Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

randomxx Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.
  • replies: 631

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don'... View more

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that. As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together. Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff. Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.l knew it was a gamble though, damn it. rx

Lee79 Sisters psychologist diagnosed me
  • replies: 1

A psychologist my sister saw told my sister I am coercively controlling. I looked up this term & I am none of the symptoms mentioned. I advised my sister to look it up where she seemed surprised, but still believed the professional who told her this ... View more

A psychologist my sister saw told my sister I am coercively controlling. I looked up this term & I am none of the symptoms mentioned. I advised my sister to look it up where she seemed surprised, but still believed the professional who told her this about me. I spoke to my psychologist of 12+ years about it, and she said no you are not that. And also that psychologists should not be giving out diagnoses of others without seeing them & hearing all sides. It caused quite a rift between my sister & I, and we are now sadly estranged. Can I make a complaint about this psychologist? Granted things were not perfect between us, but this certainly set the tone of further negativity & distance between my sister & I.

Unholy_Idiot Ex-partner is abusing my trauma to keep me out of our child’s life.
  • replies: 11

So for a little bit of context, I had a mental episode where I’ve disassociated and hurt my at the time partner. Immediately afterwards she had me arrested and a DVO was put in place. Since hen I’ve been doing everything I can to get some sort of dia... View more

So for a little bit of context, I had a mental episode where I’ve disassociated and hurt my at the time partner. Immediately afterwards she had me arrested and a DVO was put in place. Since hen I’ve been doing everything I can to get some sort of diagnosis and to try and make things right between myself, her and the few witnesses that were there, admittedly I pushed too hard but didn’t breach the DVO.But she seems to be taking advantage of this and is now constantly threatening to report me to the police. It seems to me that she’s wanted to end the relationship for a long time coming but the way she’s going about keeping us seperate is affecting both my ability to see my daughter and my sense of self.Ive spent damn near every day of the last 5 years of my life with this woman and she’s not only tossed me like a piece of rubbish, but she’s doing everything to try and burn my bridges to the world.Shes gone on such an offensive track that for a brief period just about every friend of mine turned on me and she’s had HER friends abuse me online. at this point I just wanna get my stuff outta the house and set up mandatory visitation rights but I’m that afraid of the legal system that any time I look into legal advice I can feel myself disconnect momentarily. i just want to see my baby girl again.

V_justV How to keep going
  • replies: 2

Been married for 13 years with a happy daughter of 4 yo, it may appear that I have a happy life but I found myself struggling.My wife and I met in uni like 17 years ago. Our relationship started and went well and we had so much happy memories.A few y... View more

Been married for 13 years with a happy daughter of 4 yo, it may appear that I have a happy life but I found myself struggling.My wife and I met in uni like 17 years ago. Our relationship started and went well and we had so much happy memories.A few years back we decided to have a child and things started to have a down turn, at least from what I feel.We had a very tough pregnancy. She had a complication and had nausea for whole 9 months until birth. We lived through it, I cooked every day with a white list of food she can eat. I don't expect much appreciation as I understand that she feels traumatized just by thinking about that period of time.Then baby came out, a lovely yet very demanding one. Cried all night for breast feed and mother had to stay up a lot. We lived though it but did not know how as we were both half sleepy.Then sleep get better but the child is mentally demanding. I work full time in demanding project, the minute after work I had to jump back to bay sitting, or preparing meal if she is away at work. Then my brain keeps busy until 10 to 11, which unfortunately is my child's sleep time.After that I don't feel like doing anything or thinking about anything. I just want to stop and get detached from the real world and get by.My wife has got a mild ADHD. Not sure if it's a blessing at a start as she is performing, has a big bandwidth and very capable, but recently does not look like blessing any more.A example is on spending time and energy planning for my child. I like spending time with my child. We have very good relationship and do a lot of things together. I don't think a lot need to be thought / planned as we just need to give my child the conditions and make her go her own way. However my wife keeps saying I am not doing parenting but just doing baby sitting, as she plans everything (finance, schooling plan, even food choice) very very thoroughly and carefully about everything and expects me to do the same.Recently she more and more criticize me for things I don't do up to her expectations or did not do 100% well. There is no positive conversation for most of evening. It almost feels like I am belittled and I feel worthless sometimes. Sex is out of question for a few months already as either I or her are so tired in late night.I don't want to find excuses to blame her as what she does seems beneficial for the family. However I don't seem to be able to catch up with her and I struggle a lot even to understand why she does things this way, as she is fifty steps ahead. On the other hand though, I don't think her attitude is right but I don't know how to let her know my situation and feelings.I am very tired to finish all I need to do and to give myself some relaxation in the mean time.I am nervous that what happens if I drop the ball (small or big) and afraid how mad my unforgiving wife will become.I struggle to see through, to understand what she wants and to make her happy, or even know whether it is possible to keep her happy with the me right now.Not sure anyone has this kind of experience but words of help / comfort would be very much appreciated.Thanks!

Guest_78664415 Struggling in life and marriage
  • replies: 1

Really struggling right now and wanted somewhere to share my story and ask for advice. I’ve suffered from mental health issues since I was 13, primarily depression and anxiety but may be something else. Pretty sure both parents have mental health con... View more

Really struggling right now and wanted somewhere to share my story and ask for advice. I’ve suffered from mental health issues since I was 13, primarily depression and anxiety but may be something else. Pretty sure both parents have mental health conditions as well but neither have acknowledged this and “don’t believe” in mental health. I recently opened up to them about struggling for 30 years and just got “well, we never noticed anything” in response. I’ve been with my wife for close to 15 years and moved to Australia with her. We have a 7 year old daughter, who I love deeply. I love my wife deeply too but we are on the verge of separation. My mental health and panic attacks have caused major ruptures in our relationship and she had said she can no longer live with my cycle of behaviour. I understand this and in the past six months I’ve tried to put myself in her shoes. It’s been very confronting but necessary and I can only imagine how hard it is. She has called it a form of emotional abuse and I find it hard to disagree. It’s never been intentional but I can now see how draining and exhausting it must be for her. I’ve been on a renewed drive to try to really fix myself once and for all, but it’s been hard. My wife isn’t convinced about my therapist and still I get anxious easily. But I’m finding it tough and old habits die hard, and this weekend I had a massive panic attack over something stupid. I understand why the panic attack happened and what I can do in the future. my wife has had enough, and I feel I’m about to lose every part of my family. I’m trying so far but I know with ease lapse it drives a further wedge between us. I am devastated even if I know why. I’m also feeling desperately alone. I don’t have any close friends in Australia, no hope of talking to my idea, and I have no idea what to do next. any thoughts of advice are really appreciated.

Halecia My Mother is Toxic
  • replies: 5

I’m one of 4 Sisters. I am 37. I was 22 when I left home and I decided to venture out and go on my own. My other two older and one younger sister still had nothing todo with my mum. I can’t explain my mother’s abuse. I’ve always moved around and boun... View more

I’m one of 4 Sisters. I am 37. I was 22 when I left home and I decided to venture out and go on my own. My other two older and one younger sister still had nothing todo with my mum. I can’t explain my mother’s abuse. I’ve always moved around and bounced around rental homes and Schools as a kid. But when I lived with my Great Dad when I was 14 I became a Great Girl, happier. And I started to make friends. I wasn’t over weight and eating to escape anymore. But I still lacked in the skills to communicate with my dad and dress and act a certain way. Which turned my dad to verbally abuse me. My instant go to is to go. Run away. And I was 15 and my mum only lived 1 Suburb away And yes I did go back home. My dad cried and he found me at mums where he said she’ll kick me out when I turn 16. We Faught. Well low, and behold. SHE Kicked me out. I went to go live as I had no choice with my first boyfriend we broke up at 17. Due to my broken families abuse resulting in us fighting. I then met another guy who my Mother tried to befriend and toxicly ruin our relationship. I’ve never commited to any one man because I’ve been searching for comfort. When I was 21 I was kicked out by her again and 20 and 22 kicked out again. When I was 22. I met a man who was 15 years older than me. He beat me up every two weeks for the 3 and a half years. the police said it was a toxic and dysfunctional relationship. And also one with My Mother as well. it’s Abuse, we’ve all identified it as abuse. Not physical. Well not all the time. … My Mother - is 61. she drinks alcohol during the day and doesn’t change when we ask her too. I’m 38 soon. She fails and doesn’t respect Boundaries, She, cries and carries on she constantly sits there and blames people and others for her shit and her Life, her mistakes. We’ve all grown up now we’re all our own person and we have our own responsibilities. However, she hates that about us. If she gets a chance of any information she’ll toxically and psychologically Mess us Up and other people around her. When confronting her, She’ll scream at you. I decided 15 Years ago when I was with Andrew . That I wouldn’t let her affect my Life AND Hurt ME. However, Andrew went to The remand centre for breaching his IVO assaulting me the Police had done that. I met another guy online I told him I wanted to move forward with my Life but he constantly told me to go home and called me insults / names. the constant go back to and need for her home is still there. But I didn’t want to go.I don’t want to re establish a relationship my mum. with her. And she needs to learn to leave me alone and except that. my other two sisters don’t see her. But my 43 Year old sister has had her living with her 8 Years ago. To put her up. But she and My Mum don’t talk now. My sisters trying to convince me that I need Mum which I don’t. . I just want to be left alone to life My Life. Whether I’m struggling or not I still have the entitlement to live my life. im posting this , - because im torn. I’ve met another guy in the last 3 Years or just under that’s abused me. He’s used my resilience strong willed nature about me so to speak and he doesn’t understand or see that I’ve been through a lot of abuse. I was a strong resilient girl when I first met him. And now he’s brought me down. It’s frustrating and sickening. My mother is encouraging it and doesn’t understand my type2 Diabetes from lack of nutrition and My Feelings. She’s toxic beyond non supportive. But she doesn’t want to see me get better. I can’t put it into words how I feel or acknowledge it but I all I know is that im crying.

Newuser Husband cheated with sex worker
  • replies: 3

With my husband for 16 years, married for 13 The last few years have been challenging as I feel he has just not cared about me as much and it has greatly affected our sex life, we have been arguing about petty stuff that makes me resent him. I have r... View more

With my husband for 16 years, married for 13 The last few years have been challenging as I feel he has just not cared about me as much and it has greatly affected our sex life, we have been arguing about petty stuff that makes me resent him. I have recently had time off work due to a traumatic incident and longer term work stress (several years) which has likely contributed to our relationship challenges and have gotten great support from a psychologist and have felt less stressed and felt our marriage has been going good with an improved sex life and he has also commented on thisi have just returned from a trip overseas to visit family and on return yesterday found suspicious bank ac activity and uber receipts and after some digging have found my husband has been to massage parlors twice whilst I was away, the night I left, and most recently the night before I got home. He has only admitted to the most recent saying he was drunk, doesn’t remember and “doesn’t think he had sex” just a massage and 2 “happy endings” but that cannot explain the late night $1300 bank withdrawals. My friend is suspicious he may have spent money on drugs aswell which would also be shocking. I only later realized about the first occasion and he has not answered my questions about that timeI have been hysterically upset Its all very raw <24hours He is very cold about it all and I have asked him to stay elsewhere I just cannot stop crying and have not eaten anything in 24 hours I have so many thoughts self blame, am I that bad, guilt, concern for his wellbeing (sounds crazy I know) where will I live, do I move back overseas, scheduling std testing, what do I tell people, what will he tell people -likely that I was an awful wife, how do I begin to navigate this??? He was my best friend and my world and I never would have thought he would betray me in this way.

Umar How Escape Forceful marriage
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone,I’m reaching out because I’m going through an extremely difficult and painful situation, and I honestly don’t know where else to turn. My family is forcing me into a marriage I never chose or wanted. This marriage was arranged when I was ... View more

Hi everyone,I’m reaching out because I’m going through an extremely difficult and painful situation, and I honestly don’t know where else to turn. My family is forcing me into a marriage I never chose or wanted. This marriage was arranged when I was just a one-year-old child, long before I could have any say or understanding. Now, as an adult, they expect me to accept it without question—as if I have no right to decide my own future.They keep telling me that it’s about “family honor” and that refusing the marriage will bring shame not only on me but on everyone in my family. They say I must comply for the sake of our family’s reputation. But this pressure is suffocating me. I feel like I’m losing control over my own life, my own freedom, and my happiness. I am scared and overwhelmed.What frightens me the most is the threats I’ve been receiving if I say no. They have warned me that I would become a “threat” to the family, and though they haven’t said exactly what that means, I am terrified of the consequences. These threats make me feel unsafe in my own home, and I don’t know who I can trust.This situation has taken a huge toll on my mental health. I have been having very dark and troubling thoughts, some of which scare me deeply because they feel like a threat to my own life. I feel trapped, isolated, and desperate for support. I want to live a life with dignity, freedom, and peace—not one ruled by fear and coercion.If anyone has been through something similar, or if you know of any organizations, resources, or advice that could help me navigate this, please share. I am desperate to find a way out or at least to find support and hope.Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Your kindness means more than I can express.

Hurt_hopeful Heartbroken
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I have suffered from major depression since the birth of my son 11 years ago. Approx 18 months ago I found out my partner of 13 years had been having an affair for 4 years ( the reason I found out was because she was pregnant, she did not pro... View more

Hi all, I have suffered from major depression since the birth of my son 11 years ago. Approx 18 months ago I found out my partner of 13 years had been having an affair for 4 years ( the reason I found out was because she was pregnant, she did not proceed with pregnancy ) our relationship had turned in to room mates however I turned a blind eye and was happy to just be in a relationship with him and to be living as a family. We spent 2024 living separately but trying to repair our relationship, I thought this was going well. We came back together at the end of last year and everything seemed good I had forgiven him we were no longer in the roommate phase. Then in Feb he mentioned that he could not move past the guilt, towards me, towards her and to the unborn child. At that point I decided that this relationship was no longer capable of being saved. He didn’t put up any protest and we have be apart since April. I am desperately sad, my anxiety is out of control and I find myself consumed with nothing but thoughts of him and how did I get here. Hopefully there are others who have come out the other side and can share some tips on how they have managed that. We currently co parent our son 50/50 so I see him multiple times a week and find myself asking him questions about his life, telling him I miss him etc.

Aveeno I feel so lost and confused
  • replies: 1

Hi, well as the title says I feel so lost and confused, hurt, angry, betrayed, lonely. I am going through a split worth a focus on healing with my partner of almost 20 years and with everyday we spend spilt the more I realise just how broken and dama... View more

Hi, well as the title says I feel so lost and confused, hurt, angry, betrayed, lonely. I am going through a split worth a focus on healing with my partner of almost 20 years and with everyday we spend spilt the more I realise just how broken and damaged I am. And I know I need to work on myself, I went straight from an abusive household to living with my partner and I never went to therapy to heal. I just existed in a depressed state for months before they dragged me out to meet people, and I hated them for it at the time but know I'm grateful. But I also now know it was the start of them resenting me. And yeah I spent so long unemployed, bit then I eventually found work and pulled myself up but then I let my weight slip because I was so focused on getting good work. And I started neglecting my partner without even realising it and that resentment grew because they felt they couldn't talk to me because I never healed properly from my trauma and I had zero emotional stability so they stayed quiet and just let it become indifference to me and I never noticed. Then it all started coming to a head, they final broke and said they hated my weight, so I'm doing something about it and I'm lighter then I've ever been, them came the confession of "I don't know how I love" and "hate would make things so much easier". And in two sentences my entire world imploded, they asked for a split so they can heal from there part trauma and so that I could heal from mine. But instead I clung to the ghost of us so tightly, I kept trying to fix us and I kept doing things to fix us and expecting them to do the same and expecting exclusivity still but that was ripped away from me and I've been very firmly told that if I don't butt out of there private affairs and actually work on me, there will never be an us again. And I feel so lost and confused, why can't we work on us?