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Anxiety in family life and relationships
To begin first and foremost I am enormously overwhelmed by the fact that I am going into my first year of tertiary education. As well as the fact that my parents, almost two years ago separated and are soon to be divorced. And lastly I have to move house. At the moment I have a massive amount of uncertainties. It's incredibly startling. To clarify, this has enhanced the anxiety and misery that has occurred throughout my life recently.
My dad is very lonely and is suffering enormously from the separation of his marriage. He is constantly venting to me about how he feels and it is truly exhausting. I understand that he is going through a lot of self doubt, loneliness and uncertainties but there is only so much I can take. I feel like I am constantly listening to his problems and stresses and it is getting to me.
Then when I stay with my boyfriend he feels lonely and reminds me how he has nobody. And my dad has recently been trying to chat with/chat up one of my older friends who is her late twenties. Dad is lonely and wants to really speak to this girl. I keep reminding him, that a mature aged man should be seeking friendships and relationships with people who have common ground or are in a similar age bracelet. I tell him he needs to focus on himself but he just constantly complains to me about how lonely and depressed he is. And I am trying to be as supportive as I can be.
I also have recently started properly dating and this is all so new and particularly overwhelming to me. I am scared that I'm not doing the right things in my life even though I'm being very very very cautious and attempting to act as rationally as I can. However, due to seeing my parents' rocky marriage I now have trust issues. I'm worried my boyfriend will lose interest in me, even though he reassures me that I'm a great person and I deserve to feel loved. He actually was the one who encouraged me to seek professional psychological assistance and recommended that I try antidepressant to help with my reoccurring anxiety.
Time is going so fast and everything is happening far too quickly. I am so overwhelmed. I just don't really know what to do. I feel trapped, lost and even worse I feel truly isolated.
I think the core of your problem is your anxiety and prioritizing.
Your life issues aren't out of the ordinary. Parents separating, a parent leaning on you, BF expressing loneliness...are all normal stresses (albeit serious ones).
Some of us go through life being the sounding board for other people's problems. You seem to be one of them, it's a nice person that foes this but you need to regulate it's intensity. E.g. say to your dad "ok, let's talk about how you're feeling today and we'll not continue to discuss it after that ok?".
Recommend counseling to him but remind him you are not his counselor, some with your BF.
In terms of his interest in your friend, he knows your views- now leave these 2 adults to their potential relationship, distance yourself.
With your anxiety, it is a serious problem that I myself had at a serious level. I overcame the condition but you have to commit yourself to daily routines of relaxation and exercises to do so. Plus GP's advice and any medication.
Please Google this
Beyondblue topic anxiety, how I eliminated it
Hello there Tony,
How are you?
thank you for your response and your advice. I genuinely appreciate it. I will definitely check out the suggestion you left in your response. Any bit of practical advice helps, tremendously!!
Just to clarify my dad is the one who feels lonely when I hang out with my boyfriend. Not my boyfriend. I’m very sorry for not clearly clarifying before.
What should I do to help my dad in regards to his loneliness though?
I feel guilty leaving him when I stay with my boyfriend.
both my father and my boyfriend are very supportive and kind people.
hope you are well. Many thanks,
Life could be overwhelming especially when you're caught off guard, meaning things doesn't go your way or you do not have a plan yet, and it's all right. If you ask me, I'd take things slow, enjoy the ride, and learn along the way. There's still a lot ahead of you, and it's too early for you to be a worrier. I'd say enjoy life and take everything that you can, while you can.
I'd encourage him to try computer dating. My daughter married that way.
Make sure he seeks exactly what he wants, no compromises. E.g. if he doesn't want to be a step dad to young kids, font be.
Does or has he had hobbies?