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am I damaged forever? will I ever stop feeling numb?

Community Member

My ex cheated on me with a work colleague, as did my ex-husband before him. We have been split for approx 8 months, but I still miss him, and part of me wants him back in my life. I've been on dates, met other people etc but i still feel very connected to my ex. I have been unable to distract myself. I'm also a little bit in denial that he would do this too me in the firts place, after everything I went through with my ex-husband. That he was able to lie to me so completely and blatantly, that he didn't respect or love me enough etc etc...

I also feel like its unfair that I have to go through this again!! I have somehow managed to wind up alone, and ladened with more than I feel I can handle. I'm sick of everybody saying to me you didn't do anything wrong, your an amazing women, your so strong and independent, your worth more than him etc etc.....These people cannot comprehend my situation, cannot comprehend being lied to and cheated on by not one partner -but two! having your self esteem, take not one, but two beatings makes me question 'will I be Damaged forever?'

The fact is I'm a single mum to 3 kids from two different dads. I've been a single parent before but I only had one child, now I have twins too. Along with work, a mortgage, trying to maintain a sense of normalcy etc with family and friends- I struggle. I wonder if I will ever have a relationship again?- but a single mum with three kids is certainly not an enticement, rather a 'run baby run' moment.

I'm sad most of the time and struggle to find enjoyment from my normal activities etc..... I cant seem to shake this feeling of hopelessness, hurt/pain, flat /numb and desperate to feel something good. I want to feel like me again and its like I'm lost to myself, just gone and not coming back.

I do gym up to 4 times a week, work, do things with the kids, spend time with friends etc but still feel........utterly broken!

So will I recover from yet another person 'doing me over'? will feel life again? and what makes my life worthwhile/ me worthwhile when I'm simply taken for granted and all is assumed, that she will manage cos she can.....

1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi Redfish543 and welcome to Beyond Blue forums

My heart goes out to you. It is so unfair to be treated in such a throw away manner. Being lied to is the pits isn’t it.

What surprises me most in this type of situation is, the person who has been lied to is the person who ends up with the self esteem, self worth in tatters. Why do we do that? Is it because of our low sense of self to start with? Isn’t the reality of the situation the one doing the lying, the cheating - are not worthy of our love, our respect?

It sounds like you have a lot of very good friends around you giving you support and encouragement. I see that you are paining now. This won’t last forever though. To be honest, from my perspective, people who cheat are not worth my love, respect or my time. There are honest, loving, caring others out there.

It helps to change the story in your head about what’s happened. You’re probably not wanting to think about that now as you are still hurting and feeling emotional about it. Though when your logic kicks in - turn your story about the situation around.

Not sure if this helps Redfish. Keep reaching out when and if you want to. You’re not alone.
Kind regards