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An involuntary fresh start

Community Member
A few years ago I found myself really struggling with my mental state and I thought moving to another country would ease some feelings and bring new things to the equation. I had a really solid group of friends before I moved, the kind I thought I’d never find and would keep forever.
My best friend of 6yrs was struggling with depression and would lean on me often even with the distance. It was difficult because I was trying to sort myself out and he would accuse me of leaving him and not caring if he killed himself while I was away. But then he would shake it off and we would resume our usual banter. It was a constant rotation. Until I had two weeks until I was moving home and he messaged to say I had better message him any last words before it was too late. As I was a time one apart I missed his messages and he’d already blocked me. He accompanied this with a Snapchat of him insinuating he was going to kill himself. I called my parents at home, my friend to see if someone could check on him. I eventually got word he was okay but he didn’t touch base with me until a week after. He took that time to tell me I’d been the cause of his depression over the last 6yrs and that I was too shallow to like him how he liked me. He then described our relationship and all the times I made him feel rejected and how he’d hurt himself after each one.
it’s been more than a year that I’ve been back, all my friends have moved on and I’ve lost the most obvious and who I would’ve considered my best friend. I miss him so much and even after all the hurtful things he’s said to me I am constantly thinking about reaching out to him. I have no one to talk to about it. My boyfriend hates the things he’s said to me and doesn’t like me mentioning him. I couldn’t love him how he wanted but I still loved him. I just feel so alone these days, my partner is great but doesn’t understand the grief I suffered before him which I still hold on to.
1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
Hello Gray, and a warm welcome to the forums.

It is sad that this happens but there are times when all we want to do is move away for whatever the reason is, and you should not feel any remorse for wanting to start a new life, but to be blocked by your 'friend ' is not the best resolution in helping each other.

Being away for a year the people we once knew as being friends move on in life, form different relationships, get another job which maybe somewhere else, so contact with them slowly disappears, circumstances make this change, and know that all my 'friends ' I once had I'm no longer in contact with even though I would dearly love to hear from them.

It's understandable your current boyfriend doesn't like you mentioning your previous friends name, just like I didn't want my ex when we married to talk about her previous boyfriend's names, simply because they are only memories and the same applies if I did the same.

Can I suggest you seek some assistance by seeing a doctor who can then refer you onto a psychologist using the mental health plan, which entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions.

Thanks for posting your comment and would love to pear b0ack from you.