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A potential cheating scare has left me unable to trust my new boyfriend whom I adore

Community Member

Before i start, I have no idea if any of these things are red flags since I'm 19 so bare with my story.

For some context, I (19) have been with my boyfriend (21) for just over a month, but we hadn't been seeing each other for very long (about a week) before he asked me to be with him exclusively. He also confessed to falling in love with me within two weeks of knowing me (weird or not??). I returned the gesture a little bit later. It didn't take long for me to get attached as he's a great guy who loves making sure I'm happy and getting what I deserve from him. He is a bit of a jokester who likes teasing but i enjoy his humour as its similar to my own. He's extremely supportive when I'm upset about life and never pressures me to tell him anything I'm not comfortable with yet. We've spent more nights together than apart since he loves having me around all the time at his place, he's even told me multiple times that i should just move in or move more of my stuff there so i don't have to go back and forth.

From what I've gathered, he's been in one long term relationship 2 years ago with a girl who abused him a lot and slept around a lot with random girls when he was single. About a week or two in, I tried stalking him on social media where I found another girl he dated for 6 monthish that he never mentioned. When I asked he told me she was "just some girl he was seeing" and that he didn't even know his instagram account was still accessible since he thought he deleted it... he promptly made sure it was deleted for real afterwards. He doesn't use fb either since its old and he hasn't noticed my friend request.

His roommate is an old friend that I haven't been able to get along with due to his drunken behaviour (pulled a prank that crossed a line at one point) and I can't tell if he accepts me or is ok with me living at their place all the time.

Under a week ago I found another girls bra on the floor amongst a whole heap of other shit. When I approached him about it he seemed genuinely confused and told me he had no idea what it is or who it belonged to and that he's genuinely sorry that this has hurt me (he apparently was cheated on by the ex long term girlfriend). His reaction and the fact that he was sick that week (I was with him while sick too) make me believe him but whenever I'm alone I find myself worrying about where he is or if he is lying to me. My theory is his roommate planted it.

Im not sure what is going on in my head or if I should believe him.



3 Replies 3

Community Champion
Community Champion

Welcome Gluey to the forum.

It can be hard to write your first post. It seems you are worried about his past with other girls . is this why you looked at his Instagram.

You have written about his good points and how you get on with him.

if you believe him and enjoy his company I wonder what makes you doubt him when you are alone?

If you want we discuss this more.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Gluey, thanks for your comment and welcome to the forums.

His room-mate may have 'planted it' but if he was sick then trust and loyalty in any relationship are important.

If he has a good head on his shoulders and shows you how much he loves you, then that's how trust begins.

Let your love develop and strengthen so you can grow together.


Thanks for your reply.

I think the reason I have so much doubt is just because I really want it to work out. I genuinely like this guy and the thought of him being with someone else when he says that I'm all he needs is really heartbreaking. I wouldn't be so paranoid if I didn't feel this way for him.

I recently bought it up with him again and he asked if I wanted him to bring it up with his roommate but I said no. The more I think about it the less it makes sense, why would he bring a girl into his room that has some of my belongings in plain sight? But now that this idea that he could cheat if he wanted to has been made obvious I just can't let it go when I don't know where he is or what he's doing.

The reason i wanted to stalk him on instagram and other social media was more provoked by my need to see more of him since it was earlier on and I didn't have any of my own photos. It definitely wasn't provoked by worry or uncertainty at the time. I asked about the girl again and he told me more about what happened in that relationship, I guess I just needed to be more point blank about the topic.