My ex cheated on me with a work colleague, as did my ex-husband before him. We have been split for approx 8 months, but I still miss him, and part of me wants him back in my life. I've been on dates, met other people etc but i still feel very connected to my ex. I have been unable to distract myself. I'm also a little bit in denial that he would do this too me in the firts place, after everything I went through with my ex-husband. That he was able to lie to me so completely and blatantly, that he didn't respect or love me enough etc etc...
I also feel like its unfair that I have to go through this again!! I have somehow managed to wind up alone, and ladened with more than I feel I can handle. I'm sick of everybody saying to me you didn't do anything wrong, your an amazing women, your so strong and independent, your worth more than him etc etc.....These people cannot comprehend my situation, cannot comprehend being lied to and cheated on by not one partner -but two! having your self esteem, take not one, but two beatings makes me question 'will I be Damaged forever?'
The fact is I'm a single mum to 3 kids from two different dads. I've been a single parent before but I only had one child, now I have twins too. Along with work, a mortgage, trying to maintain a sense of normalcy etc with family and friends- I struggle. I wonder if I will ever have a relationship again?- but a single mum with three kids is certainly not an enticement, rather a 'run baby run' moment.
I'm sad most of the time and struggle to find enjoyment from my normal activities etc..... I cant seem to shake this feeling of hopelessness, hurt/pain, flat /numb and desperate to feel something good. I want to feel like me again and its like I'm lost to myself, just gone and not coming back.
I do gym up to 4 times a week, work, do things with the kids, spend time with friends etc but still feel........utterly broken!
So will I recover from yet another person 'doing me over'? will feel life again? and what makes my life worthwhile/ me worthwhile when I'm simply taken for granted and all is assumed, that she will manage cos she can.....
