Advice needed, again. :(

[AlecA]

Hi all,

I have posted about this before, but that was roughly 2 weeks ago.

Here's my first post about this: A person in my friend group is verbally harassing me and my friends (I also posted an update to some of your questions on that page which I think may help understand what is happening)

Since then, things have stayed quite quiet, because we are all on school holidays. But last Wednesday evening I'm playing with my friends when he joins my online game (keep in mind this game has online chat), he stays quite quiet until he started to try and tick me off, I obviously ignored him (because I didn't want a repeat of what happened last year and also my dad said I should ignore him) and it worked for a little while, until he started to just go at complete strangers. All 3 of us tried to ask him to stop but he ignored us, he then turned his attention to one of my friends who didn't want to get involved so just stayed quiet and kept playing the game, he started to comment about things I don't want to discuss here because its quiet personal to him. Fast forward a few minutes then he starts accusing my friend, calling him a liar and a bully because "He didn't want to tell him his actual name", amongst other things. He eventually ended his little rant at my friend and turned his attention back to me. He started to tell everyone (even strangers) that "(me) is trying to get me in-trouble with my year-coordinator because I did nothing" and "He is bullying me and he calls me (insert not nice words here)" then he leaves.

School starts on Wednesday, I can't keep thinking about what I'm going to do. I can't stop thinking about what new insults/ways he'll try and abuse us verbally. I'm still going to try and stay right away from him, but it also means staying away from my friends. Win loose, right? I dunno.

I'm currently not in anyway shape to stand up and support my friends anymore, this is draining my emotions and feeling away and there is virtually nothing I can do. I'm very close to all my friends, when I see him verbally abusing some of them (even in small ways) it always hurts me, and my friends feel like they can't do anything. Like currently as I write this I'm shaking a lot and I don't know why, it is always when I have to mention anything to do with this person.

Anyways, so after the first time I posted about this I just had a full blown breakdown in front of my dad. I'm not looking forward to going back to school knowing my current state. 

Thanks,

Alec

[Juliet_84]

Hi Alec,

If this so called friend is abusing your entire friend group and behaving this way, I’m uncertain why it would rip apart your entire friend group? Wouldn’t you all not want anything to do with this person? And if that’s the case then as hard as it is, you need to exclude him. That means not speaking or engaging with him at all, even when he hurls insults, get up and move away anytime he approaches and do that as many times as needed, he’ll eventually lose interest. Alternatively if you are very fearful, you could always consider going to the principal and making a formal complaint about this person and state that you are afraid for your safety, and will escalate it if they don’t take it any further. This person sounds like a nightmare and you have a right to be safe.

[smallwolf]

firstly, I agree with the comments of Juliet_84.

Now... I will speak as a parent to 2 kids that recently finished high school. I am glad you were able to speak with your dad about what happened and that he is concerned for you shows he cares about you very much. I also know (based on some things that happened to my own kids) these times can be hard, and some other kids can be trouble makers. So part of me says that you do not really need this extra pressure to deal with along with anything else in your school years.

Personally, I have an understanding of not wanting to go somewhere because of "who" might be there.

Perhaps the one thing I can say is to keep the communication channel with your dad open.

One other thing to look at would be kidshelpline (https://kidshelpline.com.au/) and check out some of the resources there.

Hope it works out, and if you want to chat some more?

[AlecA]

Hi Juliet_84,

Thanks for your response, we tried removing him ourselves, but it didn't work. We tried to ignore him every time we did this it made it 10 times worse. When he kept approaching me he I did move away, but then he just went at someone else.

My dad suggested that if things doesn't improve within the next few weeks we'll take it up with the principal. This person is an ex-friend to all of us, we don't ultimately want him to play but our year coriander forces us to play with him, even though we don't want him too.

Thanks.

[Sophie_M]

Hi AlecA,

We appreciate you reaching back on the forums. It sounds like you’re going through a very overwhelming time and we are sorry to hear that you have been finding it really hard to look forward to going back to school.

We’ve noticed that you have already started to share your journey in another thread: A person in my friend group is verbally harassing me and my friends

It would be helpful to provide an update there instead of starting a new thread, in order for our community to best understand your current situation and provide the most appropriate support. This also prevents members from repeating information or advice that they may have already mentioned to you in another thread.

In the meantime, we will have this thread closed. We appreciate your understanding and look forward to hearing from you.

Thanks again for sharing here, AlecA!

Kind regards,

Sophie M