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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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twolegsjoe Rumination/Mindfulness Doesn't Make Sense
  • replies: 2

Hi, Figured I'd make a post on here because whenever this comes up it drives me nuts trying to make heads or tails of it. Basically, I am currently in the midst of my quarterly mental breakdown, and as many people do, I refer to the internet to help ... View more

Hi, Figured I'd make a post on here because whenever this comes up it drives me nuts trying to make heads or tails of it. Basically, I am currently in the midst of my quarterly mental breakdown, and as many people do, I refer to the internet to help push me in the right direction. I'm really at my wit's end however, when nearly every response is something like "accept your thoughts but don't dwell on them" - I, sincerely, and at the risk of this sounding like a loaded question, do not understand this. At all. Like, I get the concept that they're describing, but I don't know how to make myself "not dwell" or "imagine my thoughts like a cloud passing by" or "imagine your thoughts are an island" or what have you. When I have an intrusive thoughts, I just feel upset. Like!? Sorry I don't really know what else to say about it, it just frustrates me thinking about it because I don't know how to physically make my brain not dwell. The other response I see is "practice mindfulness", which again, fundamentally do not understand this. Like, I can acknowledge my privilege, things to be grateful for, I can tell myself positive affirmations til the cows come home but I still just want to ball my eyes out the entire time. Frankly, the only thing I've taken away from meditation is frustration. Anyway, sorry again if this comes across as a loaded question, I just get really mad any time such things are suggested to me because it just does not compute in my brain, and I'm just looking for some help, or validation, or anything positive really.

Loni-1 Estranged adult children
  • replies: 4

Is anyone else out there experiencing being alienated by their adult children due to toxic coercive control by their ex. this has betn going on for over 20 years since we separated. Now I have lost communication with both my daughter and son and can’... View more

Is anyone else out there experiencing being alienated by their adult children due to toxic coercive control by their ex. this has betn going on for over 20 years since we separated. Now I have lost communication with both my daughter and son and can’t see my grandchildren. I feel so isolated and alone. Would like to connect with anyone going through a similar or the same situation.

Guest_10308 Stuck in limbo
  • replies: 0

Hi There. I am currently looking in a situation where I think that my wife really want to leave me. For the last couple of years she has become more and more distant with me not showing really any affection, not wanting to do anything with me (go out... View more

Hi There. I am currently looking in a situation where I think that my wife really want to leave me. For the last couple of years she has become more and more distant with me not showing really any affection, not wanting to do anything with me (go out without the kids etc). I have been overcompensating more and more as I am really struggling with the feeling of rejection and loneliness. Throughout this time I have asked a lot of times if she still loves me to which she answers, "I will always love you as a person". Me not knowing how to take that will ask if she wants to be with me which she says she does not know. Recently (a couple of weeks ago) she has decided some space would be better. I am staying away from the house for a couple of nights a week and her the others. I understand that she feels like this is what she needs right now but for me this is hell. I don't know what to do or where I stand and every time I ask I am being to pushy and rushing. This is crippling me in every aspect of my life and I don't know how to cope. Does anybody have any ideas? I am desperate to save my family.

Lily48 Estranged adult child
  • replies: 5

It's been almost a year since our adult daughter decided to reduce drastically contact with us. This was a result of a difference of opinion between her father and her male partner. Her reaction to what he told her was said seems disproportionate. In... View more

It's been almost a year since our adult daughter decided to reduce drastically contact with us. This was a result of a difference of opinion between her father and her male partner. Her reaction to what he told her was said seems disproportionate. In addition, where we had close and regular contact with her two daughters, our daughter will not allow them to visit us. I have experienced the five stages of grief and loss and now have reached a degree of acceptance that things will not change in the foreseeable future. I have tried texting, emailing, asking what she needs for us to heal this rift, but it seems there is no chance of reconciliation with her father. While she doesn't want any contact with him, I get an occasional phone call or email, but the loss of close contact with my grand-daughters is heart- breaking.

Cat_66 Communication Problem
  • replies: 1

Hi..I'm feeling so down and helpless as I've never been a good communicator and my current situation being my partner is has a chronic illness and is depressed.Some days are okay and others not so good where they are crying.I love them so much and fe... View more

Hi..I'm feeling so down and helpless as I've never been a good communicator and my current situation being my partner is has a chronic illness and is depressed.Some days are okay and others not so good where they are crying.I love them so much and feel helpless as they wont talk to me because of my lack of communcating.

Meep-13 Just a loner
  • replies: 7

Hello. I'm just a bit sad at the moment and don't have many people to talk to, well no one actually. I haven't had the best up bringing and not a lot of family, just my grandmother and aunty who I consider my sister, at times. I love them dearly. The... View more

Hello. I'm just a bit sad at the moment and don't have many people to talk to, well no one actually. I haven't had the best up bringing and not a lot of family, just my grandmother and aunty who I consider my sister, at times. I love them dearly. They have been there for me especially since my parents weren't so I honestly couldn't ask for much. But I just feel 2nd place at times. Obviously since I'm the grandchild and not my grandmother's actual child, i can kinda feel where the line is between my aunty and my uncle, who is cool but he's normally off he's head on who knows what and I only talk about video games and computer stuff with. He use to resent me because I'm his sister's daughter and she's an awful person and he saw me as a mini her, same with my aunty but she's quite younger compared to my uncle and mother,(10+ years between my aunty and uncle then my mother being 3 years older then my uncle) so she kinda just follows along with whatever my grandmother says. My aunty and I grew up like sisters and we're closer in age being 6 years difference. Anyway I just feel outa place sometimes. I did move out quite young because even tho my grandmother and aunty are pretty cool, they're just not people to live with. So it's kinda lonely and since I moved around a lot due to parent issues I never stayed at a school longer then 2 years, so never developed strong friendships. I do study but I'm younger then a lot of my study peers who I'd say are friends but nothing more out of class I guess. It's kinda hard to find good friends and people to talk to and just to have plain old fun instead of being stuck in my little granny flat Infront on a screen trying online dating apps just to hang out with someone. So I guess I'm trying this or just having a rant to hopefully a respectable place. If anyone reading this thanks for your time and maybe we can talk. Have good day/night

StartingOver Completely lost and heart broken
  • replies: 6

Hi all. Not really sure what I’m even really wanting to say, or what the point of this is. I am just completely lost. My partner of 1.5 years left me on Sunday afternoon. I have had horrid relationships in the past, DV, cheated on more times than I c... View more

Hi all. Not really sure what I’m even really wanting to say, or what the point of this is. I am just completely lost. My partner of 1.5 years left me on Sunday afternoon. I have had horrid relationships in the past, DV, cheated on more times than I can count, been let down relentlessly. But this partner? He was different. He was a literal angel on earth, I’ve never been treated so well in my life. And what did I do? I pushed him away. I was constantly making up horrid scenarios in my head, I’d get angry, I’d say horrible things. Even though I love him. And I do, I do love him. And now I have lost someone who I honestly wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I can’t eat. I can hardly drink water. I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop thinking about him. I am just completely lost without him. I don’t even know where to turn for help.

Broken79 Im absolulty gutted. Is Dad sick?
  • replies: 2

please, i need help2 days ago, my sister called to tell me that 6 cop cars turned up at my Dads (a town 4 hours away from me)They were exucuting a warrent to seize all of his electronic devices. Im 45, my dad is 19 years older than me, and has always... View more

please, i need help2 days ago, my sister called to tell me that 6 cop cars turned up at my Dads (a town 4 hours away from me)They were exucuting a warrent to seize all of his electronic devices. Im 45, my dad is 19 years older than me, and has always been the apple of my eye. I am the eldest of 6. He has reassured me that they wont fond anything bad, he admitted that he clicked on a link on his facebook of the p****nagraphic nature, and that was all.Im so scared.What if its more than that!?I have spoken to my eldest dauggter about that, and she is as shocked as me 🥺 I work in the community/social services sector, and absolutly detest anything remotely related to these tyoes of actions. Please help? Advice?

Guest_00863266 Help. Nowhere to live.
  • replies: 1

Hi. been married 23 years and this is probably the worst our relationship has become. We have a 19 year old daughter who lives at home as student at uni. Being careful now. My wife is Mediterranean and has close relatives all within walking distance ... View more

Hi. been married 23 years and this is probably the worst our relationship has become. We have a 19 year old daughter who lives at home as student at uni. Being careful now. My wife is Mediterranean and has close relatives all within walking distance of our house. Silly me, I was so wrapped in her family as I came from a very small Aust family. I dove in 100% because the in-laws were beautiful and different compared to my 3 member family as a kid. I neglected my family and friends thinking my new family was more important. Now my wife wants a divorce, she’s even got into the ear of our daughter, as has my daughters European cousins, uncles, aunts etc. on my side my daughter only has her nan, my mother. Daughter will not talk to my mum and also wants me out. All assets are in my wife’s name. Stupid I know!!! My wife has even phoned police because I won’t leave. If I had friends or family who would take me in I would go. Police have rightly said this is as much my home as hers and have not taken any action. Wife and daughter go on holidays together without even telling me. They know I’m stuck in the matrimonial home but I need options. It’s painful living with a wife and daughter who hate you. I need men’s shelter but it’s all new to me. thanks all

FiveSeasons Decision making around termination / abortion in a stable relationship
  • replies: 9

Hi everyone, I am ten weeks pregnant with a completely unplanned fourth baby and we are struggling immensely to make a decision whether to proceed or terminate. We thought our family was complete, especially from my husband’s perspective (# 3 was alr... View more

Hi everyone, I am ten weeks pregnant with a completely unplanned fourth baby and we are struggling immensely to make a decision whether to proceed or terminate. We thought our family was complete, especially from my husband’s perspective (# 3 was already my desperately wanted “extra” baby). Our marriage is solid, but we have little to no support in Australia and we both feel stretched thinly as it is (financially, emotionally, physically and in terms of time and energy). Our youngest is 2, and we were just beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel and as though we might have actually survived the choppy seas of early parenting. This news has thrown us completely off course and we’re still at a loss as to what decision is best for our family after knowing for 5 weeks. We fear another baby could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. It would obliterate any chance of getting my career back on track after so much time off / part time, I don’t cope that well with the stress, chaos and frantic pace of our life as it is, and although he is a doting father now he found it increasingly hard with each baby to be present and engaged in the newborn period. We each have gone through periods of depression and anxiety to varying degrees over the past seven years. BUT we love our kids to the ends of the earth and know we would love another. The stress of the decision is crushing me. I go back and forth on an almost hourly cycle, it’s impacting my work and ability to function as a Mum. Hubby says he will support whichever decision I make, but we’re both concerned that both choices have the potential to make or break our little family. Having the baby would set us back in our life plans, and feels like we’d be starting this crazy overwhelming phase of life again, but I’m not sure if I would cope long term with the guilt and doubt of terminating. How do we make this impossible choice? We are running out of time and I can’t continue functioning this way. I guess I’m hoping for some personal experiences of how people worked through an impossible emotional decision and came out the other side with some clarity and confidence in their choice, if that’s even possible?!