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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Female84 Processing anxiety/double standard
  • replies: 4

Hello First time poster here. But been resding through the forums to try find something I can relate to so I can understand and process my emotions right now. I am trying to put sense and logic into why I feel hurt and upset knowing and seeing that t... View more

Hello First time poster here. But been resding through the forums to try find something I can relate to so I can understand and process my emotions right now. I am trying to put sense and logic into why I feel hurt and upset knowing and seeing that the person I've been seeing for the past 4 months have been chatting and organising meeting up with other women whilst I have been doing the same thing behind his back. I feel selfish and unreasonable for feeling this way that it has caused me anxiety with sudden low moods, broken sleep and having trouble sleeping. I know I will get over this eventually but I also have realised this is a recurrence with past relationships. Why do I have this double standard mentality and how do I stop and get rid of it.

shorti Not allowed to visit family with baby
  • replies: 2

Hey all, I have a 3 month old baby. My husband won't let me take our baby to my dad's house unless he is with me. The reason is my dad can be a bit controlling and hubby does not want any bad influences on our baby. For example when I was only two we... View more

Hey all, I have a 3 month old baby. My husband won't let me take our baby to my dad's house unless he is with me. The reason is my dad can be a bit controlling and hubby does not want any bad influences on our baby. For example when I was only two weeks postpartum my dad wanted to know when I was going back to work because he wants to baby sit and joked about driving our baby around the state in his 4wd. Another example, if we don't vote the political party my dad likes he gives us a lecture about how his father fought in WW2 and we are disrespecting his father (my grandfather). Also my dad has a habit of saying one thing and doing another so it's hard to trust him. On Good Friday we visited dad and my brother was there who then tested positive for COVID on Easter Sunday. My brother called to let us know but dad told him not to tell us so we don't get worried, so in other words he keeps secrets so it's hard to trust him. So I can understand my husband not wanting my dad to babysit, but even if I am around he is still against it. Also there is domestic violence between my dad and brother where it can get quite physical. My brother gave dad a black eye a few months ago. So my husband does not want our baby around this which I agree. However I would still like to visit my dad from time to time. I'm currently on maternity leave and my husband works from home. I can't have visitors over because we are in a small house and will disturb my husband. I don't want to spend the next year on maternity leave sitting on a couch with my baby. I want to get out and about for my own mental health. My mother's group starts next Tuesday and my husband isn't happy I'm going although he is allowing it. He says these days you can't trust people and new friendships aren't what they used to be. He is worried about bad influences on our baby particularly around people I don't yet know. So far I'm feeling good after birth but I'm worried I may end up with some sort of postnatal depression or loneliness if I'm isolated from other people. Is my husband over the top by not letting me go anywhere unless he comes along too? Even to my dad's place? I don't want to go to dad's every week, maybe once a month or something. My mum also passed away 17 years ago so I have been a bit down that she's not around.

LK89 I'm reliving a breakup from three years ago
  • replies: 5

Yesterday I unblocked my ex for the first time since we broke up three years ago and found out he's dating our mutual friend. They're even building a house together. She was there to comfort me and it was her who I confided in when we first broke up ... View more

Yesterday I unblocked my ex for the first time since we broke up three years ago and found out he's dating our mutual friend. They're even building a house together. She was there to comfort me and it was her who I confided in when we first broke up because she had also broken up with her fiancé at the time. She knew I still loved him. I was never too close with her, but we saw each other every week, and we were on the same bowling team for years...I just feel so betrayed by the both of them. I don't believe there was anything going on with them while we were together, but I always had this weird feeling that the two of them would end up together. Now that this has been confirmed for me, I just don't know what to do. I've been crying all day and night just like during the breakup, and I can't eat, can't sleep, just feel like my whole world is falling apart all over again. It feels like the five 1/2 years my ex and I spent together meant nothing. I feel like an idiot for still caring about him. My intense feelings over the last 24 hours also made me realise that deep down, I was always hoping he'd come back. My friends and I discussed everything yesterday and thought it would be a good idea for me to get "closure", whatever that means, so I messaged my ex asking to chat. I feel that was a rash decision, because today I don't really want to face him. But he agreed, and actually just sent a message suggesting we meet today. I haven't got my thoughts in order yet so I'm going to suggest a time next week, but ultimately I really don't know whether this will help with my healing or not. I also just signed up for therapy with BetterHelp, but I'm still waiting on a therapist to be assigned. I guess I'm just looking for a bit of support in the meantime because I'm feeling quite alone at the moment.

Guest_1584 Why does a person never admit to things?
  • replies: 31

High people. My gf/partner in 3 yrs has never taken responsibility, owned or acknowledged anything not even when it's something she'll do often. Yet, has what she calls truths and no problem at all in saying and very bluntly to l might add, anything ... View more

High people. My gf/partner in 3 yrs has never taken responsibility, owned or acknowledged anything not even when it's something she'll do often. Yet, has what she calls truths and no problem at all in saying and very bluntly to l might add, anything she thinks about something l've done or that l do . She might even do the same but that's either all ok for her that's different, or she'd just never admit to it and get all hurt that l should even suggest such a thing. She's mostly a very loving and extremely caring person , incredibly so actually and she'll also happily do anything for you she can and is extremely supportive, above herself if need be. But where as she also has absolutely no problem at all in handing out complaints or asking me to change something l do or a habit , or even a need that is just me. Heaven forbid though l might have a complaint, that's taken in tears and as a direct hit on her character. What is that ? She won't change or alter anything she does , not even a simple thing like one morning in bed she wouldn't even turn the light off at 7am when she woke up and wanted to do something on the pc. l mean this is just a very small thing there's far far bigger and more important things but even to this one tiny little thing as an example. l'm not a morng person and l hate light at the best of times let alone 7am and while l'm still asleep, she knows that, yet she refused point blank, she just did. She didn't even need the light on she was only reading and there was already morning light coming in.She won't change or compromise anything she does, nor even admit to it. Yet l often wake up early so l'll get up so as l don't wake her and go out to the lounge or somewhere, especially if l want to pc or she'll complain she can't sleep , let alone l turn the br light on . Thing is that's her attitude with anything her, what is that, entitlement or what ? How do you handle things like that in a person, especially when they have absolutely no qualms whatsoever in the reverse? l mean you'll see stuff like this in an obviously arrogant self centered type , but not usually in someone as caring as what she is otherwise. rx

BG89 Wife with bpd wants to separate, I'm heartbroken and need help
  • replies: 13

I am currently in the process of being separated from my bpd wife but I'm still deeply in love with her and this process is leaving me completely heartbroken. She is my best friend and the only person iv ever loved and while she has hinted at this be... View more

I am currently in the process of being separated from my bpd wife but I'm still deeply in love with her and this process is leaving me completely heartbroken. She is my best friend and the only person iv ever loved and while she has hinted at this before we have never broken up but now she has sead we are and I'm having trouble accepting it. We have been together nearly 6 years married for nearly 4, have 3 kids and in the last 6 months she and the kids moved to new Zealand to what we planned was to start a new life, while I was stuck in Australia during covid to finish up my work then rejoin them. Over that 6 months she has become a completely different person made all these plans and decions without telling me or talking to me about it then when I finally got to our new home last week she told me we are separated and wants a divorce. Im absolutely shattered I'm crying all the time csnt eat mutch or sleep mutch and I'm loosing all drive to do anything, also to make it worse she is being up and down about how I'm coping which depending on her mood she is eaither understanding or extremely angry about it. Some of her reasons seem to change daily but the main ones are she has discovered over the last 6 months she would prefer to be alone as being married is adding to mutch stress for her to deal with and is she can't love me like I deserve and I should find someone else and be happy, I told her I don't want anyone else I want her, iv all ways worked hard to be there for her with the roller coaster ride of bpd and iv never judged or held it agents her even thow its cost me job progression due calling in sick alot to help her or leaving work early to help her, friends and some family Iv been trying to talk about it with her a few times and she doesn't want to work it out or keeps telling me I'm forcing her to stay with me when I ask how do you think the kids will handle all of this.

black_rose Infidelity and Learning to Trust.... Can You?
  • replies: 14

So after finding out my partner was sex messaging another woman a year after I caught him cheating with her, then a week later another woman I ended it & agreed to give it another shot. Why? 8 yrs is a long time and, I have Bipolar along with traits ... View more

So after finding out my partner was sex messaging another woman a year after I caught him cheating with her, then a week later another woman I ended it & agreed to give it another shot. Why? 8 yrs is a long time and, I have Bipolar along with traits of BPD, not enough for a proper diagnosis however. Although that also depends on who you ask, the psych ward I was in for 2 weeks 10 years ago or my Psychiatrist I was seeing at the time. I tend to go my Psychiatrists diagnosis. So what does that mean, well it means that the BPD brain (as I call it) has an intense and irrational fear of being alone, which means I tend to stay in an unhealthy and volatile relationship because being alone is hard. I know to other people it sounds stupid, it even sounds stupid tome especially considering I know this relationship is on the verge of becoming emotionally abusive. The other nights the things he said to me knowing I was already feeling pretty worthless after confessing less that a week ago that as much I tried to hide it my depression and anxiety was back with a vengeance and in overdrive. Leaving the house has started to become an impossible and daunting. He told me I was a leech because I have been unable to find a job, I already feel pretty terrible about this and this is one contributing factor and told him it made me feel worthless, he also told me I can't leave him, that I need him to be able to afford to keep the roof over my head. He then blamed my lack of sex drive for his behaviour and he got it more maybe he wouldn't feel the need to sex message other woman. The next day when the situation had calmed down, I told him I can't take it anymore and if this ever happens again, it's over & somehow I will find a way to be able to without him financially. My friends are appalled at his behaviour, his friends are unaware (I think) not that they would care there is a mutual hatred there, stemming from one person who is hypocritical and very manipulative and has tried many times to convince my partner to leave me, she's learnt I can't be and despises that and her hatred has spread like a virus through the group. I asked him if the roles were different and what he was doing was say happening to his sister or friend would he be angry, he confessed yes he would be & accepted that what he did what disrespectful to me & very hurtful. The past week he's started making an effort and I've been to the docs. So we'll see how it all goes & if I can ever learn to trust him again

jonjr telling my children
  • replies: 5

i recently had to go back into hospital due to my anxiety, panic and dissociative amnesia disorder. nothing i am not used to , i have suffered most of my life. Whilst in hospital they discovered that due to the severity and length of my attacks my he... View more

i recently had to go back into hospital due to my anxiety, panic and dissociative amnesia disorder. nothing i am not used to , i have suffered most of my life. Whilst in hospital they discovered that due to the severity and length of my attacks my heart has developed an irregular beat. worrying but manageable. I told my children " teenage boys" about the issue and not to worry . But i did not tell them the real reason i was in hospital in the first place and why they could not visit, i don't live with them i should point out and have no communication with there mother although i see my kids often and we have a very close relationship. My d.d has made my life difficult and i often unintentionally hurt myself and as such in hospital i am classed as a high risk in a strange kind of way. My children know that i have some anxiety but not the true extent of the problem, i am afraid to share the d.d with them and the issues it brings with it as i am scared it will make them worry. On my safety plan my only option for next of kin is my children but i refuse to list them as a contact as again i am not sure its fair or the right thing to do at there ages?. I feel i have to lie to them and find myself constantly making excuses during my bad times and hospital stays. I do not know at what stage it is right time to tell them and i fear if i do not they may find out if it happens when they are around me. I know i have to but are they mature enough to understand? and is it fair to add worries to there life?.

TheUnaverageBloke Need help with a complex relationship issue involving infidelity...
  • replies: 13

Hi, I've been reading this forum for a few years now, rarely posted anything but the support and kindness I find here is incredible. I've been hesitant in posting this but I've come to the point where I need help and some guidance. This is kind of a ... View more

Hi, I've been reading this forum for a few years now, rarely posted anything but the support and kindness I find here is incredible. I've been hesitant in posting this but I've come to the point where I need help and some guidance. This is kind of a long story, but I'll start at the beginning... I've been in love with my best mates sister since I was young, some 25+ years, we've also been great friends to each other, I had tried to go from friend zone to a relationship a few times but was always rejected on the grounds that we were like siblings (having known each other since she was 6 years old, I didn't develop any feelings towards her until I was 16 and she was 14) I have not had a day where I haven't thought of her since telling myself she was the one for me and that one day we would grow old and ugly in each other's arms... My connection with her ended up causing me to not form any relationships with girls until I was 27, where I gave up and ended up in a committed relationship with a workmate for 8 years... She ended up cheating on me with her ex and we broke up in spectacular form. I was heartbroken and quickly turned to my friends for support, including her (at the time she was also in a relationship) I got past the blues and found another partner through online dating, the relationship was great initially, we had a lot of shared interests and she was employed in a field that I was interested in yet wasn't my profession (I am quite over educated to say the least without giving too much away). We started trying for our first child (who is a beautiful little 3 yo now) before he was born I had to endure years of mental anguish,, I spent literally years of my life trying to convince her that it will be okay and living is not as bad as she made it out to be. Since the birth of our first child life with her had been mediocre, many times I heard her say she was a "bad mum and didn't deserve it" even though it was exactly what she wanted. Our intimacy has completely disappeared, much to my dismay, as it was fairly decent until then.

Kez77 Partner believe daughter over me after I am the one the reunited them after 22years
  • replies: 6

My partner and I have been together a couple of years, I have two children 21 and 22 and he had 2 children 24 and 28 which he hadnt spoken to or seen for 20 years until I reunited him with the daughter but his son still will not speak to him. Their m... View more

My partner and I have been together a couple of years, I have two children 21 and 22 and he had 2 children 24 and 28 which he hadnt spoken to or seen for 20 years until I reunited him with the daughter but his son still will not speak to him. Their mother sent pornagrapic phones and verbal abused my children after she found out we were together lucky we live in different states. So at the end of last year his daughters partner cheated on her and I offered for her to move from Canberra and come live with us and we will help her by a house here in QLD. She made all these promises to me that being a 28 year old women she wouldn't be a bother and she would look after herself and help around the house and contribute. So 8 weeks in and not a cent paid or once offered to clean anything when I cook and clean everyday and makes their lunches and work full time as well she now starts telling lies. She sits with me and tells me one story and then when her dad gets home she tells him total different story right in front of me for she knows that if I say anything he will believe her for she thinks he owes her for wasn't in her life growing up which had no option of his was their mothers doing. So she expects us to pay for food and board and then smokes all my smokes and complains has no money so he gives her cash but everyweekend she tells me how she is going away to retreats and winery's etc. I have tried to discuss this with my partner but he is that blindsided that doesn't believe a word I say. I was the one that organised for her to move that spent 3 weekends cleaning out rooms and the shed to make sure we had room for all her stuff so didn't have to hire a storage shed and the redecorated the bedroom for her and I was the one that was here when the revivalists came and I had to haul all the stuff into the house. No sign of her dad then and or her. So after all I have done and now she starts lying saying I am tipping out her products in shower and throwing her mail away and she knows I have a bath every Sunday m morning so she choses to get in just before me and then leaves purple shampoo everywhere which stains and the drain full of hair. This is what put me over the edge last weekend. I finally said something and nicely asked her to clean the bath and she made up this big lie that I went crazy and now she can't live with us so my partner believes that I drove her away. And then I get home the next day and there is a padlock on her bedroom door.

anon143 How to process feelings from infidelity?
  • replies: 3

Long story short, my ex (separated from my husband a little under 2.5 years ago) & I have kept in contact & tried countless times to rekindle our “marriage” as we do have a 3 year old. Reasons for ultimate separation were emotional, mental, financial... View more

Long story short, my ex (separated from my husband a little under 2.5 years ago) & I have kept in contact & tried countless times to rekindle our “marriage” as we do have a 3 year old. Reasons for ultimate separation were emotional, mental, financial and physical abuse from him. We live seperate in different states. On the two times we have tried to give it another shot I always find evidence of third party situations on his end. I feel I am holding onto these emotions & I’m not sure how to process them. I want to feel these emotions so I can attempt to move forward. How do you process them? It’s a bit like I feel numb, it almost feels like I’m actively avoiding it effortlessly but I’m not trying to, I don’t know if that makes sense but that’s the best I can explain it. It’s resulting in me having very vivid dreams of rage around these situations but in my waking life I can’t even “tackle” it. It feels like a burden and a heavy weight.