Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Guest_89602191 Help
  • replies: 0

Hi, I recently moved country. I have no real friends, family or anyone that checks up on me. I’m really lonely and think of how lonely I am everyday walking home from work. I live with my dad his partner and her children but get the feeling they don’... View more

Hi, I recently moved country. I have no real friends, family or anyone that checks up on me. I’m really lonely and think of how lonely I am everyday walking home from work. I live with my dad his partner and her children but get the feeling they don’t really like me anymore. When I try to converse it’s either one worded replies, me starting the conversation or they go into their rooms. They talk amongst themselves but it’s different when I’m there. It was good when I first came but now it’s progressively getting worse. I am saving to move out and rent my own place but I know I’m not financially stable. I know it’s silly I shouldn’t be thinking like this but nobody checks up on me, nobody asks how I am and I always make sure to ask them. I’m so drained from it all. I feel like everyone hates me and I try so hard with them all like buying things or food or bringing one of the children out for the day for the company and to also get them out. I just don’t know what to do because I care so much for them but I know and see they don’t me. It’s killing me inside. I know I shouldn’t be complaining as I’m in a beautiful country but I feel so lonely in a house full of people.

Heartbroken24 Boyfriend ghosted me
  • replies: 4

Last May, I started talking to a guy and we hit it off straight away. He had been stood up by girls before and had in his words, “major trust issues”. Communication was on and off for months and it took a long time to meet up as he was scared. We fin... View more

Last May, I started talking to a guy and we hit it off straight away. He had been stood up by girls before and had in his words, “major trust issues”. Communication was on and off for months and it took a long time to meet up as he was scared. We finally met 3 months ago and it was amazing. He told me I was everything he imagined and more. We got along so well, texted for two weeks after and became even closer. Then one day, he just didn’t reply to my text. There was a pattern the whole time I’ve known him. We would speak sometimes a few days up to a few weeks before he’d shut down again for months. From everything I’ve learnt and things he’s said here and there over the last almost year, it sounds like he has depression, which makes him shut down. I tried everything to talk to him, including going to his house last night (I messaged him that I was on the way and that I’d turn around if he wanted me to). When I got there, he wouldn’t even come to the door and messaged me to go away. I told him I’m sorry, I just don’t understand what happened and that I love him. Then I left and cried the whole way home. I’m heartbroken because I’ve never felt this way about anyone. And when we were talking, I’d never felt so happy. I’m just stuck in this limbo of depression and loneliness and I don’t know what to do with my life. No matter what I do, it doesn’t fix or distract me from how I feel. I’m in so much pain every single day. I know I can’t help him, but I never expected this to happen and I just feel so lost. Please don’t give me platitudes as it doesn’t help.

white knight Disowning relatives
  • replies: 16

10 years ago I turned 58yo and forcibly retired from work due to MH issues. I needed to regroup, put myself, my daughter and my wife ahead of- everyone. Like many I had a toxic family that ranged from borderline PD to bipolar to anxiety and the dread... View more

10 years ago I turned 58yo and forcibly retired from work due to MH issues. I needed to regroup, put myself, my daughter and my wife ahead of- everyone. Like many I had a toxic family that ranged from borderline PD to bipolar to anxiety and the dreaded narcissism. Having my own bipolar, anxiety and high functioning autism (recent revelation), I was not much different to my blood relatives except for the narcissism. Ok, that said I decided to give some relatives one last chance which fed my need to not hold any guilt in the future by rash decisions. There is the hard and the easy way to cope with rejecting relatives. With previous attempts when younger I'd crumble at the thought, then crumble again when I grieved for them, so I had become a boomerang family member. When I returned to my family the narcs were happy not to talk about what the issue was, to resolve so recurrence didnt happen, so again and again it repeated. But something changed at 58yo. I decided a few things- that blood relatives no longer automatically had my presence, that I had the right to reject them for a peaceful existence.that seeking stability I needed to ensure I didnt have unstable people in my life, that I was to create my own "more" stable worldthat my wife should no longer carry the burden of my family upsets when she had come from a stable upbringingthat 58 years was long enough and if I was lucky enough to last another 25 years that I could choose then to mould those years into happier timesThe above decision making says it all and I've gradually found peace from family problems. Yes, the occasional relative I still have in my life will call and ask if they can mediate and I politely decline. Those calls are examples of the triangulation from rejected family members. Do I miss them- oh, yes, but the cycle would return if I allowed them back in. My family ensured that guilt was a major weapon so I know my guilt especially that my 93yo mother is still alive, would eat at me. But alas, if I visited her after so many years I know the guilt would be her priority then she'd haunt me from her grave. Troubled people have to build a world around themselves and only issue passes to those that either understand or have a level of loyalty that you feel safe with. These are desperate situations, suicidal thoughts, attempts, suffering through rage and comments from despicable people. Being blood does not mean you are a punching bag. If thats you then untie the rope, let that bag drop... TonyWK

randomxx Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.
  • replies: 288

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don'... View more

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that. As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together. Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff. Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.l knew it was a gamble though, damn it. rx

Happycamper Advice managing relationship with partner's family.
  • replies: 5

My partner and I have been together for 5 years now, commited, stable and living together, both planning for our future. We come from different cultures and languages and he is living here in mine so we're closer to my family. Thankfully we speak eac... View more

My partner and I have been together for 5 years now, commited, stable and living together, both planning for our future. We come from different cultures and languages and he is living here in mine so we're closer to my family. Thankfully we speak each other's languages (he a lot better than me). We went to visit his family in their country in year 3 of our relationship which was fantastic. I met most of the family and they are wonderful people, however, I felt uncomfortable much of the time around his mum and grandmother. This stems from cultural differences and language barrier. They are very religious, and use a lot of this vocabulary and talk in a way that is really difficult for me to understand in a second language and communicate very differently to my family. We went on a long road trip together, and his mum would regularly say things I couldn't understand and my partner just wouldn't respond (I've spoken to him about this and he's said that's just his relationship with her) so I would feel obligated to try and engage but really struggled to. When at his family home, he spent much time going through his old things, leaving me with his mum and grandma and I struggled to communicate (this didn't happen with other family members we stayed with). It caused some arguments between us on this trip as I felt like I was trying to make a good impression but he never picked up when I was struggling with the language (through looks when I didn't understand or even just saying I was struggling) and it began to make me feel exhausted, straining so hard to understand all the time. Furthermore, I couldn't have a day to myself to have a mental break and see the sites as his mum lived in a gated community far from everything. Since this trip, I've felt my relationship with his mum to be strained. Whilst we mostly communicated through my partner in the past, she always used to wish me happy birthday and merry christmas and hasn't done so since the trip and I worry that I've made a bad impression. My partner is an amazing person but when it comes to understanding about needing more language support around his family, I'm often met with 'it's in my head, my language skills are great', or that I need to adapt to his family dynamic with how they talk/don't talk. Whilst these things are true I feel I still need help to get there if I want to have a good relationship with his family (important for both of us) and don't know what to do or if his mum doesn't like me now. Help

Guest_95505599 Want to be intimate with husband but body says no
  • replies: 1

I am still very much in love with my husband. I still want to be intimate with him as much as ever. However in the last few years I have been less intimate due to pain during intimacy. I have seen a doctor and am on a waitlist to see a endometriosis ... View more

I am still very much in love with my husband. I still want to be intimate with him as much as ever. However in the last few years I have been less intimate due to pain during intimacy. I have seen a doctor and am on a waitlist to see a endometriosis gyno and have also been told by my gp I am also going through pre menipause symptoms. Common medications I can't take due to blood clots. My husband doesn't understand i still want to be intimate but the pain during and after is not fun for me. I am scared I am going to lose him or make him resent me but feel I have no way forward. Any help would be great. We have tried aids such as movies, toys etc and these help but don't ease the pain.

Bayley I was just a rebound
  • replies: 2

I treated her like she was the only girl on the planet I loved her and yet she was only with me to make her feel good about herself she messaged saying she can’t do this rn and then called another guy blocked me on everything 1hour before this we wer... View more

I treated her like she was the only girl on the planet I loved her and yet she was only with me to make her feel good about herself she messaged saying she can’t do this rn and then called another guy blocked me on everything 1hour before this we were laughing on a call I don’t know what to do

Bee1998 My partner constantly threatens to watch porn, despite knowing how much it hurts me
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been in an argument today over him ignoring me all of last night, because I’m anxious about him going away soon without me.We ended up talking about something that he did a little while ago (was unfaithful), and that triggered m... View more

My partner and I have been in an argument today over him ignoring me all of last night, because I’m anxious about him going away soon without me.We ended up talking about something that he did a little while ago (was unfaithful), and that triggered me, and we got into a bit of a heated argument.He then pulled the, ”well I’m going to watch p*rn tonight” card on me. He said it in such a smug, disrespectful manner, like he literally doesn’t have any regards for my well-being. He knows how much I hate p*rn, and how it destroys my self esteem, yet he constantly threatens me with it, and tell me he’s going to watch it tonight, while we’re on bad terms.He tells me he’s going to watch it, and there’s nothing I can do about it.Whenever he tells me this, I become enraged with anger. He really knows how to push my buttons and trigger me, and I hate him for it.I literally am going to smash my house to pieces one day, which will be out of my control.

FelixC My silence and lack of connection is killing my marriage
  • replies: 2

Hello all, I was hoping this discussion can reach someone who is experiencing or have experienced my problem hoping I can get some support here. First of all, I am married to my wife for 18 years (together 24 years) with 2 kids and we been together s... View more

Hello all, I was hoping this discussion can reach someone who is experiencing or have experienced my problem hoping I can get some support here. First of all, I am married to my wife for 18 years (together 24 years) with 2 kids and we been together since high school, and I am 5 years older. She's always been the full of ideas, energy and optimistic person that brings joy and laugh to people and she's a great cook. I love her very much and still am and no doubt about it. In the last 4-5 years things have been very edgy between us where we have moved city, raising our young children on our own without family and friends nearby/support and working full time. About 5 years ago my wife had an affair with one of our mutual close friends and I felt the world is crushing down on me, we separated and she continue with her other relationship. Due to financial reason and me wanting to be with my kids I stayed at the family house. One year passed and just before covid I finally moved out but within the area then about 4 months later I moved back because of covid and lockdown. Not long after I moved back her other relationship have ceased and we had many discussions about reconciliation, but I have a lot of leaving/staying dilemma going of which did not help in our situation and she have been let down and heart broken many times.In the last 3 years the road was and still am quite bumpy for us and we have learnt so much about what happened that leads to the affair and we take ownership of our wrongdoing. One of my biggest weakness is connection/communications where I can go on with the day without talking much to my wife and children. This have been the constant poison in my relationship/marriage and she complain many times over the course of the last 10-15 years and started brewing resentment towards me. I say this have always been the problem in our relationship that I don't talk to her enough and just do the day to day necessity chores (eg: Happily doing the dishes without asking help) and because I don't talk a lot she would complain to her family and friends but gets the blamed for not appreciating and I am always the nice guy.In the last 2 years I have been diagnosed with depression and been on meds since but that still didn't help connecting with my wife. I struggle to understand why I am still doing this to hurt her. Is it because of what happened between us, my upbringing or do I not love her? I just can't figure it out why I don't have the initiative to change.

goldilocks I have a genuine question...
  • replies: 1

I am putting this post under 'Relationship and Family Issues,' although I am unsure if I am putting this thread under the correct topic. But I have a question that I'd like to ask. It's directed towards other women (especially young women) on here. H... View more

I am putting this post under 'Relationship and Family Issues,' although I am unsure if I am putting this thread under the correct topic. But I have a question that I'd like to ask. It's directed towards other women (especially young women) on here. Have any of you been in a situation where a public transport worker (i.e. bus driver) has has a thing for you - a crush, if you will? I am asking this, as I have been in this predicament twice before (which did not end well), and I feel like I am going through it again. You responses would be highly appreciated! Warm Regards, goldilocks