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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Teena1__ Marriage problems
  • replies: 12

My husband & I have been together for almost a decade, married for 6 years & we have 3 kids together. I am a SAHM while my husband provides for our family. He's a great father to our kids and also a great Provider. I am thankful. throughout the years... View more

My husband & I have been together for almost a decade, married for 6 years & we have 3 kids together. I am a SAHM while my husband provides for our family. He's a great father to our kids and also a great Provider. I am thankful. throughout the years we've bumped heads cause we don't see eye-to-eye on things. Eg: he gave me an ultimatum to marry him in a courthouse or not marry him at all. He's the one who wanted me to be a SAHM and raise our kids while he works. He'll go through many hoops to lie or makes up excuses as to why he can't attend family events, bdys or special occasions (but if it were his fam he'd have no issues showing up). I have caught him out each time on his big lies. He always says for me to go by myself or take the kids. He had a online relaionship while I was pregnant. He makes no effort whatsoever when it comes to our marriage. It's either his way or the highway. I have to fight him tooth & nail to drag him to family events. he makes a huge deal about going even though he only shows up maybe 3 times out of the year. My family love and respect him, and have been paitent with him in not forcing him to come around if he didn't want too. I'll always be the one to come up with spontaneous dates or outings otherwise we won't go anywhere. I'll always go out of of way to spoil him for his bday, anniversaries, fathers day & Christmas but it is never reciprocated. I also have religious commitments and he supports me aslong as I don't have to include him and that also goes for family things, even if it involves the kids. He doesn't want the kids to have big birthdays where he has to socialise with anyone. He's never actively involved, but will happy drive me and the kids hours away to do our own thing just so we miss out on whatever family events we skipped out on that day. I know he loves me but he doesn't care about things or the people that I love. But he just expects me to care & Love his family. I feel like my husband doesn't value me enough to speak my love language.I take care of our kids 24/7. I clean/cook & clean up everyone otherwise things won't ever get done. I help him pay the bills where I can. I have no friends, socialise with noone. My family all live 2 hours away hence why I would want my family to spend time with them. I'm exhausted and tired of fighting him over the same thing over and over. He's 36 years and I'm turning 30. I have suggested counselling but he doesn't believe we have any issues. My dad is dying and he won't go.

Painfullife In deep pain because of betrayal trauma of husband sex addiction
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am in deep pain to an extent that I have depression and I get nightmares. 15 Nov 2021 is the date I will never forget in my life . This is the day when I discovered my husband addiction to strip club, escorts, prostitution and drugs. Married fo... View more

Hi, I am in deep pain to an extent that I have depression and I get nightmares. 15 Nov 2021 is the date I will never forget in my life . This is the day when I discovered my husband addiction to strip club, escorts, prostitution and drugs. Married for almost 17 years now I always thought that we had a strong marriage. I started feeling something off from April 2021 where my husband used to have mood swings , always coming home late from work , going to office work yours during Covid 19.finally on 15 Nov 2021. He confessed that he is going yo strip club 3-4 times a week and sleeping with prostitutes. He said first time he went , he thought he will grab a drink and sit there for 1 hour and heave but it ended up in hiring an escort and having sex. He said he couldn’t handle what he did but still went back next day to hire same escort and ended up using drugs and from there the cycle continued.my husband also said that he tried stopping this cycle but he couldn’t and he ended up spending 220,000$ in 6 months.i am completely devastated. I felt so foolish that u never bother to even check bank accounts as I trusted him so much. in 2012 he suggested we should combine our super in to self manage super and he wants to invest in shares himself. He is trying hard to learn share marked from last 22 years with no success and has even lost 100,000$ in shares before we met when he was around 25 years old. anyways I was shocked yo find that he has wiped off all our superannuation of last 16 years by investing in wrong shares that he never updated me.I am completely lost as I always thought he is a honest guy. He is looking after my elderly mother very well.Dr has diagnosed him with major depressive disorder, PTSD, OCD, maniac state (for his 6 months of sex addiction, drug addiction, reckless behaviour) where he acted completely opposite to his usual behaviour. his older brother has schizophrenia and older duster has severe depression. he also confessed that from last 10 years he started feeling very stressed for his work and developed the habit of watching porn every day. he is on antidepressants, doing recovery work, quit drugs but still has mood swings here and there. i am still lost and depressed. sorry for writing such a long message. Please help RegardsRose

Guest_40256519 30 and lost myself
  • replies: 2

I have suffered emotional/physical abuse for the past 12 years with my now husband. After my 30th birthday, and an event that happened in October I am now broken by every single man in my life. Father, husband, brother. The result of this has left me... View more

I have suffered emotional/physical abuse for the past 12 years with my now husband. After my 30th birthday, and an event that happened in October I am now broken by every single man in my life. Father, husband, brother. The result of this has left me cheating on my husband with another man. It was something I did to make myself Angrier at myself. Almost a self sabotage. A self hurt!!! I’ve caught feelings for this man and all a while my husband is at home 12 days sober and trying to be the best person for me. Why am I doing this? In the back of my mind I’ve heard it all before, nothing ever sticks with this man. He will never change!!! But I am so inlove with him and have been forever. He’s the father of my children but I can’t even bring myself to let him touch me. I have spoken with my father, brother and sister in law who have made me feel like the worst possible person for doing this, yet the abuse I’ve copped from them and my husband included seems to be ok? now I feel like I’m a worthless piece of poop. I am losing my mind and everyone in my family thinks I am too.

Guest_85078489 Lonely in my own home
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I’m a Mum of 2, ages 3.5 and 1. Lately I feel, sad, misunderstood & lonely. My life consists of working (hard) and taking care of my children. I don’t feel like myself, I’ve gained weight, I never look well dressed or put together like I us... View more

Hi there, I’m a Mum of 2, ages 3.5 and 1. Lately I feel, sad, misunderstood & lonely. My life consists of working (hard) and taking care of my children. I don’t feel like myself, I’ve gained weight, I never look well dressed or put together like I used to. I’ve been through a significant amount of stress the past 12 months and now it’s all blown over I just feel, numb and sad. I feel like my husband cops a lot of anger out of me but I honestly just feel he misunderstands me. It was recently our 10 year anniversary and he didn’t get me a single gift or organise anything. For Christmas, the same. As if my self worth wasn’t already low, I feel like he doesn’t value me either, even though I’ve given up my entire life and body for our family. I am finding myself crying, more often than normal. Probably every 2nd day. Does this sound like PPD? Or similar? I don’t want to push my husband away but I’m starting to give up at this point. My life just seems really fucking hard and boring at the moment and nobody understands how much I sacrifice and give up and how hard I try… I don’t even know what else to say.. just thought I’d post here before I have to cook yet another dinner… in my lonely house.. maybe I should see my GP..

Guest_46892196 Not comfortable with my husband
  • replies: 1

We've been married for 3 years. We have a 2 year old son together. Everything was fairytale like in the beginning but during my pregnancy I wasn't treated with the respect or care that I envisioned and after the birth of our son I was pressured to sn... View more

We've been married for 3 years. We have a 2 year old son together. Everything was fairytale like in the beginning but during my pregnancy I wasn't treated with the respect or care that I envisioned and after the birth of our son I was pressured to snap back to my old self really quickly and pressured to return to work. This drove a wedge between us. I felt really unsupported. Our son was a difficult baby who suffered terrible colic so naturally the bulk of my time was devoted to him. My husband liked to escape alot. He would go drinking and gambling at any opportunity and when he'd return home he forced from me what I wasn't comfortable to give him. This upset me so much and has really scared me and broken my trust for him. There was a time I unscrewed a door handle from the door because I couldn't physically lock it to escape him. When sober he tries to kiss me and apologise to me and talk me around but I just feel so heartbroken and I find it extremely awkward and unpleasant to be close to him or intimate with him. He won't take responsibility for awful things he's done whilst drunk as he can't remember. It's been over a year I've felt this way. I hope I wake up each day and feel a little different but each time he forces himself on me it pushes me even further away. How on earth do I begin to repair this ?

white knight How to defend yourself mentally- what's best for you?
  • replies: 1

Similar topics are getting popular on this forum so I thought I'd present a guide that everyone can use. As every person is different, the friends and the foes, you can choose your best avenue to take that best preserves your mind and prepares you fo... View more

Similar topics are getting popular on this forum so I thought I'd present a guide that everyone can use. As every person is different, the friends and the foes, you can choose your best avenue to take that best preserves your mind and prepares you for a brighter future. So there is various degrees of judging a situation from leaving the conflict never to communicate again to trying forever and tolerating any toxicity that comes your way... and every degree of in between. One problem is that many of our conflicts involve blood family, people we grew up with and that word "family" has people bound like a magnet to there members to an extent whereby disowning them (not a good term) is not thought of maybe until there is dramatic non control. I suggest as we cant choose our blood relatives, that as we are mentally challenged, that we need to protect ourselves more than others do. We need to get to the resolution quicker. Allowing matters to fume with no result can be intolerable. Family members at times behave in a way that they test the tension greater knowing that you abandoning them likely wont happen and that is reflected in their desire to elevate not reciprocate. Whatever you decide remember- you have choices just like they do, you can choose to think about matters, offers, conflicts, you do not need to respond to demands. And demanding questions can be answered by "I dont know (yet)". If you dont know then you shouldnt answer until you do even then you might decide not to answer. Exercising your rights trumps their demands. Most of us crave for basic empathy not sympathy. Our empathy for others does not have to disappear because we are restricting access to these foe. Neither do we need to show such empathy, just feel it. If confronted with "you dont care about me" honesty is good "well I do, why do you think otherwise? But that doesnt mean I shouldnt move on from a situation I find no resolve from. unless you have an answer I havent thought of"? Leaving a relationship is easier to live with if you dont wish harm to come to them. I'm estranged from my mother and sister but I dont desire for them to come to harm. To seek your resolve whatever that might be and know you did your best is to rubber stamp your actions. Your levels of actions by others as "unforgivable" is for you to set. Your frequency of meeting them is also yours, never, once a year or phone calls only. Your choice for your health. TonyWK

BigWhiteRoom Mentally recovering after an affair
  • replies: 4

Please no judgement. I am married & have been having an affair with a married man I work with. We have tried to stop a few times in the past but always started back up again. Yesterday we called it quits & I really want to stay strong this time. Ment... View more

Please no judgement. I am married & have been having an affair with a married man I work with. We have tried to stop a few times in the past but always started back up again. Yesterday we called it quits & I really want to stay strong this time. Mentally I feel useless, hopeless & like a terrible person as I would die if my husband cheated on me - I know how dumb this sounds! I never wanted to be this person & I just want to feel happy again. I have to see this man every day at work & we remain friends but I am constantly distracted & my work & mood are affected. What can I do to move past this? Leaving the job is not an option as I love my friends here.Please help!

Guest_10645970 A Mother's plea to save her son
  • replies: 1

My son has been falsely accused of sexual assault to a minor but the law is not willing to hear his side of the story. "It's as if the system has already condemned him, without considering the inconsistencies in the victim's story or the questionable... View more

My son has been falsely accused of sexual assault to a minor but the law is not willing to hear his side of the story. "It's as if the system has already condemned him, without considering the inconsistencies in the victim's story or the questionable behavior of the alleged victim. The police seem more interested in securing a conviction than in seeking the truth. Meanwhile, my son's reputation is being dragged through the mud, and our family is left to suffer the consequences. The media has made the situation worse. Every day, I see my son's confidence and self-worth dwindling, as he's forced to live under the dark cloud of accusation. His friends have abandoned him, and even some family members have distanced themselves from us. The emotional toll on our family is immense, and I fear for my son's mental health. The legal system is supposed to be fair and impartial, but in our case, it seems to be biased against my son from the start. We are middle class family who work hard to survive. We've had to mortgage our home to pay for a decent lawyer, and even then, we're not sure if justice will be served. The system is stacked against us, and it's heartbreaking to see my son's life being destroyed by false accusations. The authorities are not questioning what a minor was doing roaming the streets late in the night, looking for vapes and threatening violence and when not getting her way, makes false accusations. What implication does this have on parents? Was the Child Safety Services informed. 'Our trust in the justice system is shattered."

People_Pleaser Broken
  • replies: 2

I seriously dont know how Ive gotten myself in this BS, i never thought i would allow anyone to walk all over me again, i endured 19 years of abuse, i finally got the courage to kick his ass out… i was so free, single and happy, living life with my k... View more

I seriously dont know how Ive gotten myself in this BS, i never thought i would allow anyone to walk all over me again, i endured 19 years of abuse, i finally got the courage to kick his ass out… i was so free, single and happy, living life with my kids, then i meet someone who i thought was my forever because we both shared the same everything, i felt so lucky… things were good intill he moved in… i started to see a different person, its like he took the mask off to reveal his true self….i was absolutely shattered, thinking i could talk to him (communication is key) and resolve a few things, i was wrong so wrong, the conversation ened with me apologising. )will continue later)

Nicki321 Living with in laws and kids
  • replies: 1

Hi we are a family of 4, we have 2 kids 6 and 8 years old. We recently moved in with my husband's parents to save money. We own investment property and now renovating for sale which should be finished by March and settle close to end of the year. I t... View more

Hi we are a family of 4, we have 2 kids 6 and 8 years old. We recently moved in with my husband's parents to save money. We own investment property and now renovating for sale which should be finished by March and settle close to end of the year. I thought this would be temporary but we have been here for six months and it would be for another year. We live in their living room with blinds and curtain to block the entrances, it is 4 of us in one room. I hate being here, and I hate the fact that I will be here another year. It makes me sick in my stomach. I am trying to teach our boys to be respectful and tidy up as much as we can but it seems like my husband just chilling in his house. He left things around and not caring of helping his family. I hate his mum who is being dramatic when the boys cry, expressing love verbally but doing nothing for them at all! She is not working and using my father in law for everything. It seems like only me and my father in law that work around the house, I also work 3 days and deal with house work and boys school. I already feel like single mum, I hate thinking of the boys growing this laziness and disrespectful for the house and not helping. I lose interest in my husband, we argue a lot and I don't feel like talking to him and we barely have alone time together. I feel angry, depress and trapped in this situation I don't even know how to get out of this.