About me

[unknownalivebutnotlivinga]

Hi, ok so here it goes. I’m catholic Iraqi grew up in Melb + Queensland with half Aussie cousins (I look up to my Aussie aunts + fam). In Melb lived with my family for about 20 years they have never accepted me for who I am even tho they are my biological parents + brother, during that time I was: sad, anxious, angry at them, low: self-confidence, confidence, self-esteem, quiet, didn’t talk much at home and at school mainly in my room unless if I’m going to get something to eat, going out with friends, we haven’t done family time in a while, always told “be like “name” cause they are such good kids and your not you are the worst person”, parents never let me go out and half the time they’d lock the door so I don’t leave and say “ I need to spend more time with them and if not ill take all your things away (or kill me). I’m always being told off for the things I do in + outside of the house, mum would constantly yell at me for everything I do, mum would complain (I’d be complaining also) about my weight, late year 10 I exercised then became anorexic from start of year 11 - mid year 12 (it didn’t last very long cause mum kept forcing food into me and not let me eat my own food I make and had to be in hospitals, when we make time and i tell them whats been happening they don’t respect my friendships and I want them to. Had a group of friends during mid - late primary, early highschool - mid highschool after then i only had one best friend and she’d come to my place 6-7 times most of the time she’d only come to pick me up so we can go out, and mum wants to spend time with my friends family she’d talk about their life and past problems about each of the family members and then she’d tell me “when are they gonna leave cause auntie, uncle or cousins are coming over i’m bored idk what else to talk about” behind their backs in another room with me and when they are not in site she’d tell me “not hang out with them often cause anything bad could happen and I don’t trust her” she doesn’t trust my friends + disrespectful to me + my friends. I wanted to share what was happening to me to my friends then but deep down I was too scared if my parents would hurt them. My friends all left cause i was too quiet for them. Also never had a proper job cause my parents didn’t allow it cause “I should be focusing on school/uni so I can get high marks” she’d force me, have been applying for jobs since 18 and still don’t have one. Who can relate?

[Croix]

Dear unknownalivebutnotlivinganormalhumanlife~
I did look at all your name, and think I have picked up what you were trying to say and do understand. To have chosen it like that shows a degree of desperation. It also takes courage too for laying it out so frankly

You live in a country with one culture, but hemmed in at home by another

You have a very unhappy life, feeling anxious, angry, low self-confidence, low self -esteem, frustrated and having to live with parents and brother who probably due to their Iraqi origin have a fundamentally different view of family relations. Overlooking your individuality, treating you as some sort of stereotype and consistently comparing you unfavorably with others. An entity to be controlled and not really trusted.

You have diminishing number of friends and no one to talk frankly with and share your life’s problems - and joys.

There seems no end to it even though you have tried for jobs, a brave act in view of you mother’s behavior

Their outlook is in contrast to outside the door, where you are an adult, an individual with all the respect and responsibilities that go with it. A person free to determine their own life with their own beliefs. An attitude shared by your Australian cousins

I’d like to ask you:

Do you see a solution? Maybe move to a cousin?

Are you having medical support for your current feelings, after all they are pretty profound and a repetition of your eating disorder would be a great tragedy

I know I’ve not covered everything, please be patient come back and talk some more,

Croix