Advise regarding loneliness is useless

[Teej97]

Why is it that articles and blogs about dealing with loneliness always advise talking to your friends or your partner? If I had friends or a partner I wouldn't be this lonely. These articles make me want to scream.

[blondguy]

Hi Teej97

Welcome and good on you for speaking from the heart where loneliness is concerned....and yes it is frustrating when we read articles or advice that may seem flippant where 'talking to your friends/partner' is concerned

The Beyond Blue forums dont judge you or anyone in any way. There are many lonely people (members...like yourself) that are here to offer you the best support possible as per our own life experience. You are not alone on this topic at all Teej97

If you can provide a bit more information of what you are going through we can help support you more effectively 🙂

The forums are a safe place for you to post Teej97. Your well being and privacy are paramount to us

I just want to say its great to have you as part of the forum family (thumbs up!)

you are not alone.....I really hope you can post back when its convenient for you

my kind thoughts

Paul

[geoff]

Hello Teej, thanks so much for posting your comment.

Loneliness is a horrible feeling so an option is to volunteer with something you care about or think you maybe interested in because feeling needed and wanted is part of your recovery, there you will be able to start up conversations with different sorts of people who maybe going through the same awful situation you are.

Maybe you find a hobby or perhaps another one somewhere which can be a great way of meeting other people and making new friends, if you are able to leave the house, maybe you can let us know.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear Teej

Welcome to the forum, so pleased you have joined us.

Being lonely is a hard road to travel. It's a bit of a catch 22, you are lonely because you have no one in your life but because you have no one it's hard to make friends so you are lonely. The obvious answer of going places to meet people sounds logical and easy when in reality this is far from the truth.

So how to manage this barrier. May I ask a few questions? Please answer only those you are comfortable with. How confident are you when meeting people? Do you find yourself going quiet and/or talking a lot? I ask because this is often the reason we do not have friends. It gets too hard to chat with others.

My experience of meeting people and making friends has been in those places I go because I want to be there. For example I attend church every Sunday (usually) because I like going to church. I got to know the other parishioners as they made the effort to welcome me. Lovely feeling. I also made a several friends at work. Mostly I simply worked with my colleagues but spent time away from work with others.

It depends on what you like to do because it is easier to get to know someone when you have a mutual interest in something. I asked about how you get on with others as this has a bearing on how you respond to friendly conversation.

So what do you enjoy? Crafts? See what groups are around your neighbourhood. Reading? Are there any book clubs near you? Check with your local library. Do you like being with animals? What about a nearby organisation that cares for animals in some way. Your local pound or the RSPCA. Exercise? See what classes are available.

OK I think you have the picture. It really depends on what you like doing or what you would like to learn. I joined a local Toastmasters club to help with my job of training people. I had no idea what public speaking entailed but I was willing to learn. Can you think of something in the 'would like to do'?

I'm not sure how helpful you find my comments. If you are looking for something different let me know and we can problem solve together.

Mary

[Teej97]

Thanks for your replies and I am sure they are well meant. However in 48 years non of those suggestions has worked so I don't see that changing now.

[White_Rose]

I am sorry you feel disappointed with the replies you have received. We have all tried our best to help.

I said if these comments of mine were not helpful perhaps we can problem solve together. Your post was very short meaning I had little to work from. My response was meant in general, no specific suggestions other than telling you about the things I did in your situation. It's not always helpful so would you like to to say a little more about yourself and we can combine our brainpower to find some answers?

Thanks for talking with us.

Mary

[blondguy]

Hi Teej97

Thanks heaps for posting back!

White Rose and Geoff werent being specific as you havent provided much detail for us to help you with

If you can provide a bit more information of what you are going through we can help support you more effectively 🙂

I actually didnt provide a suggestion either Teej97....anyhow....I hope you can stick around the forums!

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Skary Bill]

Hi Teej97,

I just wanted to say g'day and assure you that you're not alone. There's a bunch of us here looking to solve the same problem, and I think you've found a good place. Everyone here is friendly and helpful. Tell us a bit about yourself and what sort of people you're looking to meet.

Cheers,

Bill.

[45987]

Total understand how you feel. I'd suggest finding hobbies and meaning in your life, hopefully which will also lead you to like minded people

[mel1976]

i feel surrounded, even claustrophobic with people at work and and my family. but i still feel lonely.