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24 years and nothing to show for it.

Community Member
My wife and I have separated after 24 years. We never had kids but did have 2 cats for 17 years. The last 5 years, things have been slowly going downhill. We started drifting apart, not doing things together, arguing all the time and disagreeing over finances. We tried a UK holiday in 2018 to try and find our spark but it didn't help. We've always been faithful to each other but the bickering has just been getting worse. The final straw was over a money disagreement. A petty argument with harsh words spilled and now I sit in an empty house with no furniture or kitchenware. The heartbreaker for me though is that we just got 2 new kittens in January to try and help with the relationship as it's been 5 years since the first cats passed away and maybe they were the glue in the relationship. But it was too little too late. Now the new cats are caught in the crossfire and have no idea why suddenly their play area is completely bare. I have no support network to fall to as we always were enough for each other and never needed anyone else. We were each others best friends. She has now moved back home to her parents house but my mother died years ago and my father took it really hard so I have no one. I'm struggling with going on at the moment. I've had thoughts which I never would have dreamed I'd ever face and it scares me a lot. I know that it will eventually work out but I just feel so lost right now.
4 Replies 4

Hi Nik76,

Welcome to our wonderful online community. We are grateful that you have reached out here today as we know it can be difficult to do this for the first time. We are so sorry to hear about what has happened between you and your wife. We understand that after your wife being such a key part of your life for 24 years it must be a huge upheaval for you to cope with. Please know that you're not alone in this. Can we ask, do you have any mental health support? We understand it can be really tough to cope sometimes, especially if you don't have a lot of support from family or friends. If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  They will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area. MensLine Australia is another free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health and relationship concerns. You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/ Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it. Many in our community have had similar experiences and understand. Hopefully a few of them will pop by and offer you some words of kindness and advice. 

Community Member

Hi Nik

I am in the same situation. After 30 years of marriage, I have no children and no wife. A lifetime of hard work, and a comfortable retirement, was flushed down the toilet by a narc' wife who thinks she is the victim.

All that I can say is, don't blame yourself. The petty arguments you are having with your wife are a symptom, not the cause of the problems you are having. If you want to get to the root cause of your difficulties, a counsellor might be the best option; assuming your wife is willing to try.

If you are having problems emotionally go and see your doctor and ask for a "Mental Health Care Plan". That will give you access to a medicare subsidised psychologist.

Unfortunately there is no simple fix for a broken heart.

Community Member
Hi Mr Paul,

Thanks for the advice. I will definitely look into both options you suggested. I feel for you too as I thought 24 years was bad enough but I can only imagine how much harder it must be for you.

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. It does help to know that I can relate to other people in the same situation.

Community Member
Hi Sophie,

I'm going to speak to a counsellor as both yourself and Mr Paul have suggested.

I will contact my doctor as he is very understanding about mental health issues. I'm sure he will know of a local counsellor but I will also try the beyond blue support service for their information.

Thank you for your advice on where to go from here.