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I recently posted that I was concerned my husbandS depression is getting worse. He’s been saying for a while he doesn’t think he loves me but what was concerning me was the total lack of interest he was taking in the kids. It is now likely (but un proven) that he is using drugs. He has admitted to using in the past as an antidepressant but maintains he’s been clean for 5ish months. Looking back on his recent behaviour though I think he’s probably be using again for at least the last two.
I asked him to leave last weekend and he did although he doesn’t admit to anything and then on Sunday he flipped his lid and text me horrible abuse saying he was never coming home.
I know this isn’t him at all. We are all suffering big time especially our children. But I just don’t know where to from here if he doesn’t think he has a problem and certainly doesn’t admit he’s using at all.
Onviously I’d like it to all work out and he gets help and we all live happily ever after but even if that doesn’t happen - if he’s a drug user I don’t want him with my kids unsupervised but until I can prove it how can I stop him?
Thanks for reaching out on the Beyond blue forums,
It sounds as though you are in a really tricky situation with your partner. He is not able to care for your children and is possibly using drugs. We're sorry to hear of the abusive messages you received over the weekend, please know you don't have to live with abuse and there is help available. We'd recommend you get in touch with 1800RESPECT, they're a counselling, information and referral service. When you contact 1800RESPECT, you will talk to a trained counsellor who will listen and support you in what feels right for you and your situation and to help you identify what you can do and to find the right services or support for you.
The alcohol and drug foundation is another great service to contact for support and guidance. To find a service near you, follow this link: https://adf.org.au/help-support/
Please feel free to reach out here on your thread and keep us updated on what you're feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it.
I think its amazing that you are reaching out on here for support. I can hear in your words how much you care about your children so much and its great they have you in their lives. Are you currently getting any other support e.g. one on one counselling for this? It sounds like it would be great to have another line where you could voice your concerns and receive some additional support for yourself given the uncertainty around whats happening in your life at the moment. I hope things improve soon and that you have some friends and family around you who can also provide some comfort and kindness.
Hello Mamalife, thanks for your comment.
I'm not a doctor and can't officially tell you but from people I've known, drugs can't be used as an AD (antidepressant), simply because they aren't addictive, they only help people with their own type of depression and not considered to be so, however, dependence on them by the withdrawal symptoms people have may affect them, but unlike illegal drugs they don't give you any feeling of what drugs do to someone.
So believing what your husband has said will show in how he behaves and if there is a vast difference in his behaviour.
If in fact, he is using drugs then the court won't allow him to spend time with the kids, unless it's supervised, but with your determination, what you tell the courts will play heavily with their decision, but he has to be honest within himself and either admit he is still using them or if he needs help to stop, then the future can sort of be planned.
With the abuse, he has texted you must have been awful to receive and may indicate whether or not he is using the drugs.
The kids may benefit by talking with Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 or Al-Anon 1300 252 666 who are trained counsellors and will be able to relate to this situation and may help them greatly.
Secondly for you to be able to cope with this is not going to be easy and can we suggest that you contact your doctor who may offer a mental health plan, which entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions per year to see a psychologist, although you could be allowed more visits, your doctor will be able to inform you.
Being in this position is not easy for the remaining family and hope you are able to get back to us.