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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Guest_10375 What do I do?
  • replies: 2

Hello,I’ve finally gotten the nerve to reach out & hopefully get some advice / help, sorry if this is too long.Had to seperate from my husband earlier this year after being together 24years. I’ve been in a lot of physical pain for about 2 years now w... View more

Hello,I’ve finally gotten the nerve to reach out & hopefully get some advice / help, sorry if this is too long.Had to seperate from my husband earlier this year after being together 24years. I’ve been in a lot of physical pain for about 2 years now with multiple chronic issues going on and as time passed and intimacy went down to zero, his treatment of me also declined. Like my value as a person/partner was directly tied to the level of intimacy in the relationship. The final straw was when he lost it at me one night while drunk and it shook me to my core, I asked him to give up drinking and he wouldn’t. I relented and asked for him to lower his drinking, he agreed then next chance he could he got drunk. Showing me just how little I meant to him.Unfortunately what is finally getting me to break is the fact that I feel my brother doesn’t believe me about how my ex treated me & made me feel, especially over the last 2 years. I never told anyone while it what was happening as I don’t like to share too much & felt things should be kept between husband & wife while trying to sort out.It’s caused this massive divide that I don’t know how to fix & I just can’t lose him What do I do?? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Hatedbydaughter Unemployed husband
  • replies: 2

Hi, my husband has been unemployed on and off since 2014. His last job only lasted a month or so after 18 months unemployed. I work two jobs to keep us afloat and when I ask him to do anything around the house, he becomes irate and calls me a narciss... View more

Hi, my husband has been unemployed on and off since 2014. His last job only lasted a month or so after 18 months unemployed. I work two jobs to keep us afloat and when I ask him to do anything around the house, he becomes irate and calls me a narcissist and that I want to fight. Neither is correct. I'm exhausted and asking for some help around the house. On weekends, he does nothing as I'm home so I'm expected to pick up the slack. I do work 6 hours though on a Saturday so I think there is some injustice in this. He cooks most nights of the working week and keeps the kitchen clean and washes our sheets. He believes that this is more than enough and that I'm expecting too much. Our garden is a mess and I've asked him if he can decorate the inside of the house for Christmas. That set him off again. He wants to see a counsellor that will agree that I'm a horrible narcissistic wife - something he repeatedly calls me - and that I need to back off. I rarely say much about this but frankly, asking someone to place some decorations around the house should not set off such an extreme reaction. I'm really tired and run down. I'm worried for my own physical and mental health. I fear that I will spend the next twenty-five years working just to pay the bills and with no savings. He does suffer from depression but refuses to get help. He blames me, our dog and everyone else for his state. I've run out of ideas and I don't want a divorce.

waffle_puppy I'm fed up.
  • replies: 2

Hey... remember the "friend" who I'd mentioned before? Well they've become much worse and it's been two whole months since I left them. Honestly a big relief. No more hitting, cussing, or MacBook damage, and I'm finally free to like whatever I want (... View more

Hey... remember the "friend" who I'd mentioned before? Well they've become much worse and it's been two whole months since I left them. Honestly a big relief. No more hitting, cussing, or MacBook damage, and I'm finally free to like whatever I want (Because they'd constantly whine about how they don't like a certain game/show/comic/etc and say it's bad), or do whatever. However today hit me in the heart like a sledge hammer. So I was told by a teacher at school to apologise to them because I left them, so I sighed and reluctantly accepted it; stayed up until 2AM to decorate the envelope for the letter I'm writing, and writing the actual letter itself. I swear on my heart, I had poured out all my grief and apology for them (Even though I felt like I didn't really do anything to them, however I'm not sure anymore because they've made me feel guilty enough.) and was in tears writing this. Torn between not wanting to do this, and doing this for the sake of not looking like a massive jerk, I finish my letter and give it to the teacher on Tuesday so they can give it to them. Today, I asked the teacher if they read it; to which the teacher responded with an approval of them reading it. Fast forward to science class, I'm sitting with my other friend who's been for me through thick and thin, and we were browsing together on the internet for terrarium ideas (Since we were done) and giggled as we remembered an old joke that was between us. However, just as we were finished talking, one of my classmates (Who is close with that friend I left) gave me a note and I unfolded it with shaky hands. Indeed I knew it, it was a highly negative, whiny, and aggressive note about how I somehow was rude to them and that I apparently didn't put any effort into my letter, which I was then informed that they didn't want to talk to me that I made them intimidated. Apparently they thought that I found me "betraying" them funny and they said "If it is a joke, it really isn't. I'm fed up with your bs." That really hit me. I felt extremely hurt and betrayed myself, as they were supposed to apologise as well, however they just wrote this aggressive note in one session, which made me feel empty, and extremely anxious. I immediately walked out of the classroom and went to see wellbeing, who didn't do much as all teachers side with them since they're a teacher's kid. I can't do it anymore at this school and I feel unheard and lost. They've told everyone I left them and everyone hates me now.

Halecia My mother was a unloved child and now takes it out on her kids which she’s told us all she resentsus
  • replies: 3

My mum never took the time to understand me, … writting this now I’m envisioning her leaning over me now breathing heavily whilst hurting me, acting sinister and attacking me. I left when I was younger. 16 my mum still had not STOPPED Sabotaging my h... View more

My mum never took the time to understand me, … writting this now I’m envisioning her leaning over me now breathing heavily whilst hurting me, acting sinister and attacking me. I left when I was younger. 16 my mum still had not STOPPED Sabotaging my happiness. I can tell you that even people on community based places especially close colleagues friends can see that I’ve changed from speaking to her. She tries to change the way I see and feel in myself. She hates me. She’s told me this. I am second to youngest of 4 sisters. I have two half sisters. My mum never remarried after my dad. She sinks down and lives in the past. But she never acts that certain way around new people. Anyway - Enough about Her. the way it’s impacted me and the way I feel is putting me last. And making me feel different. Like I am a different person to who I really am. My dad ( who is irresponsible) has told me to disconnect urgently stay away from contact and block her if I have to call the police so do it. she knows she’s hurt me. Attempted to get attention and flirt with my Domestic violence older guy I was seeing. My relationship. She has tried to manipulate and managed to sleep with every boyfriend I’ve had that’s managed to see her and unluckily grab her contact details. A lot of people tell me it’s my upbringing. BUT I can’t let my past dictate my happiness in the future. I’ve moved out lived in a lot of rentals worked studied all pushed myself todo this on my own. But when she threw me out into the street at 16, I went to live with new boyfriend. I’ve had to Explain and contact the police because she won’t let me live a happy free existence. She thought she could come at me with weapons (I won’t tell you what in particular) and try and kill me. She took us away from my loving father on A interstate train when I was a Kid. 2025. I’m trying to heal. Like I’ve said to many people. I havnt been in a relationship since I was 26. And with the amount of trauma I’ve been through from my mum, I just want some space. I havnt seen my friends as I crossed them out when I got my own first rental out of home. despite being in a domestic violence relationship too, I havnt had time to heal. And with everything going on my mum tried to play the manipulation game on top of everything else I was going through and rang the police to attend because she attacked me harshly. And lied to the police with claims about me doing it to her. She knew she has hurt me. And she manipulated the system so much she tried to fight for an intervention order on me. She did the same thing with my older sister when she was 16.

randomxx Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.
  • replies: 646

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don'... View more

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that. As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together. Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff. Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.l knew it was a gamble though, damn it. rx

Hue I have no where else to go.
  • replies: 5

My mother was abusive. She hit me when I had a stuttering problem because she convinced herself that I did it on purpose. She would lock me in a dark room until I stopped crying, and now I can't help but flinch at a sudden raised hand, and I'm scared... View more

My mother was abusive. She hit me when I had a stuttering problem because she convinced herself that I did it on purpose. She would lock me in a dark room until I stopped crying, and now I can't help but flinch at a sudden raised hand, and I'm scared of the dark. She was a heavy alcoholic, and now she has moved on with another family, getting to live out the rest of her life in a stable home whilst I'm left picking up the pieces of myself that she left behind. She told me that I'd be raped if I wore Z, Y, and Z, and she destroyed my confidence to the point where it's still difficult to make friends. My father is emotionally absent. He went as far to tell me that "It's normal" when I mentioned wanting therapy for my suicidal thoughts, denying me any outside help. He has told me to "stop sulking and acting sad around the house" because it brings everyone else down. Now, I suppress any negative emotions so no one else can see vulnerability.So, I thought that my step mum was my second chance, a mother who may love me the way I want to be loved. But she has punched walls just because someone ate her food in the fridge, left dents in the fridge from her knuckles, smashed plates to the floor when they weren't cleaned properly. Her temper is something that I've never seen from anyone else, but it can be "justified" because--as she says it--she's never laid a hand on any of us, so she can't be that bad, right? She can be very nasty, and her double standards are insane... If we do something small like turning the dishwasher on when it is only half full, she will shout across the house for easily up to an hour about the waste of water, but God forbid if anyone points out any mistake she makes. I'm in a constant state of fawn or freeze, and it's absolutely exhausting.When I realized that they can only agree with "hurt people hurt people" when they are the victim, I also realized that they'll never understand my feelings, no matter how much I plead for them to. I resent them, but I love them so, so much. The only reason why I'm still here is because of the excitement on my father's face when I agree to watch a movie with him, the fear in his eyes and his shaky hands when he did almost lose me, the thought of him growing old without a daughter. A parent should never have to bury a child... but being a parent doesn't give you the right to make me feel like that's an option. I want to feel like I'm not alone.

Guest_09764308 feeling worthless
  • replies: 1

i’m 19, have multiple chronic illnesses that have rendered me disabled and i’m unlikely to work, i have learning disabilities and processing difficulties, all of these combined has made my family see me as lesser than a human.i had a discussion today... View more

i’m 19, have multiple chronic illnesses that have rendered me disabled and i’m unlikely to work, i have learning disabilities and processing difficulties, all of these combined has made my family see me as lesser than a human.i had a discussion today where even though i am highly educated on the topic bwcause i’m passionate about it, i got told that i was way wrong and i needed to open a history book in the nastiest most disrespectful tone ever, i know i’m correct which is hurting me more because now i’m questioning whether i’ve been taught correctly or whether i am jsut entirely stupid and have no clue what i’m even talking about.this feeling runs so deep for me, i’ve always been treated this way if my family doesn’t agree entirely on the topic, i’m always treated like i’m completely illiterate and worthless to the discussion, even as a kid not even talking about educational things, i’d always been ridiculed and spoken to like i was just dirt on the ground, like i knew nothing whatsoever. today opened up a lot of old feelings that i pushed down and tried to forget about, this year was so hard for me with my family and i finally thought i was pushing past how i was treated and coming out on top, but then i see nyself as the same child who was bullied relentlessly by my own family, to the point of being suicidal multiple times in my life DUE to my family!! my sister abused me and her boyfriend joined in to egg her on, made her worse and made her eventually want to put hands on me, all for it to be blamed on me, that she’s mentally ill and i just need to act differently. i’m always at fault somehow, i’m always the stupid one, i’m always uneducated, i’m always ridiculed, i am nothing to these people but a punching bag to make themselves feel smarter

Pepper Bpd break up
  • replies: 1

My partner has bpd and does therapy and is also medicated, when we first started dating he reached out and said he’s got too much he needs to work through before he can consider a relationship. I didn’t reply not because I didn’t want to but because ... View more

My partner has bpd and does therapy and is also medicated, when we first started dating he reached out and said he’s got too much he needs to work through before he can consider a relationship. I didn’t reply not because I didn’t want to but because I was hurt and didn’t know how to respond, though I had a lot of respect for him sending that message. About 3 weeks later we ran into each other at the shops and he said he’d like to go out again and see where things go, we then hit it off, nothing was off limits in terms of conversation and he was very open, throughout our relationship he would say things like ‘are you sure I’m not too much’ or ‘am I good enough for you’ I would always reassure him to put his mind at ease which he appreciated and said thank you. He said he’s never had a relationship like ours, someone that actually cares so much, so affectionate and he appreciated me being by his side during the dark days. then his father passed and he started not sleeping properly, he was working more, he was saying he feels he is in his body but not there. he then said he was spiralling and said he needs space, I gave him that for 3 weeks while I got minimal communication from him though I’d reach out occasionally and say ‘I hope today feels lighter for you’ he would thank me. yesterday he told me he’s decided he can’t be in a relationship I responded giving him reassurance that I was there for him in the beginning and I still am even when he’s in a better headspace. I told him I understand he’s overwhelmed. he then said he’s serious about not being able to have a relationship. I do feel he’s trying to protect me from the hurt he is feeling, and perhaps ashamed. I feel it’s more a trauma response, he has said ‘I know you’re only trying to help’during the 3 weeks of minimal communication he was still affectionate towards me, when he would cuddle me he would say ‘this is lovely’Is there hope that he will come back once his nervous system starts to regulate again and stabilise

Qwerty Life gets worse.
  • replies: 3

Hi, on top of my depression, my wife told me she is no longer in love with me, she said she doesn't know if she ever will again. We have children, I haven't got a clue what to do. It's just reinforced my idea that suicide would be a viable idea. View more

Hi, on top of my depression, my wife told me she is no longer in love with me, she said she doesn't know if she ever will again. We have children, I haven't got a clue what to do. It's just reinforced my idea that suicide would be a viable idea.

Sheridan Controlling parent
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone I’m 28 and wanting to move out and start a life with my partner of three years , currently wanting to look for a rental, while we eventually build a house.However when ever I mention or show my Dad a place he has something bad to say abou... View more

Hi everyone I’m 28 and wanting to move out and start a life with my partner of three years , currently wanting to look for a rental, while we eventually build a house.However when ever I mention or show my Dad a place he has something bad to say about it and get all fussy picking out all the bad things and not the good things, or simply doesn’t care at all and doesn’t have much to say at all. I also feel a great sense of pressure at the moment , wanting to build and settle down in a few years , but finding it very difficult to talk to my dad without him getting all fussy and opinionated, it makes me feel really stuck because it’s like I shouldn’t put in for a particular house or give things a go for myself and just give up. I’ve mentioned multiple times about wanting to move out soon, so it’s been building up for a while, with not a lot of support from him , but then out of blue will says things about * oh when you have your own kids* I feel he is trying to control my life , first it was my job, my car and now my house.I just feel like I don’t have a lot of support from him and cannot talk to him about it.I know I need to move out for my own sanity and freedom , I’ve lived at home till now and finally ready to move on with my life and actually get to experience life. Thanks for taking the time to read this