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Anxiety about sleeping next to my partner.

Community Member

Hi All. First post here, but I am becoming desperate.

My partner and I have been together for about 8 years. After some initial teething problems about sharing a bed I was fine for years. 2 years ago he moved out. We got back together but stayed living apart until about 4 weeks ago. During this time he would still come and stay on weekends and holidays and I slept no problem at all. Now it is a completely different story. I am still ok on the weekends, but during the week is a nightmare. He has a "bedtime" of 10pm which I struggle with. His snoring drives me nuts. I try to sleep on the couch but I can still hear him snoring and its anything but comfortable. I have spoken to him about the possibility of seperate beds but he takes that all too personally and thinks I dont want to sleep with him.

He says that if I can sleep next to him on the weekends then there is no reason I cant do it during the week. In a way I do agree, but there are less stresses on the weekends, we go to bed later, we dont have to get up for work in the morning. I am averaging falling asleep about 3.30am and have to get up at 6 and it is killing me.

I dont know if anyone can help or if this is just me venting, but thanks for reading.

3 Replies 3

Community Member

Hi Chicken82. With your partner's snoring, have you tried explaining it's keeping you awake? It could be he has a problem with his nasal passages. It might be an idea to try to encourage him to see a Dr to find out what's causing the snoring. If he is just an exceptionally sound sleeper lying on his back, try turning him over, gently. Sometimes when we try to someone we love they have a snoring problem, they take it a bit personally. I would just try explaining the snoring and suggest he see his Dr. I know how hard it is trying to sleep with a 'freight train' roaring.


I agree totally with Lynda.

Snoring is the worst. Need to exclude the obvious "exacerabators" such as obesity and excessive alcohol. But by the sounds of his"sensitivity" - I'd be telling him that you are concerned about his snoring and it could be linked to more serious health problems, hence he should be seeing his GP who will likely refer to a sleep physician.

Ultimately it sounds like he has moved back into your house? And you are having to sleep on the couch as a result. That sucks. As hard as it sounds if he won't seek help for a potential health problem then he can move back out again until he does seek help. Why should your sleep health suffer?

Now I'm not the best person to give advice however I think going down the "seek help because it might be harming your health" tactic should be best. Other tactics might include recording his snoring and playing it back to him the next day just to convince him how loud it is.

One more thing - you say you struggle with his 10pm bed time. Is this too late or too early for you???

I feel for you! Having gone through this for about 5 years. Finally he has C Pap machine,, it's still no picnic to sleep with him though as it sounds like darth vadar with some snoring to boot!

he is controlling u to sleep with him making u feel guilty. I had to have a panic attack from insomnia and being constantly woken all night if I did manage to sleep. It's like when u have a new born but for 5 years!!

i finally got him to a sleep dr, it's just that it doesn't affect them if u sleep or don't because they can sleep! It's very selfish.

I ended up staying awake one night and woke him every single time he murmured and he got real sick of it, sounds juvenile but it worked.

Im sorry for your sleep deprivation.