Am I jealous, lazy or being taken advantage of?

[Jenny8]

My mum is living with my sister who is married with 2 kids while I’m living with my dad. My parents are still together. It’s a separate issue why mum is away but she’s meant to visit everyday.

I work all day everyday (2 jobs), clean the house, care for animals and do the yard work. My dad is an old school farmer so wife cooks, washes and cleans. But she doesn’t. I do. If I leave dishes in the sink or washing in the machine it’s waiting for when I get home. While my sister never did anything until she moved out, I even did her and her partners washing beforehand. 
I like things tidy so I don’t mind cleaning up but I get very overwhelmed. I’ve even hung washing out by torchlight at midnight and skipped showers because I don’t have time. And always unbelievably tired. 

Am I jealous of my sister, whinging or is mum asking a bit much? 

[John74]

Hi. I’m John. I hope you are ok.

You are certainly not lazy. 2 jobs. Hanging washing out after dark. caring for animals. You are not lazy. Whinging. No. You have the right to ask for help. Even if it is a conversation with a stranger to help you alleviate some stress. Your mother is lazy and definitely asking way too much. You have the power here. You need to put everything into perspective. I know how you feel about having a clean and tidy house. It’s hard to overlook things. But you can do this. 

This is only going to get worse if you don’t put a stop to it now. And I mean NOW. Don’t hang the washing out. Don’t do the dishes. Have a bath. Take your time in there. Relax and de-stress. You got this. You’re a woman. You are strong and brave and you can accomplish anything. After your long hot bubble bath. Go to bed. Sleep. And have no guilt about the state of the house. Trust me on this. You are being taken advantage of, friend. Go to work tomorrow feeling refreshed. Don’t do the chores in the morning except the animals. Take care of the animals. They will love you for it. It all starts with you. Don’t let anyone make you feel you are in the wrong for saying no. You can reply to me anytime ok. I go back to work on Friday. 

[jaz28]

Hi there,

Sorry to hear that this all seems very overwhelming! I understand how it feels, my family make fun of how I like everything to be spotless, so it is hard to just "leave it" when you feel this way, for me "leaving it" stresses me out more! I like to get the housework done so I can focus on other things. But it is hard to do alone.

The typical 38-hour working week was based around the traditional times where the man would just work and the woman would stay home and cook, clean and child rear. Now, this seems outdated because both parents usually work - thus there is little time for housework in between working, child-rearing, living life and resting. Moreover, it is difficult for ONE PERSON such as yourself to work two jobs and clean. It must be a shared role n this day and age, and that's all there is to it. You need to talk to your dad, or at least try to tell your mother you cannot keep doing this alone. You need to think of yourself and take care of your wellbeing. You need time to rest as well.

I hope you find a solution,

Jaz xx

[Trade]

Are you over 18 or a child? If you’re over 16-18 you can just move out?

[Jenny8]

I am over 18, I have bought my own property. While mum is away the place won’t be looked after at all, I can’t just leave dad on his own. It was only meant to be a temporary situation.

We are a family owned and run farm so even though dad is a bit of a grub to clean up after he essentially provides for the entire family, mum doesn’t work. I just wish the rest of the family whose bills he pays could help me out a bit. 

I’ve often thought if anything happened to me in the near future I’ve spent my entire life so far cleaning up after everyone else… Cinderella that never went to the ball is how I feel sometimes…