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Alcohol and Drug Addiction
Male 59 years old. Own business. Entertainment Industry Work is 24/7 Divorced two years ago. No kids. Now drowning in debt.New partner lives with me. Same vintage IT world 3 grown kids 29 30 33 all stable. Becoming her alcohol fuelled ex. I have been intimidating angry frightening and worse. Alienating her more every day. Sick of me bitching about work, staff constantly.We don't have conversations anymore. I drink light beer all the time and abuse drugs. She does drugs too but only when I do. Way too much. We never go out together. She goes where and when she likes. Her kids, gym, dinners with girlfriends. I'm always asking what is happening when will she be home long text messages. Borderline out the door. Every day argue about something. Pushing her away and using business cash to finance habits. Cant afford rehab as no phones laptops etc allowed. No self discipline except business Have great shrink but out that door start again.
She will start looking for her own place and internet dating again. I will lose it. I am a Disaster waiting to happen Tried AA years ago
Flying solo. No support No advice No discipline Only a matter of time business cash flow dies. ATO and finance liquidate me into the gutter
Combination of drugs and alcohol to sleep. Or stay awake all night doing admin etc could be done during day if not at pub
Doing this tonight instead. She came back from 2 days away for work. Not a civil word spoken Went to bed. Will get to gym in the morning and it will still be going
Shrink appointment tomorrow Maybe will help venting. Vicious circle
Rehap isn't for everyone. I know just over 17 years ago when i got clean and sober i needed to work. For me i could not face not working. The thought of losing my house and car because i had repayments to make was just to much for me.
It is possible to get clean and sober without giving up work. I wount lie. It's not easy but it can make a person stronger.
I joined A.A and pretty much when i was not at work i was at meetings or away on the weekends. Actually some of the weekends away where so much fun i still get the stitch laughing at stuff we did.
I'll tell you a example. A long weekend on NSW north coast. 9 people having a fire on the beach, beach patrol comes to bust us so we had to put the fire out fast. Running up a steep hill in the dark through the bush. 1 high court judge, 1 QC, 1 17 year old kid from the streets, a metho drinker, 2 couples middle age and restaurant owner. Not a group of people who would normally mix but we all had wanting a better life in common.
Its not the end yet by any means for you. If your partner wants to give up with you great. If not well we all make our choices in life.
I just read your story, and wow, I feel for you. Its so hard for small and micro business in Australia. And because you have so much stress, a life free enough to indulge addiction, and access to money you need to spend on tax, you can create disasters much bigger than a normal employed person. I know what you mean about flying solo. Big fail.
Look to be honest I think you should probably just start with bankruptcy. Just do it, you can't live with that much stress. Your addiction says so. Your stress level says so. Ring one of those bankruptcy expert people, and get the right advice. Any partner worth their salt will appreciate that sometimes you need to take a hit, to get your sanity back. The kind of stress you are under, people just can't takethat.
Just my opinion, as a small business owner, I know what you feel and what we go through.