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30 Day Contact Challenge

Community Member

I have decided to do a 30 Day Contact Challage. I realised I have spent my entire life contacting family and friends. Organising events etc... I am tried of this and no one seems to reciprocate. Thus I decided not to contact anyone for 30 days in the hope that I could determine who in fact wants to talk/spend time with me. I am in week two of this challenge and no one has contacted me. I feel sad and deverstated. Has anyone done/been through a similar experience? How did you deal with it at the time? What did you do post the challenge/experience? Help 🤔

8 Replies 8

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Contradiction

Welcome to Beyond Blue. My guess is that everyone has been so used to you organising everything that silence from you has only meant there is nothing going on. We are all lazy in different ways so because you have taken on the role of organiser means they can ignore doing this and wait until you come up with the goods.

In a way I suspect you have caused this dependence and it will take a while for your family and friends to realise this has happened. It is quite hurtful when you do not get emails or phone calls when you have been so diligent in the past. In a way it is a compliment to you. How do you manage in the moment? Well it will be uncomfortable. I can only suggest you go about your normal routine and add a few extras so that you will not be tempted to make contact with someone.

I also suggest you work out what you are going to say when someone eventually realises you are not around. I suspect that if you say bluntly "I decided to see how long it would take for you to notice I haven't contacted you" people may be upset and offended. And with some justification. They are not thought readers.

You could, probably with truth, say that you have found it tiring to always be the contact person and wanted to to share making contact. Why didn't you tell us, will be the response I expect.

You could contact a key person in the group and say you have been out of contact because of tiredness and would that person spread the word. That's a more reasonable scenario.

I hope this is useful.


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Contradiction,

Thanks for sharing, and well done for undertaking something new like this. Whatever the ultimate result, my suggestion is simply do not just wait around for somebody to contact you and during this time, worry and ruminate on reasons why they may not have.

Use this time instead as time to learn something(s) new, improve yourself, take on a hobby or subject you have always wished to, develop spiritually, or do anything that you think will help elevate your life, mind, or body.

Waiting and wondering is not going to get you anywhere. Make the most of the time and then, when somebody reaches out to you, see how you feel. Be spontaneous. This will be your inner self, not your thinking/worrying mind, responding. Listen.

All my best to you.


Community Member

Brilliant advice from Mary and Steve. Blows me away how smart the people on this forum are. 🙂

I don't think I can add anything to that fantastic advice except I reckon try all of those things. Take some time out for you. perhaps in the future aim for something that is a happy medium. You aren't doing all of the organising but maybe you organise some things.

Hi Mary. Thank you for your reply. I am certain others depend on me to contact them as I have created this situation. I just don't know how to 'uncreate' it. Also, most of these people I don't actually want in my life anyone. I am also unsure of how to seperate myself from them without being rude or hurtful. I need change... With kind regards, Bella.

Thank you Steve. I am trying hard to not check my phone, Facebook etc... I can't seem to get past crying at this point nor am I feeling motivated. Stepping back and now observing, I realise I have been trying to make a break from these people for a long time. I just have no idea how to go about in a diplomatic way. Any suggestions? With kind regards, Bella.

Hi Littledove. Yes, the advice I am getting is fantastic. I really do appreciate it. I am bit sure what a happy medium would be for me. Also, most of these people only come to me when they want something. They know I am generous and I let them take advantage of that. I am part to blame. It's hard to make a change when you don't know which direction to take. Thank you, Bella.

Hello Bella, much nicer than contradiction.

In this situation I would do nothing. Find a group of people whose company you enjoy and get on with your life in a new circle of friends. Leave the old set to find out how much you were doing for them by themselves. Live your life but this time set boundaries on what you will and won't do and stick to them. No freeloaders but sometimes guests, sharing the organising of events, spending time on your own doing whatever you please etc. When/if the others miss you say what I wrote in my first post.

Once the strangeness and hurt have faded a little you will enjoy life and enjoy sharing the chores and play time. Good luck. Write in as often as you wish.


Thanks Contradiction. I will say that all of the advice you will need at this point is included in this page above. The support you can find among any of the kind souls posting here for you. The key is not to let your mind take you down a destructive path here. You have made the decision to spend time alone; you now need to do something with the time. Worry is not only a waste, it is destructive. Go about building the life you want during this time, not the life others think you should have nor the life that you feel you should lead because of them.

The power of "doing nothing" should not be underestimated. It is very important to learn what this means, and experience is your best bet. All the best.