26, friendless and confused

[MissM06]

Hi all,
I’m new here so don’t really know how or where to start.

I’m 26 female and have battled with anxiety on and off since a young age, and depression which surfaced a few years ago. Lately I have been feeling quite down and sad about my life. I have a partner of 5 years but absolutely no friends and no one to talk to apart from my partner (this is something that really upsets me sometimes as much as I try to pretend it doesn’t), I work one day a fortnight (haven’t been able to find another job), I have my license but can’t afford a car so I don’t drive, spend most of my time at home, have no real hobbies, and feel like my days are just slipping away from me.

I had friends in high school and we all just drifted apart. I went to uni but struggled quite a bit and ended up dropping out. I made one “friend” while I was there and as soon as I left they stopped talking to me. I just can’t seem to make real friends. On the occasion I go out somewhere and meet someone new, I will chat with them, add them on social media and try to get to know them, only to get nowhere. I feel like no one really wants to get to know me or be my friend. I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong?

On top of that I’ve been feeling my relationship with my partner has changed a lot. We haven’t had sex in 6 months. We still kiss and cuddle, laugh, have so much fun together. But the sexual side of the relationship isn’t there. I feel like it’s my fault because I don’t want to have sex. And I don’t know if it’s because I don’t want to have sex with my partner, or because I don’t want to have sex in general. My partner is so great and supportive, but the whole sexless dynamic makes me question whether it’s run its course and we’re now more best friends than partners, or whether my depression and what I’m feeling could be the culprit. It constantly has me confused about what to do.

I’m friendless, confused in my relationship, feeling so alone and like I’ve accomplished nothing in life. The way I feel about my life is not how I want it to be. Where do I start? 😞

[Sparrow90]

I feel we are living the same life, I myself just signed up and new here and only just posted myself about my mental health & partner. Although I didn’t add in about my sex life, but everything you’ve said is what I too am struggling with.

My partner and l have sex about once a month, only because I feel bad because I never really want it... not because he’s not attractive (which he always thinks is the problem and it’s not) but because I just don’t feel like it.

I suffer with social anxiety, so leaving the house is a massive issue for me because I don’t like being in crowds. So I struggle to keep or make friends because they don’t understand why I struggle to leave the house and have fun... I myself can’t figure it out. But I wish I had more friends that understood and helped and supported me to get out slowly.

I wish I had an answer for you, but at least you know you’re not alone!

[Costa_72]

Hi MM06,

sorry ti hear of your situation. I am recently separated and friends are few and far between so I understand what you are going through. It seems that you and your partner are codependent and this can sometimes be unhealthy for you both.

A few months ago my son suggested I try getting the Meetup app on my phone to meet and socialise with new people. There are so many types of groups and activities from dinners, coffees, pub crawls, fitness, cooking, hiking, dancing, etc. I have been to a couple with the same group and have enjoyed each time. Nice people and great to get out of the house as it can be pretty lonely at times. Give it a go as you have nothing to lose and lots to gain. I am looking forward to going to a race day at Flemington with the group in October. Maybe go with your partner a couple of times if you feel wired going alone. I'm sure you will have a great time.

I also find it hard to make friends. I really think this will help you. Give it a go and I'm sure you will enjoy yourself.

If you do try let us know how it turned out. Hoping my message finds you well.

Best wishes, Con.