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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Loula Cement in artery and stroke
  • replies: 2

Hello, I have bipolar1, OCD, PTSD and BPD. Last year my mum had 8 hour spinal surgery. They had to use rods, bolts and cement to put her spine into place. A freak accident happened that’s only happened to 31 people in the world. Half has passed away ... View more

Hello, I have bipolar1, OCD, PTSD and BPD. Last year my mum had 8 hour spinal surgery. They had to use rods, bolts and cement to put her spine into place. A freak accident happened that’s only happened to 31 people in the world. Half has passed away and mumwas the first in the country. A large piece of cement found its way into a main artery that goes to the heart. At any second it could break of and piece her heart and she would be in heaven. She had to have emergency surgery and the chances of her surving was low. But she did thank Jesus. Because of this surgery she had to hernias that she had to have taken out and I’m already freaked about her going intosurgey again. She was fine. Due to the first surgery she had a leak in her spine that the surgeon gaslit for 6 months until a patch of fluid make its way to the bottom of her spine. she had a major headache and would sleep more then half the day. She started acting weird and forgetting things like she had dementia. 4 weeks ago she had to go to another state tohave surgery on her spinalcord and they sewed it up and glued it. It takes 8 weeks to see if it works. During this time my father who told me he has not daughter and never wants to hear my voice had a major stroke. My uncle texted me about it. He was in hospital for 6 months. I was non stopped abused by the family for not helping out of visiting him. At the same time my best friend my grandad was diagnosed with liver cancer and went to heaven. I it’s been four months and I cry about it every day. I just found out yesterday my dad has had another stroke four weeks ago and it’s affected his speech. He’s desperately trying to get in my life but why would I want a man who hired a hit man to beat up my mum in my life? I’ve non stop been seeing psychologist, doctors, social workers and DBT coach and have adjusted my medication. but since I found out yesterday about dads stroke I’m fully broken. I’ve been snapping the last few weeks and not moving from the couch. My bipolar has been finally triggered and im on higher medication for it. Nothing can be done for my BPD except therapy which imdoing and taking relaxents for my PTSD. my whole family has rejected me as they dont want to face this so i have to look after mum. I dont have the energy for it nor am i a care giver or can do it. It’s making me violently sick. my friend live in different states and have not been there for me or asked about mums surgery so im ignoring them. I feel so sick

Trudy Is this my life?
  • replies: 3

I am so lost.I have been married for 20 +years and I have never actually been seen. Like really seen.If I am not the support, the cleaner the cook,the mum, the good wife, he does not see me.I can't say how I feel or show how I feel, I am basically to... View more

I am so lost.I have been married for 20 +years and I have never actually been seen. Like really seen.If I am not the support, the cleaner the cook,the mum, the good wife, he does not see me.I can't say how I feel or show how I feel, I am basically told I am a terrible person. I am expected to smile through hurtful comments, betrayal,empty promises, lies and so much more. If I voice my feelings it is twisted and I feel worse for saying how I feel.I feel like I am alive but not actually living. I am literally a human robot.I have so much built up hurt inside and 2 nights ago I tried to explain and I should have known better as I ended up being the one apologising for causing issues and I was left feeling unvalidated and unseen again.I don't know if this will ever change or if some people are just meant to grieve a life, love and respect that they know they will never have.I have never gossiped or said anything negative about my husband to anyone, he is the father of my children and I won't do this but I constantly find him dismissing me and mocking me with his family.I have endured this for most of my life with him and it was easier to brush off when the children were babies because life was just so busy.The older and more independent they get, the worse I feel. There are less distractions and I am faced with rejection, ridicule, and all these feelings I am expected to hide. I am truly alone.Recently I tried to explain how something he did made me feel, I was shouted and given the silent treatment and then there was a family emergency and I tried to discuss it with him and the week of silent treatment and I was told that I don't care, I am not thinking about the emergency situation, just thinking about discussing how I feel.It had me questioning if I am an awful person.To be honest I don't think I don't care, I just think I have so much hurt and resentment built up in me over the years, I am just numb. It is so hard constantly showing up for someone and respecting someone and validating their feelings, who never does the same for me. Are some people just meant to do life like this, just keep giving of yourself with nothing in return.How do I keep doing this? How do I keep smiling through the hurt, betrayal, rejection, years of empty promises and lies?I don't know what I am seeking by putting this all down in words.

tt_m too much for people around me + any tips?
  • replies: 1

The only support people I have in my life are my partner and my mum. I frequently have really bad panic attacks and usually I would call my partner to help me or go stay at their place, even at really late hours like 1-2am. I have been in this relati... View more

The only support people I have in my life are my partner and my mum. I frequently have really bad panic attacks and usually I would call my partner to help me or go stay at their place, even at really late hours like 1-2am. I have been in this relationship for coming on 4 years now. I have diagnosed depression and anxiety, ADHD and mild OCD and am taking prescribed mood stabilisers but sometimes it's just not enough. Recently, my partner has said that this pattern of behaviour from me which has been ongoing for the past few years is too much now, that I'm stressing them out and I can no longer go to them or call them when I am like this at weird hours of the night and I must deal with it in some other way. They said that they wish I was more like their friends. I know that my partner's emotions are totally valid and I should just accept it, I am feeling very rejected right now. These panic attacks are mostly because I just have so many feelings and I have no one to talk to them about. I don't feel comfortable talking with my friends about my erratic behaviour and thoughts and I only talk to them a couple times a month. My partner telling me this is also combined with the fact they are hanging out so much with their friends and are in stable friendships where they talk to people every night and go out with them regularly makes me feel so much worse since we have been seeing each other less and they told me calling was too stressful for them. Now I feel as if I'm the one who is initiating conversation, and asking how their day is and I don't get anything in return. I feel like a horrible burden and feel really bad that our relationship has hinged on me being annoying and putting them into a caregiver role when they are just trying to live a normal life. I don't know what to do at this point, I love them and want to have a beautiful relationship where we are happy. Whenever I try to talk to my mum, she just tells me I need to organise therapy for myself and that she is exhausted by being my caregiver. I function pretty normally in everyday life, so getting someone to care for me would be pretty useless. I am strapped for cash at the moment, and can't afford to see my regular psychologist weekly, and i am so discombobulated that i would find it really challenging to organise my own therapy and find motivation to go. I wish I had friends I could speak to regularly and I wish I had more people than my mum and my partner, who I am too much for. Everything is really overwhelming. I was wondering if anyone has any tips on making friends with the intention of talking about my feelings regularly and how to build a broader support network? Or being able to find accessible therapy and deal with the process of actually seeking it + admin (this kind of stuff, reaching out, emailing, etc. can feel really overwhelming). I really appreciate any responses. Thank you for reading, Tia.

_Gigi_ Tired of Peacekeeping
  • replies: 6

My family constantly argues. We live together, so it's inescapable. I'm the peacekeeper who gets along with everyone, but it's a lot to handle. I'm so worn out from the stress and the nightmares and the loneliness. What should I do?

My family constantly argues. We live together, so it's inescapable. I'm the peacekeeper who gets along with everyone, but it's a lot to handle. I'm so worn out from the stress and the nightmares and the loneliness. What should I do?

Lawzy My story.
  • replies: 1

I never thought I’d be in a position like this, but here I am, finally being honest with myself and maybe helping someone else see things a bit clearer.It started out intense. The kind of connection that grabs you by the heart and makes you think, “T... View more

I never thought I’d be in a position like this, but here I am, finally being honest with myself and maybe helping someone else see things a bit clearer.It started out intense. The kind of connection that grabs you by the heart and makes you think, “This has to be it.” It was deep, emotional, full on. He said all the right things, made me feel like I was everything he ever wanted. And at the time, I truly believed it.But over time, the reality hit. The lies, the manipulation, the gaslighting. Everything became about what he needed from me, from life while I slowly stopped recognising myself. I gave him so much of my time, my money, my energy… and it was never enough. He was either in jail or on the outside acting like I was a second option. He’d treat me like shit, disappear, and then when he was in trouble suddenly I was the only one he could count on again.Every time I wanted to leave, he’d reel me back in with sweet words, promises of change, dreams of a future that never came. And stupidly… I held onto it, thinking the good version of him was the real one and that one day it would stick.Truth is, I was more in love with the idea of who he could’ve been than who he really was.I kept making excuses for him. Telling myself he was struggling, or misunderstood, or just needed someone to believe in him. But all it really did was break me down. I started losing who I was trying to love someone who didn’t even love himself.If you’re reading this and any of it hits home please don’t wait for things to get worse. You don’t owe anyone your peace. You don’t have to be loyal to someone who keeps showing you they don’t value you.It took me way too long to realise that love isn’t meant to hurt like this. And just because someone keeps coming back doesn’t mean they care it might just mean they know you will.I’m still picking up the pieces, but I’m done making excuses for someone who never showed up for me the way I showed up for him.Just wanted to put this out there in case it saves someone else from going through what I did.

RS2025 A lot going on
  • replies: 1

I am struggling. My girlfriend is pregnant, we live together and are mature aged.She's from overseas and all her family and support is back in her country. She has lived in Australia about 5 years. She has always wanted a baby, I was unsure but our r... View more

I am struggling. My girlfriend is pregnant, we live together and are mature aged.She's from overseas and all her family and support is back in her country. She has lived in Australia about 5 years. She has always wanted a baby, I was unsure but our relationship built up strong and I changed my mind. She has got depression through her pregnancy, she is struggling to sleep, regularly feeling down. She has got a mental health care plan and will go and see someone when she can get in.Through our pregnancy, I have been extremely supportive. I have gone to every appointment, I have changed a lot, we go for walks after work together, been doing a lot more of the cooking, housework, trying to make things as easy for her as I can. I have tried to change my lifestyle, I used to stay up late and I have more regularly gone to bed early to spend time with her. She wanted a massage each night before sleep and I obliged most nights. Recently though I feel more like I am being pushed away. I feel she is absorbed with her and pregnancy while our relationship (and me) doesn't get any attention. I can't do the right thing, I do 9 things right but then she finds the 1 little thing I miss and I am a bad person. She has been a bit mean to me, had arguments with me about little things even when she knows she is wrong, continues anyway. It's really hard for me because I feel everything that she wants/asks for I am there to help out and it is getting thrown back into my face.She will be emotional and push me away, then get upset because that is apparently a sign she wants me close and to hug her - But I don't feel like I want to hug because I am pushed away. I have lost emotional connection, we used to cuddle in bed, now there is a giant pregnancy pillow between us, I did go to the other side of the bed and cuddle her a few times and it was nice, but now I don't really care. I feel undervalued and she doesn't really come to me for any emotional stuff to make me feel loved. I have talked to her about some of these things but nothing has really changed. I really don't know what to do, I am wondering if it is best to let her go back to her country -I feel no matter how much I do, I can't do the right thing anyway and her family support is something I can't provide. I love her enough to sacrifice myself for her wellbeing.The huge downside is, it would be goodbye and I won't get to be part of the pregnancy or my baby's life.I am a student so can't afford my own place.

becci Letting go
  • replies: 6

Hi I’m new here, would like to share my situation to see if anyone else out there is in a similar place. I’m having trouble letting go of my 20 yr old daughter that stills lives at home( most of the time) she is my 1st born hence I have a very strong... View more

Hi I’m new here, would like to share my situation to see if anyone else out there is in a similar place. I’m having trouble letting go of my 20 yr old daughter that stills lives at home( most of the time) she is my 1st born hence I have a very strong bond with her. She has met a man 23 years older than her. This man has already had a previous wife and child. He is manipulative and has a DV. We have lectured her over and over. She knows we do not approve of this relationship and will never meet this man. She says she knows it is a toxic relationship but stills goes to him every day. I feel like I am watching her drowning but can’t help her. I’m am so sad all the time, I try to bite my tongue when she does come home or else I end up arguing with her and I feel she will eventually choose him. Her younger sister is at home and is also watching this all unfold, constant family arguments over this stupid man. I really don’t know how to just “ let her go”. Would really appreciate any advice out there.

Cartons_of_milk I wish I had a normal mother
  • replies: 3

Today I had a huge fight with my mum today and something inside me finally snapped. When we fought, she must have hurled at least a dozen insults at me. I blocked my ears so I couldn’t hear what she was saying and It was like the build up of emotions... View more

Today I had a huge fight with my mum today and something inside me finally snapped. When we fought, she must have hurled at least a dozen insults at me. I blocked my ears so I couldn’t hear what she was saying and It was like the build up of emotions from the past year came out in that one singular moment. I screamed and shouted at her with a sort of rage and angst that I haven’t expressed in a while. Because of my forgetful behaviour and disorganised life (possible ADHD) she’s been hurling insults at me ever since she realised I was too old to be spanked. But things have gotten so much worse in the last few years (I’d honestly prefer the spanking). I’m 15 now and she is a living nightmare. She gets upset about every single thing I’ve ever done and acts like I’m some sort of horrible, unlovable, stupid beast with no feelings. Nothing that comes out of her mouth is ever nice and mostly consists of her expressing how much she hates everything, which is mostly just me. She hates me so so so much. When she’s mad it usually ranges from ‘You’re such a disappointment’ to ‘F***ing loser’ and ‘Do you really expect anyone to like you?’. But it’s the stuff that she says when she’s not spiralling that really hits the deepest, because she says it EVERY SINGLE DAY. How she feels ‘desperate’ about me and how she compares me to some stranger’s kids online because I’m so unextraordinary. Then she’ll tell my little sister to never be like me because I’m so awful. I get where she’s coming from, I really really do, but when she’s angry she acts like I deserve to DIE or something just because I don’t get straight A’s or because I left my water bottle at school or because my room is messy or because I’m not winning any awards or prizes. I know that my grades aren’t as high as they could be and I know that I’m forgetful, disorganised and messy and there are things that I do that have frustrated her for so long but I don’t do it on purpose. And after everything she’s put us through, I still try to understand her and I still try to be empathetic (she’s a single mum half the time because my dad does FIFO) but she’s never cared about my emotions even once. When I cry, she’s either yelling or laughing at me. She makes me feel so horrible about myself. For me, self-loathing isn’t new at all, but she makes me feel like killing myself. And what’s absolutely crazy is that she’s too stupid to realise what her words mean to other people. She acts all abusive when she’s upset and then goes back to normal as if she didn’t just tell me that she wished she never gave birth to me. But what I truly hate the most are the twisted ideas and thoughts she’s implanting into my 7 year old sister’s head. She talks about how she won’t love her anymore if she turns out like me and how I’m some sort of failed investment. She takes all her anger out on me when things aren’t even my fault and works herself up over the stupidest little things. I see the relationships that my friends have with their mum’s and it makes me feel so horrible. Their mum’s support them and love them meanwhile my mum barely even talks to me. And when I tell my friends about what she’s like they either simply dismiss it as Asian parenting or they just sit there and in awkward silence with no comment whatsoever. Sometimes they tell me to get help. I hate the sound of her whiny voice, I hate everything associated with her, I hate this house, I hate myself, I hate the way she thinks she’s always right and I hate that I have to stay with her for over two more years. I want to be normal and I want her to be normal too. I’m scared things will never change and I feel so alone in this household. I think she’s turned my sister against me. Anyway I just wanted to vent for a bit. If you actually read this whole rant (for some weird reason), then thank you for your time.

KMR separation
  • replies: 5

I am in the early stages of separation and I am really not coping at all. right now I just don't think I can continue

I am in the early stages of separation and I am really not coping at all. right now I just don't think I can continue