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After the affair

Community Member


So a year ago my husband had a emotional affair, I knew he was texting a woman & had ask him to stop & he said he did but it turns out this was not the case. I confronted him & he broke up with me & we separated for 6 months, went to consulting before deciding to make ago of it again.

I have anxiety which on top of this means my brain has over analyze the hell out of the situation but my biggest issue right now is it’s a year on & I feel so insecure in our marriage like I can’t relax Incase i get crushed again.

I feel like I’m losing my mind & im scared I’ll always feel this way. But I really want to make our marriage work. Will it ever get easier? My husband knows I feel this way & he’s starting to feel like I’ll never move pass this.

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Ashley, thanks for posting your comment.

I realise how upset, and deservedly so, you must have felt after discovering what was going on behind your back and know that your lack of confidence and trust in your husband makes you feel unsafe in this marriage, this could be the cause of anxiety.

Now you have got back together doesn't mean anything just yet because firstly you need help from your doctor on ways on how to heal from this insecurity and distrust which are essential for your marriage.

They may refer you onto a psychologist, using a 'mental health plan', where you will be entitled to Medicare rebates for up to 10 sessions.

No matter how much love you have for your husband, he may come up short from time to time, so if you have done the work on yourself so that you know what you want out of life, it will hurt less and you will find peace from the mess much sooner, that's how a psychologist can help you.

You aren't able to do this yourself, because there will be many questions that go through your mind, such as 'what if' or where has he been for so long, or do I need to check his phone.

You will move forward once you have gained his trust again, once this happens then your anxiety will drop off and whether you want to know why this happened is entirely up to you, but remember you need to look after yourself.

Hope to hear back from you.


Hey Ashley5 I am also an over thinker so I know how hard it can be to move on and let things go , I’m sure it just keeps playing over and over in your head and you are constantly trying to analyse what you did wrong or why it happened.

This drama will always be part of your relationship, how it’s affects it is up to you . Marriage is a roller coaster ride of ups & downs. Sometimes good people make bad decisions , set rules both agree to them and don’t let him do it again.

Get him to write down all his passwords

Ask permission to check his phone & history (if he has nothing to hide he won’t mind)

When he is sending a txt ask who it’s to (you know his poker face)

no nights out alone hang out together

When you feel like your loosing it post on here for some great advice

how long have you been married?