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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Kirua Only person I want help from cannot be here for me
  • replies: 9

I have a bad habit of venting without leaving much room for advice. I want to share how I feel and what I am going through, but don't really expect help -- though I always enjoy hearing others perspectives and advice if they do have any, or even just... View more

I have a bad habit of venting without leaving much room for advice. I want to share how I feel and what I am going through, but don't really expect help -- though I always enjoy hearing others perspectives and advice if they do have any, or even just sympathetic or empathetic comments. Sometimes I think it is impossible for me to have friends. While I do have severe social anxiety, I don't find it that hard to make friends. But maintaining friendships is a huge task for me. I can go through days, weeks, or even months of ignoring my friends. Basically, I am genuinely a terrible friend a lot of the time. My therapist recently brought up autism and I'm starting to think this is related to that. My ex is also autistic and says they haven't been speaking to most of their friends for weeks, including me. I was going through a really bad time with my mental health; so bad my mother is spending hundreds to fly here to clean my place and take care of me. I'm most likely going to try getting admitted into a mental hospital. I went back on antidepressants. I wasn't eating at all. I skipped all my classes and gave up on university. I have been ignoring most friends since January. The only person I spoke to about this, aside from my therapist, was my ex. I was really clear (in fact, my therapist brought up autism because of how direct I was in my messages to my ex) about how I felt and what I was going through, and what I wanted them to do to help (see them 1 day that month because I was very isolated). They replied immediately to these messages and originally they gave days they were free to see me. They said we'll meet up this week and it'll be really fun, we'll go to the museum, etc. But they would always end up being busy on the day. And they never texted to check up on me, despite knowing the horrible state I was in. I know they're going through their own issues right now and I have been very vocal about being there for them, but they have never once come to me for help. And I'm realising that the things I offer (e.g. helping them clean, bringing them food, listening, giving advice, going over assignments, calling, hugs, etc.) are all things I want them to do for me. But they do not help me, nor do they allow me to help them. I have felt so abandoned by them for almost our entire relationship. I keep wanting them to be someone they will never be and it's painful. I want to be closer -- not romantically, but as friends.

Donnatella Getting back with ex. ?
  • replies: 9

I have just recently broken up with my ex. We used to live together and when I found out he was chatting to another girl I kicked him out. It’s still fresh and we all know that grey area of still talking to their exes and intimacy with their exes. Th... View more

I have just recently broken up with my ex. We used to live together and when I found out he was chatting to another girl I kicked him out. It’s still fresh and we all know that grey area of still talking to their exes and intimacy with their exes. This is where I’m at, except that ; now he’s living on his own and things not the same. We would get intimate but then he would go home n I’m left feeling less of value. I love him so much, I’m so confused. Messages getting less, he seems to be enjoying his freedom but still have access to me. He did say to give it another try but with what he’s done n my trust issues I feel like he’s having the best of both worlds. please give me advice on how to deal with this?

Pysis Depression and divorce
  • replies: 2

Hi I've been on these forums before when I was 18 I'm now 23 years old I've been married and have a 1 year old son. I work in disability and recently I let it get to me and Ive had a mental break down. My main client I work with is very violent at ti... View more

Hi I've been on these forums before when I was 18 I'm now 23 years old I've been married and have a 1 year old son. I work in disability and recently I let it get to me and Ive had a mental break down. My main client I work with is very violent at time and cab be difficult to cope with my wife hasn't understood and when I've tried to talk to her she makes me feel like I'm a monster for "alloweing" my client to get to the point where she losses control, I have no control over my clients actions as much as I try and help her she has had a very nasty past and as a result she lashes out. Recently I haven't felt connected to my wife at all and feel like nothing I do is good enough a few months ago she threatened to take my son and leave unless I moved to where her mother lives 12 hours away we went through the qhile loan process and couldnt afford it though about 3 days ago I asked for a break for a couple days to clear my head she lost it and kicked me out and became very nasty, I stayed at my friends for a night and a day before I headed home because she was begging me to, when I got home it felt like a personal attack she told me everything o was doing wrong but wouldn't recognise that she had faults as well. The next day she told me her list of things she needed me to do for her to stay with me one of these was to not talk to one of my best friends who is female and she is threatened by and not to talk about what was going on with any of my friends, I ended up having a panic attack and said I didn't think I could do that she lost it and told me to get out and that she would file for divorce the next day. I ended up going to work but about an hour into my shift it all became to much and I had to ask my boss to find someone to cover me he wasn't happy with me at all. My wife started to become quite nasty and has hacked my Snapchats and has been printing out any messages I send to my friends weather it's about her or not. She has said I will amount to nothing and I will never find another person to share my life with, she thinks I'm incredibly selfish and that I won't be able to survive by myself. I just feel so broken at the moment I feel like o can't talk to my friends because I don't know what she has and hasn't hacked and I feel like an absolute failure I miss my son and I don't know how to be a person with out her any more I've changed a lot of who I am and what I do to make her happy and I think I've forgotten who I am.

vivgun How to be part of the treatment when my son is 18 yo and has BPD and refuse to talk to me.
  • replies: 2

it was a huge shock to know my son checked himself into hospital for BPD and I had no idea. What’s more frustrating is that because he turned 18 in that week all the hospital staff cannot receive me if he doesn’t give consent. After he came home we a... View more

it was a huge shock to know my son checked himself into hospital for BPD and I had no idea. What’s more frustrating is that because he turned 18 in that week all the hospital staff cannot receive me if he doesn’t give consent. After he came home we arranged Psychologist started DBT but me and my husband cannot even enquire about any progress or event talk to the psychologist wo my son’s written consent. Watching him continue to struggle and taking meds that we can only pay for but not knowing what they are the helplessness and confusions are unbearable. How can we establish connections with his GP and theropist so that we can be part of the support. After all we are the people who care about him the most! Advices and help pls. Viv.

mickl4420 What to do if a narcissistic ex has lied on her affidavit to the South Aus police
  • replies: 5

I already asked a heap of questions, but looks like this site is the same the police ,courts and government. yoiu look at a notification and you lose half a hours typing. well I give up

I already asked a heap of questions, but looks like this site is the same the police ,courts and government. yoiu look at a notification and you lose half a hours typing. well I give up

Sad-Depressed On the brink of seperation
  • replies: 1

Hi all,reaching out because I'm having a really hard time coping at the moment. Last week my wife of 10 years confessed that she has been seeing someone else for approx 5 weeks and would like a divorce. I knew our marriage wasn't in the greatest plac... View more

Hi all,reaching out because I'm having a really hard time coping at the moment. Last week my wife of 10 years confessed that she has been seeing someone else for approx 5 weeks and would like a divorce. I knew our marriage wasn't in the greatest place, especially after COVID. We seemed to have lost our connection due to work, kids and just life in general but I never felt it was at the place where divorce was on the table. Communication is also not one of her strong points so its not like it ever came up in conversation. We don't have a toxic relationship, there is no abuse or constant fighting, I feel that this has just occurred because we didn't spend enough time with each other. I have tried multiple times over the past week to sit her down to talk about things but the interactions are always the same - She will give me 5 mins, answers are very short and sharp and she acts as if I'm just an annoyance to her. She doesn't want to consider counceling and feels the spark is gone and can't be recovered. Sometimes during these conversations she will even laugh at what I'm saying - which is normally something like "please think about this, I love you and we can work through this". LIke its all a big joke. I'm absolutly shatterred. I'm having a very hard time eating, concentrating, working ... pretty much anything. She seems to be going on like things are normal. We have 2 kids (4 and 7) and recently moved to Sydney for a happier better life. I have no friends or family here and am now starting to feel trapped because if we seperate I can't leave the kids. I'm also terrified at the fact I'll only be seeing them 50% of the time once we split. I still love her very much and am willing to look past the affair if she is willing to give it another go (and end things with this other guy). She is still living in the house but I have asked her to move out. Whilst shes here I can't help but feel there may still be a chance to reconcile things but this her ice cold exterior is really starting to get to me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Buterfly121 Post Abortion
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone,I had a surgical abortion on Tuesday this week due to an unplanned pregnancy and I feel nothing - obviously the physical side is painful but I have no emotions about it at all. I almost feel as though I chose to abort my baby so theref... View more

Hello everyone,I had a surgical abortion on Tuesday this week due to an unplanned pregnancy and I feel nothing - obviously the physical side is painful but I have no emotions about it at all. I almost feel as though I chose to abort my baby so therefore I don’t get to grieve and have the feelings that go with it. Has anyone else felt like this? I know eventually as with all traumatic events some feelings will eventually happen

Yamoro Childhood neglect, relationship trauma and step parent jealousy
  • replies: 7

I wouldn’t say I was raised. I raised myself. My mum neglected me for work. She essentially estranged me from my father and lied about his identity. I found the truth in my 30s. My stepdad was preoccupied by his hobbies and my 1/2 brothers. And I tur... View more

I wouldn’t say I was raised. I raised myself. My mum neglected me for work. She essentially estranged me from my father and lied about his identity. I found the truth in my 30s. My stepdad was preoccupied by his hobbies and my 1/2 brothers. And I turned to boy chasing as a teen. In my 20s I got pregnant by my traumatised boyfriend who was taking substances. I have to two most wonderful kids (yes I had the 2nd, because I believed having two abandoned kids would be better than 1- they would always have me and each other!) I’ve avoided all forms of abusive self regulation, like substances. Occasionally spending too much online is my vice. We separated in 2018 after I needed a family violence order put in place and my mother took him in as her son and again neglected me. Denying my birth rites of a mother daughter love once again. Paying for his habit, lifestyle and recently moving him into her house. In 2021 I started a interstate relationship with a guy who has 3 little ones. We tried bringing them all together and it triggered so much anxiety and trauma in me. The only way to work is if he moves, leaving his kids (who he shares an unsteady custody arrangement) and I have guilt letting that happen. But I am growing more and more resentful to his situation and children. I feel like a monster having bad feelings towards children who would suffer the same neglect I did. But I can’t help it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I love him, he is by all means my best friend and lover. But I cannot live this lonely anymore. I am an introvert and with all my baggage I struggle to make friends. I’m in a pickle and I know it. I know I have to make a hard choice or live with this situation. Taking in the moments of love we share when he comes. But financially we as a couple are getting no where. I’m scared for the future but I can’t be alone without his love and support. I literally feel I have no family, only 2 brothers who are so preoccupied with their lives, being uncle is only a quarterly role for them.

Bymywindow Guilt over breaking up with ex
  • replies: 2

Hi, I've been dealing with some intense feelings of guilt since splitting with my partner of 15 years about 3 years ago. We have two great kids. She had always been prone to some anxiety and depression when we were together. This made the relationshi... View more

Hi, I've been dealing with some intense feelings of guilt since splitting with my partner of 15 years about 3 years ago. We have two great kids. She had always been prone to some anxiety and depression when we were together. This made the relationship difficult at times as her behaviour was at times challenging, and after the first year or two of difficulties she stopped seeking help for them, instead choosing to work on her mental health on her own. When we split she didn't take it well. I think the feeling of being rejected in the form of a break up played into her existing self esteem and self worth issues and significantly impacted her mental health. On top of this, I felt a sense of freedom in leaving an unhappy relationship and started seeing someone new about 3 months later. This didn't go down well with my ex. She proceeded to send highly emotional guilt inducing text messages for the next year and a half....she says I ruined her life, and basically has a long list of grievances about everything I've done wrong. My ex isn't doing well mentally, and I feel like my decision to split from her..... And even more so my decision to start seeing someone else has significantly impacted her. I feel so guilty about everything, the guilt is impacting my current relationship and my own mental health.

Whimbo Supporting my best friend
  • replies: 2

Hi all, Lately I have been having issues with my best friend's behaviour. He has been promising me for months that he will seek therapy, with no progress. He self-diagnosed himself OCD and with anxiety - though I personally don't believe it, I believ... View more

Hi all, Lately I have been having issues with my best friend's behaviour. He has been promising me for months that he will seek therapy, with no progress. He self-diagnosed himself OCD and with anxiety - though I personally don't believe it, I believe he could really benefit from some professional help with those symptoms he has identified. He is a second generation immigrant and I think the cultural divide means he is unable to connect to his family for help, and unable to respect people around him in his city. He is argumentative to people he loves, and is so rude and disrespectful to people when we're in public. The behaviour that disturbs me the most includes him being a public nuisance, throwing every piece of trash he has on the ground (despite me reminding him that someone has to pick it up after him), reckless driving (he has been in several accidents), sexist language, and having too much energy to handle. He is sexually frustrated, unmotivated, and a compulsive arguer. I've had situations before where I've had to put boundaries up with friends for disturbing behaviour, but usually they were for much more horrible things, and they weren't my best friend for 12 years. We only had each other in high school, and we have been loyal to each other for about 12 years, but sometimes I feel like I grew up and he stayed in high school. He's still such a lovely, caring guy, but I have to take him alongside the ugly parts of him that he seemingly doesn't want to improve on. Has anyone else been through a similar situation? Were you able to encourage your friend to grow? Did you keep that relationship or did you have to put up boundaries? Do you feel like you could have made any better choices?