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At a loss
beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.
Hi help1, welcome to Beyond Blue forums
The other reason why you should entertain your terminal thoughts is your children and future grandchildren. Family and loved ones will suffer enormously.
I've been there! 1996 and the separation of my first wife and I. Kids were 7 and 4 yo and the pain was unbearable. But I got through because I knew that logic told me if I was really busy I'd be so tired I wouldnt think much about it. That worked. I got a second job and built my own house. My kids came over on weekends to watch me build it and play around.
So have faith that you can be resilient just you need to fill your life with activities. I would be thankful that your wife told you she still has love for you. that's nice. Straddle that line of communication and smothering.
You are not doing anything wrong but you have to allow her to make her own decisions. Dont be afraid of regular GP visits to discuss your health.
I understand how it feels to not feel joy or purpose in life anymore. However, you are so blessed to have your children who no doubt love you up to the stars and back again. They will be wanting you to find your joy in life and be healthy. Just keep on persevering and you will get there. Ask for help where you need it - so often we are afraid to ask for it or don't want to be a "bother" to people, and we don't realise how many people are happy to lend us a hand when we need it.
Take care of yourself.
Thank you white knight, I try hard to keep busy and understand your comments. It's hard as you know I am a very loyal person and know that she was my soul mate and only true friend and lover. I do think of my kids all the time and know they would be hurt, however, I at times convince myself that I would be better off. I will keep trying