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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Clover9312 Dealing with being ghosted
  • replies: 8

I’ve been doing a lot of self work since 2020, consistently going to therapy etc, but some days I feel like I’m failing. I felt that I was finally ready to start dating again. But online dating has just sucked.I’m very social and always out. It’s har... View more

I’ve been doing a lot of self work since 2020, consistently going to therapy etc, but some days I feel like I’m failing. I felt that I was finally ready to start dating again. But online dating has just sucked.I’m very social and always out. It’s harder than people think to meet new people in person. I went on a date last weekend that I thought went well. I felt really at ease and I even felt myself breaking away from some patterns. He asked if he could kiss me at the end of the night. We were texting after and he initiated the first message and said it was so nice to meet me. He then disappeared. He got in contact a day later and apologised, saying that the friend he was with the night before our date had tested positive to covid. He said that he had been having heavy symptoms and was waiting for a PCR result. He was worried that he passed it to me, because he knows that I have a big event that I’m looking forward to this week.He tested negative but kept telling me that he felt crook and stopped replying. I haven’t heard from him since last Thursday. I have logged onto the app again to see that he has updated his profile. He definitely updated it after Thursday, as I am ashamed to say that I checked a couple of times. That stung. I’m aware that we are not exclusive after one date and can still be seeing other people. But he just dropped contact. He had kissed me at the end of the date and even added me on Instagram. Why do guys do this?People say ghosting happens to everyone. I thought all of my self work would help me deal with this, but I’m feeling so horrible. I also hate the expression “he’s just not that into you”. It puts so many heavy feelings onto someone and doesn’t even address any level of accountability from the other person. He said he wanted to go out again and It was implied that he was too sick and would be in touch when better. I’m sorry, but it feels a little garbage to me.

Alison_M Is going on porn sites and paying women to perform for you, cheating?
  • replies: 11

My husband and I were married 10 year's when I opened the drawer in our ensuites vanity unit to find a used comdom on top of a porn magazine. When I approached him, he said it was my fault as I no longer looked as good as I once did. We argued about ... View more

My husband and I were married 10 year's when I opened the drawer in our ensuites vanity unit to find a used comdom on top of a porn magazine. When I approached him, he said it was my fault as I no longer looked as good as I once did. We argued about it and talked tried again but slowly he stopped wanting sex with me. Then just a couple of days before my 53rd birthday and 6 months after our 20 year anniversary (which he refused to be sexually intimate), a message came into our email address for an interactive porn website. When I asked him about it he just said yeah so what! I then looked into it more and found out he'd been paying over 60 different 18 to 20 year Olds to perform sexual acts for him. He even done it on our 20 year wedding anniversary and my birthday, as he'd been paying them for over 18 months. He said well you don't look anything like you did when we meet, you're to fat to love now! I need a new hip, have 3 pinched nerves in my back, plus over 6 damaged disc's, arthritis in every joint but I have never said no to intimacy. Due to all my injuries I have put weight on but I'm not obese or anything, I am obviously over 20 years older but he has put on slot of weight, as he broke his back 4 months after we were married so I had to be his nurse for year's. Can anyone give me some advice, as I really don't know what to do! Some say there's nothing wrong with what his done as it's not cheating. Also it worries me as they are all over 35 years younger than him.

24yearoldgirl Hello
  • replies: 18

Hi all, I've been here before, but don't post very often. Same story; I've been a carer from a young age due to my mum's head injury.. I'm re-enrolled to study in July, very soon, I'm close to booking flights and sorting out accommodation for myself.... View more

Hi all, I've been here before, but don't post very often. Same story; I've been a carer from a young age due to my mum's head injury.. I'm re-enrolled to study in July, very soon, I'm close to booking flights and sorting out accommodation for myself. I'd be moving town to study and work and leaving my mum behind on a single payment (dsp). No-one seems to care much, not even my aunty, about the fact that if I leave, my mum will be homeless. We have always shared rent and expenses together, I'm now going on 26 years old. There is minimal housing available, she's not interested in share-houses and the cost of tent site is up to $50 a day. I wonder what my life would have looked like, if not having been a carer, or what it will continue to be if I don't pack and leave this situation. I am genuinely concerned about how my mother will cope on her own, with an acquired brain injury. She's not physically disabled, but she does have many health problems, and she is incapable of working due to her health. What do you think, honest opinions appreciated

Qball66 My wife hates me.
  • replies: 7

My wife of 20 years hates me ( she told me ). I love her dearly and always will. I have my faults and I'm not perfect - but I've been a good provider for my family and always treated them with love and respect. I'm feeling powerless and depressed and... View more

My wife of 20 years hates me ( she told me ). I love her dearly and always will. I have my faults and I'm not perfect - but I've been a good provider for my family and always treated them with love and respect. I'm feeling powerless and depressed and don't know what to say or do. I'm not suicidal, but I feel that I'm starting to spiral out of control and don't know where to turn next.I adore her and would love to be able to find the girl I married 20 years ago

Lost not found Insecurities and intrusive thoughts in my relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi, TLDR: My insecurities and intrusive thoughts make my new relationship hard (at least in my head). My partner and I have been together for just over a year now, and I’m struggling with some of my own insecurities and trust issues. My partner has a... View more

Hi, TLDR: My insecurities and intrusive thoughts make my new relationship hard (at least in my head). My partner and I have been together for just over a year now, and I’m struggling with some of my own insecurities and trust issues. My partner has a lot of friends and people that he talks to and I don’t have any issues with that at all. It’s mainly the thought of him cheating on me that upsets me, which comes from my last relationship (yay). I’m trying not to bring any of it up because we have been doing really good so far and I don’t want to accuse him of anything he hasn’t done. We’ve had little talks here and there and each time they’ve ending with us in agreement that we’re okay and nothings wrong, but give it month and it’s back to brainstorming all the ways I’m going to be hurt. Obviously I don’t want my insecurities to ruin anything, especially if I assume the worst in my head and then I’m wrong and then it turns to shit.Little things only feed the thought, like sometimes I feel like I’m a second thought in his head. Sometimes when we’re hanging out I’ll have to repeat myself or just sit there in silence as I wait for him to stop texting someone on his phone, for him to be like “sorry what did you say?”. Usually I just repeat what I said and it’s fine, but for the 1-2 seconds where there’s no response I find myself thinking “what’s the point then?” Like why are we hanging out if you’re not interested? And his usual response if I bring it up is something like “yeah I was getting there”. It upsets me that I just can’t trust him 100%, that there will always be an intrusive thought or something that makes me believe otherwise, no matter how much he proves to me that he’s faithful. It’s almost like I’m trying to sabotage myself while also clinging to whatever non self-deprecating thought I have. Thanks, J

BrightStar1 Emotionally exhausted by my partner's ex wife behaviour
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been together many years now. We both met after our marriages had ended and have started our new chapter of life. There are children involved and I do believe I/ we have created a solid relationship. At no stage have I ever said... View more

My partner and I have been together many years now. We both met after our marriages had ended and have started our new chapter of life. There are children involved and I do believe I/ we have created a solid relationship. At no stage have I ever said anything hateful or mean about the biological mother in front of them. And that has been difficult! I have endured negative messages from her on social media ( she is now blocked), when the children where younger they would repeat what she said- degrading me as a person and how I was negatively impacting their lives. I would be constantly questioned by one child about all of my actions and questions asked that were coming from an adult, as a child wouldn't phrase them in such a way.On the whole I do not blame my partner for his ex. She is his ex for a reason and I believe that he was there longer in the marriage because of the children. I do think she does not like the version of her ex husband now he is with me. I am very kind, caring and work through issues and try to engage my partner in the same manner when we have problems especially in front of the children. This is very different to the yelling and screaming matches which they were used to. They are seeing their Dad actually be happy.There has been a very lengthy legal battle of finances and divorce. After witnessing this, I think that his ex may have narcissistic tendencies - including the sense of entitlement, need for attention, blaming etc. The one constant issue is now the children.The first verbal arrangement was told to him - at this stage, he kept the peace and went along with it so the divorce etc could be finished. Fast forward some years now, work conditions have changed for her. She is refusing to let him have the children one extra night per week (which would benefit her), but still wants them back after dinner one of the nights, so that it doesn't interrupt her child support payments.She refused on multiple times to discuss care arrangements with outside agencies. Taking this further to court would end up being expensive and she would want to keep fighting until the very end.She is not wanting an arrangement where they do not see each other at all. The pick up/ drop off would be via school. She wants control over him so he can be waiting in a public space at her mercy as to when she will arrive. At times she is up to 45mins late

Cleobyb72 I want out of my marriage
  • replies: 4

Hi. I'm 50 years old and I am desperately unhappy. I've repeatedly tried to save my marriage by suggesting counselling but my husband isn't interested. We live in separate areas of our house, have separate bedrooms and frankly my only function is to ... View more

Hi. I'm 50 years old and I am desperately unhappy. I've repeatedly tried to save my marriage by suggesting counselling but my husband isn't interested. We live in separate areas of our house, have separate bedrooms and frankly my only function is to be his cook and cleaner. We share no intimacy, which in part is due to my PTSD from being a child abuse survivor. I'm so unhappy, I just want to have the chance to try and start a new life and enjoy life while I still can. I know that divorce will not be received well so I've held off for way too long, but I can't do the marriage anymore-I need out.

shorti Sister takes lots of photos
  • replies: 5

Hey all, My sister is named the paparazzi by her friends. She will take photos of people without them knowing at parties and stuff to get "in the moment shots" My husband and I recently had a baby. My husband does not like lots of photos of the same ... View more

Hey all, My sister is named the paparazzi by her friends. She will take photos of people without them knowing at parties and stuff to get "in the moment shots" My husband and I recently had a baby. My husband does not like lots of photos of the same thing. My sister is a happy snapper and just keeps clicking the button on her phone and takes about 10 photos of the baby in the same position. I don't have an issue with this, but my husband does. He thinks it's rude and people should ask us if they want to take a photo of the baby. My sister is family and not just anyone. My husband now wants me to talk to my sister, but it's making me feel uncomfortable. I wrote another post recently about my husband not wanting me to go to my dad's with the baby, unless my husband is with me, because he doesn't get along with my dad.I'm starting to feel uncomfortable around my own family. I don't want to talk to my sister about the photos because I don't have an issue with it, and my family will know it's not coming from me. They will think my husband is controlling. This then makes me feel more uncomfortable. Anyone here who has kids, do you have issues with your family (parents, siblings) taking photos of your baby, and is there a limit to how many they are allowed to take? Do they need to ask you first?

hardquestions Insecurities in relationship
  • replies: 2

My girlfriend and I have had an on-and-off relationship with a lot of complications throughout. I recently (2 months ago) broke up with her because I was concerned that we were going in different directions in life etc, but quickly realised it was th... View more

My girlfriend and I have had an on-and-off relationship with a lot of complications throughout. I recently (2 months ago) broke up with her because I was concerned that we were going in different directions in life etc, but quickly realised it was the wrong thing to do. We work together, and while we were apart (about 1 month), I noticed her showing interest in a colleague of ours and the colleague showing interest back. We went on a work outing, and the colleague was extremely flirtatious toward her (touching and leaning on her etc) and she has later told me that she did enjoy the attention. Her and I were starting to try and work things out again at the time, so it was pretty awful to have to watch it all happen. We spoke later about it all and she said that she enjoyed the attention from the colleague after feeling rejected by me, and one time while we were talking things over, I asked if she was interested or curious about the other girl and she said that she was. But that she wanted to fix things with us and be with me. We're doing okay at working on things, but it has obviously been hard. I am really struggling with feeling extremely insecure about them because the colleague doesn't (and can't) know that we're together (no one at work does) and so continues to be flirty with her at times. They often do night shift together (just them two) and work together a lot in the workplace etc. To add to this, it is now looking as though I will have to move interstate and she may not come, so we will have to do distance. She will stay at this workplace, and continue working with the colleague and going out to work things with her etc. I trust my girlfriend, and REALLY want to get over this but my brain just keeps going back to feeling extremely insecure about it all - I need some coping mechanisms and ways to help myself stop feeling this way. I feel like I'm constantly anxious and going insane!Please, what can I do?

wallabyjack Family relocated to QLD. Now wife wants to move back and I don't. :(
  • replies: 6

We have kids and we moved up from Sydney a year ago. She hates it here and has to work from home for her Sydney based job. The kids are in school here but she wants to go back to Sydney as she has friends there. We have no family in Sydney. We do her... View more

We have kids and we moved up from Sydney a year ago. She hates it here and has to work from home for her Sydney based job. The kids are in school here but she wants to go back to Sydney as she has friends there. We have no family in Sydney. We do here. We also will struggle to get our kids into private schools in Sydney. We wont in Brisbane. (cost and availability) Finally I calculated that the cost of living in Sydney puts us out pocket at least $20,000 a year, plus it will cost us about $1Million dollars extra for a house in Sydney! (yes really) So my question is, if she insists, do I have a leg to stand on legally?