Relationship and family issues

Not Infertile, But Not Pregnant

replies: 3

Hi BeyondBluers,I'm having a really hard time. With a family history of mental health challenges, my Mum and two of her brothers all took their own life before I turned 18.After years of psychology sessions, a uni degree and finding the love of my li... View more

Hi BeyondBluers,I'm having a really hard time. With a family history of mental health challenges, my Mum and two of her brothers all took their own life before I turned 18.After years of psychology sessions, a uni degree and finding the love of my life, I'm now married and hoping to start a family with my Husband. He's such a warm, wonderful and supportive guy. I have beautiful friends who are also supportive, and so many of them are PREGNANT. Or have a child. We've been trying for 18 months. I don't know if I or my husband have any issues yet. I haven't felt ready to start the process of working with fertility clinics to take it a step further. Plus my psychologist tells me that being within 2 years from starting to try for a baby is actually "normal". I'm feeling the cycle of disappointment, heart break and loss for something I haven't had yet. This grief is as real, raw and deep as when I lost my Mum. Except it also comes in cyclical waves when I get my period, when a friend announces they're pregnant or when I'm around friends who are pregnant and they're talking excitedly about their futures. I don't check social media much anymore because I need to get away from all the announcements. I never knew that wanting to have a baby but it not happening yet could bring so much pain. Not many people around me understand, or know what to say to me when I confide in them (which is fair, we're not trained to know what to say!). They try to make me feel better by telling me not to worry, that a baby is just around the corner, don't give up hope, at least I should be grateful for XYZ, or the many different versions of that. It's hard to feel heard, understood and not alone. I can feel happy, and grateful at times, and at the same time, the heart ache and pain is so frequent. It's just hard. I'm hoping someone here might understand. Please don't make me feel guilty as I already understand that others can be in a tougher situation than me. It doesn't mean what I'm feeling is any less valid, which is hard to remember at the best of times. Thanks in advance for reading. I'd love some support.

Lying

replies: 2

Hi all, (trigger warning)I don’t really know how to do this, I’ve never done anything like this before I guess the first thing is being honest.I’m a 24 year old woman and most of my childhood I never lied but when I was 10 my mum met a guy and while ... View more

Hi all, (trigger warning)I don’t really know how to do this, I’ve never done anything like this before I guess the first thing is being honest.I’m a 24 year old woman and most of my childhood I never lied but when I was 10 my mum met a guy and while she was at work this guy would physically beat me, and I would learn to lie not only from my mum about the abuse but lie to the guy in hopes of him not doing anything. And well 14 years on I had told little lies here and there, but when I met my now partner my lying has just gotten out of control. Like for Christ sake the other night I lied about bread, like who does that (for context I cooked to much for dinner and I lied saying I got the meals mixed which wasn’t the case) but seriously who lies about that stuff. Anyway my partner sees me as this horrible/ bad person and honestly I’m starting to feel like I am. Cause who would cause so much pain and discomfort to their partner who they love. I really don’t know what to do if I’m being honest like I’m crying writing this because I can’t afford to get professional help. In the 3 years we’ve together I’ve lied quite a bit but lately it’s just increased and I don’t know what to do or how to stop it

Partner who lacks empathy

replies: 2

My Partner has no capacity to care about anyone and does not let anyone in to care about him. I wonder whether there's anything more I can do? I've tried having open discussions with him but he doesn't want to process anything that I'm trying to expr... View more

My Partner has no capacity to care about anyone and does not let anyone in to care about him. I wonder whether there's anything more I can do? I've tried having open discussions with him but he doesn't want to process anything that I'm trying to express. I'm dealing with a brick wall here literally. What upsets me the most is the way that he does not treat his very elderly parents with kindness.

Loneliness

replies: 1

Hi everyone!I am 57 years old and feel lonely a lot of the time, even in a large crowd of people I know. I am divorced, with. no kids and when Covid hit, I moved back in with my mother to support her after my father passed away.While there are people... View more

Hi everyone!I am 57 years old and feel lonely a lot of the time, even in a large crowd of people I know. I am divorced, with. no kids and when Covid hit, I moved back in with my mother to support her after my father passed away.While there are people in my life who call me a friend, it's almost impossible for me to message them or visit them as they have their own families and other friends who take priority. I'm very aware of being the pathetic, annoying single guy, constantly seeking some sort of validation or connection.Most of the time, I feel in their way and never want to disrupt their daily routines. I feel they eventually get sick of me and stop contacting me after a period of time. I've tried Dating Sites, community groups, etc...to make connections, but it hasn't worked.People say I am nice guy and come to me for advice and happy to have a brief chat from time to time, but I'm never included in anything.

Verbally Abusive Mother

replies: 4

Hello I'm Dawn and I think I have a verbally abusive mother. She says it's 'tough love' but she has been constantly critisizing me and calling me really mean things. Like: " you're so lazy'" and "you're such a pig", etc. I really need help as soon as... View more

Hello I'm Dawn and I think I have a verbally abusive mother. She says it's 'tough love' but she has been constantly critisizing me and calling me really mean things. Like: " you're so lazy'" and "you're such a pig", etc. I really need help as soon as I can.

Relationships- the moment it ends

replies: 0

For some, 3 months in a relationship, when it dissolves can contain as much grief as 10 years with that person. Love has no bounds, grief is different for every person- the grief cant be in comparison due to length of time together alone. The devasta... View more

For some, 3 months in a relationship, when it dissolves can contain as much grief as 10 years with that person. Love has no bounds, grief is different for every person- the grief cant be in comparison due to length of time together alone. The devastation can be huge and that "moment you walk away or are left alone" has your future disappear in front of you, you certainly dont think you'll recover. To paint a rosy picture of recovery and a new life as being easy would be misleading. It takes time and/or planning. Allowing time to heal is ok - to allow that to sooth your feeling of abandonment or loss might see you dwelling for a long time before you might find another love interest or the memories fade. Planning is logical but in a highly emotional state logic goes on holiday. One simple step can be an insurance policy for your emotions- visiting your GP for a simple chat. That way they can monitor your grief level to keep you safe. If you feel out of control some time later you can return and your downhill spiral can be stopped with assistance. I say all of this through lived experience from the post separation of 3 long term relationships. None were easy and no, I didnt go to my GP. Had I done so post separation or in one case I made a suicide attempt one week prior to separation I would have saved a million tears and a possibility of my young kids not having a father. I would never have known my grandchild due next year! We have insurance for all our goods, even our lives. In case of theft or accidents we pay so as to make certain we dont lose out. Having medical people there ready to chat is your insurance because although you think you can manage emotions, at the most challenging time of your life that of grief immediately post separation, you need that insurance. Being a stubborn male I didnt realise the value of therapy for a long time but to sit for one hour a month for several months was utterly amazing for my recuperation. Yes, you wont be thinking of any future the "moment you walk away" but there is a future you can carve out and most likely a better one. An old man once told me "out of 100 women you could probably fall in love with 10 and 3 would be ideal- a soul mate forever." It means that the person you feel you'll never recover from isnt the only person you could fall in love with to make a great future with. It means they werent in the top three... You deserve one in the top three... TonyWK

My wife despises me, hates me, because I have a medical condition

replies: 1

Hi all, So, the weeks go on and months come along. My wife has constantly hated on me, despised me being around, wants me gone, hopes I'll have a heart attack (nice comment that one) cause you can die when that happens in my age group. I am at the en... View more

Hi all, So, the weeks go on and months come along. My wife has constantly hated on me, despised me being around, wants me gone, hopes I'll have a heart attack (nice comment that one) cause you can die when that happens in my age group. I am at the end now. About to call a lawyer and end it. It's what she wants. She will be so happy with me gone for good. Cause she says that. Well, it turns out that I have ADHD as diagnosed by a professional psychologist.I have spent hours reading about it.Apparently, I have RSD.And I am in the70% of ADHDers who experience emotional dysregulation, which means we struggle to manage our moods and feelings — and we may have intense reactions to things. I have.Today she asked a question about a person on TV. I answered with who it is, in a roundabout manner. She lost her sh&*t. I gave the person's name and said Yeah, he's so and so's son.Pretty simple stuff, but no, she abused me and complained about how I answered. I gave the details.Sadly, with RSD, thats what you do. It's not great, but it's a condition that I've never had in my life till now. Makes me angry.But she doesn't care and says it's just me, I'm an asshole, who cares about your condition. Not her.It's fun for her with her menopause to abuse me. An excuse, frankly.So she wants me gone, have a heart attack and be dead, or just drive off and disappear so she can keep our $2 million dollar house and I have nothing.That won't happen. I know the law and will pull that card and win; I'm legally qualified. I'm exhausted with the constant hate and wanting me gone.It was a lovely relationship before.I'm struggling with a new job I just got, feel like they're already having doubts about me after 5 minutes being there. 3 weeks.I can't have that happen again, illegally fired from my last job, using my qualifications to take them to court and sue. I will win that. Made my blood pressure go up, though.I met a gorgeous girl at my new job. She is a lovely Italian girl. Don't know what will happen there. If it does, I'll be the happiest person in the country. She's perfect. Change my life, but who knows, can't rely on that right now. She's very kind to me. Anyway, I am at the end. I'm burnt out. She's cruel toward me. Doesn't care about a condition, just says it's me doing it, I'm a bad person. Others don't think that.Venting here, love thoughts on what to do. I have nothing left. About to get a lot of money for my music royalties, I have a hit song globally, go me! I'm good at that stuff. I could move to Germany, have a lovely friend there. Would become a citizen with my background and be gone for good. Thanks if you can, as always, I'm busted.

Relationship problems, porn addiction

replies: 1

Okay, so i have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, and I feel we have a pretty good relationship, we have our ups and downs but we learn and grow from them, usually. Buttt, about 3 or 4 months ago I found out about his porn addiction, he had be... View more

Okay, so i have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, and I feel we have a pretty good relationship, we have our ups and downs but we learn and grow from them, usually. Buttt, about 3 or 4 months ago I found out about his porn addiction, he had been exposed at a very young age (like 7) so this thing was pretty cemented in his life, not something he can just get over. I was upset of course (mostly because he had hid it for so long, but also cause porn just isn't appropriate to watch in a relationship in my opinion) but I was and still am willing to work through it with him as partners, and he said he was willing too. The problem arrises with the fact that right away he said he had quit, cold Turkey, which I suppose is possible but I really doubt it, and everytime I try to bring it up he gets quiet and says he's quit so he's not sure why we're talking about it, but I think it's something we absolutely need to talk about, plus I have seen movement in his Twitter accounts he used for this content, and he's trying to tell me it must be a glitch or he's hacked but I'm not stupid, and know that's unlikely.I don't know how to talk to him about this without it seeming accusatory, I want to go about this the right way, but when he's refusing any attempt of a solid, honest communication I don't know how. I'm going insane about it, like it's consuming me, it's daily I'm trying to find a new account he's hiding from me, he won't let me go near his phone so I'm scared it's not just porn he's hiding. I feel hopeless to be honest, I love him so much and I don't want this of all things to be our downfall, if anyone has gone through anything similar to this, please help me before I go more crazy than I already have

New friendship restrictions

replies: 1

Hi, I'm navigating living in a new area and making new friends. I've been developing a friendship with a woman over the past year. She, like myself, has been through a lot of hardship. We go walking together with her dog and it's always under her con... View more

Hi, I'm navigating living in a new area and making new friends. I've been developing a friendship with a woman over the past year. She, like myself, has been through a lot of hardship. We go walking together with her dog and it's always under her control as to the when, the where, the how long. Now that I'm fine with as she's busier than myself and so it works for both of us. Recently we went to a thing about the coast where we live. On the drive home I was having a rant, as I do when something perplexes me. Now my rants last for about 10 minutes then I'm over and done with it and my rants often lead to interesting discussions around big world topics ... with other people but not with this person. She went deadly silent, so I remarked how I loved how loud her silence was and I was intrigued by it. She then went on to say "You're berating me." I was shocked and taken aback. My first response was put my hand to my chest and apologised sincerely while asking her what she thinks was "berating", was it the topic or my tone and asked her to help me understand. It came to light that she was feeling "battered" that day and it was a day of a painful anniversary for her. Now I had no idea about any of this, if I had known I would have curbed my conversation. On coming home, we left each other well. But when I came inside I was gutted. Berating someone is verbal abuse and I was certainly not engaging in that and nor has anyone in my 55 years told me I'm berating them. I bumped her an email and said how sorry I was that she was hurting so badly and that I was cooking a big pot of food up and would love to drop her some off. In her response she apologised to me for using the word berating, which she frankly needed to do. She then went on to tell me that she has no care to talk about the state of the world and has made a pact with herself to not talk about anything she cannot change as it's simply not beneficial to anyone. Basically a polite way to tell me to shut up and not talk about world affairs - which we mostly don't, by the way. Now, I'm familiar with boundary setting. But boundary setting in my eyes is not a directive or restriction to someone else, it's what I can take control of ... myself and not make demands on other people. I've not encountered this before and I've also seen streaks of control in this person with other issues. I've been obsessively ruminating about this for a month. My psychiatrist is away. I feel she is limiting and restricting me. Thanks

Being the black sheep and only treated nice when they want money

replies: 1

My sister wanted to borrow $850 out of my locked account I have been at work all day and don’t get a brake to go down to bank I said no and have been abused put down and called names and wiped by both my sisters I am sick of feeling worthless

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Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

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