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Advice for our relationship

Community Member

1. Me (husband) and wife together for 15 years. 2 year old and 7 year old..
2. Had a rough start. Both very stubborn and defensive. Some physical abuse and threats from both sides. outgrew this years ago (before kids)
3. both worked and good income. Never stressed about cash.
4. In 15 years she had about 4 episodes triggered after an event. Last year we moved from another country, her mom diagnosed with cancer (clear now), sexual abuse at work, lost her job and adjusting to Aus
5. Moved here in June. All was fine until dec. Got a call from Child wellfare. Accused me for abusing her because someone noticed marks on her skin. Was nail marks of our 2 year old. This was so badly handled we both laid a complaint. Senior person phoned us in Jan and apologized. They provided 3 months childcare for the little one.
6. My salary covers our expensis and very little spending. Idea was that she brings in money with photos. Was good for 6 months and then she got too scared to work with kids after child services.
7. She started spending on my credit card putting is very bad in debt. To such a point that food budget is from 1.5k to 1k and our spending is like 200 per month.
8. Her tasks should have been like 1 or 2 shoots a month, look after the household, the 2 year old. Both kids in school now and she doesn't do household work (limited) and no shoots. This additional financial stress made me react in a badly. I was verbally abusive without thinking of it. I told her she was lazy, useless, bad mother coz she doesn't make food for them, digging a whole for us all. I was mad due to the situation and really feel bad that I actually did this.
9. From Jan she got panic attacks. Started taking anti dipressions (made things worse in the past) and now. She is going out of her way to hide things etc. If i ask her for help she doesn't care. I said we should see a counsellor and we make plans with cash like stripping the spending. She will not. wants to force me to get a care plan. This morning I asked if she would mind changing a poo nappy and just refused. Her way or nothing. I'm feeling abused now. All i hear is i don't make enough money etc. She numb toward us and its at such a point that i am too scared to drink coffee she makes. I am scared she will do something to the kids. She almost forgot to pick up the 2 year old because she was in the shop looking for clothes. Suggested she stops meds but no. Suggested she books into a clinic and i get my mom here to help but no
1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi EvsG,

I feel your pain and can relate to your post all too well, unfortunately.

As I now have the benefit of hindsight, this is what I'd do.

Protect self and children.

Take control of all finances, close bank a/c etc.

Give your wife an ultimatum, either she gets help or separation.

Remember, your children are the most important people here.