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4 year relationship affected by 'Meth' use
I have been with my current boyfriend for 4 years(23-30), we are living together and building a house in 8 months.
Our relationship has always had patches from the beginning but we have always gotten through. I have always had a solid job and supported him through unemployment etc.
He currently works as a security guard at pubs and I am so happy he is working again as this provides financial relief but .. I found out a female coworker was messaging him a lot and discussing her relationship with her partner and how she wants to leave etc now she goes out taking drugs all the time.
We spoke about it and I told him I seen all the messages between them and I was uncomfortable with it. Following this the messaging reduced significantly, everything back to how it usually is.
Sunday night he finds drugs at work and tells me about it, come Monday night he has used the drugs. He used to be a heavy drug user years ago but since we have been together it has been next to nothing.
Monday everything is okay we have a very deep talk ( due to the drugs ), Tuesday he doesn't go out to the pub and see friends like usual - slightly moody. Now Wednesday night he is super paranoid that I am spying on him through apps on his phone, questioning every notification his phone sends etc.
I am crying at this point due to him thinking it's me spying on him and I don't trust him. He then tells me he is not sure what to dowith us.
*Im not spying on him- what he is questioning is the normal phone processes and permissions he has given the apps*
I love him, I really do but what is going on ? What do I do ? I just feel lost and emotional
I really feel for you as nearly 2 years ago my 8 year relationship ended due to ice use and the behaviour that comes with it.
A similar situation to yours- my partner started working nights and his behaviour slowly began to change, over the course of a few months he'd gone from normal to completely irrational and strange. He put alarms up all over the house because he was convinced that he was being watched and that we would get broken into, he stayed out all night and accused me of cheating even though he had no evidence to make such a ridiculous claim.
His behaviour got so bad, it caused me a lot of stress and I became very sick. I knew something was up but I never suspected ice because we've never had anything to do with drugs, he blamed stress at work etc etc until I found an ice pipe in my home.
He told me he was getting clean but his behaviour worsened and he started to physically hurt me, he was the complete opposite of the man I once knew and loved. He had become a dangerous, violent, paranoid stranger.
I tried so hard to support him through the addiction, help him get clean and find resources to help him, I even excused his behaviour and blamed the drug instead because I loved him.
He lied so much, I found out he was cheating on me with a fellow drug addict, he started trying to buy guns out of paranoia which caused our home to be raided by the police and he would disappear for weeks at a time.
I left him because I realised that he didn't want help, he didn't want to be clean and I could not change that fact. I did not want to witness him destroying his life and mine with it.
My advice to you is take care of yourself first and foremost.
Talk to your partner about his behaviour, encourage him to seek help and let him know that you will support him in getting clean.
Support your partner and encourage him to get clean if you want to try but also realise that if he is lying about using that generally means he is not interested in stopping.
Unfortunately beating an addiction is something the addict themselves has to really want, you cant force someone and if you stick around, you may be putting yourself in danger.
Leaving my ex was definitely the right decision for me, I am happy and safe and my new partner is amazing.
I wish you all the best and you can talk here any time if you need someone
Thank you for your support.
im so caught up in my relationship and feel like if we are not in a relationship I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. I don't have any friends and only have my grandparents that are family I just have this giant fear of being alone 😞
He was still coming down last night and continues his paranoia onto another mobile device. He still is not ready to talk about it and still says I am spying on him through his phone.
I am so stuck on things he has said during his come down such as 'he isn't sure about us' and 'he doesn't know about us' do I ignore these comments because of the drugs or is he trying to tell me something. ive never had to deal with him or someone I know on drugs and I am really struggling.
im not able to eat and I am vomiting anything I do consume including water. This is seriously affecting my physical and emotional health
Hey having a bad time comming down. Most likerly used for 2 days. His system is out of wack. Get him to eat a banana or a tomato. That will help stabilise him. Even if you just make him a banana smoothie.
When i was using many many years ago this behavior hes going through was common. Not being able to keep clear thoughts together etc. Common term scatter trap.
Anything he says or does in a bad come down don't take it seriously. Its just the drugs trying to take control so he will use more.
In a few days once hes stable and had good sleep ask him if this is going to continue or if hes over it. Then you will get a real answer.
Thank you this really has helped, I just wasn't sure.
ill try keeping myself grounded and not thinking to much into it until I can talk to him
Oh hun, I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through.
I don't have any personal experience with drug abuse so I can't offer any advice in that department but your comment about being afraid of being alone really struck a chord with me. Sometimes people stay in toxic relationships because of this fear (I'm not saying this is the case for you but if your parent's drug use was to continue and worsen you might find yourself in this position). I've never been good at making friends but I've find that by forcing myself into situations where I have no one I know (such as solo travel or an evening course at the local community centre) forces me to come out of my shell and engage with people.
Everyone needs a friend to talk to now and then. You can always come and chat to us here at Beyond Blue if you are in need of support but I think it's worth checking out social activities where you can find some mates. Now is not a good time obviously but it might be a good idea once things have settled down in your life. You are still very young so there are all types of opportunities to meet new people, whether this be through travel, sports, volunteering, work or social gatherings. Meetup is a good way to meet like minded people - might be worth having a look at once you are in the right headspace for it.
This is my first experience with the drug use and I am learning a lot through this process.
I am waiting for him to come down completely so I can ask him about our relationship and where we stand. I'm not ready to walk out on him but he can make the conscious decision to leave if that is how he feels.
Also if he plans on continuing to use drugs because I will not stay around for that.
I do need to look into opportunities for myself but at the moment I don't even feel like getting out of bed
Just an update he finally slept for over 10 hours yesterday and woke up hungry. So he seems a little more like himself but not 100% yet still a little agitated.
im not going to bring up anything that's happened over the past couple days until he talks about it, I've been told that he will more then likely have no recollection of what has happened.
hopefull this experience hasn't been good for him and will put him off from using again