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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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K44 I messed up my life
  • replies: 1

I dont know what I want to do. I'm constantly switching back and forth. I've been dating my long term partner for over 6 years. We moved it for the last 3 of years and lived through covid. In that time I've grown distant to her, after what I realise ... View more

I dont know what I want to do. I'm constantly switching back and forth. I've been dating my long term partner for over 6 years. We moved it for the last 3 of years and lived through covid. In that time I've grown distant to her, after what I realise now to be my flaws/failure to nurture our relationship. It feels more like a friendship than an intiamte relationship. Last year I had started an affair out of what I guess was boredom. It was physical at first but it became deeply emotional. For the first time I felt heard and ok to be vulnerable. We continued this affair so that I could have time to process and make a choice. At the same time I have continued to withdraw myself from my partner. After recent continually pressure for marriage from her parents and limited timeframe for kids. She decided i should move back out if i couldn't give to her an answer. For a month i tried to make a decision and eventually I stopped the affair because I couldn't give up on my long term partner. But I find myself self sabotaging my efforts. I spent the last couple months alone and trying to be sure. I made another choice to live honestly and fairly with my partner even though I know I could never tell her the truth so the only thing I could do was walk away. That the love we had became a friendship. So I reached out to my affair partner who is now not sure understandlably. My ex has now told me she will be leaving the country and refuses to tell me the details. Shes arrange to have my belongs shipped to me. I find myself now torn. Wanting to just go back to my ex because I don't want to let go of this history or destroy her dreams. While this affair has made it feel like it love will never be the same. I know I need to make my mind up. But I'm keep backtracking. I know it's not fair for anyone. I feel like my life is a failure, at my age I'm supposed to be married with kids. But I destroyed the only person in life that had when all she did was try to love me. I just don't know what I want.

Lulu00 My brother moved oht
  • replies: 2

So my brother moved out around a week ago and I knew that u would miss him a lot but i never thought it would be this bad. Just walking past his room makes me want to cry and every so often i forget he is even gone then i remember and I just feel so ... View more

So my brother moved out around a week ago and I knew that u would miss him a lot but i never thought it would be this bad. Just walking past his room makes me want to cry and every so often i forget he is even gone then i remember and I just feel so crap. Before he left he and i wanted to do something together like go iceskating or go to the movies but we never got to it and i just wish i could get that time back because i feel like it was the last moments of our childhood together. Im always worried the next time ill see him he or i will be different and we wont know what to talk about or say to eachother, and i try to keep in touch with him but he is just getting used to university and cant talk that often. anyway thanks for reading my rant

1212 Is it growing apart
  • replies: 2

short intro, Married 12 years.I feel somedays we are growing apart. I don’t enjoy sex or kissing anymore. Husband quite often says “he can’t do it with anyone else”. Does this mean he wants to? I feel pressured into sex and cave but it hurts me insid... View more

short intro, Married 12 years.I feel somedays we are growing apart. I don’t enjoy sex or kissing anymore. Husband quite often says “he can’t do it with anyone else”. Does this mean he wants to? I feel pressured into sex and cave but it hurts me inside physically and mentally. I feel like I am a bad person because he wants to and I don’t. We both love each other but unsure if that is enough for the next 30+ years. I met an old flame who I have been working with for 6 months and we get along so well we can talk and laugh and I just don’t get to do that with my husband. He is always on his phone when I am home. I see him watching videos of girls on Facebook. I don’t think he would physically cheat but feel like it is mental cheating. I had a night out with the old flame and friends, he walked me home nothing happened. He just held me whilst my drunken ass leaned in him and I just melted inside. I am so lost if I should try and rekindle with the husband or is it time to move on. I am in my early 30s

yeah_coco My family is being controlling in my medical life
  • replies: 2

Hey all, so i’m almost 21 and have recently had some issues regarding hormones. so im starting to show signs of PCOS such as hirsutism (male pattern body hair e.g. chest, back, chin) and irregular periods however blood tests and ultrasounds show noth... View more

Hey all, so i’m almost 21 and have recently had some issues regarding hormones. so im starting to show signs of PCOS such as hirsutism (male pattern body hair e.g. chest, back, chin) and irregular periods however blood tests and ultrasounds show nothing unusual and there’s no signs of PCOS at all. So my doctor at this point thinks it could just be uneven levels of my androgens and isn’t anything serious but the course of treatment would be the birth control pill. i’ve taken the pill before but it really counteracted my antidepressants and my doctor was not comfortable with that side effect. Now i know at the end of the day it’s my choice to take these pills and the doctor has told me the only negative effect of not taking them is my hormones not fully regulating and possible self esteem issues (due to having thick facial hair like a teen boy’s beard) but my family is actually trying to force me to take these new pills. i’m not comfortable taking them as i feel it’s for no actual reason since the hair is only a cosmetic issue and isn’t showing any underlying conditions. im not bothered by having the hair but my family is, so how do i tell my family to respectfully mind their own business as it’s my body and my choice.

A1-A2_A Cheated on for a 2nd time
  • replies: 1

Hi All, My partner has cheated on me with a coworker her coworker also has a partner too. About 18 months ago she had emotionally cheated for a few months and kissed a female friend. I forgave her the first time and asked her to be honest. A few thin... View more

Hi All, My partner has cheated on me with a coworker her coworker also has a partner too. About 18 months ago she had emotionally cheated for a few months and kissed a female friend. I forgave her the first time and asked her to be honest. A few things occurred that on and off made me feel like I wasn’t respected. However when I would try to talk to her about anything she would start to cry or snap before we actually could address anything so I gave up trying to speak to her and hoped she would chat to me when she was ready. We have had some great times together but with this recent incident which is by far the worst. I asked her to leave, when I confronted her and she wasn’t honest. Eventually she told me her side of what happened. A drunk accident yet the text conversation between the two suggests otherwise. It felt like I didn’t know who this person was. She is completely different to work colleagues, her family and friends. it does feel like she doesn’t respect me or care, yet claims she does but in a backhanded way before trying to shift blame in some odd way too me. Yet she was cold and callous toward me. We have chatted since but when it feels like we are making progress toward addressing an issue. She will go from 0-100, then she will throw anything at me about any issue but not address or even take accountability for her actions. She said she doesn’t want it too end, I have asked for space and to see a professional. Which is what she suggested yet the closer we get to making the appointment or making positive progress she becomes come again. I see the positive aspect of her, yet I also feel like she is someone I don’t know. I have told her this but she doesn’t give me much at all. I would like to resolve the issue, though am I making the right decision or should I just move on?

RememberLove Depressed??? Husband, 25 yrs, says wants divorce
  • replies: 4

Hi, we are 25 yrs married this week. Have had up and downs. Husband has had depression and anxiety, and refuses treatment. Our divorce discussions began 2 years ago when he was violent. He isn't violent now but can get mean (mean comments) when he's ... View more

Hi, we are 25 yrs married this week. Have had up and downs. Husband has had depression and anxiety, and refuses treatment. Our divorce discussions began 2 years ago when he was violent. He isn't violent now but can get mean (mean comments) when he's down. We have some big things going on with our kids, but he won't seek help or counselling. We separated our accounts when we separated, and he now holds that against me as I work, earn and save more, and pay most of the bills. He is saying he can't plan with me in the picture and just wants his 'cut' to live his life as he wants. He hasn't had a discussion with me to what that looks like, other than saying he'll move away out bush. I understand and accept if he doesn't want to be in the marriage, however I'm concerned he is making a big decision based on the depression. I'm a bit lost to what to do, other than go along with it, as sad as it might be. One of the big challenges we are both dealing with is one of our adult kids is now trans. Any ideas to help ?

Jessksch I started hating everyone over the age of 55
  • replies: 15

I am not going to insult anyone with the word "boomer" because deep down I know not everyone is like that at that age group, but I can't help myself at the moment: My whole life my parents have put pressure on me and stopped caring about my wants, th... View more

I am not going to insult anyone with the word "boomer" because deep down I know not everyone is like that at that age group, but I can't help myself at the moment: My whole life my parents have put pressure on me and stopped caring about my wants, they wanted me out of the house as soon as possible because I was the youngest and they wanted to retire. I had pressure on me to stay in the country I studied and find any way possible because I was told I was not welcome home again. So I wasted most of my years here trying to figure out a way to stay. Thankfully I have a wonderful fiance whom I've been with now for 12 years. It may have started there, but lately now I get more and more resentful: I found out after my parents passed they had money, but they got it through doing some horrible things to our company's employees and not very legal stuff. I lost even more respect to them. Now, I wanted to get past this, but we are having trouble with our landlord. Years ago our kitchen flooded because the upper apartment people put stuff down their drain, our systems were connected and so our kitchen flooded, destroying the old wood flooring. The boards shrunk and gaps are inbetween. I have tried and tried to talk to the real estate and they said they contact the landlord but never get a reply. Finally I saved all the emails and have enough evidence, but I am so angry at this point as everything else is so cheaply made in this apartment and falling apart.We pay rent on time, are quiet, pay bills, keep things nice and clean and have never had a complaint from our apartment checkups, yet we do the right thing and have to suffer for it.Not to mention we will never be able to afford a house unless we move way out, thankfully my fiance can get a job there but I would be fucked. Then my mother in law kept saying she is worried for a war, spending so much money they have doing nothing...whereas us we probably won't even see the point of making it to 60. At least we aren't as selfish and having children so we make the next generation suffer, but I have become selfish, I just want them to suffer that's how bad my anger is! It is all too much and I have been trying so hard to do the right thing all the time and can't seem to care about people close to me who are in that age range because of all of this! I don't want to be hateful but then I see them talk like this and I get angry again!

Lonley_1 I'm going to be lonley forever
  • replies: 4

I'm 33yrs old with 5 kids. Aged 12 9 7 5 and 3 their dad walked out on us 2yrs ago for another woman and we haven't seen him since. He was a horrible man anyway but who's going to want an ugly fat single mum with 5 kids that are pretty much with me 2... View more

I'm 33yrs old with 5 kids. Aged 12 9 7 5 and 3 their dad walked out on us 2yrs ago for another woman and we haven't seen him since. He was a horrible man anyway but who's going to want an ugly fat single mum with 5 kids that are pretty much with me 24/7 I have no family my mum died a year ago and haven't seen my dad or siblings for years I havr no friends I'm so lonley I want to find love but I'm thinking this will be impossible. I also suffer anxiety which of course makes it harder. I feel that i have nothing in life to look forward to besides my kids which I love with all my heart but one day they will be grown and gone. And not many men would want to take on 5 kids that are not theres. I feel so sad lonley unloved and unwanted and I'm sure I'm destined to be alone forever just venting

cassie101 Jealousy issues
  • replies: 1

I have an issue with being jealous of my partner, if they go out if friends I get really uptight and start calling and messaging them till they come back because I’m jealous they are out with friends, I’m also jealous when my partner is messaging the... View more

I have an issue with being jealous of my partner, if they go out if friends I get really uptight and start calling and messaging them till they come back because I’m jealous they are out with friends, I’m also jealous when my partner is messaging their friends too. I think I get this because I don’t really have any friends and I just want to be with my partner all the time. how can I fix this?

Gnomes5 Frustrated mum of 4 high needs kids- extremely drained
  • replies: 1

I need sadvice or even just to vent and make me feel not so alone.I am not sure what or how to handle the situations I am currently facing with my eldest especially, although all my kids are high needs with ADHD, intellectual disability, suspected AS... View more

I need sadvice or even just to vent and make me feel not so alone.I am not sure what or how to handle the situations I am currently facing with my eldest especially, although all my kids are high needs with ADHD, intellectual disability, suspected ASD, anger issues, behavioural problems and more. Here's a very basic rundown. My 14 yr son has always been a struggle and has had issues since toddler years with his behaviour and need for control. (He witnessed his dad abuse me at 2.5yrs and when his little bro was born he became extremely protective of us both at age 3)He has gone through a lot of changes and witnessed incidents in his life which i know would play a part in his overall development. Most of his life I have been a single mum, I tried to date but he would push any potential partner away from me (mentally and physically) until they would leave for good.Covid and puberty (2020/2021) escalated everything, he became threatening towards me, controlling, manipulative and basically tried to rule the house and by this stage I had 2 more kids (now aged 14,11, 7 and 4) it became living on eggshells around him. He would rage and break things if he didn't get his way. This still happens but not as intense and he does have slightly more control over his actions and we have all had alot of family support services involved, including police from things hes been involved in. He steals money from us, lies all the time, treats his siblings and i like crap (then can be super nice and they dont understand at all) I stopped his pocket money but always has money (i now know its from drug drops for a dealer) He left school early year 8, how the hell was I meant to "force him to go"?He has so much freedom because how do i stop him, he sleeps all day and goes out late afternoon.He has so many workers involved to support him but he won't engage or tells them what they want to hear. This is all a very brief post and happy to tell more as I'm desperate for help and advice as these services are useless. The main issue I have now is the drug use, it started a year ago with weed after he told me he does it, (this is the thing he tells me EVERYTHING, it's good but it's almost a control thing as he knows there's nothing I can do so he tells me things i shouldnt really know as it puts me in a difficult place) He has recently started taking acid and mushrooms and I'm so worried about where he's heading, he calls himself a junkie and that he wants to enjoy his life as it's going to be short anyway his friends all do drugs and it's horrible. I know some of the parents whose teens do it yet the parents think they're perfect and I once told a parent and she blamed my son yet her son was the one who introduced my KID to it all, so I can't tell any of these other parents as they will blame me for not "controlling my child" I have never felt so alone and holding so many secrets to the point I suffer physically and mentally.All this while trying to maintain the other kids lives as normal as possible and their behaviours have also escalated. I feel hopeless and have so much regret and thoughts, like where did I go wrong.I am now in a same sex relationship, who the kids all accepted thankfully and my gf is a great help but my 14yo issues do affect us both and it strains the relationship, so I also have those issues going on. What am I meant to do? Police won't do anything, no one can force my eldest to stop drug taking, no such thing as rehab they've told me. I'm so worried about my other kids seeing and hearing all that happens, I try to shield them but they still see it and know that's trauma to them and explains some of their attitudes.They also have many of their own issues and I know it's only going to get worse as they grow up.I'm drained in every way possible, I imagine running away and disappearing every single day, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I struggle even more with all these services involved as I'm constantly needing to discuss the Children which just creates more stress. I have never felt more alone then I do now.