Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

ecomama Parental alienation **Trigger Warning**
  • replies: 11

This is such a difficult topic for those of us who've suffered from the abuse known as Parental Alienation. And abuse of their children. For me it didn't happen ONLY from exH but his "allies" did alot too. Tonight I am SO SAD about this. Eldest D ble... View more

This is such a difficult topic for those of us who've suffered from the abuse known as Parental Alienation. And abuse of their children. For me it didn't happen ONLY from exH but his "allies" did alot too. Tonight I am SO SAD about this. Eldest D blew up at me tonight about leaving all the children with abusive people, she said she hated me for what I had done. I didn't do anything. "Hate" is a banned word in our home - usually. I NEVER knew they were being abused, how could I? NO ONE TOLD ME. Everything about the children under 18 has been reported to Police but for the adult children I offered to support them to report but they said no. Now this must have built up inside them and exploded again tonight. I am powerless because I know nothing about that abuse and they have to report being over 18. I didn't think my heart could break all over again about this but it has. The outright lies the abusers told my children still linger in their minds. Some of these lies were said for over a decade and I only found out this year. The children were manipulated into believing them. Things changed when my youngest D studied "how to tell a liar" and proceeded to test both me and others for weeks, then she reported her 'findings' to us all at once. I passed every time. The abusers failed every time. I fought for all the children in Courts and won 100% care but the damage is so deep. I feel all the familiar feelings of depression and hopelessness flooding in. I'm trying to hold onto the MH gains I've made but omg this is horrifying to me and I feel devastated all over again. It's like ALL the abuse they suffered is taken out on me. Angry outbursts from my children still at home has reduced to almost zero. I organised Counselling and we support each other. We have a calm life. Then the adult children come over and anger is infused here. Sometimes they haven't spoken to us (mostly me) for months at a time. Keeping the grandchildren away and doing other strange and horrible things that they know hurt me deeply. I've given them everything I have. Years ago I was suicidal over this without knowing what was going on. The abusers had turned my entire extended family against me and my children also. I was so confused and completely alone. If you've gone through this, did anything heal your relationships? EM

Jstar49 My estranged daughter turns 21 today
  • replies: 312

Hi everyone, I'm completely new here so Hello and thanks for being here. It's my eldest daughter's 21st birthday today and I'm feeling pretty emotional about it. She hasn't spoken to me in 4 years, and refuses to have any contact with me, my husband ... View more

Hi everyone, I'm completely new here so Hello and thanks for being here. It's my eldest daughter's 21st birthday today and I'm feeling pretty emotional about it. She hasn't spoken to me in 4 years, and refuses to have any contact with me, my husband or our 10 yr old daughter. I was a single mum with her, stayed around her dad's town in order for her to have a relationship with him but finally left when she was 8, to return up north and be closer to family. That's a whole other story. She was impacted by my PND, for sure, and things have always been intense between us. Chaotic too. Interesting, but not exactly stable. My marriage when she was 10 was the start of some kind of normal, and now I've never been so content or mentally/emotionally stable, even tho I still need to take care of myself, not get overwhelmed, and watch myself re: taking on others opinions/judgements. I worry about her but I tell myself maybe it's for the best, maybe she just needs time and space to discover who she is, and learn to forgive the mistakes of the past and accept herself and myself for who we are. It's hard tho. Today I just would love to see her, see her smile at me, hug her and tell her how proud of her I am. And hear whatever she has to say. Anyhow, thanks for listening. I know there's others out there with similar stories. It seems like the world just needs a course in family harmony! It's so sad for the kids that get caught up in it. Cheers, Jstar

AccidentlyUncontrolled Completely and utterly alone
  • replies: 1

I have a best friend and I know he cares just not enough to treat me like a human cause his feeling are the only feelings that matter. I’ve isolated myself from my family and I’m not good at holding other friendships cause I don’t like to talk to peo... View more

I have a best friend and I know he cares just not enough to treat me like a human cause his feeling are the only feelings that matter. I’ve isolated myself from my family and I’m not good at holding other friendships cause I don’t like to talk to people and I can be emotional. I’ve been going to the doctors and we finally found a way to get diagnosed that I can afford. But now it’s more and more wait lists. I can’t tell if I feel like no one cares for no reason. Or if like my heightened emotions make me feel like I care more as I’ve always held people in a high regard to what I should. But now I’m just completely alone and I’ve never been this depressed in my life I’ve always felt lonely. But now it just feels like I have nothing. I pour myself into the things I have and they get worse while I don’t feel like I can do anything to get better it’s been years of this and I’m just lonely

Juliet_84 Do you have “that conversation” with your parents before they die?
  • replies: 11

Hi all, I grew up in a household with a very controlling and volatile mother. She had a lot of narcissistic tendencies, a superiority complex and a need to always be right, would constantly see you as a threat to her authority (in her own mind) so wo... View more

Hi all, I grew up in a household with a very controlling and volatile mother. She had a lot of narcissistic tendencies, a superiority complex and a need to always be right, would constantly see you as a threat to her authority (in her own mind) so would create ridiculous rules that you had to follow just to assert her dominance, would forever initiate arguments and then say incredibly hurtful things. But perhaps most hurtful was my father, in contrast, he was kind and loving and consistent, but gutless. Not even a bystander, she would often get him to do her bidding. She would often send him to do her dirty work and break up whatever fun we were having to march us back to her, and he did it dutifully. It’s little wonder I ended up in a DV relationship as an adult. Now I have a very pleasant relationship with both of my parents. My dad had always been happy and loving and my mother is now committed to the role of being a loving and caring mother (partly due to appearances I’m sure), and she can uphold that for the brief visits that we see her. For a time, I even considered that it was likely a stressful time for her too and we have all moved on and put that chapter behind us. My sister has recently moved back home for a spell and can confirm that my mother has not changed one bit and is back to her old tricks. Both of my parents are ageing. My question is, do you have your say and tell your parents the effect they had on you growing up and hold them accountable for their behaviour or do you let sleeping dogs lie and try to move on and heal on your own? Will I regret not saying how I feel?

movingkids Moving from country town to city
  • replies: 2

I have a child with anxiety and struggle to help her as I don't understand the condition much. I have been offered work in a capital city which means moving. We tried a couple of weeks and she had a panic attack in the city centre. She has said she c... View more

I have a child with anxiety and struggle to help her as I don't understand the condition much. I have been offered work in a capital city which means moving. We tried a couple of weeks and she had a panic attack in the city centre. She has said she can't handle the city and likes the small town we live in. She did not really leave the house when in the city and she will need to change schools as well. She does SH as well. She is 13 yrs old but for me the job opportunity and increase wages is to good to pass. Will I make things worst for her forcing her the change towns and school.

Cloo I think my girlfriends mentally draining
  • replies: 9

I’ve been in a relationship for about a year and a bit now. It’s been pretty smooth sailing but over the past couple of months things have been starting to get really bad. A while back we had a moment where we fought and eventually broke up, but we t... View more

I’ve been in a relationship for about a year and a bit now. It’s been pretty smooth sailing but over the past couple of months things have been starting to get really bad. A while back we had a moment where we fought and eventually broke up, but we talked and gave it another go. Since then things haven’t been the same. I don’t want to sound like a bad guy or anything, but my girlfriend’s been mentally and emotionally draining, and I’m not sure if it’s gonna get better. I’ve been told by heaps of people that I should talk to her about it, but I’m always met with a harsh lecture about how she can’t help it, practically making me feel more drained for even attempting to speak up about it. I’ve tried to explain that I want breaks where I can have time to myself, but she guilt trips me into not having them, whether that’s forcing me to explain every reason why I want one which even then isn’t enough, or gets mad at me while using the ‘how-about-what-I-want’ card. Even when I’ve gotten breaks, I get calls from her asking if I’m annoyed or mad, which typically last the whole day, not even giving me a break at all. She also constantly asks me if I’m ok, mad, annoyed, in the mood to talk, ect. Regardless of my answer, she gets stressed and doesn’t believe me at all, saying I’m sad and pressuring me to tell her what’s wrong, when nothing is wrong. She then gets upset, saying I’m annoyed and demanding a reason why. I could be perfectly normal, and how I usually am, yet she stills asks what’s wrong and says I’m annoyed. And then she begins to go on, saying how I’m not doing something, or I’m doing something wrong, even bringing up things that don’t relate to anything. Sometimes she says something that I can’t understand then proceeds to say it’s nothing or it doesn’t matter, then gets upset about how I didn’t listen or that I don’t want to talk. To put things short, I’m getting extremely drained by her, which is affecting everything else in my life, school, work, even friendships cause I can’t go out because she gets upset from it. I’ve had thoughts about what I should do and if it’s the relationship I want, but I have this guilt about ending things, especially seeing how she was the first time. I’m honestly stuck and don’t know why to do.

Hope-Less Used Up
  • replies: 4

I am struggling to accept my son does not respect me.He is in his early 20s not working, doing community service a couple times a week& treats me like I am dirt.My only use to him to picking up after him and expected to provide a roof over his head a... View more

I am struggling to accept my son does not respect me.He is in his early 20s not working, doing community service a couple times a week& treats me like I am dirt.My only use to him to picking up after him and expected to provide a roof over his head and pay bills.The topic of paying board is either laughed at or anger reflected back at me. He screams- who is expected to pay to live in their own home?My responses are to point out I work and have a large mortgage and have bills to pay. Now he has moved in his pregnant teenage girlfriend and displays all the signs of psychological abuse…starting with going out and leaving her at home in their bedroom. Swearing and yelling at her. Going through her contacts in her phone, to check their are no males.They leave rubbish around the house and clothes on the bathroom floor- expecting me to clean up.After three divorces, I am diagnosed with complex PTSD, anxiety and severe depression.My youth has faded along with my looks & loneliness is real in my isolation.I cannot see joy for very long, the idea of my first grandchild gave me joy, but faded quickly when I watch my son who thinks it is fine to sleep, eat and copulate. I try to remind myself I brought my daughter up to be a functional, successful member of society any parent would be proud of. The vast difference in personalities is unbelievable. I am worn out and hope has faded.

Cakecake Guilt that my divorce hurt my children
  • replies: 7

I always prioritized my children over everything. I only married as I was pregnant (unplanned) and I wasn’t in love with my partner. I wanted my baby to have siblings and a family. It was working pretty well, although I was unfulfilled in my marriage... View more

I always prioritized my children over everything. I only married as I was pregnant (unplanned) and I wasn’t in love with my partner. I wanted my baby to have siblings and a family. It was working pretty well, although I was unfulfilled in my marriage and husband was quite dependent and more like another child than a partner. I became obsessed with a much older and senior man I worked with. He was very flirtatious and pursued me. I told my husband that I had fallen in love with someone else, but he became became extremely angry, hopeless and clingy and even more dependent than before. Anyway a year went by and I finally caved and visited this man and told him my feelings and kissed him. I felt so guilty and anxious, my husband could tell and he was able to track my movements and so discovered what had happened. He threw me out, in front of the kids, it was awful. However he called me to return a couple of hours later. The next few months were a nightmare, the older man was perusing me begging me to be with him, and I really loved him. my husband was tracking me and getting alternately angry, scaring me with potential scenarios where he said that if I left I wouldn’t be with my kids or hear about them for weeks. Or he was hopeless and desperately attached to me. I moved into the study of our house, and separated from my husband and commenced a relationship with the older man, well I actually tried to brake it off with older man several times as I was so scared to leave marriage and lose full custody of my kids, It was very hard to brake up with him, impossible actually. Husband says I was cheating on him during this time, and remains extremely bitter and angry. When home school started I moved to my parents regional property with the kids and took them home to their dads on weekends, and husband and I never lived in the same house again. Im not with the older man now either, who I now believe was a very toxic person who shouldn’t really have persued a married women with young children. There is still so much acrimony with my ex husband. I have worked so hard to shelter my kids from all the troubles, and they are doing very well actually. Their dad has become much more hands on. However I always feel so guilty, remorseful, and sad that I destroyed their family. When I am not with them and they’re at their dads I’m so sad the entire time. I’m so worried they will end up with illness. I love my kids so much, but I ruined their lives.

Username01 Is this a normal or okay situation?
  • replies: 2

I have been struggling with this for a few years and although I’ve done a lot of work I am still unable to accept it. I am just wanting some insight from others into my situation if possible. As a teenager I was practically groomed by a man more that... View more

I have been struggling with this for a few years and although I’ve done a lot of work I am still unable to accept it. I am just wanting some insight from others into my situation if possible. As a teenager I was practically groomed by a man more that 10 years older to go to live with him. I was just over the age of consent, so it was not illegal. He said he would help me get my licence and get on my feet as my family situation wasn’t good. It immediately became an abusive sexual relationship I was in for about a year which ended in pregnancy, and I left. I applied to court for custody arrangements as I was not comfortable to negotiate with him alone. They found it was an abusive situation but not illegal, and not involving the child so co-parenting was ordered. It has been over 5 years since I left and I am having a terrible time having to deal with this man and try to co-parent. It is distressing having contact with him. I feel as though it was very wrong what happened, and the way my child was conceived, but there is no accountability for what happened. I know it was not illegal as I was just of age of consent, but he was so much older and there is a huge power imbalance. I just can’t believe I am in this situation. I would just like to hear other people’s insights into this situation, as I read about other people’s co-parenting but have never read about a situation similar to mine. Thanks for any replies.

Jenny8 Am I jealous, lazy or being taken advantage of?
  • replies: 4

My mum is living with my sister who is married with 2 kids while I’m living with my dad. My parents are still together. It’s a separate issue why mum is away but she’s meant to visit everyday.I work all day everyday (2 jobs), clean the house, care fo... View more

My mum is living with my sister who is married with 2 kids while I’m living with my dad. My parents are still together. It’s a separate issue why mum is away but she’s meant to visit everyday.I work all day everyday (2 jobs), clean the house, care for animals and do the yard work. My dad is an old school farmer so wife cooks, washes and cleans. But she doesn’t. I do. If I leave dishes in the sink or washing in the machine it’s waiting for when I get home. While my sister never did anything until she moved out, I even did her and her partners washing beforehand. I like things tidy so I don’t mind cleaning up but I get very overwhelmed. I’ve even hung washing out by torchlight at midnight and skipped showers because I don’t have time. And always unbelievably tired. Am I jealous of my sister, whinging or is mum asking a bit much?