always crying on my bday?

[moirae]

Hi everyone I'm really new here and I've been scouring the internet trying to find out if anybody else feels like this on their birthday: every year for the last 6 years I have been disappointed with the way my parents act on whats apparently meant to be my one special day. Whether they fight with each other till the point where the convo gets to their divorce. they won't ever do it I know bc of 'shame' but I always end up stressed and crying while blowing out my candles. Then I can't help but compare my birthdays with my friend's who always have the best surprises and the love from their parents... Hell I don't get a card, forget gifts. Then I feel like I don't appreciate them enough, my mum always is telling me I'm not. I'm not asking for expensive gifts or even anything, but I just want to be appreciated for once and not forgotten about? Am I just taking things for granted? God I feel so dumb right now.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

There is many challenges in life that has simple solutions but often we are unaware of them so, we feel hurt more than we have to.

Firstly, you need to decide- "am I going to enjoy my birthday or not"? It's your birthday so you can choose the way you enjoy it.

E.g. if you said to your parents "this year for my birthday, I'd like to celebrate it the night before at dinner". Then you have your whole birthday free with friends without risk of an upset.

You might have other ideas. As part of growing up you'll get to take control of situations more. Just remember if your parents had a choice they wouldn't argue...its their tension that leads to it and they can't control their feelings. One idea is to give them a subtle warning at breakfast "the best birthday present you can both give me is my whole day without conflict".

Good luck.
TonyWK

[geoff]

Hello Moirae, and a warm welcome to the BB forums.

If they have not acknowledged your birthday for the last 6 years, then you're going to anticipate that next year will be no different, but this can change if you give both your parents a list together or separately of what you want, that's no different than a list to father Xmas we used to do as kids.

However, you don't know why they argue, maybe someone expected the other to get your present and can be associated with 'shame', never the less it still doesn't stop one of them purchasing you a present and stop arguing.

You have every right to tell them it's your upcoming birthday and one great present is for them not to create a scene that makes you feel uncomfortable, it's your day and not theirs, all you want is some love, that's what you deserve.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Doolhof]

Hi moirae,

Welcome to the community here. Please know that what ever is bothering a person is an issue that they desire to have sorted or discussed. Events like Birthdays, weddings, school formals, Christmas and so many others can cause distress and come with huge expectations.

Geoff and TonyWK have offered considered and helpful responses.

Are you able to invite other family members or friends over to help celebrate your birthday?

Can you go out with friends somewhere to celebrate?

Do you have the funds to buy yourself the best birthday card ever and a gift? Could you make yourself something?

If you do celebrate with your parents and they start arguing, would you feel comfortable asking them to please stop. Would you feel bold enough to pick up your cake and take it to your room to eat it?

I don't know what it is like in your house. I know my parents probably would not have been impressed if I did those things! The relationship between parents and children can be hard. If your parents are already unhappy, I guess expecting them to be cheerful even on your birthday may be a big expectation.

As a child in an unhappy house, I celebrated with friends outside of the home and realised my parents just weren't able to provide what I needed at that moment in time due to their own struggles.

If your birthday is coming up soon, I do hope you are able to make plans on how you desire to celebrate it.

Best wishes from Doosl