I just had to come on here and vent.....

[Weaponsofmassdisstortion]

I first gave serious thought to ending my life when I was 12 years old. That will give you an idea of the kind of life I have lived. Someone gave me the idea of writing about my life. The problem is; every time I write about it, the bad memories come bubbling up. And with it the dark thoughts and feelings. I feel like the trauma will never really leave. It feels like I am being punished for a crime someone else committed. After people have bullied you for such a long time, your the one who has to pick up the broken pieces and find a way to move forward. Why does it still hurt years later? Why can't I stop thinking about every thing that happened to me? Why do the people that hurt me get to move on with their life, while I am constantly struggling to get anywhere?..................Dear kharma I have a list of people you forget.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Weaponsofmassdisstortion. It sounds like things a challenging for you right now, and that you have been reflecting a lot on the past. It also, sounds like you have a lot of questions you are trying to answer, which can also be challenging. We are so sorry to hear that you have been experiencing these difficulties. We're sure that a lot of our community members will relate to these feelings and hopefully some of them will pop by to offer you words of wisdom and kindness. For future reference, if you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 
Please stay in touch.
 

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Great name! Welcome! Sorry to hear you're struggling with your thoughts and past experiences. I've thought about journalling too, but I've read you've got to do it in a certain way that it becomes helpful, so I'm not too sure about it yet. Have you talked to anyone about your thoughts/experiences? It requires vulnerability and can therefore be harder than putting pen to paper, but it can help us to make sense of things, and work on strategies to move forward.

And yes, totally not fair, that the ones that cause destruction get to just go on willy nilly...

Here if you want to chat, anyway. Katy