Am i an idiot or what?

[Leonora]

I just want some others insight into my relationship. I have been just diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My husband of 29 years knows this and knows how im feeling. He went out tonight with friends - it was pre arranged and said he would call me this afternoon before he headed off. When he left this morning he knew i wasnt in a very good space. He hasnt bothered calling. I started to feel that dread and panic when it started getting to the time he should have called. This is because I just wanted to know that he cared and was thinking about m and i would have been ok. He has done some pretty callous things before so its not unusual behaviour. I feel i am even more worthless of course and the voice deep down tells me he really doesnt give a toss about me or my feelings. He denies this but again tonight actions speak louder than words. I love him and thats why I think I am finding it hard to really face the facts and accept that Im not that important. Im not stupid but I feel stupid. Anyone got any other thoughts?? I would appreciate some other insights.

[Betternow]

Good evening Leonora

It’s true that being home alone on a Friday night is difficult territory especially for someone battling anxiety and depression. This is why it was such a smart decision by you to post your feelings to the BB online community. You’re not alone after all, we’re here listening and responding.

It is impossible for me or anyone who doesn’t know your husband and you to pass judgement on your husbands behaviour or your reaction to it but let’s try and look at the total picture.

As you probably know, a feature of anxiety sufferers is we tend to exaggerate minor transgressions into full blown catastrophes. Sure, your husband should have rung you on his way out with friends but his omission maybe just one of those goof ups that happen to all human beings occasionally. I’m not excusing his behaviour, just trying to put it into context. My wife was away on a girls trip for four days last week. I had a bad day on Day 3 and was looking forward to a chat with her about 6 pm. No contact occurred, I was annoyed. She apologised the next day, got caught up with stuff etc. No sweat, in the scheme of the life, these things happen.

Does your husband really understand your recent diagnosis of anxiety and depression? Most people that have not personally experienced these conditions may not appreciate the negative emotions that sufferers endure. Have you sat him down, grabbed his attention and explained your feelings and why it is so important that he supports you? If you haven’t yet done that, it may be something to do soon.

I can tell by the way you write that you are certainly NOT stupid. And you are certainly NOT worthless. Those two negative opinions are almost certainly your anxiety mucking around with your thinking. Leonora, please stay strong. This night will pass.

When you next see your husband, tell him clearly how you feel and ask that he make an extra effort to guide and support you through your tough times. Please post here again if you feel the need.

[Leonora]

Thank you. I honestly wonder if he cares to understand my diagnosis. I don’t think he wants to. I am staying out tonight because i just cant be near him i am so upset at the moment. I need to get a good nights sleep which I wont do feeling angry and hurt when he gets home. I appreciate your response.