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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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patrick_ Feeling like a burden and causing a communication breakdown
  • replies: 1

I have bad depression and quit my 10+ year career to work on my mental health, i met my current girlfriend toward the beginning of that period and she had some personal issues and some financial barriers to starting her business which I paid for and ... View more

I have bad depression and quit my 10+ year career to work on my mental health, i met my current girlfriend toward the beginning of that period and she had some personal issues and some financial barriers to starting her business which I paid for and she promised she would support me through my recovery when her business was up and running. Now we are in this position and i have run out of all my life savings and reliant on her income (i start a casual job next week) i now cant handle any negative talk about money, my brain just completely shuts down if there's a money issue and I cant function, I come off as cold and grumpy and mean. Tonight she said she was stressed about money and I said I cant talk about it right now because it made me feel like my head was going to pop off. This intern makes her feel like she cant vent about anything to me and all the responsibility is on her i of course feel terrible because i feel like my depression has sapped so much energy i cant concentrate on seeing the reality of the situation. This causes big arguments because i feel like im being attacked for putting us into this situation even though shes just trying to just vent to me. I react in a way thats super defensive and like someone whos being accused of something. we now are sleeping in seperate rooms after tonights argument and not sure if she even wants to keep trying anymore because she said supporting me through this is too much for her now. im so tired of not feeling like myself and the longer it goes the more not myself i become. im even more tired of making her feel sad. i dont really have enough money to go to therapy anymore and i feel like dying cause ive just made mistake after mistake and i need a reset, whatever that is. dying on purpose takes alot of energy and i have none so i dont think i will. i wish i knew how to have the energy to fix myself

Toonice Being pushed to my limits
  • replies: 27

Hi, I am hoping for some advice on my current living situation, which is pushing me to my limits and really affecting my mental health. So, almost a year ago I had an old work friend turn up at my doorstep early one morning because her house was abou... View more

Hi, I am hoping for some advice on my current living situation, which is pushing me to my limits and really affecting my mental health. So, almost a year ago I had an old work friend turn up at my doorstep early one morning because her house was about to flood. She had her stuff with her and I obviously let her in and then stay with us (my daughter and I). I let her stay in my daughter's room and my daughter slept in my room. She started getting payments from her insurance company for accommodation of $350 a week, and offered to give me half. I regrettably agreed to that and to this day she is still living with us in my daughter's room. I feel in the last 11 months I have gone to hell and back. Her living here has taken it's toll on my mental health. I was finally enjoying living alone with daughter after leaving an abusive relationship with her father. I am an introvert and like to have my own space. My friend is very needy and clingy. She had to come absolutely everywhere with us and do things at home with us too. This became too much for my introvert nature. I also cook dinner and breakfast for her and give her a lift to the shopping centre nearly every week day so she can get on a bus to go where she needs to go. I have been doing this for the whole 11 months and I am sick of it. Also, 5 months ago I stupidly let her reduce her payment to me down to $100 a week. I only agreed to it because she said it was for "a few weeks." She now refuses to pay me the normal amount due to her having to save for a new roof. This $100 she gives me covers the rent, bills and food. When I asked for $50 more she refused. Because of my personality and how opposite we are, we have clashed a few times. She is a very strange person and has a lot of quirks that drive me crazy. During the week I have to drop my daughter off at school and then go to work, which is stressful enough. Then she makes me run late because she is not ready, which causes me a lot of stress! I feel terribly guilty having these thoughts because I feel very sorry for her losing her house and most of her stuff in the floods. I feel like such a bad person, but I am feeling so stressed and depressed with her living here. I was happy to help out, but didn't realise it would go on so long. I'm hoping someone has advice for me

MegMc_D FebFast and return to drinking
  • replies: 2

My husband is doing FebFast (abstaining from alcohol), I am joining him on this, to be supportive. He is a heavy drinker, and is very high functioning. We have two adult children, under the age of 20, who live at home, attending university. He drinks... View more

My husband is doing FebFast (abstaining from alcohol), I am joining him on this, to be supportive. He is a heavy drinker, and is very high functioning. We have two adult children, under the age of 20, who live at home, attending university. He drinks alcohol most (4-7) days a week, and goes to bed drunk. He commonly stays out very late for work related "networking", staggers in drunk, snores horrendously with periods of sleep apnoea, and wakes up reeking of alcohol. He is able to function the next day, but it damages his relationship with me and our children. Between binges he is often defensive and grumpy, misinterpreting our conversations as criticisms. I have asked him to sleep in the rumpus room if he comes home drunk, but he has only respected this boundary once or twice. He commonly fell asleep on the train, and would ask me to pick him up from the end of the line. He is offended that I am angry at this imposition. I have told him I will no longer pick him up if he sleeps past our station. This means he needs to find other transport, as the train service ends soon after midnight. The nights he is at home he games for hours either on his phone or tv. I must say, it is not all bad, and we do have some lovely times.The difference from 10 days of abstinence is striking. He looks well, his eyes are clear and his skin looks brighter. He is far less moody. We spend more time together, and all relationships have improved. The days are lighter. His sleep is better, (as is mine) his snoring has stopped. He is losing weight. We have more money. I want to encourage him to get professional help for his drinking, as he has done Febfast before, and goes back to his usual habits soon after. He had psychology some years ago, which did address his drinking. I find myself deeply deeply sad, that I have a glimpse of what life could be without the alcohol, but with the looming sense that it may end in a few weeks. *Should I address the issue, and encourage him to access support, in Feb, or just see how it goes, and raise the conversation, once he goes back to drinking?* I have some organisations to refer him to, and will be arranging counselling for myself, and have located our local Al-anon group. Our kids already see psychologists.

Clara1 Moving Out
  • replies: 1

I want my brother to move out of my house. He is very difficult to live with. He complains all the time about my appearance, my diet, even what work I do. I have told him many times that if he is not happy with me that he should move out. I am not su... View more

I want my brother to move out of my house. He is very difficult to live with. He complains all the time about my appearance, my diet, even what work I do. I have told him many times that if he is not happy with me that he should move out. I am not sure what else I can do. He is not violent towards me but he starts lots of arguments.

anonymous329 ex who i cant forget
  • replies: 1

we dated twice, the first time was only a puppy love relationship that got broken up due to rumours, but the second time was completely different, i ran away from home to be with him and after almost 6 months living with him he broke up with me becau... View more

we dated twice, the first time was only a puppy love relationship that got broken up due to rumours, but the second time was completely different, i ran away from home to be with him and after almost 6 months living with him he broke up with me because he had to let go of me so he could heal, i still don’t understand why but i accepted it, he got a girlfriend the next day that was supposedly the girl he was seeing behind my back, and then for a month and a half he was cheating on that girl with me, telling me he wanted to get back with me and that i was “the one”, somehow i ruined it but he got back in touch with me and asked if i wouldve said yes if he asked me to get back with him, i froze and said that i didn’t know, 6 months later if i had just said yes i would still be with him, fixing our relationship. He’s with a different girl now, the girl i hated since i was little and who also had a crush on my ex the entire relationship. I miss him with all my heart and i know that he misses me too i don’t know how i know but i just do, he always comes back, i know he can’t right now because of his current girlfriend but i can bet on anything that as soon as their relationship ends he’s gonna come crawling back to me. Although i’m stuck on how i feel about him, some days i just want to scream at him how much i hated how he made me feel, others i catch myself looking at the photos i was supposed to use for his birthday scrapbook, or watching videos of him just to hear his voice again, i would even be hugging his clothes without thinking, everything i have reminds me of him because i did everything with him, he’s my twin flame and if only he knew that i wasn’t trying to ruin our relationship on purpose, i just wanted him to talk to me, he always made sure i was okay that i didn’t think of what he was probally feeling, he missed the old us, when we didn’t argue all the time, if i got the chance to get back together with him i think i would, i would try a million times with him until we got it right, i’ve learned from my mistakes and i’ve made myself into a better person now all for him, if only he knew how much of an impact he has on me, even if he doesn’t think about me anymore i will always love him and he will always have a place in my heart no matter what. j i miss you and i’m sorry for making you feel like you weren’t worth anything because you were and always will be worth more than anything to me, i hope we find our way back to eachother in the future my

Melrose222 Can’t get past the betrayal
  • replies: 6

I am and have been struggling to get over past betrayals. My ex husband cheated and left our marriage and family with a person in our friendship group. I also experienced many years of childhood physical and emotional abuse. A recent event triggered ... View more

I am and have been struggling to get over past betrayals. My ex husband cheated and left our marriage and family with a person in our friendship group. I also experienced many years of childhood physical and emotional abuse. A recent event triggered old hurts and pain to surface again … I still after so many years struggle with feelings of betrayal, self worth- not good enough My adult children rightly so are over me still struggling and watching me fall apart again. My long suffering friends over it too . They all tell me to move on… I want to!! I feel so alone. Am I playing the victim? The pain is real … For years I have tried different therapies and even medication .. but still here I am. How do I ‘move on’?

Mc- How to make the right decision
  • replies: 3

I need help on how to manage my thoughts on how my now girlfriend has just told me she has slept with one of my best mates during a period we weren't dating but were still keeping in contact. My beliefs have always been never to date someone a friend... View more

I need help on how to manage my thoughts on how my now girlfriend has just told me she has slept with one of my best mates during a period we weren't dating but were still keeping in contact. My beliefs have always been never to date someone a friend has slept with or to sleep with someone a friend has dated. But to only find out the information after i fell in love, I'm torn between ending things now or making it work and going against my morals and beliefs. I feel anxious, betrayed, humiliated, and can't sleep or eat. I have already lost a close friend because i can't stand the sight of them anymore. I dont want to lose what i have with my girlfriend, but i dont know if these feelings and intrusive thoughts will go away. I want to know if there are any tools to help guide me back to a happy and clear mental state. I feel this is probably not worthy of support, but i dont know who else to ask.

Clarabella Depressed adult child refusing help
  • replies: 1

I am so worried about my young adult son who is living at home with us. He has no friends and no social life beyond the immediate family. He has a job but he seems to be very unhappy there. He works from home a lot and spends almost all time at home ... View more

I am so worried about my young adult son who is living at home with us. He has no friends and no social life beyond the immediate family. He has a job but he seems to be very unhappy there. He works from home a lot and spends almost all time at home in his room with the door closed. He is very resistant to talking about how he is going, tending to answer in monosyllables or to say he doesn’t want to talk about it. This is a pattern of behaviour that developed over his time at uni and he has resisted all attempts at suggesting he seek help, join a social group etc. He sees life as completely bleak and that nothing will change. I feel I have exhausted all ideas about how to help him - I’ve tried suggesting he talk to the GP, counsellor, support lines, work Employee Assistance Programs, use online programs etc. I have made countless suggestions about social ideas he could try. I have been trying to back off because clearly I am not helping and leave him to make his own decisions but I am just watching him get paler and unhappier. I am finding this very hard to live with. Grateful for any thoughts about how I can cope with this situation.

Sparks16 What constitutes abuse?
  • replies: 6

Hi Hope everyone is doing ok Have a few questions I need some clarity with. I have been with my partner around 5 years. We have a 7 year old and a 2 year old. Things were ok with us from my POV until the day my partner told me she was pregnant 3 year... View more

Hi Hope everyone is doing ok Have a few questions I need some clarity with. I have been with my partner around 5 years. We have a 7 year old and a 2 year old. Things were ok with us from my POV until the day my partner told me she was pregnant 3 years ago. Since then I have felt I have been spoken down to, bossed around and controlled. I get called a c$#& and a piece of crap at least a few times a week, comments about my appearance and accused of being a narcissist and gaslighter etc weekly aswell. I feel constantly confused and wonder whether I really deserve all of this as apparently I'm the problem. Yes I havnt been a perfect parter at times and as a male don't express myself as well as I could or communicate well at times and have upset her on occasions but who hasnt? I keep trying every day for the sake of my kids but wonder is this really normal or have other experienced this? Bit of background on our childhoods, I came from a very stable happy home until my parents split when i was 22, partner on the other hand received a lot of abuse from what I've been told and was out of home by her early teenage years Just wonder also whether this would have had a big impact on how she treats me as an adult. Any advice would be much appreciated because I am at my wits end.