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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Elizabeth Louise Feeling sad, alone & unloved
  • replies: 11

I'm not having a good day or a good week. My husband is distant and cold with me again. I have noticed it really affects me when he's so withdrawn. I think he keeps scores as he's so focused on my mistakes or things that go wrong and never really loo... View more

I'm not having a good day or a good week. My husband is distant and cold with me again. I have noticed it really affects me when he's so withdrawn. I think he keeps scores as he's so focused on my mistakes or things that go wrong and never really looks at the positive. When I think of last weekend I think about all the good things and good moments and I forgot about what made me sad or stressed. But for him, he recalls all the negative and tends to just blame me for everything. I know I could have made better choices or decisions to avoid stress but sometimes things go wrong outside of my control. I just feel like he doesn't undersnd my perspective and just wants to hold grudges for events that occurred weeks ago because he just can't let things go, forgive and forget and move forward or focus on the positive. I really feel like he's keeping score of anything that I do that he doesn't like.He's really distant and sleeping in the other bedroom again which visually tells me he is mad with me. How do I deal with this negative behaviour without letting it affect me so much?EL

Lyssaa Confused and upset by a guy
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone,Nearly two months ago I started speaking to this guy at uni. Me and him got along really well, with similar interests and a sense of humour, and he told me a few times I had beautiful eyes or that I was very pretty. After about three wee... View more

Hey everyone,Nearly two months ago I started speaking to this guy at uni. Me and him got along really well, with similar interests and a sense of humour, and he told me a few times I had beautiful eyes or that I was very pretty. After about three weeks of hanging out in our classes at uni, I suggested to him we should hang out and he suggested we do baking together, so he came over to my house to bake. We had a good time, I confessed that I liked him and he said he also liked me and he kissed me multiple times. For the next few weeks whenever we saw each other at uni, he would always kiss me goodbye, we would have a great time chatting, and he would put his arm around me or lean into me or touch my arm. Very obvious signs that someone likes you. However last week, I started to feel really anxious for no reason, and I didn’t know why. Then I realised it was because since he’d said he liked me, nothing had gone any further than that and aside from him showing obvious signs he was into me, he hadn’t said anything about it. So the other night I flicked him a quick message asking for some clarity on how he saw the two of us and saw us progressing. His response was that he’s emotionally confused and while I’m awesome, incredibly petty and incredibly smart he thinks he just sees me as a friend, but he loves seeing me and talking to me at uni and playing games with me on iMessages and he doesn’t wanna lose that and hopes we can be friends. I’m really upset about the whole situation- he said he liked me and acted like he was into me (the physical contact, the kissing, the body language and eye contact, the constant talking around me) but then when I bring it up he says he’s emotionally confused and just sees me as a friend but doesn’t wanna lose hanging around with me?? When I then told him I was confused because he said he liked me and kissed me, he just said that yeah he was emotionally confused and was sorry for confusing me. obviously I was, and still am confused. My friends all think he was into me, just scared of any kind of commitment, and I’m mad because I know if I didn’t bring it up with him he probably would have kept kissing me and acting into me without saying anything. Do I have every right to be mad at him and angry and upset, or should I cut him slack?

mummato3 Marriage struggles after baby 3
  • replies: 1

Hey all can anyone else relate baby 3 has arrived and our marriage has turned to a dark place, pregnancy and post partum is always tough on us I feel I’m not appreciated enough but my husband doesn’t want to give me more emotional support as I don’t ... View more

Hey all can anyone else relate baby 3 has arrived and our marriage has turned to a dark place, pregnancy and post partum is always tough on us I feel I’m not appreciated enough but my husband doesn’t want to give me more emotional support as I don’t think he knows how. He works alot I handle the home and the kids 80% of the time all blown up in front of the kids on the weekend, saying he has alot of anger towards me, the last year has been the worst he says. being pregnant and postpartum never is going to ignite an amazing sex life but it’s more than that there is no communication, just anger . i feel lost I want my kids to grow up happy and loved and this is heading towards a dark toxic place but I also think we deserve to be happy if we no longer make each other happy then maybe we should go our separate ways… i have PPA this time and am finding it hard I want to just escape with the newborn to a holiday for a week embrace it knowing it’s my last. I feel I should be allowed to focus on the newborn bubble not be pressured by marriage problems we can deal with that soon I pride myself on being caring and giving person always , my husband is the only person who tells me constantly it’s all about me ( which I don’t get as I do everything for our kids always and first ) it’s hard to here we have councelling booked, but I just feel if he’s got anger pent up unless he wants to learn to release it it’s never going to get better. just hoping I have other mums or dads who have gone through these tough times in the relationship I grew up with a house of love my parents were madly in love 40 years on i jusg don’t think marriage should be this hard a constant battle

BookNerd77 Is this the silent treatment, time out or something else? What do I do?
  • replies: 4

My wife and I have had some relationship and communicate issues that have come to a head over the last 6 weeks. She has said she needs some time to herself to reflect on her journey but she is committed the relationship and trying to make it work. In... View more

My wife and I have had some relationship and communicate issues that have come to a head over the last 6 weeks. She has said she needs some time to herself to reflect on her journey but she is committed the relationship and trying to make it work. In the last 4 weeks she’s been home for only 4 nights and has been travelling and staying in various places after she stopped working in July. We are not going to be in the same place again until mid-October. She has been explicit that she wants to control if/when we communicate - she sends me a basic “hi, have a good day” sms each morning with a photo of where she is. But that’s it. We haven’t spoken at all about what comes next or seeing a counsellor (which we clearly need), in fact we have spoken for 8 days, since she was home last time. I’m too scared to ring her because I’m worried it will make things worse by “breaching her boundary”. I feel like I’m stuck in limbo, with no pathway forward either together or apart, and I feel like I’m inconsequential in the relationship. She wants me to trust that she is committed to making our relationship work but I have seen no actions from her to support that. I have connected with some psychologists to explore booking in couples counselling or an intensive couples retreat but I don’t know how to talk to my partner about this without it becoming a issue. But I don’t think that not communicating is a healthy way of addressing our communication and relationship issues.

captain233 My partner starting medication is hurting our relationship
  • replies: 2

Hello. Firstly my girlfriend and I have been together coming up to 4 years now and living together for over a year now. She has recently started medication for anxiety and likely depression. Recently her attitudes have become quite insensitive and sh... View more

Hello. Firstly my girlfriend and I have been together coming up to 4 years now and living together for over a year now. She has recently started medication for anxiety and likely depression. Recently her attitudes have become quite insensitive and she often speaks to me without much restraint for how I might feel. There’s also a general feeling of distance and lack of time for me now. We almost never fight/argue so this is a new turn. It’s especially difficult as it’s often unprovoked or from an inconvenience that would not have previously bothered her. For example I missed calls to pick her up at very late one night when she’d been out drinking to which on her entering the house proceeded to wake up me and insult me. This is unprecedented for her. I’m sure she’s thought these things before but even after confronting her about it the following morning after breakfast she doubled down and said it was fair. We’d never even planned that I was going to pick her up. I would like to think I do at least enough to support her, particularly cooking/organising many of the meals, cleaning, and driving her to things. Without much of the same back (this is okay) as she’s busy with a very difficult bachelor. To close things up this attitude is now feeling unsustainable to me and weighing heavily on my conscious too. Any pointers or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Sgf Lost
  • replies: 5

I am lost and don't know what to do or where to turn or how to deal with the betrayal and continued lies and promises after catching my ex out cheating. To make a very long story short I know the breakup is the right thing to do. I don't really have ... View more

I am lost and don't know what to do or where to turn or how to deal with the betrayal and continued lies and promises after catching my ex out cheating. To make a very long story short I know the breakup is the right thing to do. I don't really have an issue with that side of it but the level of lies and deception afterwards with promises to maybe look at the relationship later and his denial to even admit he was seeing someone else is really hard to wrap my head around. I even went and begged him to tell me the truth and still he lied pretending he just need a break to wrap his head around other issues. I ended up having to go to his place and find him and her in the PJ's early one morning to get him to actually admit he had moved on without telling me first. This had been going on since Feb this year and I only started to find out in June of this year when I started to uncover the lies and texts etc. We didn't live together as he looks after his mum, and we did divorce years ago but got back together 12 yrs ago. We have kids with issues, and I work from home to manage the kids so have become very isolated and do not have a life of my own. I already suffer depression, and this has just been so sudden without any warning. The day I found them together he finally admitted that she was his girlfriend, and I was just the ex, so what was my problem. His mother who I thought was my friend all these years just stood there and told me that it was never a real relationship anyway so what was i so upset for. I am alone now I don't have any friends; my mum has dementia so I can't talk to her anymore, i have lost someone i thought was my best friend who promised that he would never cheat on me as his first wife did it to him and my first hubby did it to me. I am pretty sure he has been cheating on me for yrs. The level of betrayal and the depths he continued to go to are my issue. I am not suicidal as I have kids that need me, and he would never be able to deal with them. But i don't know how to move on..... I want to stop crying, I want to stop being so angry and i don't want to feel this way anymore. I know i need help, but I don't earn enough to afford therapy and sorry but 5 sessions under the doctors referral seems so little.

Spectre84 I think my partner may be Asexual
  • replies: 5

I'm a 38 year old male and my partner is a 29 year old female. We have been together for over 4 years and engaged. We were friends for about 4 years before that so our relationship started off quite healthy. In this time we have battled the pandemic,... View more

I'm a 38 year old male and my partner is a 29 year old female. We have been together for over 4 years and engaged. We were friends for about 4 years before that so our relationship started off quite healthy. In this time we have battled the pandemic, working from home together, dealt with the stress of building a house and general life issues. I'm a very active type of person and I'm very attracted to my partner. When we were first intimate she let me know that she has always had issue where she has never been able to climax, she does not know what that feels like. She has had a few partners before (fwb) but I'm her first relationship. She tells me I'm very attractive and it's not me but in the last couple of years, I would be lucky to get intimacy once every 2 months. At the moment it's now almost 4 months and she has no interest. When we do its because i want it and she will go through the motions like she is just waiting for it to be over. I have tried to talk to her and get her to open up about what it is, if there is anything i can do to help her but she goes into a shell. She is not an unattractive girl but I know she has confidence issues with her body. I think it may be a combination of stress, self confidence and maybe a medical/mental issue with her issues but she seems to not want to do anything to fix it. Otherwise she is affectionate but just not in a intimate way that leads to any intimacy. At this point I'm starting to wonder if she is Asexual, I have asked her about this but she just won't answer me. I know she is not cheating on me or anything like that, we work from home and together all the time. I love her and want to marry her and be with her but I can't go on like this and thoughts of getting it somewhere else are starting to creep in and I'm not that person, so I feel guilty about that. I go to the gym and try to keep fit, I'm an average looking guy but this has made me feel unattractive, unloved, a bit lonely and now it's affecting me where I've become short tempered and everything is stressing me out because I'm not happy. I even mentioned to her that maybe we get some couples therapy but she just goes silent and it's like I'm talking to a wall. I feel worthless and not good enough for her anymore. We occasionally fight like most couples and I'm not perfect but I would rather her be honest and say look this is why I don't want to be intimate with you so I can work on fixing.

May Tee Tee Pancreatitis
  • replies: 2

I am in two minds what to do.I have a great life but always dreamed of travelling with my partner. I know the time to travel is now for us. I have patiently waited for the right time to travel together. Life has got busy and then illness has arrived.... View more

I am in two minds what to do.I have a great life but always dreamed of travelling with my partner. I know the time to travel is now for us. I have patiently waited for the right time to travel together. Life has got busy and then illness has arrived. Partner has chosen to go back work.I hate being in our house and do not wish to wait any longer.I get angry and frustrated when I are home. We do take short trips. I am in two minds what to do. Must I travel solo.

John-Doe My wife is leaving after 25 years
  • replies: 4

After 25 years together and being married for 19 years with 3 children my wife recently told me that she doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for years and she wants to seperate. I tried to talk her into going to marriage counselling but she was not in... View more

After 25 years together and being married for 19 years with 3 children my wife recently told me that she doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for years and she wants to seperate. I tried to talk her into going to marriage counselling but she was not interested. She said she just doesn't feel that way about me anymore and that it is not something that can be forced. Don't get me wrong she was not nasty about it , she was upset about it herself and she still cares for me but she doesn't love me in that way anymore. It is all my fault. I suffer from lots of mental health issues , anxiety , depression , and various personality disorders and found myself stuck in a zone for years which caused me to live in my own world and not realise I was neglecting my wife and our marriage. Since she has told me it has shocked me into realising how bad I have let my mental health take over my life and am finally doing something about it. But losing my wife has totally crushed me. I feel so helpless , so depressed , I stuggle to enjoy spending time with my kids or anyone because I have to constantly try to not start crying as I don't want them to see me upset. I don't have anybody , I have only ever had one true friend who I also never see or talk to because of the way I let myself become. Whenever my depression got bad it was my wife who was there for me , but now all I want to do is hug her , I need her to be there for me but she is the one that is no longer there for me anymore. Then there is all the other stress on top about finances and living that is all going to have to change and the thought of her moving on and meeting someone else or even just being with someone else is killing me. I just really don't want to be alive anymore. I don't feel like I have a future that can be a happy one. Every dream I have ever had involved having my wife there with me. I hate myself. I am a failure at everything I do. I don't want to be alive anymore but yet I don't want to die either. I know that doesn't make sense but its how I feel right now. I don't know if I will get anything out of this but I need to air how I am feeling. I would have liked to have explained in more detail but was restricted by the character limit.

Ace.x-ray Love my boyfriend but also have feelings for another man, who is a close friend
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months now and we are happy and doing well, but in those couple of months in getting to know him I now have learnt about his personality. I am an introvert and, let me tell you, people like us need o... View more

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months now and we are happy and doing well, but in those couple of months in getting to know him I now have learnt about his personality. I am an introvert and, let me tell you, people like us need our alone time and space. He is also an introvert and has never dated an introverted woman, so he doesn't understand why I need the alone time. But I have told him a week ago about it and now he gets it. I have also learnt that he is too attached to me as he likes to hold my hand while in the car when driving and hug me anywhere in the car or car park. I have never met someone like him. I feel that it is too much and feel smothered by his affections. I don't know how to talk to him about this. Another man, that I met in the UK, has come to Australia on a working visa and we started chatting more often as we are closer in distance. Since it has been a while, he is from Canada. We were really good friends and had a crush on each other while working in the same company in the UK, but we brushed it off. He contacted me back in 2019 when I went back to Australia and got to know each other more. I guess my feelings for him came back when he reached Australia, he is in Brisbane now, starting his new job in 5 days, but once he saves up money he wants to come and visit me in Sydney which I feel excited about. I really love my boyfriend and like the other man too. I've known the Canadian for a year, more than my boyfriend. I am confused when I spend time with my boyfriend but feel guilty when I think about the Canadian man, as I really like him too and think of being with him. But then I will have to break up with my boyfriend if I want to. But I know my boyfriend loves me a lot and will be so heartbroken if I end up breaking up and choosing the other man. I have even started to lose feelings for my boyfriend. I am so confused. I don't know what to do in this situation, which is affecting me that I feel guilty.