Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Lambent I don't know how to start again. I feel I don't have the strength.
  • replies: 11

I've had depression most of my life, since adolescence. I've been on SSRIs for probably 30 years. The depression seems to be cyclic. About a year ago, after 31 years of marriage and with two grown young sons, I decided to go off antidepressants. They... View more

I've had depression most of my life, since adolescence. I've been on SSRIs for probably 30 years. The depression seems to be cyclic. About a year ago, after 31 years of marriage and with two grown young sons, I decided to go off antidepressants. They made me feel empty and disconnected. Then late last year my dad passed away, our dog died and I unknowingly slipped into a downward spiral. The black dog bit me hard and with a vengeance I have never known before. My wife wanted me out of the house. I spent the worst 48 hours of my life in a hotel room, alone, not sleeping, endlessly playing out how I would end my life. What stopped me was the thought of the pain I would inflict on my family. They talk of going to hell when you die but only the living can truly experience its horror. I have now seen my GP, resumed antidepressants and am slowly climbing out of the darkness. But now, I think, my wife and family do not want me back home. For a while, or maybe forever, I am not sure. My recent episode has shaken them to the core. If it was one tenth as bad for them as it was for me, then I can understand that. But here's my point and why I am writing, for the first time, to this forum. I don't know how I can begin again without being with my family. Without the chatter over the dinner table, the afternoon strolls, "it's a lovely day, let's do to the beach", "you'll never guess what happened to me today". The thought of being separated from that is too much to bear. I cannot expect my family to live with my depression. But I struggle to find any purpose to go on without them. I cannot face another blank wall, an empty silent room. The thought of it is like a cold hand gripping my heart. I know the right thing to do it accept and deal with it. But I am struggling to find the strength. The allure of "escape" is strong. Anything to stop the pain. If I could just envision a life beyond fog of now . . .

callmeaz Transphobic dad
  • replies: 8

Sorry for the lack of punctuation My dad is transphobic and threw a tantrum when I used my chosen name on my school roster (with permission from my mum) and started threatening to stop paying for my school fees but gets upset that me and my family do... View more

Sorry for the lack of punctuation My dad is transphobic and threw a tantrum when I used my chosen name on my school roster (with permission from my mum) and started threatening to stop paying for my school fees but gets upset that me and my family don't contact him anymore. I'd also like to make it clear I did come out to him last Christmas but he continued to deadname me throughout my stay. I just wanted advice on how to deal with him

AlecA A person in my friend group is verbally harassing me and my friends
  • replies: 5

Hi all, So this person used to be my friend until a serious of unfortunate events that occurred, ending our friendship forever, however.. this term he decided that coming back would be the best option. He is verbally harassing all of us from thing fr... View more

Hi all, So this person used to be my friend until a serious of unfortunate events that occurred, ending our friendship forever, however.. this term he decided that coming back would be the best option. He is verbally harassing all of us from thing from personal stuff to irrelevant issues. I've tried to get help from teachers but the person still is allowed to hang out with us. Its gotten to a point I don't want to hang out with my only friends, this person is basically draining my self-esteem because the comments keep on coming day-by-day, I can't think of another option, even though it allows me not to be with him, it also means I can't stay with my friends when he is around. Thank You, Alec.

Agirl Depressed partner with cheating behaviours, is it the depression
  • replies: 15

Hi I am hoping for some RE assurance here my partner of 12mnths has recently confessed to texting girls (inappropriately) i found texts on his phone last November , to which he said it meant nothing, it was silly banter with old friends. I said I did... View more

Hi I am hoping for some RE assurance here my partner of 12mnths has recently confessed to texting girls (inappropriately) i found texts on his phone last November , to which he said it meant nothing, it was silly banter with old friends. I said I didn’t like it and it needed to stop. He acknowledged this and we moved on. In April this year he started facebook messaging me best friend, she contacted me straight away but given his past performance I asked her to persist. The messages again became inappropriate when I confronted him about these messages, he said it wasn’t him, that a frenemy had logged into his account and done it to spite him. the next day, being suspicious I went through his phone and found another conversation with another woman, when confronted he told me a friend from work uses his Facebook to have an affair with this woman this was 3months ago, I have been suspicious, but he kept denying it was him. finally this week he confessed that both conversations were from him. He can’t tell me why he did it, he barely remembers doing it. He only wants me, no one else. he says he sometimes feels a haze come over him where he can’t control emotions or feelings, that he does something without realising and only later realised how wrong it is his mother passed away tragically when he was in a car accident when he was 12, he was in the car with her and she died at the scene. This has obviously contributed to how he is now at 30. He has said he wants to get help, see a therapist. he believes the lying and texting is to do with his mother passing and him feeling so alone for so much of his life. i can see how this could happen, I’m just not sure how he will be able to resist texting other girls, why he does it at all and especially with my best friend. I feel if he loves me like he says he wouldn’t do this, even if he does need some sort of mental help. Having depression doesn’t make you text other girls does it? at the same time his mental state of mind when he texted my best friend, must not have been good, of course she was going to tell me. This makes me think there is merit to his story. He sometime doesn’t have control and when he sees someone about it, he will be better? i hope I make sense! thank you for any responses

That Other Guy Lonely
  • replies: 5

I am autistic. I've struggled with friendships my entire life. My wife spent all of last year saying she wanted to leave me, or be in an open relationship. We got through that and are doing pretty good now. However, I met a lady I really liked when w... View more

I am autistic. I've struggled with friendships my entire life. My wife spent all of last year saying she wanted to leave me, or be in an open relationship. We got through that and are doing pretty good now. However, I met a lady I really liked when we were open (I met quite a few but one stood out) and I had to cut things off with her because when I went back to blissful monogamy, she kept pushing me for sex. I had one close friend for the first time in my life, I helped him when he was homeless and he lived with us 6 months. When his daughter turned 18 he became sexually interested in her 18 yo friends, to the point I'd visit and he'd be too busy texting some 18 yo girl. He borrowed money he didn't repay and I used that as an excuse to end that friendship. My wife lives 2 hours drive from me, I see her 1-2 weeks a month. I spent a week a month interstate for work, with my dad who is very far from me politically and very bigoted and sexist. I just feel like I don't belong anywhere and whereever I am, if I am not with my wife, I have no friends I can talk to or count on. I've had the same email friend for over a decade and he's literally my only friendship. I do love going to live music and last time I went, I again met someone random and talked to them all night, I am not hard to get along with. I have two kids, one lives with me and has started spending some time with me again (I was basically an alcoholic all last year and he withdrew), but I only see him one week a month. My other son lives in a house I just bought him, and we see each other once a week when I am there, which is then once or twice a month. I also can't use social media, I got a Facebook ban for saying my honest opinion. Social media is basically broken and I am nearly always on a ban because I often speak my mind when it comes to people promoting hate or division. I feel like if I just didn't care I would do better. I guess I just feel after 53 years, I need to get used to not having friends again. I've had others but they all drift away with time. I'm in a band but struggle to turn that into friendship (the bass player also votes one nation so that's a hard pass). I guess I took the 2500 character limit as a challenge Sorry for waffling on. I'm not even sure what I'm asking for, I just know I feel sad a lot of the time.

Maggie_ Out of my control
  • replies: 5

There are two things out of my control that are getting me very down. One is I am desperate to have a second child, whereas my husband is set on only one. We have had countless discussions on this for the past 2 years and neither is changing their mi... View more

There are two things out of my control that are getting me very down. One is I am desperate to have a second child, whereas my husband is set on only one. We have had countless discussions on this for the past 2 years and neither is changing their mind so I really don't know what to do as I'm worried about feelings of resentment. It's so difficult because neither one of us is right or wrong in this, we just have different opinions. I always wanted to have children and he was never too bothered so tells me 'I compromised and gave you one, you should be happy.' I am happy with my daughter but didn't know, until after she was born, just how strongly I would feel about wanting a second. I'm trying to make peace with her being an only child but I'm just not able to get there. The second is that I'm feeling quite lonely due to my husband's shift work. He has worked most evenings, weekends and public holidays for the past 10+ years. Last Sunday I took my daughter to a park and all around us were families where there were 2 parents and at least 2 children. It makes me so jealous and lonely seeing it. I clearly crave more family around me (both husband and second child-wise!) I usually meet with a friend and her children and she sometimes brings her husband and parents too. I so appreciate the company but it's not the same as having my own larger family and it also adds to my feelings of the stark contrast between her having that around her whereas it's always just me and my daughter. Don't get me wrong - I absolutely love spending time alone with my daughter but it doesn't stop my thoughts of craving for more at times. So both of the above are playing on my mind so much and making me feel down and lonely. But both are out of my hands as there is nothing I can do to change the situation other than what I've already tried (trying to make peace with having one child only and meeting with friends when my husband is working). But I can't help how I feel and this only plasters over my feelings deep down and I'm increasingly finding myself having a big cry about these situations that I'm not happy with but am powerless to change.

jayske Someone else helping my partner's mental illness rather than me...
  • replies: 6

I am in a relationship that is 2 months and me and my partner are feeling around the committed stage. However, this is my first relationship and my partner's 3rd. Going into the relationship, my partner has opened up to their mental illnesses and for... View more

I am in a relationship that is 2 months and me and my partner are feeling around the committed stage. However, this is my first relationship and my partner's 3rd. Going into the relationship, my partner has opened up to their mental illnesses and for most times, whenever I try, it never feels like when I try to help, it has no effect, and I can only really do the basic '"texts" because I do not see them or live with them. Recently, one of my friends, maybe even close friends, helps our relationship and has been for a while, he has that experience from his past long-term relationships but is now single. This is where the conflict happens, we have recently gone on a break, but it didn't even last long, only a week, and now are about to be broken up. It is because of them having these mental illnesses, and me not being able to take care of their mental needs most likely because of my basic and inexperience self unable to really do anything, but my close friend has, and has been these past times. When me and my partner did have some trouble, usually he would be able to speak with them. Now, my partners feelings for me is not so much unlike the start, which is a pretty normal thing? when it comes to relationships, but they have started to like my close friend instead. I feel so.. conflicted in terms of emotions, I love my partner, and i have always wanted to help them, but whenever I try, I never really do anything. He on the other hand has and is still continuing to talk to them as well as helping them. I don't know what to do, feel or anything. I feel hurt though, with me not able to help my partner as well as jealous almost that my close friend can. And I have that gut feeling, a strong one at that, that they will date and I will feel even worse. Can I do anything? Should I accept this? Do i talk to my partner/ex? What can I do for future problems because of my inexperience.

IrisLight Confused and lost separation and new love after escaping toxic marriage
  • replies: 9

I have only just escaped a toxic marriage that I had almost lost my life to. The man I married was for all the wrong reasons, tradition, everyone's opinion, family, settle too fast, me being hopeful, just everything was wrong with it. During the rela... View more

I have only just escaped a toxic marriage that I had almost lost my life to. The man I married was for all the wrong reasons, tradition, everyone's opinion, family, settle too fast, me being hopeful, just everything was wrong with it. During the relationship there was no intimacy, no emotional talk, alot of abuse, it didn't feel like a relationship at all yet we still married, we lived in different rooms to eachother isolated the whole time. I tried to escape this marriage multiple times, running away, asking for a break up, asking for a divorce, each attempt resulted in friends and family being threatened, suicide threats and so much more, eventually I gave up and decided to stay even if it meant being lonely and forever one-sided, life was really miserable i was trapped and the only thing i could do was to keep effortlessly trying to repair something that was beyond repair and keep suffering the abuse, the neglect being cheated on and consistely shamed while covering up for all his actions to survive. One day, he introduced me to his friends, one of them changed my life. This guy was bright, celebrated my wins, tried to pick me up when i was down, made me feel comfortable with my flaws, was just as shy as me and taught me many things as we grew in life. It caught me off guard when I caught feelings for him, I was terrified, I knew it was impossible for me to be with him because I had already committed myself to his friend. So I kept denying the feelings I had for him for a long time during our relationship which only made things worse. To try stop the feelings I threw myself more at my ex, had a baby, tried to buy a house, my ex was the whole time completely uninterested with anything I did in the marriage. These things caused me even more heartache and pain because I was constantly rejected and here this amazing guy completely the opposite was sitting across from me who over the years seemed to be everything perfect I would consider in a guy and there was nothing i could do. After many years I finally built the courage to take my child and flee my marriage, to flee the abuse. I am fixing alot of broken things going through separation and have been thinking about this man as I heal, but can't seem to shake the feelings I have for him off. I am heartbroken because the people I talk to that did leave me behind family or old friends all disagree with my choice of feelings.. but no matter what I can't help but feel he may actually be the right one for me.

seperatedmum my husband has just left and I just dont know what to do
  • replies: 2

A few days ago my husband left for work, he is a shearer so most of his time is spent away, i sent him a message saying I was upset about a few things and that I wanted to talk and he messaged me back saying he didn't want to be with me anymore, and ... View more

A few days ago my husband left for work, he is a shearer so most of his time is spent away, i sent him a message saying I was upset about a few things and that I wanted to talk and he messaged me back saying he didn't want to be with me anymore, and that he believed we were on different pages and that he didnt love me anymore. we've been together 11 years, since we were in high school, and we have a 2 and a half year old son. I had no idea he was unhappy in that way in our marriage. we had had talks about issues before but they were always resolved, he had mentioned some issues he was having with himself but had always assured me it wasn't our relationship and that he loved me. He told me he's been pretending for over a year, and in that time while he was pretending, we started a business together, so i quit my main job to do that, we had made holiday plans, we had made plans to buy and block and build a home, he said he did it because he thought it was the right thing to do. He kept telling me he loved me, so i didnt know there were changes that needed to be made and because he has come to terms with how hes feeling, he doesnt want to try and resolve them, we've never had couples counselling but he wont do that now because hes already fallen out of love and geniunelly believes that there is no future and the feelings are gone. I don't know what to do, Im in limbo, im still in our house that we rent and i have no choice to leave because financially i know that i cant afford anything else, nor do i know where i would even want to go. Everyone in our life knows him as my husband and I dont know how to go out and live my life as normal because i dont know how to tell people about him when they ask because they always do. I feel like his life is just going on as normal and nothing is changing for him, he just gets to leave and im just stuck, with not many friends because all of my friends are his friends or his family, and I have my family but they cant understand how im feeling, and all they want to do is hate him, and they want me to hate him, but I just cant. Im trying to look after myself but i havent done that in 11 years. i have no hobbies, because all ive been for the past 11 years is a girlfriend, wife and mother. I just dont know what to do, i feel stuck.

JacindaRose Am I overreacting? Hard situation and no one to talk to about it.
  • replies: 5

Long story short, my brother in law used to live with us and one morning my partner found him being inappropriate in front of my kids. I was pregnant at the time (very hard pregnancy) so my partner didn't tell me but obviously kicked him out, I thoug... View more

Long story short, my brother in law used to live with us and one morning my partner found him being inappropriate in front of my kids. I was pregnant at the time (very hard pregnancy) so my partner didn't tell me but obviously kicked him out, I thought he moved out cause we needed the room for the baby. So I finally got told just before Christmas and obviously I was devastated and I said that my children will not be going to the house where my brother in law is (partners mums house) but his mum was more than welcome to come and see them at our house. She has not seen them and refuses to as she says her son did nothing wrong and I'm just being a typical daughter in law and over reacting so I can take her son and grandchildren away from her. My partner does agree that what he did was wrong but he still works with his brother as we have a business and his brother helps my partner out because he is so busy, this actually gets me really upset and I don't know if I should be or am I just overreacting? I don't have a lot of family (both parents past away) I only have a sister and she has problems with her own family so I try not to bother her but also feel like I need an outsiders point of view. What would u do about it all? Any help would be appreciated. Thank u