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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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TeaRose Boyfriends Only Fans Addiction
  • replies: 6

Hi, I met my current partner 6 months ago and it’s been almost too good to be true. I went into the relationship knowing my values and being very clear how I thought about porn (think it’s disrespectful and form of cheating) and my partner agreed. He... View more

Hi, I met my current partner 6 months ago and it’s been almost too good to be true. I went into the relationship knowing my values and being very clear how I thought about porn (think it’s disrespectful and form of cheating) and my partner agreed. He was single for 2+ years before meeting me and had used only fans in that time. When we met and we spoke about it, he said that he no longer had an account nor watched porn. Everything has been great since then and every aspect, and he is very much in love with me and vice versa. He has a great support network and even they know that my partner has never been so head over heels over someone before. Fast forward to this weekend, my partner got a new phone (a few weeks ago) and left his old phone at home when going out the other day. Being curious, I went on and found he had a secret Instagram account (had no reason to think this) that he had used to find people on only fans. I was distraught when I found out - going on their pages every day he’s not with me since we’ve been together. I confronted him and he was extremely upset and said that he wanted to get a new phone to have a clean slate and didn’t want to tell me because he wanted to do it on his own - although was struggling to stop watching it. We’ve spoken about it in detail and he thinks it’s some kind of addiction to it and had even suggested to get counselling to help.. because he doesn’t want to lose me or us. I know him doing this isn’t a reflection of me although it still hurts and make me not feel so confident anymore. I can’t even think about sleeping with him again after all of this. I love him but I honestly don’t know how to even get past this. I’ve never been with someone that has an addiction so I’m in two minds about it. If I stay, how do I support him? And how do I make sure I’m okay in the process aswell? Will it be worth it? Thanks in advance!

white knight Effective communication and trust
  • replies: 2

We go about our business daily. We make judgements from observations and hearing of others. How often do we get our initial judgements wrong? Making an error of judgement can cause conflict, in turn anger, guilt and enemies. We can do with less confl... View more

We go about our business daily. We make judgements from observations and hearing of others. How often do we get our initial judgements wrong? Making an error of judgement can cause conflict, in turn anger, guilt and enemies. We can do with less conflict. I entered a doctors surgery today. My hearing is impaired but it is damaged in a way that a hearing aid would not help. The lady behind the counter was speaking on the phone and said "yes you'll have to fill some forms in". I thought she was talking to the person on the phone. Anyway this mismatch of communication followed on. Eventually I took the forms, filled them out and returned to the counter. I apologized for misunderstanding her and explained my hearing problem. She accepted it gratiously then admitted that she also has partial deafness hence she couldn't hear me fully either. Ten years ago I likely would have lost my temper. Since a decade ago I've come to the realisation that most people mean well, have issues physically, emotionally or with communication that effects their dealings with others. That alone is justification to give others the benefit if the doubt. I want to mention men. In 1973 I was trained as a recruit by a ex Vietnam veteran. He was tough, ruthless and brave. But fastrack 48 years with working with other men and I know in most cases (not all) there is an emotional and insecure side to men. Some will never show it, others will display snippets but its there. The problem is, these men can also do a great job of hiding it at a time when conflict arrives. They sound fearless, are prepared for physical fighting and certainly won't show emotion. But with the right techniques of quietly speaking, support and effectively tapping into their inner self, one can reverse his lion like behaviour. But its a fine line. What I'm eluding to is there is often a window of opportunity with people, men and women, whereby one can defuse conflict. Separation of people or distracting often works. The message however is that things are sometimes not as they seem. An angry man can be threatening, physically violent or verbally abusive. While none of that behaviour is acceptable there could be a desperate, frightened or depressed soul inside. Giving the benefit of the doubt that they need help allows an extra chance at a peaceful ending... avoidance in the first instance is preferable. Do you have difficulty giving others the benefit of the doubt? TonyWK

90sUnicorn My mental illness and my relationship of 5 years.
  • replies: 8

So a bit of a background for it all to make sense. (sorry it will be boring) I had always struggled with my place in world ever since I was 6, I never felt like I belonged or really understood people or why I'm on this planet. I continued this way wi... View more

So a bit of a background for it all to make sense. (sorry it will be boring) I had always struggled with my place in world ever since I was 6, I never felt like I belonged or really understood people or why I'm on this planet. I continued this way with a less than ideal childhood, more things happened and I finally fell apart very hard in my early 20's. My mental health was terrible, I was so messed up. For years I struggled to do simple tasks like; hygiene, going outside, staying alive. I got help. I dug myself out of my own dark pool it took a lot of work and In my 30s I continue to do so, with professional help. But as much as it shames me to say I can't seem to hold down a job, I live with huge guilt because I want to just do like everyone else but it always falls part my anxiety, trauma and depression/ melancholy take over after a few months and then I quit My partner of 5 years doesn't really understand mental illness and has seen me with jobs on and off. When I truly think I have the right tools and finally have it together it just falls apart In my 5 years with my partner I obviously thought it was time to start thinking of commitment because he has said previously "i want to be with you forever" but when I pushed to talk about commitment on a level (i know i shouldn't pressure but he has said he would marry me ?) BUT... I finally got "You were doing so well but it just seems like you have just gone flat, you haven't progressed in anything, (career) I don't like what its doing to me" My heart broke. I finally thought I was accepted by someone. it turns out he feels pressure financially with wanting to do things to the house and things he wants etc ( I don't earn much but i do contribute $$, do everything for him in terms of cleaning his home and washing to do my share.) I understand his point of view a partners a partner in all ways. I'm completely lost. I can't make promises or inflict myself on him or him to inflict his expectations on me. I feel super hurt, because I can't really control mental illness no one can! I can't help to feel rejected and not accepted. We have discussed this many times for days, he doesn't want me to leave, he says he loves me, he says he wants to be with me forever (rolls eyes) ...but I can't understand this. Wants me to stay but it sounds like he also can't stand me. He has said he would agree to counselling, but i dont know if that would change anything. Anyone been in a similar situation? what happened

Agreen Husband might have depression
  • replies: 4

My husband and I are not in a good position relationship wise, we do not talk, there is no connection, our conversations are completely transactional in nature, there is no discussion of a shared future. However, putting that to the side, I read the ... View more

My husband and I are not in a good position relationship wise, we do not talk, there is no connection, our conversations are completely transactional in nature, there is no discussion of a shared future. However, putting that to the side, I read the signs and symptoms of depression page on the BB website, and I think that he is suffering from many of the symptoms. I am thinking that maybe he has depression, but I am not a trained professional in this area and I am wondering what I can do to talk to him about it, how should I convince him to go to the doctor and talk to someone? Even if we don't talk and our relationship is falling apart i still love him and he has never been good about going to the doctor, to the point that he had a serious physical injury for 3 days before he went to doctor (who sent him to hospital immediately) because he thought he could just push through it. Im worried that if I just outright talk to him and suggest he see someone it will just cause the rift between us to increase even more.

Einsteins_Duck All my trust is gone
  • replies: 7

I was recently diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum at 49 and it was actually a relief as it explained why my childhood, school in general and relationships had been a disaster. I met a guy that 'got me' but he was quite immature and selfish. Throughout ... View more

I was recently diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum at 49 and it was actually a relief as it explained why my childhood, school in general and relationships had been a disaster. I met a guy that 'got me' but he was quite immature and selfish. Throughout our 15 years together, he seemed to constantly get crushes on women and had no idea that pursuing them and discussing really personal details with them was wrong. When I had a random friend repeat to me something he had told them about issues with our sex life ... I realised he was looking for 'pity sex'. It was friends, work colleagues, random people. It was like he lived his life with one foot out the door in case someone 'better' came along. I kept forgiving him as he always managed to make me feel it was my fault. So I decided I would never get married. He finally convinced me that he really loved me, would never hurt me and we got married. I finally felt safe ... Then two weeks later he ran into his high school sweetheart at his reunion and became obsessed with her. I came across stuff on his phone when he asked me to grab a number for him ... so dug deeper. He was besotted and he was making out we had a loveless marriage and insanely jealous and a nag. I was so hurt. He kept telling me he couldn't help it, would promise to stop, do it again ... repeat, repeat, repeat. Each time, I'd give him less and less back. It's been over five years now and I feel like I have been taken advantage of emotionally ... he did it again the other day, after swearing he had not been in touch with her. I feel so empty, but feel guilty as we just had a fight. I'm not processing the whole thing very well and not understanding so many things - I'm not good with reading good and bad intentions. I feel hurt and angry and then the next day it's like I have forgotten it and things go back to normal. I can't seem to hang onto the feelings of hurt and rejection and so it cycles again. I feel mentally trapped and confused. Is this a common Autism trait?

Mytk1921 Husband visited a brothel
  • replies: 3

My husband visited a brothel with his friend while they were drunk. I knew as a i have the same google account on both phones so his timeline showed he had been there and when i confronted him (indirectly), he wouldnt say anything but knew i knew. I ... View more

My husband visited a brothel with his friend while they were drunk. I knew as a i have the same google account on both phones so his timeline showed he had been there and when i confronted him (indirectly), he wouldnt say anything but knew i knew. I only just found out a few hours ago and my emotions are all over the place. We have two beautiful young boys..our 2nd baby boy is only 3 months old and so i understand he was eager to have sex or some sort of pleasure as I was just not ready after giving birth 3 months ago. Was i too harsh to let him wait that long? My hormones were just not there for it and breastfeeding was also making me feel less of an attraction. Im just broken and need advice help pls..

Sparkly_and_light Learning to be alone is hard
  • replies: 8

Hi all I am seeking tips and advice from people about being alone and learning how to be ok with it after a long term relationship. I was with a partner for 8 years. Through that time, much of what I did was associated with what he enjoyed doing, his... View more

Hi all I am seeking tips and advice from people about being alone and learning how to be ok with it after a long term relationship. I was with a partner for 8 years. Through that time, much of what I did was associated with what he enjoyed doing, his family and our network of friends together. I enjoyed that time very much but as a younger person all those years ago, I didn’t (at the time) see how this was unhealthy, as our life was very much “his life” and lead very much by him. Ultimately, reaching almost 30, a lot of our breakup came down to this. I started to feel very trapped and scared about a future I wasn't certain of. we separated about 18 months ago, I had a brief relationship about 5 months ago however it was short lived and a very bad match. Both of these breakups have hurt in different ways. having spent my 20s in a relationship, I’m very uncertain about what and who I am. All of my Friends are in relationships and I often feel that they don’t have alot of time. (They’re buying homes, having babies, getting engaged or married now) - which is joyful, but we have very different lives. I have a great (but highly stressful job), I am a carer (on and off for a family member) and I live alone. I’ve found myself drinking alot to pass the time, unsure about going out and generally feel anxious in social settings - really quite simply because I don’t know who I am. That might sound strange or silly, however previously I was a very confident person, found joy in every day and loved socialising. I found now I become overwhelmed. Please help, any ideas on working through finding joy again, and working through being alone? and feeling lonely. Would appreciate your suggestions very much

Luckisall Need help to understand and help my partner
  • replies: 11

My partner is a 56yr old woman that has PTSD, Depression ,and alcoholism, the relationship has deteriorated to the extent that I have asked her to leave as she wont face her demons or seek help , we constantly argue, I am disappointed in her and alwa... View more

My partner is a 56yr old woman that has PTSD, Depression ,and alcoholism, the relationship has deteriorated to the extent that I have asked her to leave as she wont face her demons or seek help , we constantly argue, I am disappointed in her and always angry, mainly because I have to carry the load as she sleeps most of the day with hangovers etc. have I done the wrong thing by asking her to leave.??

Rainbows32 Ex husband driving me into deep depression
  • replies: 6

Hello - I am completely at the end of my tether. I am supposed to be in a coparenting arrangement with my ex husband, but it turns out that I do everything and he is just obnoxious, rude, and obstructive and has caused me enormous difficulty for the ... View more

Hello - I am completely at the end of my tether. I am supposed to be in a coparenting arrangement with my ex husband, but it turns out that I do everything and he is just obnoxious, rude, and obstructive and has caused me enormous difficulty for the past five years. He dumps the kids with no notice when its meant to be his time, consistently does stupid things that are disruptive and frustrating (like refusing to return kids school uniform), doesn't buy kids clothes and needs for his house , doesnt pay his share of costs under the parenting agreement, etc. He used to barge into my place all the time to take things like clothes and bikes, now I have put in electric gates and security so he will sit in the driveway and blare his car horn deliberately my quality of life is very poor (I cant commit to things, i always let people down last moment because of the kids), last year I got fired from my job (15 years at the company; direct result of him) and now my partner moved out because he couldn't deal with the situation. I dont feel like talking to anyone about it because I have been nothing but sad/boring/angry/complicated/trouble as a friend for the past 5+ years, and so I have to pretend to be happy He has refused to take his son for the past two months (complications to do with the new 25-year-younger online import wife) and foreseeable future, this is causing the whole family upset and i am going out of my mind trying to help my son who is ADHD and feeling rejected by his father, I need to get out and find a job and do something for myself but I cant. I used to be a senior international business executive, very successful and very together but now i am just an absolute wreck with no confidence and absolutely lost. we all three have psychologists. Since my partner left a month ago things have gotten very bad - I don't sleep, i cant go out anywhere, i dont get anything done, I am yelling at the kids all the time, i feel physically ill and have a tightness/heaviness/pain in my chest. Some days I just cant see the point and it feels like the kids would be better off without me, but I know that I am all they have so I have to keep going. I am completely lost, i just dont know what to do every day. I was taking all responsiblity to try to help keep the kids steady but now I am worried that I cant helpthem anymore, and I might even be hurting them because I am so unstable. Please does anyone know how I can stop this spiral??

Man with no name Dad’s dying
  • replies: 5

I’ve just found out my dad only has a couple of weeks to live. We’ve only spoke a couple of times in the last 20 years. He was an alcoholic, I got sick and tired of making all of the effort so I just stopped calling him. He never called me. now the t... View more

I’ve just found out my dad only has a couple of weeks to live. We’ve only spoke a couple of times in the last 20 years. He was an alcoholic, I got sick and tired of making all of the effort so I just stopped calling him. He never called me. now the time comes and I’ve thought about this many times over the years, what would I do when he gets sick/dies? I don’t know. Do I visit him? Do I go to the funeral? Do I just continue on like the last 20 years and not do anything?