Anxiety and a break up/rebound

[anxiousandoutgoing]

Hi whoever is reading this.

i have recently ended a long term relationship after my partner cheated on me. I am constantly struggling since with my anxiety and depression as my thoughts are constantly telling me I’m worthless and that it should just end now to make life (or lack there of) easier. I started seeing a long term friend but he is struggling to understand mental illness. I’m on an emotional roller coaster at the moment while also trying to deal with a new job. I need help. Is there any advice that can help me out?

[White_Rose]

Dear anxiousandoutgoing

May I call you AAO? Hello and welcome to the forum. Glad you found your way here.

The end of a long term relationship is always difficult. I left my husband of 30 years, 18 years ago. It was hard for several years because we met at family gatherings, birthday parties etc. And I was lonely even though the relationship was not good. If I may say without sounding obvious or patronising, it will take time to heal. I fell into the deepest depression after a short while. It was still a good to make but the depression was hard. I think I had become used to having someone around no matter what he did.

When you are betrayed by someone you thought would not do this it is shattering. We try to explain it to ourselves and eventually decide we are the one at fault. We must have done something wrong to deserve this. Well it's not true. Your partner was the one who decided to betray you and cause great pain. You are not responsible for his actions and cannot take the blame. Please try to believe this

Another way we try to cope is by finding a new partner all most immediately. It says you are a worthwhile person and you don't need him. Sadly this does not always work. We have all known someone who has fallen for someone on the rebound from a breakup. It has been obvious it will not work to everyone except the person concerned and this person has ended up hurt again.

Keep your friendship with your long term friend and offer him support when you can. In the meantime start doing the things you enjoy. Perhaps meet up with friends to go to the cinema, theatre, coffee. Pick up a hobby you used to do or find a new one. Join a gym unless you are like me and do not like exercise.

Concentrate on your new job. This is always a stressful time finding your feet in a new organisation no matter how competent you are.

Harming yourself will make no difference to the ex. He no longer cares. But think of all the wonderful events you will miss if your die now. Life has a lot to offer even though it does not appear that way at the moment. Remind yourself of the times when you have been happy and why. There must many that do not involve the ex. Try them again and make an effort to have something different to think about.

Importantly, continue to write in here for support and care.

Mary

[Doolhof]

Hi anxiousandoutgoing,

Welcome to the community here. I see that Mary has already greeted you and offered some wonderful advice. I too would like to remind you that because your partner cheated on you is about him not about you as a person.

It is really tough when the depression and anxiety hit us so hard, you are probably experiencing a little grief as well due to the end of your relationship.

Ending it all does sound an option at time, it really is permanent though! I know I have felt this way myself many times! When I feel like that I need to look for things to do that I do enjoy, even remotely. Things that make me feel better about myself.

When we are hurting, feeling lonely, like we can't do anything right, we can be bombarded by so many negative thoughts and feelings. It can be hard, but we can change those thoughts to be less hurtful and more helpful.

The pain you are feeling is understandable, finding solutions and ways to ease the pain will help how you are feeling.

Like Mary mentioned, people here care for each other, so please do feel welcome and keep in touch.

Cheers from Dools