Hello Anzee, I understand the predicament you are in and feel very sorry for what you have to try and cope with.
If an IVO is broken then the police can be called, then they handle the situation, however, I know this may cause some fear for you and I don't want this to happen.
Can I suggest and this is important, is for you to contact one agency and there are many such as St. Vinc. but the one I'm thinking about is Anglicare who can provide you with a house/flat that's already furnished and have contacts to stop this and could possibly change your identity, suggest a new phone number.
I know that the next 2 days are holidays but if you can google this 'contact anglicare on public holidays', there may be something that helps you.
Please let us know how you get on.
So over the long weekend I found out he had a fiancé before me (he told me he’d never been engaged) and that he was physical with her on more than one occasion (he told me about ONE physical incident with a different gf and said that was the only time he’d ever been physical before me and that he regretted it every day of his life. I felt really down and upset about that because it felt like he had this whole other life I didn’t even know about when I thought we knew everything about him (we were together 11 years) then on Tuesday night I had a few friends send me screenshots of him and his new gf going official on social media and all these pics of them spending the long weekend away together and I don’t know why but that absolutely broke me, I was having intense flashbacks, nightmares and had this really intense fear that I can’t survive without him (I’ve had this fear and feeling every time I’ve left him) but I suddenly realised that although I hadn’t admitted it out loud, deep down I was holding on so tightly to this hope he was going to get the help he needed and we’d be together again as a family. He promised me (and his daughters) over and over again that he was going to take this time we were apart to start working on himself so that he could be safe for us to all be together again, I felt like the services pushed me not to trust him and continued convincing me I couldn’t go back but deep down all I wanted was to go back. I continued doing what I had to do to keep the girls safe but in my heart I felt like things were going to be ok because I was going to end up back with him again. I knew he was seeing this new girl even though he kept denying it and saying he was waiting for us, but I’d just keep convincing myself I was overreacting and making up their relationship so when they made it official publicly I felt so much pain and just felt like I literally couldn’t live without him. I don’t want to end my life but I feel like I can’t keep my girls or me alive from some outside force without him, like we literally need him to live. I know it doesn’t make sense because I have had 100% care of the girls since December and we’re all still alive, but it’s just engrained in me that something bad is going to happen to us if we’re not with him.
Thank you for sharing an update. We can hear you've been feeling really down, and coping with the impact of all you've been through. We are concerned about you so we've reached out privately to check you're ok and offer a bit more support.
It sounds like it's really having an impact on how you're feeling day to day, so please know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with. The Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online, here. To talk through the abuse you've experienced, please reach out to 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, or online. They may be able to connect you with specialist counselling and support groups, if you're not linked in with anything like that currently:
We can hear you don't want to end your life, but if it's something that's on your mind, we'd really encourage you to reach out to our counsellors on 1300 22 4636, or to another service such as Lifeline to talk it through on 13 11 14. We'd definitely recommend making a Suicide Safety Plan, also. You can find out more about this here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning
We’re sure we’ll hear from our lovely, supportive community soon. In the meantime, here’s a few things you might like to look at:
- Blue Knot’s advice on self-care for survivors of trauma and abuse
- 1800 RESPECT’s advice on safety planning: thinking about things you can do to stay safe
- It's really important to be kind to yourself through this, so there's some tips for practicing self-care here.
We can hear that you are feeling anxious and overwhelmed at present and that this has been a long and exhausting journey. But we hope that you can recognize the strength and fortitude you have displayed in your perseverance, as we are sure your daughters do. Unfortunately, neither we nor anyone on the forums can provide legal advice, but we can say is you should always do what you feel is best for you and your daughters.
Regarding meeting with Child protection, have you voiced your concerns to them in the past? Are they aware that you have a lack of faith that their actions will lead to a positive outcome? If not, we would recommend bringing up this and any concern you may have. Although they may not be able to answer all your questions right there, it will make them aware of your concerns and potentially improve future dealings.
Please remember that if you are feeling overwhelmed, or need someone to talk to we are always available. Reach out to Beyond Blue either via phone 1300 22 4636 or web chat: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support