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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Battlin_Business_Owner Wife of many years now non-binary - really not sure how I feel about this
  • replies: 34

Hey everyone, Guessing I can't be the only person in this situation. I'm a simple guy with a fairly simple perspective on the world, at least I think I am. My wife and I had been married almost 20yrs, we're both in a mid 40's and we have two kids one... View more

Hey everyone, Guessing I can't be the only person in this situation. I'm a simple guy with a fairly simple perspective on the world, at least I think I am. My wife and I had been married almost 20yrs, we're both in a mid 40's and we have two kids one daughter and a son. We've had the usual challenges I think many relationships have but we're still here. In the last 6 months or so my wife has declared she's non-binary and my daughter is apparently gender fluid. Honestly I'm fine for people to be who or what they want to be. My challenge is I'm a guy, I'm not anything else, I married a woman. It was pretty simple. Apparently now, some 20yrs on I'm no longer married to a woman... I've had a look for support material on this issue, frankly it's all put out by organisations that I find, are heavily slanted towards looking after the needs of the transitioning partner and supporting them. Don't be selfish and make it about you seems to be the message. For me, ok I'm not the most intuitive guy, this was a massive shock and after 20yrs how can it not be about me as well? I honestly don't know how I feel about it. She seems pretty committed to this course. I really don't think I can be married to someone who feels like their a guy some of the time. I get there's more too it than that but essentially, I feel like that's what she's telling me. I've read a few posts here of others who have have had partners decide to change gender part way through a relationship. Essentially it seems however it goes it's hard for everyone, some make it some don't. Anway, really not sure what's going to happen but would love to hear from others in a similar situation. Thx in advance.

iamhealing What should I do? I need advice
  • replies: 9

"I and my husband have been married for five years. In time, his behavior became odd and i noticed he started acting strange, keeping late nights, ignoring me and our fights escalated further than they should have from little arguments. Sensing somet... View more

"I and my husband have been married for five years. In time, his behavior became odd and i noticed he started acting strange, keeping late nights, ignoring me and our fights escalated further than they should have from little arguments. Sensing something was off, i discovered that he had been cheating for our entire marriage. i discovered he was cheating on me with my best friend, her first child is his and they have been having this affair since we got married( i don't know what to do, i am confused that i didnt see the signs) . He does not know i know already, i am waiting for him to be back this sunday before i tell him. "There’s no repairing a marriage that never really existed in the first place. I am devastated. I do not even know what to think, please i need advice

peppapigs Desperate foster parent
  • replies: 14

I've become a foster parent of 2 little girls under 4 for nearly 12 months now. I don't have any feelings for these children and am constantly feeling guilty about the lack of emotion I'm able to give them. I know they need love that I seem to be inc... View more

I've become a foster parent of 2 little girls under 4 for nearly 12 months now. I don't have any feelings for these children and am constantly feeling guilty about the lack of emotion I'm able to give them. I know they need love that I seem to be incapable of providing. They are well cared for and happy but missing the love they need. Every moment spent with them is difficult and all I want to do is stay in bed and not see anyone. I can't even smile. I've changed anti-depressants hoping these symptoms are due to depression and will pass, but I'm 5 weeks into the medication and seem to be getting worse, not better. I haven't had much luck finding places/forums to discuss these feelings and if its normal. I feel like such a failure when I see other parents and foster parents and the joy they get from their children. Any advice or pointers greatly received.

UserName123 When a porn addiction escalates
  • replies: 9

I know this topic has been covered a few times on this forum but I'd really appreciate different perspectives on my situation as I'm too in my own head right now. I've been with my husband for 5 years. I have known since we were dating that he had an... View more

I know this topic has been covered a few times on this forum but I'd really appreciate different perspectives on my situation as I'm too in my own head right now. I've been with my husband for 5 years. I have known since we were dating that he had an unhealthy relationship with porn. The first time he shared this with me I was understanding and said I would be there to help him through it. I've had male friends in the past who have also shared about their porn addictions so I wasn't too shocked or surprised. Time went by and we got married. A month into being married I noticed he was being very possessive over his phone. For example, if I used his phone to Google something he would hover over my shoulder while I used it and snatch it away almost immediately. So I confronted him about it and he admitted he continued to struggle with his porn addiction. I told him I was hurt by the fact he tried to hide it from me and asked if in the future he could be open with me whenever he felt tempted and we could work through it together. He said he would like that. That was a year ago. Fast forward to this month, I noticed he started being possessive over his phone again and I confronted him about it. He admitted he was struggling with porn again and was ashamed he had relapsed so didn't tell me. I was hurt by this but kept my composure and I asked him if there was anything else he would like to tell with me. He said no. So I asked to see where he stores the content on his phone and I find out that not only has he been downloading porn but has been filming women in public to create his own content to consume later. I am shocked and disgusted. Not only did he lie to me seconds after promising he wouldn't but apparently he has been engaging in this behaviour since before we met. At this point, we've both agreed he needs to seek professional help, however I'm conflicted. I want to be understanding but I can't take the lying and deceit anymore. On top of all this it's also been affecting our intimacy. I've confronted him in the past that I've noticed that he never initiates intimacy with me and it's normally me who has to initiate. Each time I've brought this up he got defensive saying it's my fault because I expect him to read my mind. In hindsight I realised he was also gaslighting me. I still love him and realise he is struggling with deeper issues but I feel like I deserve so much better. I don't know what to do.

curiousPotato Grief and loss over breakup of a relationship for 6 years
  • replies: 4

Hi, Hope everyone is doing well! I'm Wendy and I'm new to this group. I sincerely hope that I can be given some advice or just a few pieces of words on how to make me feel better. It's been 3 months since my ex-partner broke up with me and I suffered... View more

Hi, Hope everyone is doing well! I'm Wendy and I'm new to this group. I sincerely hope that I can be given some advice or just a few pieces of words on how to make me feel better. It's been 3 months since my ex-partner broke up with me and I suffered tremendously over these periods both psychologically and physically (exhausing each outher in arguments and fights). It took me long to find a nice home to rent and I just moved out yesterday. The sadness kicked in like hell and I was out of control of my life after all these years of living together with someone that I had formed such a deep bond with and someone I shared eveything in my life with but now all of a sudden he's a complete stranger. Today at work during team lunch my colleagues were chatting about one of them who was supposed to go get a ring and propose to his partner and this made me even worse. I was beaten at the thought that my ex-partner, whom I was so in love with, will propse to someone else and become husband and father to someone else instead of me. I felt I was drown in this pool of sadness and pain. I don't know what I can do with my life and I hope that there could be some sorts of advice that can shed some lights on me on how to get up to myself. Thanks!

Teena1__ Marriage problems
  • replies: 10

My husband & I have been together for almost a decade, married for 6 years & we have 3 kids together. I am a SAHM while my husband provides for our family. He's a great father to our kids and also a great Provider. I am thankful. throughout the years... View more

My husband & I have been together for almost a decade, married for 6 years & we have 3 kids together. I am a SAHM while my husband provides for our family. He's a great father to our kids and also a great Provider. I am thankful. throughout the years we've bumped heads cause we don't see eye-to-eye on things. Eg: he gave me an ultimatum to marry him in a courthouse or not marry him at all. He's the one who wanted me to be a SAHM and raise our kids while he works. He'll go through many hoops to lie or makes up excuses as to why he can't attend family events, bdys or special occasions (but if it were his fam he'd have no issues showing up). I have caught him out each time on his big lies. He always says for me to go by myself or take the kids. He had a online relaionship while I was pregnant. He makes no effort whatsoever when it comes to our marriage. It's either his way or the highway. I have to fight him tooth & nail to drag him to family events. he makes a huge deal about going even though he only shows up maybe 3 times out of the year. My family love and respect him, and have been paitent with him in not forcing him to come around if he didn't want too. I'll always be the one to come up with spontaneous dates or outings otherwise we won't go anywhere. I'll always go out of of way to spoil him for his bday, anniversaries, fathers day & Christmas but it is never reciprocated. I also have religious commitments and he supports me aslong as I don't have to include him and that also goes for family things, even if it involves the kids. He doesn't want the kids to have big birthdays where he has to socialise with anyone. He's never actively involved, but will happy drive me and the kids hours away to do our own thing just so we miss out on whatever family events we skipped out on that day. I know he loves me but he doesn't care about things or the people that I love. But he just expects me to care & Love his family. I feel like my husband doesn't value me enough to speak my love language.I take care of our kids 24/7. I clean/cook & clean up everyone otherwise things won't ever get done. I help him pay the bills where I can. I have no friends, socialise with noone. My family all live 2 hours away hence why I would want my family to spend time with them. I'm exhausted and tired of fighting him over the same thing over and over. He's 36 years and I'm turning 30. I have suggested counselling but he doesn't believe we have any issues. My dad is dying and he won't go.

Mohekhan I'm in constant pain and it's making me feel depressed and angry
  • replies: 3

I'm 40 years old and have just been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and it's really starting to take a toll on me I've had to give up working, alcohol and pretty much everything I love to do because of the constant swelling in my joints the pain ... View more

I'm 40 years old and have just been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and it's really starting to take a toll on me I've had to give up working, alcohol and pretty much everything I love to do because of the constant swelling in my joints the pain is literally in unbearable and it's really starting to get me deeply depressed and angry and I've taken my snappy mood out on my partner of 2 an a half years we both said some pretty hurtful things to each other, I apologized for my behaviour as it's not my intention to hurt him because I love him unconditionally and he's the only person I've had in my life in the past 3 years due to 23 years of a violent relationship with my ex so I'm pretty much damaged goods I had major trust issues a fear of being yelled an screamed at as it was the normal thing in my last relationship but my new partner has helped me to overcome these problems and now I have this new problem that I unfortunately can't do anything about as my own body is attacking itself and I'm in constant pain 24/7 swelling an the heat that the swelling produces is insane not to mention from going from extremely active to not being able to do the things that we all take for granted every day is mentally destroying me like showering myself cooking walking the dog going to kickboxing training I feel like a complete burden to my partner now which is all getting me more depressed and angry with myself and now I've taken it out on him he's said that we are over and he's moving out. I'm totally lost I honestly don't know what to do I don't have anyone to turn to for guidance or to help me work out if I'm just a total moody bitch or its literally just the constant strain an struggle on my body that's causing me to snap at my partner. Can someone please help me better understand this so I can try to save my relationship

Mabeli When is enough enough?
  • replies: 3

I have 2 kids and have been married for 24 years. My husband was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, bipolar & traits of borderline personality disorder around 15 years ago. He has stopped all medication (as he says this didn't work for him) a ... View more

I have 2 kids and have been married for 24 years. My husband was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, bipolar & traits of borderline personality disorder around 15 years ago. He has stopped all medication (as he says this didn't work for him) a few years ago. His psychiatrist stopped seeing him as he felt he couldn't help anymore. He self medicates with Cannabis (this is the only thing that helps) which doesn't actually help at all. He is always angry, always feels sick and spends the majority of his time in his room. He punched himself in the face a week ago and yells at me with hate in his eyes. My husband left last night to spend some time with his father and my son said to get the papers ready to get rid of him. He says he hates his father & never wants to see him again. He has had enough of everything being about him and feels that he doesn't care about any of us. I don't know what to do.

Beaser Is giving space to an ex partner the way to go .
  • replies: 6

I have had a recent breakup after 18 months together, i would lie to try and resolve things.. I am being told that giving my partner her space ie no texts ,calls etc. I had been doing this until the last week or so but the last week there has been ph... View more

I have had a recent breakup after 18 months together, i would lie to try and resolve things.. I am being told that giving my partner her space ie no texts ,calls etc. I had been doing this until the last week or so but the last week there has been phone calls and texts . All very friendly and no animosity involved . Im confused do i just back of completely or continue with the contact. Brett

porkchopsss 9 year anniversary is coming up but I have strong feelings for someone else
  • replies: 20

I'm in a long term relationship and engaged since 2020. She is also my first girlfriend. However, I started having feelings for someone that I met before my partner since April 2021. I had expressed my "problem" in October 2021, however, my partner w... View more

I'm in a long term relationship and engaged since 2020. She is also my first girlfriend. However, I started having feelings for someone that I met before my partner since April 2021. I had expressed my "problem" in October 2021, however, my partner was not very supportive and said that it is my fault that my feelings have changed. I attempted to break up 3 times since then, they were all unsuccessful. Since the start of the year, we have been going to counseulling, but I have not expressed how I truly feel about this other person as she told me I like her as a friend. I believe she is in denial. After 1 session together abd 1 session individually each, I feel as if she has changed the way she responds to our problems, she has become more understanding but I am still having issues with my feelings for this other girl. My counseuler suggested that I cut off this other girl and I did. It has been 2 months since we have spoken properly/met up, I still thinkg/dream of her. I burst out in tears maybe twice a week, thinking, I have always been in charge of my life in terms of work and relationships with others, but I am not right now. It kills me inside that I am not doing anything about it and I have told myself I need to do it, but nothing ever gets done. Everytime I think of what I want to do, I worry about my partner more than myself. I have never dealth with my feelings in the past and now I am, I do not know how to take care of myself. I feel so lost. I have no interest in going out, catching up with friends, work. I want to do nothing on a daily basis and hoping this pain will just go away. What do I do....