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33 years and its over, he's the love of my life
he left me june last year, I cry every day, I miss him so much, I'm alone, no friends, no family, just my dogs and a cat, I don't have a job, I struggle to sleep and when I do, I'm pulled awake and then clarity, I feel panic because he's not here, I love him, I'm 53 and he has my heart, nothing will help and I can't take drugs to help me because I don't trust myself, I'm trying to write him a letter but I can't make any sense of it, it's 2:30am ...
dear Rox, I wish I could welcome you on a good note, but that's not to be, because the love of your life has gone.
It's almost 10 months since he left you and that's a long time to suffer all by yourself, because the absolute pain has been with you for everyday of this period, and you don't have any support such as family or friends.
There must have been a reason why this happened, and I do hope that you are strong enough to let us know.
There are many scenarios that we could think of but that wouldn't be fair for you, because we maybe wrong, and if so, then this will just aggravate your situation, causing you more harm.
It does worry me that if you were given some drugs that you may do the wrong thing, but this can be overcome, because the doctor will prescribe the medication to be picked up from the chemist every couple of days, so this would stop you from taking too much, and there are pharmacies that will do this, and you sound as though you should be taking some medication, which will help you relax and to help you.
If you want to write him a letter, it's probably best to do it when you have a clear mind, because at the moment you might say something which would upset the both of you, and that's the last thing you want to do.
I really do want you to get back to us, and hopefully mention the circumstances why he did, but only in your time, but can I say to you that there are many wonderful people on this site who have been to hell and back several times, and many who are still trying to cope with their depression, but have the courage to support anyone else.
I was married about 25 years, and if we were still married it would be 38 years now, which like yours is a decent period, but please get back to us. L Geoff. x
Rox, I have no real advice for you, I'm 9.5 months behind you. But please know, you're not alone, I know you feel it and that your world feels likes it's ending but they tell me you will get through. Find something constructive, find something to give you meaning and identity outside your relationship (turns out I do have some advice, need to follow it myself) and go one day at a time. Hopefully you can take comfort knowing that anyone who reads your post - I'm sure their thoughts and prayers are with you, as mine are. Dig in mate, you can pull through.
as for my dot post, I apologise; it seems to have been a 'thread bump'. In all honesty, I was replying to Geoff's most gracious reply but I became so distraught and disoriented and confused and here I must be careful so I don't end up again deleting what I write. doable chunks...
dear Geoff, thank you. I'm in a terrible state but I know now that I do not want to die, only that I no longer wish to live with the distinction being that I will continue to eat only to survive and if I could, I would be so very grateful to never have to venture out beyond these walls, just to stay here where I feel safe and protected with my two dogs and one cat. I take several days to mentally prepare before going out.
I did not know that about chemists but even now knowing that, I wish not to put myself in such a position; despite my convictions, I do believe I might tempt fate.
I am in Sydney, I have a sister in Victoria, and my best friend lives in Queensland so please note that I do have family and one good friend but neither lives near me; I have lately sought comfort from a neighbour and she has helped stabilise and steer me; I've approached the Department of Human Services and I have contacted Legal Aid.
Geoff, it will take me some time to digest all you've provided. it will take me some time to answer.
nige, I appreciate what you've said and i thank you, but I don't have nearly such capacity.
I am lost and I miss him terribly every day.
dear Rox, I know that this a terrible struggle for you, and I just wish that there was an easy answer that would soothe and solve your situation, but it always seems to be the problem, that everything we just wished for never happens.
I would also contact Quatum who are linked to Human Services, and take your time to get back to us, but I certainly hope that do. L Geoff. x
dear Geoff, I am taking the effort tonight but I might not finish --- I crave company and wish there were others near by that would like to meet up for no other reason than to have just a pleasant time without being judged --- I feel so terribly alone...
I would absolutely love to have some peeps come spend some time with me, just to spend lucid time, laugh. nothing else
I am now seeing a doctor [finally they say], one that wants me to enrol in the enhanced medical care scheme [or whatever it is] because he believes it will benefit me...
I recognise that I need help; I really wish tho for someone just to hold my hand and tell me it's all gunna be okay because right now life is crap for me
I'm not sure where I'm up to; I'm drinking making many mistakes but correcting them as I go [yay me!]
Geoff. you mention quantum, I don't believe I know them. I do however know well no I don't know but I've heard of black dog...
dear Geoff. I've finally seen a doctor and today I've learned about the enhanced private care scheme or whatever it is but I've yet to google it so I can't yet comment on it but he [the doctor] says it could be most beneficial and so I will try it...
I must see him again in order to complete the paperwork so as for me to qualify or whatever it is to make the grade...
I hope to have some other human influence in my life soon even just to divert my hapless attention