Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Martoner Partner has left due to depression
  • replies: 2

Hi Guys, Me and my partner had been together for 8 years, Im 28 and shes 27. She has been struggling mentally for probably the last 3 months. I've been really supportive during this time but last week on monday she sat me down and said she cant do th... View more

Hi Guys, Me and my partner had been together for 8 years, Im 28 and shes 27. She has been struggling mentally for probably the last 3 months. I've been really supportive during this time but last week on monday she sat me down and said she cant do this anymore which was a bit of a shock. We are still talking on a daily basis just not as much to give her space and she still comes and sees me every 3 or so days. Its been extremely tough especially not having her around, We recently moved into our new home about 6 months ago. I'm now here by myself and she has moved into her mums which is about 5 minutes away. She has said it wasn't about leaving ME its about not loving herself and her very low self esteem. I didn't realise during the time how much it was actually affecting her. I respect her completely that she does need some time to her self and we both believe in time we hold a lot of hope we are forever partners and will be together again. I truly believe we're soul mates. We've been together throughout our 20s and accomplished so much together and we still are deeply in love. I'm just wondering has anyone have any stories or experience they've through with this very similar thing, especially a partner leaving due to mental health and eventually finding there way and coming back into the relationship. What you did during that time to help and what should i be doing and avoiding. I'm currently giving her all the space she needs and I only message her when she messages me etc.. Thanks for reading, I hope this makes sense and i hope to hear from some people with similar experiences.

PsychedelicFur Sometimes I Yearn For A Love So Deep
  • replies: 2

I yearn for a love and connection so deep and profound. I do love myself. And I have been, as of lately, really reflecting and going internally to see how I can become the best version of myself FOR myself. It’s just sometimes (not all of the time) I... View more

I yearn for a love and connection so deep and profound. I do love myself. And I have been, as of lately, really reflecting and going internally to see how I can become the best version of myself FOR myself. It’s just sometimes (not all of the time) I yearn for a deep, sincere and passionate connection. I really appreciate finding kindred spirits and I love to build connections with people before rushing into anything too extravagant. I know you can find love in many other forms like : family, pets, nature, hobbies/passions etc. However, I look around me and see so many people my age in committed relationships. My first, proper relationship was disastrous, to say the least. I was psychologically and emotionally abused by my ex. I just want to find a strong bond and connection. Something authentic and genuine. I know there is nothing wrong with me. And I also acknowledge that I still need to heal from my previous relationship.. however, I hope one day there will be someone out there for me who will treat me very respectfully and cherish me. No mixed messages and absolutely no crumbs. Just an authentic, passionate and beautiful love. It’s just nice to feel special sometimes. PF.

Garfield2020 How to deal with lack of closure concerning a history of mistreatment from a parent
  • replies: 6

Hi, for context, I'm 19 and a full-time university student. I live with my sister, father, and mother (this is all important). And I guess in the last year or so, I've been kinda figuring out that I have essentially mummy issues. Also I hope I posted... View more

Hi, for context, I'm 19 and a full-time university student. I live with my sister, father, and mother (this is all important). And I guess in the last year or so, I've been kinda figuring out that I have essentially mummy issues. Also I hope I posted this in the right place as well. She was pretty crappy to me and my sister when we were younger. She was pretty angry. Sorry for not going into any detail or anything but my dad + sister agree with me when I say that she was pretty crap. I don't really know how this has affected me otherwise but her talking to me, knowing that she's listening to me when I talk, and talking to her makes her uncomfortable. I can't have her in my peripheral vision either as that also makes me uncomfortable. And when she does try to deal with me, I automatically lash out. We've tried to talk to her, had a big family conversation but my dad (who was meant to be the mediator) just backed out and it felt like me and my sister were debating with my mum instead of actually talking about it. And I did feel like a lot of the problems I mentioned, especially with my experience coming out to her (I'm queer), she denied ever happened. Like events she denied, saying they didn't happen and generally laughed it off (which she does whenever this is brought up) even if me and my sister both remember it. Or she will remember the event and spin it as harmless when I remember being a confused and afraid kid for example. And she tries to tell convince me that what she did was justified when it really wasn't. And that I guess gives me unresolved issues which make me lash out at her when she tries to interact with me. And I know that makes me sound really immature but I genuinely don't know how else to communicate with her. And my dad saying she was an asshole when I was younger is almost the only thing validating that these issues and events that happened weren't actually made up and that I'm not just blowing it out of proportion or fabricating it out of thin air. I'm just generally very out of my depth and pretty young in the grand scheme of things. I don't want to make up with her and don't feel comfortable doing so but how I deal with the fact that I'll probably never get any closure or any apology? How do I cope with this???

Better_Living Disrespect from loving partner affected by alcohol
  • replies: 3

I have been involved in a relationship for a year, with my first boyfriend from high school, many light years ago. I recently purchased a house and my partner and his young adult child have moved in with me. Have been here 5 months. Today was the 3rd... View more

I have been involved in a relationship for a year, with my first boyfriend from high school, many light years ago. I recently purchased a house and my partner and his young adult child have moved in with me. Have been here 5 months. Today was the 3rd time I have been disrespected in a nasty verbal way by my partner. Each time he has been drinking. On the 1st occasion, I told him to never speak to me again in the same manner as I would not accept such a relationship. On the 2nd occasion, I told him it was his final warning and any reoccurance would be the end of our relationship. 3rd time.... after spending some time composing myself, I asked him how many drinks he had had today. He refused to answer, was defensive and stormed off. I could clearly count in the fridge what had been drunk, and it was significant, again. I don't know what to do. I don't want this type of relationship and have been upfront about this. His previous relationship was like this throughout. My last relationship turned violent due to my ex's drinking. I told him to sleep in the spare room. Any drinks he has affects my sleeping anyway (snoring) and I end up moving to the couch. He has left the house and gone to his daughters nearby, who is having a birthday party with friends. What better way to continue the night 🤷‍ I only found out he had left the house by his daughter letting me know he was there. What do I do??? I don't want to go down the same path as previous. I thought he really understood. I feel so let down by someone who claims to love me. Do I follow through? Do I take a break and have him stay in the spare room until I can think clearly? I don't want apologies, I just need space to think. His young adult child lives here. Was expected to be here for a few years. What's happens in this scenario? Kick partner out and let his child remain? I am so wound up, anxious, disappointed, angry, let-down.... To top it off, the house is a pig sty. I'm constantly picking up after the "boys" and any conversations about cleaning, etc seem to go nowhere. Thinking I should just sell the house and move away. I bought near his old house (where daughter is) and for his and son's work location. I don't know anyone where I am and am thinking I've made a huge mistake. Any advice?

wallabyjack 5 week old baby. She threatening divorce. again. How long should I give it?
  • replies: 4

we had our 3rd child 5 weeks ago. My close family members told us we should have terminated the pregnancy but we didnt. So here we are. With a 3 and 5 year old already and our 3rd baby at 44. My wife and I had a great relationship before kids. But wh... View more

we had our 3rd child 5 weeks ago. My close family members told us we should have terminated the pregnancy but we didnt. So here we are. With a 3 and 5 year old already and our 3rd baby at 44. My wife and I had a great relationship before kids. But whenever she became pregnant, and especially post natally, she turns into a different person (unrecognisable in fact) for reasons I will never know. Imagine PMS on steroids, with sleep deprivation. She decided she wanted a 3rda year ago but I was hesitatant....but I was desperate for intimacy/sex, so at 44 we have our 3rd child now. My family members warned me against keeping the 3rd as we had a rocky relationship with just the 2 kids. About 1 week after the recent birth, she turned into this raging, angry, irrational critical monster and now I cannot do anything wrong. I am back sleeping on the couch, and our other 2 kids are playing up BIG time, screaming and seemingly anxious at their situation. We recently reloated interstate which doesnt help. I am literally in hell. She says I dont lift a finger (not true) I am inconsiderate and an ass. In reality I look after the other 2 kids about 40 hours a week, more than my fulltime job. I am exhausted. She is more so. She says she cant do this anymore and wants us to divorce. She wants 50/50 and says the issues cannot be fixed. We tried counselling in the past but gave up, as the counsellor said my wife is "unable to see any point of view except her own". My wife ended the sessions last time citing a waste of time. I have been on antidepressants since our second child, triggered by the unhappy relationship and the negativity and criticisms. We are 5 weeks in and she is threatening. What do I do? I am so over this abuse and anger, but I love my family for what it represents, and with kids so young. would i really get regular time with them if we separate How long should I give it? I am so worried about destroying the potential that our family unit will get back to its old self.... help!

Wookie123 Missing her so much
  • replies: 11

Recently my fiancé ended our relationship. I didn’t see it coming, and 2-1/2 weeks later I’m still crying daily. I miss her so much. It’s really hurting

Recently my fiancé ended our relationship. I didn’t see it coming, and 2-1/2 weeks later I’m still crying daily. I miss her so much. It’s really hurting

PsychedelicFur Mixed signals & confusion
  • replies: 20

Hey there, Recently I have been starting to get closer to someone at university. However, I am receiving some mixed signals. Sometimes this person seems genuinely interested in me. And then there are other times where they are quite awkward around me... View more

Hey there, Recently I have been starting to get closer to someone at university. However, I am receiving some mixed signals. Sometimes this person seems genuinely interested in me. And then there are other times where they are quite awkward around me when their group of friends are with us. Why could this be? Sometimes they even seem disinterested when they are with their friends. Perhaps, I am overanalysing and thinking a little too much about it all though. See here is the other thing, they even drop subtle hints sometimes. For instance - they raise their eyebrows at me, they also smile frequently at me and we even cuddle. However, I’m still quite confused and I am receiving so many mixed messages. Then I receive even more mixed messages though - they don’t seem to message me first. Yet they always view each and every single one of my social media stories. I’m so very confused. Needed to vent, PF.

Guest_342 What do my thoughts mean?
  • replies: 17

I met someone in January 2020 - he lives in Sydney and I live in Melbourne. We flew back and forth until March when the lockdowns started. Then we didn't see each other for 8 months until December. Then there was a series of border closures and lockd... View more

I met someone in January 2020 - he lives in Sydney and I live in Melbourne. We flew back and forth until March when the lockdowns started. Then we didn't see each other for 8 months until December. Then there was a series of border closures and lockdowns from the lead-up to Xmas and beyond - he couldn't come here for Xmas because of a Sydney outbreak and then you know what happened in 2021. It was a roller coaster ride if not knowing if our plans to catch up would fall through and, if so, how long it might take to open up the border again. It took a massive toll on me, even though we were very committed and he said he was going nowhere and wanted to keep the relationship going. I am late 30s and want to have a family but I sensed that he wasn't fussed and he wasn't in a rush to express that he loves me, despite my saying so. I also found it hard that he didn't fly down here in April when my nephew passed away and he also didn't call me that day. When I made a spontaneous trip the night of the funeral and met me at the trains with an annoyed look on his face because he had had a tiring day of moving furniture (he had just relocated to a new apartment) and made no mention to his friends as to why I was in Sydney at short notice. He didn't really ask me how I was. Anyway, we got over that and then he visited Melbourne in May for a long weekend. All of a sudden I got this overwhelming feeling that I wasn't attracted to him. And I broke up with him the day he left. I can't work out what it was - I suspect the stress of the pandemic situation wore me out and the uncertainty going forward regarding when we'd see each other again was too much. Maybe my emotions shut down? We had great conversations and could be silly together. Though there were a few things that didn't entirely match my values like his work ethic and career drive and connection to family. He contacted me recently and said he still has feelings for me. Now I find myself thinking about him a lot. But I can't tell if it is loneliness, the desire to have a family, or whether it was a genuinely good connection that fizzled due to covid. It was his birthday today but I didn't contact him - didn't want to pester him. How do I sort out my thoughts?? What do they mean?

InTwoMinds Can’t bring myself to ask my husband for a separation
  • replies: 6

I’m new here. I’ve been married for 15 years and the last 6 of those my husband has changed hugely due to an acquired brain injury. He’s become quite erratic and o feel it’s affected our two kids aged 10 and 13 as they’ve been experiencing anxiety an... View more

I’m new here. I’ve been married for 15 years and the last 6 of those my husband has changed hugely due to an acquired brain injury. He’s become quite erratic and o feel it’s affected our two kids aged 10 and 13 as they’ve been experiencing anxiety and school refusal in the last year, I don’t feel we are connected anymore and don’t have anything in common. It’s been a hard year financially too. I feel I’ve reached a decision that I’d like to ask him to move out for a while though I’m worried about how it will impact the kids.

Z91 Fractured relationship with father
  • replies: 1

Hi, I’m new to beyondblue forums so please be kind. About me: I’m in my late 20s, I work full-time in a job I enjoy, I live at home with my parents (still depend) and have saved a house deposit. I’m very introverted don’t have friends / girlfriend or... View more

Hi, I’m new to beyondblue forums so please be kind. About me: I’m in my late 20s, I work full-time in a job I enjoy, I live at home with my parents (still depend) and have saved a house deposit. I’m very introverted don’t have friends / girlfriend or a social life. My interest are the gym, video games, tech. Since adolescence I have suffered from debilitating social anxiety which left me becoming house bound, though over the years I still managed to (catch train and bus and drive) to TAFE to study IT, then some university and after drifting for a while between courses, I tried a Trade (3 and half years ago) and have never looked back, I’m well liked by my work bosses and I’m dedicated to my work been told I’m a real asset. Because I have been housebound and spent a lot of time being alone due to (social anxiety), isolation etc I have never had girlfriend my dad and estranged socially outgoing brother have labelled me GAY. They have called me this for years. My brother told this to everyone of his girlfriend/s, spreading this rumour, reinforcing Dads belief, mind you this coming from dad’s favourite child. In the past I have told dad I’m not gay. This week dad went a step further by announcing my assumed sexual orientation to my extended family (dads side) But I know I’m not gay, I don’t feel turned on by men and have never sought out a. relationship with one, I don’t have sexual feelings for guys. I’ve always wanted a girlfriend but nerves disable me (sweaty trembling hands and a racing heart). I feel hurt by dad and frustrated by this obsession to label me It’s difficult to get away from when living at home. My father won’t speak to me as my brother reinforces this belief. Dad even mutter poofter under his breath when Im around the house. I have heard mum and talking about me when I’m in my bedroom. My brother and I don’t get along at all since adolescence I avoid him because I feel like loser because of his social ability. Over the years since working I’ve managed to achieve what I never thought possible joining a gym, walking through the shopping centre regularly, getting a haircut, driving with confidence around town, buying new tech in person and not online. Though I’ve made some progress my social life has not, I struggle meet girls and don’t really understand the language of romancing one. Would really appreciate some feedback on dads behaviour and the labelling.