been diagnosed with depression a few months ago. Hind sight is... View more

Hi, Long story short. I have a loving husband and 3 children. My youngest daughter has depression and has had medication and support for a few years now. My Older 20 year old twin son has been diagnosed with depression a few months ago. Hind sight is a wonderful thing. he should have been seen to long ago as well. He is on medication that I don't think is working - it is the same one we originally had for our daughter, which didn't work for her. He also drinks quite a bit and smokes cannabis which he says helps him sleep. He goes to work and then goes to a mates house until meal time, eats and then retreats to his room. I know there is no right or wrong way, but I get to the point when he comes home and is in a rage over minor things and breaks doors that I want to kick him out. I couldn't actually do it. He won't talk to professionals and his GP is on holidays for the next week and is extremely hard to get in to see. I don't want to yell and make him feel worse. But I also don't want to accept how he makes us and the rest of the family feel. He knows he is struggling and we know he is trying. Any advice is welcome

TornApart Help me help myself
  • replies: 6

Hi. I’m 34 f he is 31 m.12 years, not married, 2 kids 11 and 5. I’m unhappy and out of love/depressed/hopeless. He is trying to say it will change and he will not let me go. Throughout this 12 years there has been a lot of pain and stressful times. I... View more

Hi. I’m 34 f he is 31 m.12 years, not married, 2 kids 11 and 5. I’m unhappy and out of love/depressed/hopeless. He is trying to say it will change and he will not let me go. Throughout this 12 years there has been a lot of pain and stressful times. I was 22 when I was pregnant he was 19 then turned 20. I have always been sorry for things in our rs and felt as though I have destroyed what could’ve always been for him. He said that also being so young he has lost a lot over the years. I wanted to get married straight away. He was against marriage as his father is a pastor and his mum and dad seperate all the time!! We’ve practically counselled their rs through about 10 years of ups and downs. I have been through domestic violence through shouting, financial abuse, no friends, grabbing, emotional abuse and no mental support. Then the ptsd is there as he flips and goes really well for a while but we end up back in the same spot. There has been various times I have said I’m going to leave and he convinces me otherwise or shuts me down and says no your not leaving. This has now broken me.I have had a few mental depression episodes and feel like I have completely given up. I have seen our children get in between our arguments, our children scared, our daughters anger and sadness has completely taken over her too. But if I leave, I’m hurting my children and breaking up my family. 3 weeks ago I decided that was it and applied for a house through a friend and actually got it! I felt relieved and that fate had finally appeared for me. That I can finally feel free and try be myself and not depressed. I told him and now he has absolutely love bombed me with flowers, crying, promises of change and that he loves me like no other. I have been through this so many times. He says it’s different this time but it’s so hard to believe. He gets explosive anger because my reasonings aren’t enough and I’m just giving up on our rs and our children. While I think this is the best thing for everyone he is so so stuck on that it’s not the best. He has also said because of my mental illness that I am not going to make it on my own, that the children will be worse off. How do I leave when I don’t get my keys until 4 weeks!!?? How do you tell someone over and over that it’s not working but they’re ignoring you. Not listening. Demeaning your choices. How am I supposed to keep my children? How do you leave someone who just says no.

JimmyT46 My relationship is gone
  • replies: 13

I'm really struggling with my partner of 20 years cheating on me with younger guys. I was loyal to a fault, supported her through alcoholism, her own depression, post natal depression and all the thanks I get for supporting is... "I love you but I'm ... View more

I'm really struggling with my partner of 20 years cheating on me with younger guys. I was loyal to a fault, supported her through alcoholism, her own depression, post natal depression and all the thanks I get for supporting is... "I love you but I'm really attracted to younger guys so I'm gonna go and have sex with them, see you at the end of the weekend". I am a nice guy, average looking, not a monster but not horrible. I've been so supportive and worked so hard for her and our family, and it feels like it meant nothing. I work, cook, shop and provide our single income. Now she is saying she has never truly been attracted,but we have 3 kids. Am I that stupid that I didn't ever notice she wasn't attracted to me. She was also overly jealous... 'she used to constantly ask me whether I hated her, or found others more attractive. It used to be constant and upsetting but now... she wants other guys and finds me repulsive. I feel like everyday is just a new slap in the face. Oh and to top it all off my boss hates my guts and I couldn't get my contract renewed at work. So whilst dealing with all this BS I've gotta be the best version of myself to find a new job. Life just don't seem fair.

Sparks16 Do I have an emotionally abusive parter?
  • replies: 5

Hi Everyone hope you have all had a good week and staying strong in these uncertain times My background is I have a girlfriend of 4 years, 2 kids 1 is 5 and the other under a year , full time jobs etc so a busy household on the daily Just after some ... View more

Hi Everyone hope you have all had a good week and staying strong in these uncertain times My background is I have a girlfriend of 4 years, 2 kids 1 is 5 and the other under a year , full time jobs etc so a busy household on the daily Just after some advice/information/ a different perspective, have found gradually over the last 2 years I’ve felt more and more put down , belittled, criticised by my partner about most things that make me me or about my hobby of running, family members, friendship circles and each time I speak up I’m accused of either being defensive or too sensitive. i really feel I am just the 3rd child in the house at times, sex has totally stopped since she was pregnant 18 months ago and hasn’t been there since after being a regular thing for 2.5 years so very much an physical and emotional gap at the moment. i get accused of having narcissistic personality traits, gas lighting her, emotionally abusing her, so I get quite confused and overwhelmed why I’m being accused of being like this or whether it is true when I’m not the one putting her down and chipping away at her self esteem, only the one trying to encourage her to get back into something after post babies and to see her happy. My girlfriend is quite a strong opinionated personality, very much a perfectionist at times and is a her way or the highway kind of mentality also. To own my part in the relationship I certainly haven’t been perfect over the 4 years and have made some bad mistakes along the way, betraying her trust by confiding in others etc, I have done my best to rectify and fix and continue to show up and try each day but I feel also she has never gotten over this so suspecting this has a part to play? probbaly havnt written this out to make a whole lot of sense but if anyone can decipher or has some advice or an opinion would be much appreciated Thank You!

Sunflower62 Is it cheating?
  • replies: 15

I confess, I snooped on my husbands phone. I know I shouldn’t have but I did and I’m not sorry. I left him a couple of years ago not because I no longer loved him but because I was struggling to live with him. Less than two weeks after I left he star... View more

I confess, I snooped on my husbands phone. I know I shouldn’t have but I did and I’m not sorry. I left him a couple of years ago not because I no longer loved him but because I was struggling to live with him. Less than two weeks after I left he started going out with someone else. I didn’t find this out until about 4 months down the track. He told me they were just friends but he did his best to hide the relationship. Anyway, about 11 months later after a lot of conversation we decided that we should give it another go. She had “dumped” him but they still remained friends. Fast forward to yesterday. I found a text from him to her wishing her a happy birthday. And then I found the photos of her and him when they had been going out that he had saved into “stories”. As far as I know she is in another relationship and has moved on with life. I don’t know what to think about this. Does it mean anything? Does it mean he still has feelings for her? Am I just making a mountain?