I have just split with my partner of 15 years. We just had our 15 year anniversary from the day we met... but it's been going downhill for a long time. 6 years ago they put someone else in front of our relationship, I ended up leaving because I was so hurt by these actions, I don't know if they ever actually physically cheated on me but they definitely mentally did. That was hard to get past, but my partner came back to me, actually followed me to where I moved and made a point of showing me they still felt love for me. We remained living separately, this has been a hard part for me, I have really struggled with having seperate lives and it's really felt like they have kept things this way on purpose for this time. The last few years with covid etc has taken its toll on our relationship also, our beliefs in things have differed so much, they have become interested in world politics, conspiracy theories, lots of those types of things, their attitude has changed a whole lot. It really feels like they have stopped caring on a personal & emotional level about things outside of those things, including towards me.
I had become frustrated and hurt from the lack of affection, lack of inclusion and support, in turn I got angry and then reflected that on to them... we continued this pattern for a long time, with not having too many happy moments in there even when an effort was made to make a happy memory it was tainted by those feelings. So finally it has got to that point where I have said enough is enough and I can't keep doing this, not to me or to them, it's not fair.
Now I'm a little scared, my heart is broken, I feel lost and very low.
Im scared to be alone after all these years, I feel like I have lost my best and closest friend, however I don't think I can have a friendship with them because of how much love I still feel for them.
I know life will go on, but I am truly grieving another loss in my life.... I lost my only child not long before I met my partner and we have been through so much together.... and now it feels like I have truly lost another great love.
I am feeling really lost.
There is so much more to this story of course over 15 years.... but now it's over and I'm very very sad, sad to the core of my soul.
